|
Author
|
Topic: I desperately need some advice
|
Battle of Evermore
Knowflake Posts: 1216
From:
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted May 18, 2008 06:31 PM
 
.
IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 7410
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
|
posted May 18, 2008 07:07 PM
quote:
I honestly don't think that he is a jerk, I just think that he needs to grow up.
Nail on the head there, BoE 
This fella with Pluto on his Scorpio Asc is still testing his power (flirting with other women) – seems he may have little confidence in his own BEing, so is looking for validation from outside…..
You’re not “technically together” right now, are you?? And he is far far away. Perhaps it might be better to let go a bit, and see how you feel when he gets back to the States. Hon, he’s 21yo – it’s normal and natural to flirt and explore relationships of all sorts.
He's got the waxing square of Saturn sq Saturn coming up shortly, that might be a wake-up call of sorts for him.....
See this: Saturn sq SaturnMay I please speak to your Aqua Moon for a minute?? 
In helping you analyze your feelings, may I ask: what exactly do you want from him, and what kind of behavior do you expect?? Love & {{{ hugs }}}
Z IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 4712
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
|
posted May 18, 2008 07:13 PM
Oh the perils of being beautiful, which you are BoE. Sometimes I think it's more a curse than a blessing, because of the drama that pain that beauty can incite. Sexual desire is very powerful and can be very destructive.I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this BoE. I"m sure you'll know what decision to make. Keep in mind that a 21 y/o male has the approximate emotional maturity of a 16 y/o girl. At least in my opinion. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 4700
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
|
posted May 18, 2008 07:18 PM
When I met Mr BM I was 21, but he was already over 30. Was he the most mature of the two of us?  So when you say "he needs to grow up" I don't doubt you for a second. He says he doesn't feel insecure anymore but don't forget he is Libran Moon. Resisting the urge to please can be tough. The watery Sun Trine Jupiter might be too much emotion to handle for someone is themselves quite young. As an Air/Earth person I found this once upon a time with a Cancer Moon/Venus Pisces person. I couldn't cope with someone with that much sensitivity at that point in my life. Maybe now, but even then I would think twice before getting serious. I don't know what else is on your chart but you might feel the same way. Only you can say. IP: Logged |
Battle of Evermore
Knowflake Posts: 1216
From:
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted May 18, 2008 07:56 PM
'Zala-
quote:
This fella with Pluto on his Scorpio Asc is still testing his power (flirting with other women) – seems he may have little confidence in his own BEing, so is looking for validation from outside…..
God, that is so right... We ARE technically together now. We have been for a while. He actually had women lined up to date incase I broke up with him! Two of them! We broke up when he left, but it it didn't really work because we still had feelings for eachother so we got back together. After I had that little fling with the Scorp guy, I told him that I wanted to just let go and see what happened when he got back, but he wants all or nothing. He begged me to wait longer. What I want from him is to not do things behind my back and to not tell me things that he doesn't mean. That is what I want. What hurt me so much is that he was doing all of those things behind my back.
BR- Thank you... I just don't understand why he would think that I was shallow if I had stayed with him for so long and never told him anything negative about his looks, or gave him a reason to think that I would run off with someone else at the drop of a hat. This 21 year old is acting more like a five year old little girl...
BM- lol... *sigh* I guess men like to act like babies in general.  When I first started dating him, my cousin told me that she didn't see me being happy because I was more mature than he was. He told me that self-esteem issues were just part of his nature and I'd have to get used to them, but I told him that I'd rather help him get over them. I can not deal with severe insecurity. I had to put up with too much of that from my Cancer dad, and I will never recover if I let another man like that into my life.
IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 7410
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
|
posted May 18, 2008 08:14 PM
quote:
I told him that I wanted to just let go and see what happened when he got back, but he wants all or nothing.
What?!? He’s in Japan!! That’s a ridiculous request (demand). I’m annoyed (if I’m reading this right) that he wants YOU to be there for HIM – his one and only – while he’s playing footsie with other women??? If you two are “together” then his attentions should be solely on you, not on chasing other women and lining them up in case you blow him off. I could see his ego being dented by your association with the Scorp fella, and maybe (even if he doesn’t admit it) the flirtations are a bit of payback on his part, if he was truly hurt by your interlude with the Scorpio. Tell him just this: quote:
What I want from him is to not do things behind my back and to not tell me things that he doesn't mean. That is what I want. What hurt me so much is that he was doing all of those things behind my back.
There isn’t any way to sugarcoat that, so just lay it out straight. It’s up to you about giving him a “second chance” – but in a manner of speaking he gave you a “second chance” after your fling with the Scorp, so…..
If he can’t play fair according to the (hopefully agreed-upon) ground rules, then it’s time for Sayonara – at least until he gets back and you can have a heart-to-heart face-to-face.
It might be appropriate to reiterate to CancerFella what you replied to bluemoon about your dad. You have a right to spell out your Relationship DealBreakers, and I don’t see a whole lot of reasons/compensations in this association for you to disregard them, strong feelings or not…..IP: Logged |
Battle of Evermore
Knowflake Posts: 1216
From:
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted May 18, 2008 08:38 PM
'Zala- Yeah, I am agitated too... he knows that I'm really angry... I actually don't think that he understands why I am so angry.
What happened was that he was flirting with all of those other girls BEFORE I had the fling with the Scorp guy... I didn't know for a fact that he was doing it, it was just speculation, but I was angry and I knew he'd done things like that before so I didn't really care if it hurt his feelings. I didn't plan it out, it was spur of the moment, but I went with the flow. It was the wrong thing to do, I should have confronted him first, but I didn't. After he "gave me a second chance" he confessed and promised that he wouldn't do that anymore. I was just upset because he did it in the first place... I still am. I told him that there was no way that I was going to put up with that anymore. He said that he would trust me from now on and I told him that I could not put up with another guy like my dad. I am just so reluctant to trust people a second time... I did once and it was terrible. I think that I can trust him about things that he clearly says he'll do, but I don't know if he is ready to grow up and be responsible for his actions and stop being selfish even if he says that he can.Thanks for listening to me vent though... I probably sound neurotic... lol IP: Logged |
Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake Posts: 1301
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2006
|
posted May 19, 2008 12:24 AM
I must be missing something here, because Im siding heavily with the guy. Im missing the reason why he is on trial? Because he is a little insecure being away from a girl he loves.. so he just talks to other girls to make a slight attempt to have an avenue for possible happiness.. actually an unrealistic avenue.. since no matter what, if he gets his heart broken his heart is broken.. no other girl he just met is going to come along and cure it.. so hes in trouble for that? but he hasnt actually done anything with any of the girls? But you on the other hand hooked up with some guy and for some odd reason hes forgiven you. and your angry with him and making him feel bad? Im sorry but I must be missing something or not reading correctly because this situation sounds very messed up. I empathize with him very much so. what I dont understand about him is simply why he would still be with you. If you really "loved" him you would have never hooked up with some random guy and then.. you couldnt stop there. but you made him feel like crap because he was just looking? and FYI your mom has a pretty Sh*tty view on this to say hes insecure because you are better looking then him so he should feel like you are going to leave him? what the hell is that? You are the more insecure one out of the two of you.. basically you sound like a pretentious hypocrit .. the only one that should be ashamed and under trial is yourself. Im not going to apoligize for this, after having the nerve to post something like this you were asking for it. If you can somehow convince me that I am misunderstanding the situation then Ill take it back.IP: Logged |
Unmoved
Knowflake Posts: 2160
From: Born in S.Africa
Registered: Jun 2007
|
posted May 19, 2008 10:32 AM
Forgive him if you feel like forgiving him, not because you are obligated to do so by what you did, or whatever insecurities he might be going through. Basically, screw logic and dig deep inside and ask yourself if you want to go into it again. If you do, then do it. If you aren't sure, ask him to give you more time. If not, don't do it. Forget about all the dramas and just think about what you desire, because we wouldn't want you making a rash decision that could hurt you or him again in the future. Be patient with yourself. I am an all or nothing person myself, and I know clearly that when I tell someone that, I am actually giving them an ultimatum... So he has given you an ultimatum btw and it is unfair to have your hand forced to make a decision like that, but he called it (bluff or not) so, if he wants to play... then show him that games aren't your thing Also, being in Japan and you being in the US makes it impossible to have an "ALL" because of the distance. The only logical way would be to have an open relationship (if you can handle that) but I think that "NOTHING" is the card you have to play because anything else makes no sense. So, he is testing you... let him know that you can't be tested by saying... that "it is over for now then" because he is not giving you options. Yeah, Pluto near Asc... he's flexing his power muscle there and testing to see how far he can go before he loses you. So, show him. Regardless of what you might have done in his eyes, you are experiencing a classical case of being manipulated. Love and Lots of {{{{{Hugs}}}}} unmoVed  IP: Logged |
Battle of Evermore
Knowflake Posts: 1216
From:
Registered: Sep 2004
|
posted May 19, 2008 12:45 PM
Seeing Stars- I never said that I was completely innocent, but I have never done anything before that (by hooking up, I don't even mean having sex with, because I didn't) to make him think that I would dump him, or anything else of that nature. When you tell a girl that you want to be with only her, and you want her to be with only you, you shouldn't go off looking for other women behind your girl's back, and he had been doing that for months. He was even planning on sleeping with somebody else at one point. Yes, I was upset and I did something stupid, but I was upset for a reason. As 'Zala said, you can't expect somebody to be there for you and be your one and only when you're playing footsie and making googley eyes at other people.I'll e-mail you Unmoved This situation is resolved now though, so I'm about to clear the post.
IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
