posted August 27, 2008 01:58 PM
this last phase of pluto has come as a shell shock. i failed in a critical math 2 paper and now i have a 1 year drop. i cannot enter college before june 09. already its been 7 years since i completed my 12th. i have spent more time at home then anyone of my age. depression had me on the verge of suicide. now i have to spend another year at home. its way tooo late for me to start another course. besides i am 24 now. i dont know what this last phase of pluto would do to me. there is this terrible negative energy hovering around my head ready to penetrate me and make me do something wild. like maybe kill my self or someone in my family or maybe someone who has annoyed me. i had such a sigh of relief that finally i would be an engineer just withing 2 years and now i am at square one. i have simply been trying to keep thoughts away from my mind. cause everytime i tried to be decisive i have only left my self confused. and then depressed. my family cannot accept that maybe my career as a student is over. they keep on talking as if anything else is not ven an option. and i am too uninterested in becoming an engineer now. i absolutely love technical stuff and the sciences in general. technology intrigues me. i think i can fully appreciate whatever i learnt in engineering in the two years. but the college system here is just breaking me down. i cannot take it. its way to mechanical.
go to college 9 to 5
sit boring lectures given by wanna be post graduates
attend practicals without knowing the practical side of the stuff
writing assignments that bear no meaning.
and blah...
this is just not the place i wanna be. in fact, with the percentage i had in 12th, and the track record of joining and leaving 4 colleges after 12th and considering my age and most importantly the lack of student stamina left in me i dont think i can even think of any other course.
everything went fine from june 07 to nov 07. but i think that was a passing phase with jupiter in sag and the pluto b****h out of it. now that its the other way round, i am at square one again.
i just dont know what to do.
Lindaland
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posted August 27, 2008 01:58 PM