posted June 10, 2008 11:02 PM         

We came to know each other as colleagues, about 3 years ago, and started to make “friends” then. He made clear from the start that he found me attractive – but I didn’t take that too seriously, since he’s coupled up with his GF for ten years now. He tried to approach me sexually several times in the past. And I admit that I had given in to this once (which is about 1.5 years ago) – I was “single” then and had no feelings for him, it was just a momentary thing, a one-night-stand for me - and I really regret it. I told him so, soon after. And he seemed to be alright with that. Then I entered a relationship myself - and he left me alone for about one year now. But since he came to know that I am “single” again, he is approaching me harder than ever, in a way I don’t like. Writes me e-mails with plain sexual plot, calls me quite often, even rang my doorbell/stood in front of my house twice during the last two weeks (I pretended not to be home.) He is still with his GF! But he seems to be going nuts now and I really start feeling uncomfortable, as if the situation is out of control He won’t accept my “no”s. I tried to be polite and easy until now. I don’t feel physically threatened, like: in a “criminal”/”violent” way … just completely irritated and annoyed by his obstrusive behaviour. Problem is: We are still some sort of colleagues and I appreciate him in that (professional) regard. But he REALLY is getting on my nerves and makes everything worse each day.

Please, if you look at our Synastry: What’s his problem? HE is in the inside, my chart is on the outside. Should I better cancel the whole contact? Don’t know … he is quite influential. I am not afraid of that, but … it all gives me a strange feeling. Very (!) uncomfortable.

posted June 11, 2008 06:18 AM         

If he is a high-powered person he is used to having people do what he says. So when you tell him to get stuffed he might find that a bit of a turn on.

What was the one-nighter all about? Was it a tactic to get rid of him?

posted June 11, 2008 01:08 PM         

quote:

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What was the one-nighter all about? Was it a tactic to get rid of him? .

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No – no tactic at all, at that time. I was just a single person then and … well… welcomed the occasion. That guy is renowned for chasing ANY woman he can get, and everybody (including his GF) knows. I was just in the mood for having a casual thing that night – and I thought it was the same with him. He had begged for it that time, I found it a bit ridiculous, but then ... okay. I was free. It was okay, that night. That was it. No misunderstandings thereafter, so far. This is 1.5 years ago!

posted June 11, 2008 07:24 PM         

If he makes you feel that uncomfortable, you should be able to speak up about it. It makes me so mad when a woman won't speak up about things like this. Who gives a rats a$$ about HIS feelings? It's your feelings that matter. If he is pushing your buttons, tell him to back off and stay there.

Simple as pie.

I had a similar experience with a scorp man once. I tried to be nice about it, but I got tired of that fast enough. I had to be rude, and in turn he got ruder, but I had to let him have the last word, just cause I felt sorry for him and refused to keep going around in circles.

posted June 12, 2008 12:33 AM         

Your Venus is conjunct his ASC - that is about attraction big time...

He has a strong 2nd house and NN in the 8th, which is a strong sexual axis. That is not in itself obtrusive (could be hidden lust/passion as well), but Mars and Jupiter BOTH in the 1st house are quite a LOT!

I can't see if your Jupiter conjuncts his Venus, but if it does, that explains his interest in you even more - you have something he wants a lot.

posted June 12, 2008 03:32 AM         

Luckily I don't feel "threatened" in a way that scares me physically, I mean: He is no violent stalker or sth like take - I don't see my life in danger. He cannot afford to be violent, because he's got a reputation to lose and all. Maybe ... he does have such a streak. Don't know. Since he's got that (miserable) GF, he isn't interested in having our "thing" being out in the open. Everybody knows he's cheating her (she included), but it would be sort of a scandal if our one-night-thing came out ... So I seem to have something in my hand, against him.

Nevertheless it's frightening - psychologically, because this man really seems to be obsessed - i just got the MEANING of that word, by his behaviour: OBSESSION. He is really out of control. He is so ridiculous and annoying ... and he just .. won't get it! Strange kind of stubbornness. He's underminding all the remaining respect I had for him, professionally and all.

I never met such a JERK. He has absolute no control writes E-mails late at night ... really ugly porn-mails ... Huh! I am not even sure whether I am the only one who is chasing that way. I don't care, anyway. I just wish he'd leave me alone.

The scary thing is that i TOLD HIM several times before: Leave it, man! But he seems to be a sex addict or something. I used to have a rather positive impression on that man ... but he is so cheap - and so NEEDY in a sexual way... I never experienced sth SO disgusting. Such a NEEDINESS.

Yeah, you're right. With one of the next occasions I must tell him again. I must make it clear to him that he is spoiling our contact/coelleague-ship by all that - that I am disgusted and "turned off" completely. Probably that kind of language is the only one he understands.

(Funny thing is: I did this before, about 3 weeks ago, via E-mail - he then wrote me back, sht like: "Enough is enough, I'm not gonna be your toy anymore - and you cannot decide on your own, when I am to meet you ... I never want to see you again" - and stuff like that. Really angry, he was, and it seemed as if my words had "hurt" him. I made one mistake then, wrote back to him: "Hey - okay. Didn't want to sound angry - I am just not into an affair with you, okay?" I really felt that I had been to harsh ... So I stayed firm, repated all, but in a less angry way... And since then ... he obviously saw "a light at the end of the tunnel" again, all increased again, during the last 3 weeks, worse than ever.)

NEEDY sex-addicted WEIRDO that guy is. Guess I've never been more disgusted by a man, and I regret now to ever have had that "one night" with that guy.

posted June 12, 2008 04:27 AM         

That's just how it sounds he feels. I'm not saying he's right or wrong.

It might be worth addressing his feelings and maybe apologising saying you are sorry he feels used but you don't want to pursue a relationship with him, blah, blah, blah. This is the way I would probably handle this one right now, at a guess.

posted June 12, 2008 08:42 AM         

quote:

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have you thought about threatening to tell his girlfriend. it might scare him off.

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Amen to that, or just threaten to tell everyone at work. Childish, I know, but how else are you gonna get rid of this weirdo?*shrugs*

And addressing his feelings? Yeah, sure. As soon as he does that to his gf and everyother 'conquest' he's had. From the looks of the situation I don't feel sorry for this fuckwit at all.

posted June 12, 2008 09:12 AM         

I think maybe he is trying to teach you a lesson. Not, that I stress again, I think he is necessarily right. If this is the case. Even if it isn't, an apology is a neat way of getting rid of someone who won't give something up until they get one.

But I don't mind if everyone disagrees. If shouting around the office that you slept with him and now he won't leave you alone works, hey, great. Personally I'd try and avoid that.

posted June 12, 2008 10:15 AM         

Well, it's indeed a tricky situation. I appreciate the mental & emotional support from those who spur me on to kick him in the a**. ;-)

But I'd almost rather go with BlueMoon - hey, BLUEMOON, you are a wise person, obviously. ;-) I read your first reply and thought about it for a couple of hours ... You seem to have sensed that I don't really feel comfortable whith just "blaming" him or "shouting" at him... Because there IS something else going on, more than just plain "sexual harrasment". (All the nuances are different to explain in a foreign language.) It is just so difficult for me to grab and to handle.

First, I do feel a bit "guilty" myself - for having lingered with him once, although that was not (morally, ethically,
emotionally) "correct". First, because he had/has a GF, so I was involved as the "third party" in a deceit/betrayal - a thought I don't like. And second, because it was plainly physical wiht him - I NEVER had sex with anyone before, whom I felt so little or: nothing for, emotionally. In both regards, that was an outstanding experience for me - and now it seems to come back to me, in a strange way ...

It also makes it hard for me to "reason" with him - because i cannot apply any "moral" categories here. He TURNS ME OFF so much now, I feel such ANGER and OBTRUSIVENESS - but at the same time I sense, that this is something difficult to "explain" to him. I just don't have enough "arguments" - know what I mean?

Still - of course he HAS to accept my feelings, I MUST make it clear to him.

BLUEMOON, that constellation you mentioned ... I had never thought about that one! Yeah, indeed - my Sun squares my Jupiter - so his Saturn is forming a T-Square to that. Th INTERESTING thing for me now, since you pointed that one out for me, is: His Saturn is cj my P.o. FORTUNE - so my P.o.FORTUNE is forming that T-Square in my natal chart as well. It is exactly opposite my JUPITER (orb:0) ... and sometimes to leeds to rash behaviour, overestimation of hopes and objectives ... Do you think ... he might "teach me a lesson" in that regard, that he is trying to "pin me down" here, in a cosmic sense? That he just won't let me "get away" with my overly playful/rash behaviour this time - in a cosmic sense, so to speak?
THAT would be interesting!

Until now I rather pondered about his NORTH NODE cj. my CHIRON - whom is "teaching" or "woundin" whom? And also about my URANUS cj. his SUN - now it seems to me that his Sun might put a spotlight on my own ... fickleness ... somehow?

NEVERTHELESS - he gets on my nerves and irritates me and is a very mean guy, as far as his GF is concerned.

(All this also bothers me because of another thing: Some of you might remember, that I just broke-up with a man I deeply loved, two months ago, after almost a year ... because it was just too difficult for us, and all. I tried to deal with it in a mature/adult way ... But I am still suffering because of that - how i wish that THAT man would be after me!!! At least half as intensely as this weirdo-chap is ... It hurts me somehow, see that man, who doesn't interest me at all, being so keen on "meeting" me ... while the man I truly love, still love (!) doesn't seem to bother. THAT is the HURTING part involved...)