posted September 27, 2007 01:15 AM              

I have felt strongly, and now know, eternal immortality of spirit/soul/the I AM, oneness... whatever you want to call it for a while. I'm a Gemini, and have lived the most joyous and profoundly depressing life at the same time, with money and love and friends and joy seeming popping in and out.

I am aware of how much your thoughts create your reality, yet still the best I can do sometimes in times of depression is just keep telling myself it will be alright, even when I do not feel it, and many times have the urge to commit the great S - suicide, and get out of this place - but then I have the familiar feeling I have done that before and that's no answer. This can leave me feeling just plain.... ARGHHH...

In any case, since a child I have written things to myself similar to magic/occult systems. I simply thought there can in no way be this 'God of the Bible' (I was born into a catholic family) and if there is, then we must be equal to it.. perhaps not at the time in our individual experience identity (o illusion).. Whatever you want to call it, but I felt that God must surely mean ONE/ALL/IS/ENERGY/INFINITY/I AM
that sort of a thing. I figured that however 'things' started to where we are in this current word today, everything HAS to be part of the same thing, there can be only is. The concept of NOTHING is just like placeholders... there IS something, and though illusionary nothings and places holders (kind of like binary code on computers) infinity spirals out and all sorts of consciousness experiences happen.

In essence, there may very well be a 'GOD and SATAN' and demons and angels such because we have 'thought upon them and these ideas so much, and though creates things, but beyond the thought of the stereotypical stuff my feelings were always that in the end we are all exactly equal stuff, just using it differently as it expends, shreds itself apart, reconnects. Ect.

Now on to my issue:

In all of my studies, no matter whether I follow a plotted course of research or randomly pop things out from bookstores and the internet, I come upon the same things.
The dueling numerology systems, the major world religions, magic or magick or magiqu or however the heck you want to spell meaning creating change with will.

Then... though, this freemason illuminati stuff is everywhere, and the same symbols and practices and numerology and astrology and ect is used by them, without a doubt, yet to woship what the call 'Lucifer' the true bringer of light.

It is obvious that SOMETHING ridiculous is going on with a power elite the symbolism and the pyramid and freemason/illuminati imagery everywhere and the skull and bones and trilateral corporation world bank new world order ect ect. It is obvious cash is going away and everyone must use a credit card shortly and everyone is tracked when doing so.

So I guess I want to hear some input on this?

I consider myself of good, loving, creative person who may totally be screwing up sometimes but I have joy and love and the intention of good and oneness in my heart, with individuality respected. It seems God is a schizophrenic and separated into al of us to see him/her/itself but I do think the Godhead/Individual can be one, we dont have to keep looping.

But what about all the same symbolism used for good being used by obviously corrupted controlling manipulative world control organizations. Are we really being fools and buying into 'New Age' thinking that is controlled by a dark force and seems to give us answers while here? Or are all the symbols really neutral and take on the use of the intention of the user.

I have pyramids and upright stars pentagrams of protection and my own personal sigils everywhere, yet of course have had very logical sane Christian fiends go nuts about it and say I have been fooled.

Is this just some big alien monopoly game for the control of souls before they know enough?

Why so much with the forcing of religion and "Jesus Christ as your Savior"

Yet there seems to be just as much pushing as Jesus is for idiots.

I personally believe he could have existed ad was probably a powerful avatar of some sort. The bible is confusing with a God of seemingly father like wrath and hate which doesn't seem appropriate. The Ascended masters and Gurus also seem smart, and then possible complete deceptions.

Intuitively I feel that my own little personal blessings and spells are correct, but the whole.... earth as a classroom to make our way back of the top of the mental spheres back to source....

Why get back? If we were already there? Why the constant strife? Why does it seemedly loop so many times. Normally I think that with each loop, it's like a heartbeat and MORE is created. More stories, more dimensions, more existences, more incarnations and states of consciousness, and that the whole God/Devil thing, while possibly having power, we created. I am by no means atheist. I strongly believe in infinity and that one blooms unto it and I have had my experiences. But is i really necessary of the constant loops of apocalypse type scenarios?

Also, a question of focus:

Should one even consider these things or just always go with what you feel you want to do and is right. That is what most 'we create our own reality' type consciousness consists of... but even ignoring the news, and tv, and papers.... I can see this 'new world order thing' on the fringe. Cash is being played down and debt/credit electronic played up. When will they just say, no cash?

Is this something to fight against or is considering it giving it more power?

PS:

My real name is Michael Bigansky
I changed it for acting to Michael Biggins

Both of these, add up to 4 signal number and 31 compound number.

I have as I said had immense success and immense failure, poverty and abundance, complete friendship and utter isolation, for long periods.

This seems to correspond more with the name... yet my birth number June 21st 1973 (Gemini) is 21, the crown of the magi, which is completely fortunate. Would it be wise to attempt to change my name again...

4 doesn’t seem so bad, but then I read the chapters on 4 and 8, and I live at 409 Majestic Way. Does one just calculate the
409 to = 13 to = 4, giving me two 4s (which as explained in star signs is not a good idea)

Yet in other areas I read my address, 13 as powerful, and my name and birth date as strong and I shouldn't mess with them.

I know this is a long post, and my first. I have been discussing and researching things like this for a long time.

Blackout http://blackout.com http://blurpinkle.com http://destinyorigin.com

The start is the end of the middle
You never can figure this riddle
Until you go deep within
Your Destiny's you Origin
The Middle is the END of the START
FOREVER PLAYING the same part
Until you grown new eyes to see
you ORIGIN's your DESTINY.

- Michael Biggins -

posted September 27, 2007 03:31 AM              

U bring up a LOT of stuff in your post..not sure how much relates to astrology though.

posted September 27, 2007 04:52 AM              

Suicide is NEVER an option. Infact, suicide is the only defeat on earth. You will have to incarnate again in a more disadvantageous situation.

Reality is multi dimesnional. God is very much Infinite but exists in the dimension that allows Him to be Infinite. To expereince, He created the "Real" Dimensions using thought. I doubt whether even God knows why thought creates reality, but it does. Just like water is wet and hot air rises, God's thought creates Universes where physical, mental and emotional experiences can occur.

To facilitate, Higher Souls or Oversouls spring out of God and their varying levels divide the Universe into Angelic, Hyperspace, Astral, 4D Physical and 3D Physical.
3D-4D can have millions of alien races and mixtures. Reptilian, Lyrean, Arcturan, Human etc.

Earth is one peculiar case where 4D Reptilian Aliens control from the Earth's interior, from places like Giza, Tibet and Mt Shasta. However, they have "outsourced" control functions to the Illuminati Families who are 50% Reptile DNA and 50% Lyrean Human DNA. The astral shapeshifters so to speak. Most billionaires are illuminati or servants of these races termed "Committee of 300". Sometime in 1945 after the Atmoic Bomb was dropped [shattering beings in other dimensions as well], the Earth Illuminati developed a plan to keep the 4D Reptilians away from Earth Control. They want it all for themselves because they consider themselves as superior.

They condition us masses using movies like HellBoy, Star Wars, Indpendence Day, Matrix, Blade, MIB etc. They dont want Repitlian Aliens or Lyreans or any other alien race to ever come to earth and dominate nor do they want the pesky lizards in the earth's core to give dictates. [Several Mythological texts from Asia also talk of Serpent Beings and Winged Serpents at the Earth's core.]

All the emotional isolation, excessive sexuality, depression, materialism and negativity fed through illuminati media and their symabols is just to ensure their control of Earth.

You are an extension of the Higher Self expereincing Earth's unique life, with all its control politics and distractions etc. Expereince and Learn happily, thats it. Thats our purpose. We are not here to defeat illuminati or aliens, they will always shoot their own foot over a period of time.

Illuminati have advanced knowledge of symbols. It does not mean symbols are satanic or evil, they are just being used for a negative purpose. Illumimati are masters of Hermetic Science that they teach in Masonic Schools to hire their slaves. Obviously they distort the vital 5% of Truth for their ends.

To know truth, you have to connect to your HIgher Self using meditation in a protected environment [meaning safe from low frequency wave bombardment that causes depression].

Color Therapy and CHakra Balancing/Meditation gives you safety. If interested I will post on that.

You must change your name to a 3 number, only that will increase harmony. Or change it to a six number for prosperity. Prosperity either as cash or gold or cards or cowrie shells or mental wealth is a much needed earth experience along with love and service.

If you allow yourself to get depressed, despondent, lonely or isolated, they win.

So use the neutral symbols in the right way.
Pentagrams are NOT protective. The best protective symbol in my expereince is a Violet coloured tetrahedral visualized as surrounding you completely. Golden Octahedron can also work very well.

The symbol of a Silver Infinity (as seen in the Tarot card of the Magician) is useful to connect to your higher self when visualized in your crown. Imagine a silver cord connected to a bright light pink or silver sun at the top of your head. This is the easiest OverSoul Visualization.

posted September 27, 2007 07:58 PM            

Only a few "moments" of happiness?
Would you trade your hardships for someone else's equal but different hardships?

Would you trade your moments of beauty for someone else's different moments of beauty?
Or would you pay the same prices time and time again to have those moments of beauty if you had the choice?

If you take a full view of history you will see there has always been "war" and striving and themes of dominance and control... even in nature. I hear geese flying outside... voices of children, crickets. I see the trees and grass of late summer. I see beauty.
We are becoming more conscious and we "see" more and as our communication has developed we have seen more and more of our world. There are still areas of sickness, and still areas of health. There are things that rise and things that fall. It is All.
And it is good.

It is What The Living Do
There is great sorrow and there is great JOY.
We experience it all.
There is grace.

Dark looks in horror and says, "They Eat each other!"

Light looks with peace and says, "They feed each other."

Its all energy, right? It always IS

posted September 30, 2007 01:05 AM              

Answers to some questions:

No, I don't smoke the ganja. Laugh. Nothing against it, tried a few times but it just makes me stupid, blanked out, and really nervous that I am so stupid at the time and thoughts such as "why did I smoke it? What? What? Oh I can't even think." I don't seem to get the 'relaxed' benefit.

I realize my post kind of went all over the place from astrology, to symbols, numerology, thought & belief systems, conspiracy (or not) theory ect.. so I posted it in this board because it seems that this is a more general section.

No, I don't have the feeling of wanting to trade my experiences for another, even when depressed. I have had incredible blissfull happyness states and memories, but the downs are very bad.

I have been kind of a frazzled depressed isolated hermit for the last couple months or so. Normally I am a social butterfly magnet with a huge group of friends but when I get sad I tend to isolate and read ridiculous amounts to clear the mind chatter of the darker side of my gemini self. It's like I have an input and output mode. I've just been feeling very detached and so making atempts to SNAP myself out of it. I guess that's why I found this board I just had to blurt some stuff out and see.

Money is usually the issue because I don't think of it at all until I have none left it seems and it seems like this strange unnatural thing to me yet it's obviously needed. It just flows into my life or all of a sudden I realize.. "oh crap, I have to make that green stuff again and I didn't get that audition and I have been reading 20 books on between incarnation experiences maybe I should do some real world stuff."

I would love to get more info on my birth chart. As I said, original birth name Michael Bigansky, my actng/performance name and what most refer to me as is Michael Biggins or Blackout (used it as a peformance name for a while check out wikipedia for more of that story) but I did not legally change it but have been using it for a while. Funny enough the numbers come out the same according to Linda's star sign's system which keeps Michael a 22 and Bigansky or Biggins a 9. Birth date June 21st 1973, around 9 or 10am ,Queens, NY. I'm a gemini/cancer cusp but I would say the gemini side seems stronger.

I am also familiar with the other Michael's site you posted and have read/watched many of his presentations into the subversive use of symbols and his take of some things which is somewhat similar to David Icke. (but icke is bigger on the lizards). Intersting stuff but I think too much focus on it can really make you paranoid although I guess you can't completely ignore it either.

I never heard of Mt. Shasta being a negative place. That makes me think of Saint Germain and the violet flame meditation. Anyone familiar with that?

It's funny how I talked about all these things for years but I was with a group of friends who just thought I was an imaginative creative nut. I was theorizing and talking about creating your own reality or at least reality tunnel and holograms and dreams and multi dimension/multi world theory - the 'law of attraction' and things like that before I ever knew of too many books on it or how far back it went. Then What the Bleep, The Secret, I Heart Huckabees, Waking Life, all these sort of things come out to the main stream even if watered down versions of older things like the Master Key System (anyone read that?) which of couse is taken from even older ancient texts. Now it seems everyone is awakening to 'something'. Magic is real.

Another interesting thing I'll just throw out there: A sligtly older woman came up to me out of no where while I was at a "What the Bleep" convention doing a radio show, she says quickly that "A friend would like to let you know you've been doing really well in trying to handle things with your mom and sister" Now my family life has been difficult. Nervous capricorn mom who literally went 'bonkers' on ambien and xanax and had a nervouse breakdown and the similar thing with my sister.... Kind of raised myself, no dad around after 7 and I don't think he even considered things like this. I was trying to talk to my mom and siste about things like vibration and thought creatng your reality.. ect because usually I am VERY positive but when my lows hit they are low. Anyway this lady knows most of this in pretty good detail and I don't know her and didn't give any stories or cues to anyone and had no 'friend' of mine speak to her so I ask her who the friend was. She says to me that I wouldn't understand. Later on she says 'Thoth' the legend of which I didn't know about at the time - but since a child, if I have gotten very sick or if I have let myself get into a trancy state - I see weird hieroglyphic symbols on things. Odd? Then Thoth started coming up everywhere after that.

Now no one knows I'm at the Bleep thing, and she also says "blurple?" to me. Which is my favorite color. A kind of violet blue/purple - hense blurple. She said I was releasing way too much energy of and I had to learn how to close off or I might fall into the same holes, that negative energy can do that.

Welp... more interesting stuff that I thought I would throw out because this place seems right for it.

Nice to meet you all.

posted October 01, 2007 08:36 PM              

Yet really they are laughing and manipulating the crap out of everything knowing that 'those ha ha spiritual people will never do anything! Long live Lucifer, the true bringer of light!'

Now I've got you really paranoid right?

Not my intent, but I have thought about it. I started this journey with an inner feeling and sorta different creative disconnectedness from the 'normal society' while thinking 'everything has GOT to be connected! Even if there is a big old father figure ego type A personality ****** off vengeful God of the bible in the first testament, we CANNOT be separate ALL must in the end be one - just unique filtered experiences. For instance, if I hold a pair of 'green' sunglasses up to a white light and ask you what color the sunglasses are, you and most people will reply green, which is really untrue, they are actually EVERYTHING BUT GREEN, the green is the only color that is passing through the filter, so the glasses are in fact not green at all. I think our individual egos are like that. You are, EVERYTHING BUT YOUR EGO, which is a filter that God passes through. Yet, I don't really believe in the whole 'destroy the ego' buddah thing. I think balance the ego with the godhead, the individual identity with the freeness but perhaps lacked focus of the oneness of all. I think we must pullsate back and forth from ALL to individual filter identities through whatever strange isness that is.

Oh lord, now I went off on a long ass tangent... ANYWAY...

I had these type of thoughts from 13 on, and then I found my first book on Astral Projection and got way into and did a book report on it and the teacher was abSOULutely floored. He had never heard of this stuff and was fascinated by my 21 page report that included my experiences.

Then one day, I read a book on how 'things could get you' while you were astral projecting, and sure enough the next time tried it wasn't a good experience.

I just focused on laughter and entertaining people with acting, singing, and the arts at http://blackout.com (yes and prank calls) and then I got the urges again and began questing into what the hell was actually going on here anyway? I just couldn't help it.

Intuitively my imagination says magic is real and thought and imagination, with kindness, light & love are the most important things in the world, yet I seemed to live in 'dreamland' and lack the ability, discipline, or focus to make the things in my head manifest in the 'real world'.

Then of course there is all the worrying about 'money'.

Seemed silly to me (not the good silly), made me sad.

Again I am drifting but, my point is I didn't 'FOCUS' on the illuminati or monsanto or the free masons or skull and bones or all the other huge groups with $$$$ out the wazoo but they KEPT coming up in almost everything as I researched magic, philosophy, religions, ANYWHERE. Especially when I just decided, ok it's time to just make some CASH so I can start DOING some of my dreams on this goofy cash run planet. I must have screwed myself somehow I thought, or 'programmed' myself that money or the money making game is bad, so that's why I never have any and feel like a turd when that's what everyone's doing. Getting married, buying houses and working at normal jobs and I am still like a kid and want to play paint ball inside with neon lit balls of energy but friends are like "when's he gonna grow up and face reality?"

Reality?

Blah!

So that's how I found the Science of Getting Rich and the Master Key System (books) and I instantly was reading and going! Yeah! This is it! This is my goofy issue. I start applying the principles in there at all times and money just started floating in from weird places, then someone told me it was occult evil stuff that I was doing. Again more research and again I find more ties to nasty Illuminati stuff.

Here is a symbol I designed just off the top of my head before I knew so much about all the Illuminati infiltrating the free mason's stuff:
http://blurpinkle.com

Here is a DIVX video of a scene from a movie I'm in called "FILM CONTEST?" where I kinda play and mock all this stuff in a bad B movie style pitch. Normal movie people just see a nutso but people who have studied occult get an especially fun kick out of it:
http://blackout.com/blackout/video/divx/filmcontest_biggins_pitch_clip.divx

posted October 02, 2007 07:03 AM            

I have a few friends who enthusiastically sing aloud the tune of conspiracy theories. Michael Tsarion, David Icke and Noam Chomsky are the main instruments in their paranoia orchestra. Sometimes when I pop around to see them for a cup of tea, they will show me video clips on various lectures concerning the illuminati, the new world order, lizards, 2012 and all the associated sacred geometry. I normally ask them for earl grey tea when I visit, probably because I often feel like Picard at a Starfleet debriefing! Who knows, maybe they think Im a Romulan

For most of my life, I've steered away from the conspiracy theories. I always felt they were more akin to ravaging the consciousness in negative ways and wouldnt provide me with anything creatively constructive. I was also quite young when I first became interested in spiritual ideas. Growing up surrounded by books acquired by my mum on virtually every occult subject written about, at 13 years old I read a book called 'Life After Death'. Soon after, I had devoured most of my mums collection and would find myself spending hours at the library reading as much as possible.

When I look back in time, the view is one of my life being distinguished by separate chapters of learning. I would become interested in a subject and completely devote myself to researching every facet of it until I was satisfied there was nothing stone left unturned. It started with Life After Death, followed by Astral Projection/Auras, then the Ouijii Board/Seances/Mediumship, then Astrology, then UFO's, then Quantum Physics, then Jungian Concepts and the I Ching & Tao Teh Ching, the list is endless. At times it has felt like a burning desire to assimilate information, fill myself up, in the hope that the questions I had inside would be answered in some profound way. However, the process just seemed to be one of fruitlessness. After I had exhausted myself in the filling up of ideas, my mind would begin to empty - the only thing remaining being the questions, unanswered, unsatisfied.

A few years ago, I became disconcerted with life itself. I would hear myself berate the way society has become. I could hear myself voicing these dissatisfactions, but it was like my true voice was waiting in the background whilst the surface anger manifested. Then I spent about two weeks deliberately emptying out of my head all of my preconceptions. Every time an idea would arise, I would question its validity, asking myself where this idea had come from and was it valuable to me. I would let the idea go, stating clearly in my mind - If you are a part of me, then even if I vanish you away, you will remain. And if you are not, then good journey, I do not need you anymore. It felt like huge parts of me were dying! I stayed locked up in my bedroom for days, curtains closed, room a complete mess, not shaven, not showered, just lying there meditating on everything I had gathered in my life up until that point.

I didnt experience a transformation, it was more like a stripping away of the old. Shortly after I re-merged into the world, obviously looking like a complete tramp It had been a while since I had looked in the mirror, and I looked like a complete hobo! But my eyes seemed to have life again. I began sitting in the forest, and had my first experience with Nature where I felt connected with everything around me. All movement seemed to be one. As the wind rocked the branches of the trees, I felt like the trees were not bending to the will of the wind, but were moving in unison with the wind, it was a completely mutual partnership, not at all an opposition of forces. For the first time in my life, I was seeking the answers to my questions directly from my own experience rather than the words of a third party.

Going back to the conspiracy theorists, I have two conflicting views on this, but in my mind the conflict is meant to be. Firstly, there are those teaching this knowledge to others - people like Tsarion & Chomsky - and in doing so they raise the awareness of such issues to the masses. They perform a valuable role in society, but there is one drawback to being an avid follower of this knowledge. Those people who soak themselves in believing the world is a hate-filled, power-controlled planet are walking cynical footsteps. Their knwoledge doesnt set them free, it just makes them feel more like prisoners. Their minds will always be looking for ways to blame, their hearts will become suffocated with injustice and their ability to see beauty will be shrouded in a thick fog. They transfer responsibility for their own fate into the hands of the elite controllers whom they feel are shackling the potential they have as a human being. The lecturers of conspiracy theories often cry out that the world population have become sheep with no mind of their own. Yet all these lecturers are doing is creating another tribe of sheep with opposing thought patterns to that which they condemn. You do have another choice.

posted October 02, 2007 07:00 PM              

I agree that focusing on the truth within you and shedding what you don't need and the excess baggage is probably the best path. I know I've been around this game and probably a few other dimensions quite a few times.