posted November 19, 2007 05:00 PM            

We don't talk and we don't see each other. When I get home from school she's already out doing whatever it is that she does (I don't ask and part of me doesn't really care anymore). Whenever we do see each other, she always bombards me with serious issues like her divorce from my father, blaming me for their whole situation and tells me that we need to go to counseling so I can "see her side of the story" which really means she's going to bring me to this ex-therapist friend of hers that she's already bent against me so that not only SHE gets to berate me for MY "unhuman behavior" (as she frequently refers to everything I do as) but then her friend who is just equally as crazy as she is gets to yell at me too in her home office.

It's what she does all day... she calls all of her female friends and tells them horrible things about me like that she thinks I'm sleeping around with the world (which I'm not and I've told her many times that I'm not) because she found ONE unopened condom that was given to me at a health seminar at school. She tells them horrible lies like that I'm too lazy to get a job, that I'm stubborn and I don't listen to her, that I spend too much money, that I'm always telling her off and that I purposefully torture her.

Truth: I'm not too lazy to get a job, just too busy keeping up with my 18 hour class schedule and commuting downtown all the time for class. I am stubborn but not because I don't listen to her but because I DO listen to her nonsensical judgments against me and thus in the end I choose to disregard what she has just told me. I'm not going to let her hurtful words poison my view of myself like when she abused me as child, so I'm not sorry if choosing to not change my view of her is considered "stubborn". I do spend most of my money, but she never tells anyone that I pay for our phone bill (which she ALWAYS goes over our minutes on talking to her damned friend(s)) which is usually $80+, more my transportation to and from the city from my home which is 100+ a month, I pay for my brother's gas which is about 50+ a month, I pay for the family's food since she never cooks dinner for my brother and I, I cook for the family as well, I'm also paying for college on my own student loan. Also, she quit her nursing job and is now living on a 70,000 cd that matured in October. Knowing my mother, that will only last her a year.

My father has moved out of the house because of my mother's behavior. She likes to make herself the victim and tells all of her friends in my parents social circle horrible things about my father. She tells them about their non-existent sex life (she constantly tells my brother and I this as well), that my father is impotent, that he's probably sleeping with prostitutes or that he's gay.

My father pays for ALL the bills in the house now that she refuses to work. She says she can't work because she's so upset at my father for what he did. My father is a recovering gambler. Thankfully, he didn't gamble away his life, just a majority of his savings. It's still a bad thing that he did, but I love my father and I forgive him. I don't even mind that he can't help pay for college because he has to catch up with paying for his debts due to his gambling.

But my mother is so paranoid now, paranoid to the point of stalking and harassing his boss, accountant, secretary, and several co-workers to find out what he does every hour of the days and has demanded that his pay be sent to her and not him. Of course, they didn't do it and his boss and secretary now have restraining orders against her.

I can't even begin to describe the abuse I went through with her as a child. Nothing sexual, but I still have scars from where she would hit me and throw me around. And the emotional abuse... I'll never forget any of it. The words. Sometimes I get scared in the middle of the night when I think I hear her yelling and then it just ends up being the tv from the kitchen. Please don't worry about me in regards to my mental health though... I've already gone through therapy and have been on anti-depressants (have finally found a place to get off of them too) for a few years now. Thankfully, I'm healing from the inside out.

But I still live with my mother and I think she's slowly driving me insane. I hate being home. As a Cancer, I've felt so heartbroken for all of my childhood and adult life so far. I feel jaded about marriage and having a family... I want to leave my house and live my own life but I can't leave my mother behind because I'm the only one that keeps my disgruntled family together. Most of all, my brother is at a delicate age. He's turning 17 and by some miracle he wasn't as effected but our strange childhood as I have. But he still needs me. If I leave, who will be there to support him?

And my poor father... I'm the only one who really talks to him anymore. My brother and him have a very "traditional" relationship... kinda like a 50s relationship where two men don't really get emotional with each other. I'm his only daughter and first child. I'm the only one in the family who doesn't hate him for what he did. He's offered to pay for college, but I can't bare to think of him working even harder than he already does. And he also had to put my brother through college in a little over a year from now. His request for me is that I stay at home... because his last comfort in the world that makes him forget all his troubles that he's made for himself is that I'm safe somewhere and he knows that I'm safe at our home in the suburbs. Of course, he means physically safe (now that my mother has stopped physically abusing my brother and I) because he worries about me being in the city. If I moved to the city, he would die from worry. I really don't want to worry my father. I do love him so much.

I feel so trapped... I should leave and I deserve to be happy. I know I would be extremely happy outside in the world and that I'm very very capable of it (I have 8,000 saved up for it). But it hurts to leave my family... even though they don't deserve how much I love them. This includes my mother. Despite everything she's done to destroy all our lives together as a family, if I leave the whole house would fall apart. My mother would fall apart because she's emotionally dependent on controlling me. It's not fair, but it's true and a major part of her psyche.

So... I need to leave. I've decided to move. I've been looking for apartments in the city and I told her today that I'm leaving. She doesn't believe me and mocked me. She said that I don't have the capacity to leave. Sometimes I believe her... only a little bit... and that little bit always destroys my plans of leaving... but not this time.

Thank you for reading this far... I don't really expect any advice or help... I just needed somewhere to vent out my life... Sometimes it feels like everything is living inside of me and I can't do anything to stop it. What a crazy Scorpio moon, I am....

Anyways, I'm sure most of you will ask for my mothers chart so here's her info:

June 22, 1952
Manila, Philippines
2:03pm

posted November 19, 2007 07:39 PM              

your post made me cry. my mom is similar to your mom so i understand how hard it is. i too am loving and forgiving and kept thinking i had to always take it, and found a million and two rationalizations for that.

what i figured out is i was letting her control me and it was fear-based. her fear became my fear and manifested in all of these ways.

here is how i see it. i agree with your friend in spirit. you MUST leave and you must NOT let yourself feel responsible. my moon is in the 4th house, severely afflicted, so i understand the cancer thing; the pain and the burden. but what you have to do is realize that you are not her and that the only way you can help her is by NOT letting her abuse you any longer. your self respect will teach her much much more than any other possible thing.

i know you are scared to leave your brother and i feel for you. he is almost 17 so what i would suggest is that you talk to him heart to heart and explain why you need to leave and let him know he is ALWAYS welcome to call and visit. maybe he could even move in with you, i don't know.

but please. move out. my mother did the same backstabbing bs and the really horrible emotional and physical abuse and it STILL hurts like hell but this year i finally realized that i can let her go and not feel guilty. i still love her to and would forgive her in an instant but i can't let her get near me until she starts to *really* change.

posted November 19, 2007 11:30 PM              

This person is vindictive, malicious, and makes all kinds of fanciful stories up about me (and others as well).

She is the most manipulative, lying person I've ever met. So, I know what you're going through. And I believe you, because I've been there.

Get out ASAP!!!!

Do not try to fix her. Do not fall victim to her guilt ploys and other manipulations. Just get out.

This person is also a scorpio...oh, lucky me... and no wonder I have a phobia of them. All the scorps I knew were like this, but she is the only diagnosed mentally ill person. I don't mean to bash scorps, but I've had the worst luck with them.

The only way you can talk to this person again is if they are taking their meds.

~ I hope I don't offend any Bipolar people here. If they take their meds or at least go to therapy they are fine.

Her saturn is in your 12th house, which is very very hard. Her neptune is on your Ac,which to me, would make sense, because she probably makes you question yourself and your identity by her lies about you. She also makes your personal identity to others cloudy.

posted November 20, 2007 03:24 PM              

If you feel you will be happy,then move and dont feel guilty about that please

Your mother dont have the right to make you unhappy and it seems you already suffered to much for your age - so mayne its time to take the risk and proove it to all ( mostly to your Mother) that you are capable and strong - she will only see that ( she may not even admit..) when she sees you goin really out to the City

Your father may be worried but its normal - they always do - i agree with FriendSpirit - would you consider to take your brother with you? He´s at the age of rebellion and if he stays with her he might feel more alone cause he will miss your protection and care

A bipolar can be a nice person - i know one guy who is a sweet heart but he takes his meds to control the disease - i think its not the bipolar that makes your Mom act the way she does---it may be her own personality besides of the bipolar

posted November 20, 2007 03:34 PM              

quote:

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A bipolar can be a nice person - i know one guy who is a sweet heart but he takes his meds to control the disease

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posted November 21, 2007 04:18 AM              

I know it's a difficult situation, but you've got a crucial turning point that could change the rest of your lives -- for the better. It would make things so much worse if you were to stay in with her, and continuing taking all the nonsense that comes with it. Honestly, she treats you like you were her mother instead.

I commend you for being so brave about living outside of your "comfort zone". I could never leave my family either, for obligation and a sense of duty, but if our roles were reversed, I listen carefully for the opportunity to come. Take it. In life, radical changes can appear in two ways: You move on, or you stay put. 50/50. Decide carefully your plans, your goals, and always know that in moments like this... Things Always Happen For A Reason. If you are given a *sheer thought* of moving out, seize it. If you are given that gut feeling to escape and be freed, then identify it and follow your bliss. You know that things are not OK. Life is telling you to make a change, and life will welcome you to make one. You just have to make sure that, with all your willpower, things will end up positively well, or least far better than what it used to be.

You really do deserve to be happy, and that will come -- but right now, what you need is to focus your energy and attention into rebuilding your new self. Preparing psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. All these new things can be overwhelming, but when you think it's ALL FOR THE BETTER, you'll be able to handle it with little difficulty. I assure you.

Lastly, don't believe in her words, the words suck you down. People who say these negative things can only drain you, like emotional vampires. They pull you down like quicksand, as if they were being sucked to the bottom themselves. Doesn't that make sense? Help yourself by getting out of the quicksand your mother has pulled you in. She really has no threat to you, just empty threats with little substance. I'm sure that in the end, your mother will get a wakeup call when her friends stop listening to her and that she caused all this mess.

I think the amazing thing you have done is to present yourself as a shining beacon of light not only for yourself, but for your family as well... and even for your mother who probably doesn't even have a clue that she would need you in the end.

posted November 21, 2007 04:44 AM              

But.. Her multiple parallel aspects Parallel your Sun, But at the same time contra-parallels your Uranus (your sense of independence)..

In some realms the contra-parallel is almost the same as an opposition, so that might explain your "rebelliousness" against Her (Sun), Powerful (Pluto), Independent (Uranus), Beauty (Venus)..

posted November 21, 2007 08:41 AM              

Her Mars, I noticed, is in Retrograde; She turns her anger inwards as this could be her only way to cope. It poses also as an undoing. Her ASC. conj. Mars in 1st in Scorp. means she is someone who needs great restraint and control of how she handles herself. She loves to pick on fights and thrives on high drama, and since its in Scorpio, I can only imagine that she is someone who will use anything at her disposable because she is just too weak deep down, from cutting remarks to downright humiliation. Have you ever met a respectable someone who uses everything and anything at their disposable in an argument? Absolutely not. So there is a weakness to her, and that's a certain inferiority complex. Everything to her must be some game in life which she could prove and test herself, that she is braver than anyone out there because she knows no authority. She will not back down easily because she believes HERSELF as authority(Pluto in Leo in 10th). Her Mars is also opp. Jupiter(in Taurus, 7th) sq. Pluto -- She will go overboard and with uncontrollable dodged determination, unleash her anger onto someone who will take it esp. if that someone could take it in a long term way(ie. family). Her Mars on 12th/1st cusp in Rx. also describes her underhanded behavior. Not to mention that her natal Mercury is sq. Neptune(fantasy-prone, sometimes deceitful)! I find this as a truly covert strategic person, like you said about telling her stories to friends and etc. But again, the 12th & Rx. house is without faults: The more she gets her way, the more she digs herself into the hole, and people will take notice sooner than she would, or she is just completely oblivious in her actions.

Saturn squares a lot of her personal planets, Sun, Moon, Mercury and Venus; she's a severe, 'dry' person. Probably incapable of loving or being sensitive to someone else's feelings. She needs to learn to be Love herself if she does not wish to be alone. Her Saturn placement tells me she often finds herself in a victims' stance. This position makes it difficult for someone to actually feel emotions of another person, probably a fear of rejection or abandonment, but I think deep down, she feels frustrated about this reality in her life. Her natal Saturn conj. Neptune both in Libra and in 12th means she can be too lazy and afraid to work dirty. She instead sweeps it all under a rug, never to deal with it ever again or pretend it never happened. This is a delusional thinking and it will eventually come after her if she does not bring attention to it. Transit Neptune in her 4th describes the situation perfectly right now. She has a light grip of what her home life is, so she escapes instead of facing responsibilities at "home" -- whatever "home" is for her. I also don't find it odd that transit Chiron is right behind Neptune. There is much healing work to be done if she is to survive the next years when her health becomes erradic and when her dreams are short circuited. If you move, maybe this will wake her up.

As for synastry, I try to find the most major aspects. So far I found that you two actually have some oppositions to Saturn(authority, work) and Uranus(rebellion, opposing authority), and some power struggle aspects. Your mother's Mars(tightly conj. ASC in Scorp.) in is your 1 house. She is a domineering force in your life and will continue to be one if you don't take control of it. She finds you as an easy outlet, targets you because you actually take her crap in. She finds this as more of an entertainment to her. Probably a sick way of thinking this is how she "loves" and "cares" for you. (Your Mars in Pisces, and in Mom's 5th house in synastry). Unfortunately, your Moon and Pluto are also in House 1, which indicates an everyday emotional power struggle with her. Strongly felt. Like in a chokehold. You two probably have a negative psychic bond that works up each other's psyches. Just stay away from each other when times get rough.

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You have a Pluto transit Saturn right now, but as well with Uranus and Jupiter playing up all together in a nice teamwork conjunction. This is a hard call to reality to the aspects in life you've been unable to work out/neglected. Pluto is transitting over your 3rd house, which means your learning experience has come to a stop and renewal. I call this transit "learning hard knocks and being street smart". This is not learning experience you get from school, but from the stages of our adolescent years as you strike yourself out there as an individual who has the power to make the difference with maturity. I also think your relationship with your brother might change as well, for good. Pluto destroys anything that cannot hold itself up, so I guess he is paving your way to do just that: Exerting your own power and freedom from your old self and mother. It's calling you to be an adult and you are getting the chance you need right now. Jupiter is on your side, and he's a good planet to have mollifying Saturn and Pluto, and the shocks of Uranus, who can be too unpredicting, visceral and stodgy to deal with altogether. You are placing priorities and most important issues into the forefront.

posted November 21, 2007 02:44 PM              

thanks for posting that about forgiveness! i do that with my mother too; i envision her as a child, etc. my problem is that i would tend to always see the good in her and then let that image take precidence over reality and i would continue to take abuse. forgiveness is more complicated in some ways than i personally would like it to be. but you make great points about release and the effects on your health.. thank you for that inspiration.

i think maybe in this situation, moving out and forgiving her has to come in tandem. as in my situation, which is similar, you need the space to find and know yourself apart from her drama to be able to even begin to understand, and forgive.