|
Author
|
Topic: Cancer man - without a mom
|
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 09, 2007 07:16 PM
 
How do you think a Cancer man (with Venus in Cancer, too) would display/react to "motherliness" ? His mother left him and his father when he was 2, and his father was abusive.Do you think this man might have issues with women in general, or female guardians/authority figures? Just curious as to how this might affect a Cancer. IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 09, 2007 07:37 PM
augentier ~Since he probably doesn’t remember his mother, I can see two potential paths:
He might blame her for not being there to protect him from his father, and for not giving him the maternal love he needed. Or, he might idealize the concept of Mother. I could easily imagine this fella with huge trust and abandonment issues concerning women – but not as authority figures, since he didn’t experience a maternal authority figure.
If one day he finally learns to trust a woman, mayhap the self-protection barriers come down and he will hold on to her with the vaunted tenacity of the Crab 
Just a couple general ideas there….. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 588
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted December 09, 2007 09:20 PM
Anybody with childhood abuse is extreamly vulneralbe to being the abuser themselves or being abused. Usually this takes on genders, with the males being the abusers and the females being the abused, but not always.Per clinical psychology, the father figure in a boy's life is the main "character" and the mother in a girl's. I agree with Zala, this Cancer man could either idlolze women or hate them, but I will bet it is the latter, especially with his abusive childhood. Two scenarios for you: Case 1, a Cancer man who was raised in a loving home, with both his parents present and devoted and loving. Both supportive, both with "old fashioned" values. To this day, this elderly Cancer man cares for his wife with Alzheimer's, he loves her so much and would give his life for her, he quite idolizes her. She captivated his heart when he returned from war so many years ago and she will always have his unconditional love and devotion. Case 2, a younger, but 40ish Cancer "man" who was also raised with both parents. However, the dad being high ranking military drug his family all over the world, and left his mom to fend for herself and the kids often. And in the fending of herself, she took another (remembered by this Cancer individual as a very young boy who witnessed her indiscretions) and this person has become quite the woman hater. Even his sister recoginzes his issues with women. He can not admit it, though, as he was raised to have respect for his parents, but he surely projects his disdain for his mom onto women in his life. I have often said that one should be very careful in raising the ultra-sensitive Cancer boy. My sis-in-law has a 4 yr old one and I re-mind her now and again how much nourishment and love this child needs! I have another friend who has a 19 yr old Cancer young man and my friend's marriage is in shambles....I remind him sometimes that this sensitive young man surely knows this and I really worry about how this individual will grow up regarding women. All true stories and all people in my life. I surely see a trend with Cancers and have way more experience with domestic abuse than I would like to be a part of. Blessings Terri IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 09, 2007 09:39 PM
He told me, "My dad was always beatin the crap outta me, so my theory is that...he was supposed to be my guardian, my caretaker, and he treated me this way..so I always thought, how's everyone ELSE going to treat me? So I just treated everyone like crap too"It makes me feel sorry for him. I've never really wanted to care for anyone before, never had that "caring" feeling. But I want to care for him, and I do care about him. It just makes me wonder because I realize the affect growing up in an abusive, one-parent atmosphere can be devastating..especially for a man who needs security, comfort, and home. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 588
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted December 09, 2007 09:54 PM
Aug---With that statment he is having difficulty with his past. He will need, most probably, intense psychological "treatment" to work through his issues of hate. Just because his dad abused him and his mom was absent does not mean he is incapable of abuse toward a woman, he is VERY capable of abuse to anyone and everyone. And he could easily project and probaly already has and will continue to do so, his disdian for his father onto others. Just within your quotes I felt so much anger from this man...and I feel bad for him too. But, please be careful. To this day, I am stalked by the Case 2 individual in my previous post due to my compassion and sympathy and his psychotic issues. If I were you, I would silently bless him and send him on his way. There is NO way this man would have been brought up in the situation he was and not have atleast a few lingering things to deal with...sounds like it is more than a few, tho. Be safe!!! T
IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 09, 2007 10:07 PM
I can't just send him on his way - we're in a situation where I will be seeing him for quite some time. I have been assigned his "mentor", to make a very long story short.
I know he has already taken his rage out on others. He did hurt a female very close to him. I understand the severity of his issues on himself and, consequently, on others. I am just trying to get more perspective on him. He opens up about some things, but I know he has a lot of hidden resentment and things he needs to deal with (damn his Scorpio moon...)
IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 09, 2007 10:21 PM
augentier ~ quote:
It makes me feel sorry for him. I've never really wanted to care for anyone before, never had that "caring" feeling. But I want to care for him, and I do care about him. It just makes me wonder because I realize the affect growing up in an abusive, one-parent atmosphere can be devastating..especially for a man who needs security, comfort, and home.
Be very very careful. My radar went off when you say you want to care FOR him, and that you do care about him. Many of our gender have an urge to help entities that are hurting, and to try and fix/heal entities that are damaged. We have this mistaken idea that *enough* caring can overcome a horrifying past. If you truly care that much about him, then be a friend but do not get intimately involved in ANY way (friendship or otherwise) until/unless you have seen in him MUCH self-examination, and PROOF that he has come or is coming to terms with the abuse he suffered. It takes a lot of emotional work to get past years of being a helpless punching bag. My Cappy ex suffered just about the same childhood as your Cancerian friend. He was an expert manipulator and I knew little about his Dark Side until after we got involved.Have you ever read thru this thread?? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001973.html People CAN recover from the horrors of abusive childhoods. But they have to WANT to. This: “So I just treated everyone like crap too” – doesn’t give me a lot of hope  “Hidden resentment and rage” shows me that he doesn’t seem to be working at his issues. The Scorpio Moon could give him the inner strength needed to change, but first he has to “hit bottom” and figure out that his life will be a shambles and ANY kind of happiness will elude him if he continues to take his hurt out on others….. IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 09, 2007 10:39 PM
I guess I'll just come right out and say it (was avoiding because of the judgement most who see this will have) He really did hit bottom, in a big way (agg. robbery & battery). He's in prison. No possibility of a relationship beyond what I have volunteered for. It is evident that he has examined much of his life. The hidden resentment & rage I gather is from his past. It is obvious to me he is mature, but there's no denying he's still very, very hurt/resentful. He has no family, no friends on the outside. He's been in there for 4 years and has 13 more to go. I really hope to help him out, just by giving him an ear that listens. IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 09, 2007 10:48 PM
Your altruism and compassion do you credit, aug 
I feel a bit more at ease now (my fear for you has lessened) with him being incarcerated -- ie, there isn't much possibility of a relationship developing.
I see how you could be a big force for change in his life, by helping him to see the direction he needs to go if he wants to pick up the pieces of his life and not end up back where he is now.....Bless your heart for caring  IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 10, 2007 12:48 AM
The aspects between our charts is amazing to me..the universe set us up perfectly, and in the perfect situation, to help each other out on some level. Creepy but cool  ------------------
Capricorn sun / Scorpio rising / Sagittarius moon No man is free who is not master of himself. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 588
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted December 10, 2007 07:13 AM
O, dear.Please be SO careful. This man may very project his mommy issues (and daddy ones) onto you. Cancer guys are quite naturally, insecure and anybody who makes them feel secure about themselve they latch onto! I know this from experience. Those crab claws just do not let go. A basic rule of thumb for Cancers is they love for life (or obsess.) The US prison system seldom works correctly, how could it.... It is beautiful of you to connect with someone and want to help them so, feel for them so much, but please examine what the connection is and what you are willing to give up of yourself, I feel this guy will take everything from you emotionally that you have to offer, and more. T IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 10, 2007 11:37 PM
I'm wondering how to get him to talk more about his childhood/upbringing/etc...but I'm not sure if he'll be offended by my probing :P I tend to ask things rather bluntly..How could I approach touchy topics? Or is this something best left for him to divulge when he feels comfortable? IP: Logged |
Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake Posts: 137
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 10, 2007 11:55 PM
hes prolly very insecure.. I have a mother.. but I never lived with her.. only visited her.. and my father was a bully and I feared him most of the time.. I dont blame my mom so much.. I think both of them are not fit for being good parents.. but Im 19 now.. and actually living with her after moving out of my fathers a week or two ago after a huge argument.. but she seems very happy that I am living with her.. I think its something she always wanted to do but never told me she wanted me to live with her.. she has a moon in Cancer. but she is very nagging I think that is all Moon Cancers.IP: Logged |
luna*tic12
unregistered
|
posted December 12, 2007 11:18 AM
I was once involved with a Cancer male who was adopted, so he was estranged from his birth mother. My thinking is that that is a huge contributing factor to his emotional insecurity, his fear of getting close to people, opening up, etc.IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 12, 2007 11:37 AM
"she is very nagging I think that is all Moon Cancers."I think that's all mothers!
IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 12, 2007 05:44 PM
luna*tic: did he ever know his mother before being put up for adoption?------------------
Capricorn sun / Scorpio rising / Sagittarius moon No man is free who is not master of himself. IP: Logged |
MUSTANG
unregistered
|
posted December 12, 2007 09:14 PM
I'm curious, where is your neptune? IP: Logged |
luna*tic12
unregistered
|
posted December 12, 2007 10:21 PM
I believe he was 1 or 2 when he was put up for adoption, so - if he did know his mother, he probably does not remember much of her.IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 12, 2007 11:07 PM
MUSTANG: My natal Neptune?
5 deg. Capricorn, 2nd house.
------------------
Capricorn sun / Scorpio rising / Sagittarius moon No man is free who is not master of himself. IP: Logged |
Isolaede
Newflake Posts: 15
From: Sunny CA
Registered: May 2009
|
posted December 13, 2007 11:41 AM
Knowing Cancer's and their attachments to their mothers, my guess is your man has a HUGE wound marring his soul, caused by his mom's departure and his subsequent hard life (which he probably ties to her leaving as well). My guess is he has mourned her, raged at her, and wept for the loss of her most of his life, wondering what could have been. Now, how does this play out in his life now? My guess is he'll have trust issues, a heap of insecurities (because he probably feels his mom wouldn’t have left if he’d been good enough to stay for), and an overwhelming fear of abandonment when it comes to women. In his saddest moments he’ll wonder if you are going to throw him away just like his mom. Note the choice of words – “Throw him away”… like he’s garbage. Because that is very likely how he feels. Thanks to a flakey mom, and an abusive dad, this man’s going to have a hard time seeing himself in any kind of good light. My heart goes out to him, and you. This one is probably going to be a “Fixer upper” – and the ONLY way I’d advise you to embark on that project, is if he’s giving you something vital in return. Make sure he’s meeting your emotional needs, and make sure you feel like you are partners with this wonderful journey we call life. If you take on the roll of “mother and healer” instead of “partner, lover, and friend” you’ll create imbalance in your relationship, never be able to truly respect this man.
IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
|
posted December 13, 2007 01:34 PM
Isolaede, I can see that being true..definitely.He told me how he "doesn't need anyone/anything", how he's always been "anti-social" .. yet when I come to visit, he's all smiles/happy, and when our time is almost up he says "Is it time to go? I hope not..." He really, really puts up a front. But it's not too difficult to see a little past it. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
