posted August 30, 2008 05:54 PM         

"unrequited love" is a not so nice topic - sometimes it is ourselves, who feel so strongly for someone - but it is just not reciprocal. And sometimes it's the other way round: When someone fell for us - but we just don't "feel it" for them.

Just lately, I learned that a man had deep, deep feelings for me - he told me before, one year ago - and I had said then already: "Sorry - I don't love you back." Now he came AGAIN, 12 months later - and tried it again. And even though I like him a lot and respect him ... I had to tell him again: "I am sorry - but nothing has changed during that year - I just don't feel it for you. You might be a friend, but nothing more." I just don't feel the slightes attraction - although nothing is "wrong" with that guy, not at all!

Not a nice task to have to tell this to someone ... again!

I was checking the Synastry with that guy - and, once more, was NOT ABLE to spot where that onsidedness could come from. We've got a mixture of good and not so good aspects. IS THERE ANY CLEAR INDICATION FOR ONESIDED LOVE AT ALL???

Here is some info on our Synastry:

HOUSE PLACEMENTS:

his Sun in my 9th / my Sun in his 5th
his Moon in my 1st / my Moon in his 9th
his Mercury in my 8th / my Mercury in his 5th
his Venus in my 9th / my Venus in his 6th
his Mars in my 12th / my Mars in his 5th
his Saturn in my 4th / my Saturn in his 2nd

Positive/easy aspects:
my chart /his chart:
Sun sextile Uranus
Sun trine Neptune
Sun trine ASC
Moon trine Sun
Moon cj. MC
Mercury trine Moon
Venus trine N.N.
Mars trine Moon
Mars trine Chiron
Jupiter sextile ASC
Saturn trine Uranus
Saturn trine Pluto
Saturn sextile ASC
Uranus sextile Moon
Uranus sextile Mercury
Neptune trine Chiron
Chiron trine Mercury
Juno cj. N.N.
N.N. sextile ASC
ASC trine Chiron

Negative/stressful aspects:
my chart /his chart:
Moon square ASC
Moon square Uranus
Moon square Pluto
Mercury square N.N.
Venus square Moon
Mars square N.N.
Saturn square Sun
Saturn square Jupiter
Saturn oppos. Neptune
Pluto cj. Uranus
Pluto oppos. Chiron
Pluto oppos. ASC
Pluto square MC
Chiron cj. Saturn
N.N. square Moon

... I guess my "temper" (Moon) as well as my Pluto and Saturn do all the nasty stuff to him ... (?)

DID YOU FIND ANY PATTERNS regarding onesided love in your personal Synastries? Especially when YOU were loved - and couldn't "feel it" for the other one?

posted August 30, 2008 07:31 PM         

Platonic love is ruled by Neptune and brotherly love by Uranus. Venus rules reciprocity. Your Sun is trine his Neptune and sextile his Uranus.

His planetary placements aren't activating your 5th or 7th houses. Mercury is in your 8th, but that's generally a neutral type planet rather than an emotional, romantic or sexual one. Only the Moon is in your 1st house. Saturn is in your 4th house. Do you feel like he limits your privacy and security? He, on the other hand, has your Sun, Mercury and Mars in his 5th. He's attracted to you, as you know.

Where are the angles placed in each others houses? You could look at that.

posted August 30, 2008 09:23 PM         

Here are our aspects...me on the left, him on the right:

MY Sun BQT HIS Moo
Sun TRI Ven
Sun SQR Mar
Sun SQR Jup
Sun CJN Sat
Sun INC Mid
Moo TRI Sun
Moo TRI Mer
Moo TRI Mar
Moo TRI Ura
Moo INC Nep
Moo SQR Plu
Moo SXT Asc
Mer BQT Moo
Mer TRI Ven
Mer SQR Mar
Mer CJN Sat
Ven TRI Moo
Ven SES Ven
Ven SXT Jup
Ven QTL Plu
Mar SXT Sun
Mar SXT Mer
Mar SQR Ven
Mar SXT Ura
Mar SQR Nep
Mar SSX Plu
Mar TRI Asc
Jup TRI Sun
Jup SQR Ven
Jup TRI Mar
Jup QTL Jup
Jup INC Sat
Jup SQR Nep
Sat TRI Sun
Sat TRI Mar
Sat SSQ Jup
Sat INC Nep
Sat SQR Plu
Sat SXT Asc
Ura SQR Mid
Nep SSX Mer
Nep SSX Ura
Nep CJN Nep
Nep SSQ Mid
Plu QTL Ven
Plu BQT Asc
Asc SXT Sun
Asc SXT Mer
Asc BQT Jup
Asc SXT Ura
Asc SQR Plu
Asc TRI Asc
Mid SSQ Ven

My Moon and Saturn fall in his 3rd house
My Venus falls in his 4th
My Sun, Merc and Mars fall in his 5th
My Pluto, Uranus and Midheaven fall in his 6th
My Neptune falls in his 7th
My Jupiter falls in his 11th
His Moon falls in my 2nd
His Jupiter falls in my 5th
His Saturn falls in my 7th
His Pluto falls in my 9th
His Sun, Merc, Mars, Uranus fall in my 10th
His Neptune falls in my 11th
His Venus falls in my 12th

posted August 30, 2008 10:01 PM         

In our composite, we have the Sun, Venus and Pluto conjunct in our 7th house! There are lots of indications that we would be very compatible...not just astrological ones.

I think a big part of the issue is just Leo-Scorpio stuff. The whole thing flooded me with self-doubt, and led me to "test" my attractiveness with other men. But I really am starting to heal. I'd still like to understand more why he doesn't want me, though.

posted August 30, 2008 10:12 PM         

But I admire your courage at telling him of your infatuation. It must have been an amazing 2 years to feel such strong emotions. Did you think you were getting signals from him? What type of signals were they? Has he been single over these 2 years?

posted August 30, 2008 10:29 PM         

During those two years, I had just ended a 14-year relationship (my whole adult life! my Libra ex and I had been together from when I was 18), and the Scorpio had just ended a two-year, on-again, off-again relationship.

I felt like he was sending me LOTS of signals of interest...just even the way he looked at me, I read as interest. On the other hand, when you're really attracted to someone one-sidedly, maybe you see things that aren't there? Maybe it had been so long since I was single that my judgement was screwed up?

He never, ever touched me and he almost flinched away sometimes when I sat near him. (This is not a response I've gotten from anyone else, ever! As a Leo/Cancer Moon, I'm not super-touchy, but when I do touch people they like it. I don't mean that just in a sexual way...I have lots of close friends who like to hug me, and I'm the sort of person who colleagues will always touch on the arm or back while they talk to me.) I worried I had stopped being attractive to men, which, I have since learned, was just not true.

I told him how I felt, and he said he was flattered, and that he considered me a friend. (A lie--I would have happily spent more time with him as a friend, but he didn't actually want to.) He seems very pleased with himself, puffed up and smug for rejecting me.

posted August 30, 2008 11:58 PM         

Selfishness is the word that comes up for me in this situation. Ask yourself why his relationship was on-again off-again. Two years is not condusive to a wholesome mature relationship, esp when its nature is 'on' then 'off'. Your observation of his behaviour being smug from rejecting you must scream "Warning" for you.

posted August 31, 2008 12:23 AM         

I will contribute that my NN is conjunct my ex's Sun and Juno. Like Lucia, I had never, ever experienced being in love with someone who wasn't also in love with me. I didn't actually think it was possible, to be honest. And I am incredibly intuitive as well and generally good at being brutally honest with myself about this stuff.

We were only together for 6 months and we've been broken up for 14 months and I have refused to speak to him for 2 months now. And still, it carries on in my heart.

I too am mystified, but I figure it must be an experience I need.

posted August 31, 2008 03:23 AM         

Yep, the Scorpio is a pile of warnings and red flags. He has an afflicted fifth house Saturn, and it shows. He's NEVER had a romantic relationship that wasn't brief, fraught and messed up. I have wondered many times if he's putting out lots of inappropriate hooks/signals in general, and I was unusually vulnerable to them because I was going through a big breakup.

Love, it sounds like the two of you were actually together, though--so at some important level, an attraction/connection between you was mutual and requited. (I haven't read your other posts on the subject, though. What's your sign?)

Honestly, I think some Scorpio men just don't even LIKE happiness, fun and non-power game-based sex. All that sunshine just makes them uncomfortable and suspicious, and they have to retreat into their dark wells. The only way a Scorpio man can maintain total control in a relationship with a woman is not to get involved with her at all, and sometimes they don't.

posted August 31, 2008 04:00 AM         

Yep, we were indeed together but in a nutshell, he loved me but was not "in love" with me. That was despite telling me (two weeks before he ended things) that he could picture spending the rest of his life with me.

I'm a Cancer, with a Cancer Venus and 4th House Mars and Saturn conjunct the IC. I also have Sun and Venus squaring Pluto. So clearly, it's hard for me to let go and move on. But over the years I got pretty good at it, except for this time. I felt pretty betrayed about the whole thing, mainly because I got so many confusing and mixed messages from him.

One thing (I think you mentioned) I totally agree with is the sneaky way some Scorps will drag you back in once you're finally ready to move on. My ex drove an hour and a half to leave a rose on my doorstep in the middle of the night 2 months after we'd broken up. When I called to confirm it was indeed him (while secretly hoping he wanted to get back together) he just said that he missed me and wanted to stay friends. It sounds like your guy was sort of doing the same thing...he didn't have the cohones to be with you, but neither did he have them to say goodbye.

My ex campaigned for a long time in order to be my friend but after a year of me really trying, I realized that I was never going to heal while still knowing him.

I think that in your case it was a very clear cut case of him feeling powerful in rejecting you. I'd personally say that it's possible he has some serious abandonment issues. If you really felt after all that time (2 years!) that there was something there, then the liklihood is that you did feel it and then he either got freaked out or just feels safer knowing he can sit on his little island, thinking that he has the power.

Alvarella ~

On another thread there were some asteroids mentioned that may have to do with unrequited love: Ophelia is one and the other one is Medea. I think Medea is more of a love-can-turn-to-hate sort of asteroid, if I remember correctly. I'm sure how it's aspected would have something to do with that.

I'm not sure if you use asteroids in your charts, but it might be worth it to have a look. Also, South Node can sometimes play a role in unrequited love from what I've observed. I see a square between your Moon and his NN/SN. Moon and Node contacts are always important since the Nodes are related to the Moon.

posted August 31, 2008 06:27 AM         

can you please post what planets rule the respective 1st, 5th, 4th, 7th and 8th houses?

Also, can you have a look at the progressed charts regarding aspects to Sun, Venus, Mars, ASC, ruler of 1st, 5th, 7th and 8th house?

posted August 31, 2008 07:37 AM         

ALL THE OTHERS: What great responses you posted! I am struck with ONE THING especially: The North Node-conjunction of the "loving" person to a "love"-factor of the not-loving-person! That really, really rings a bell in my mind!

Because with my ex-boyfriend (I also had posted a lot of material on this guy...) - we had my NN conjunct his Vertex (exact by degree) - just one of many, many indicators of a "great love & understanding"... Nevertheless: We broke up. And at the end I had the strong impression that I had been on "the losing end", being less loved by him than he was loved by me - or: that he was less intrigued by me than vice versa.

SO MAYBE WE'VE GOT ONE CLUE HERE: That, when a person's NORTH NODE is affected by another person's "love"-placements in Synastry ... this tells us that the NN-person feels strongly for that other person - and might be left alone in the end, still having a lot to workt through and to learn and understand from this attraction ... while the other person finds it much easier to just ... "walk away" ....

Meeting someone one and finding a conjunct to your personal NN in Synastry then could be a kind of warning sign or call for our attention: "Take care - this person has the capacity to TOUCH YOU TO THE CORE. Be prepared ... and don't take that too lightly!" (???)

posted August 31, 2008 09:39 AM         

1. natals:
- unrequited love can occur, if one person fits the other`s "type", while this is not true the other way round

- the 7th and 5th house give the most important hints towards the other one`s type, along with Venus (and maybe Mars); also don`t ignore the asteroid Eros; I have found him to be highly significant in attractions

- to see what type you "are", you`d have to look more at Sun, Moon, ASC, ruler of 1st house (and maybe even ruler of 4th house, but this one is REALLY deep down), also Venus and Mars, and Psyche might be a good hint, too, as she acts like a second Venus
(I hate the gender discussion in astrology, but it`s true, most women tend to express their Venus more easily and clearly as Men tend to express their Mars more naturally, especially in sexual relationships)

- what exactly to look for? Sign, house, the strongest aspects (maybe even only conjunctions count here, as they colour the sign and planet most clearly, but I am not sure. I have Venus square Pluto, and I do feel that Venus-Pluto-a lot)

- if you want to see what type of relationship (and partner) you really NEED, and who will resonate deeply within you, you can risk looking at the 8th house, too.
But the 8th house is sometimes a bit scary for people, because it urges you to go real deep inside, and become very intimate with someone else, you`ll be very vulnerable there (it`s similiar to the 4th house in that regard). So, maybe the 8th house connection will make you run away and deny an attraction, if you`re a bit fearful. Even though, speaking from my experience, the fascination is TREMENDOUS.

° so there could be a first hint, if someone fits into the other`s type natally, but not the other way round.

° there`s also a theory out there, that the person whose natal aspects get repeated or complemented in a synastry will be the mostly hooked,w hile the other one will not be as attached.

Example:
I have Venus square Pluto natally.

I will of course be drawn to people who either have Venus-Pluto or Mars-Pluto aspects or constellations (Mars - Pluto because Mars and Venus are complementing each other).
So if someone else has Venus in Scorpio or Venus square Pluto, too, or Pluto in 1st house, there will be a resonance inside both of us.

But now let`s say, the other one has neither Venus-Pluto nor Mars-Pluto and not even Sun-Pluto or Moon-Pluto.
(always consider sign, house, rulership and conjunction, opposition, antiscia / contrascia and square).

BUT in the synastry his Pluto will conjunct my Venus or Mars; so now my natal theme (Venus / Pluto) will be triggered by the relationship, and that man, even though he has no Plutonic vibes natally, will waken up Venus-Pluto inside me, and I will react in a Venus-Pluto way to him. I will probably be insanely attracted to him.
And he will sit there and probably think: What the hell is going on here? I don´t feel anything of that sort.

Now you`d have to see if there is something in HIS chart that gets repeated through synastric aspects.

Let`s say he has Venus / Jupiter (so he will react to Venus -Jupiter or Mars-Jupiter-constellations).
Now, maybe I don`t have such connections in my natal, but in the synastry my Jupiter opposes his Venus or Mars. So for him Venus / Jupiter will be triggered, and it`s what makes him feel "in love".

So, there would be an attraction, because both of us find "resonation" in the synastry.

posted August 31, 2008 10:06 AM         

An important point is the overlay of planets in the 1st, 5th, 7th or 8th house, inluding the rulers of those houses.

Meaning person A`s chartruler falling into the 7th house of B is as good as if it was the ASC in the 7th house of the other person.

3. planetary aspects
no Venus- aspects NOR aspects to the ruler of 5th, 7th and 8th house of one person are always a bad sign

I think unrequited love or attraction has more to do with a LACK of certain aspects than challenging aspects themselves.
Having said that, challenging aspects to Saturn and Neptune COULD contribute to an unrequited love-situation, but only IF there is a clear lack of other strong attraction-aspects.

I have seen the Saturn-Sun-square so often in relationships, which were based on mutual deep love, but there has always been stronger loving connections, too.

Squares and oppositions to Uranus can prove to be challenging, too, but don`t usually signify a lack of attraction. It`s just some sort of VERY unpredictable. Vehement and sudden and surprising in the beginning just to die down as suddenly and then, if you don´t expect anything more, it suddenly flares up again (but don`t count on it. Actually, count on NOTHING, if Uranus is involved)

Also like always, people react differently to a certain set of aspects.
Highly Saturnian or Plutonian people (ASC or Sun in Capricorn + Moon conjunct Pluto and Venus in 8th house for example) will not be happy with a synastry, that has too many Uranus-aspects (I guess that is the reason I scare some Moon in Scorpio-people. If the MOon is in the beginning of that sign, my Uranus conjuncts it. The Scorpio`s tend to have a clear dislike of me, feeling rather unsettled, but I do actually like that aspect, it resonates well with my Moon in Aquarius).

4. Midpoints
I guess some midpoints could be interesting, too.

I`d mainly look at conjunction, opposition and square to following midpoints:
Sun-Venus
Moon - Venus
Venus - Mars
Venus-AC
Venus-Uranus
Venus - Pluto

being aspected by Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, NN, AC, (Vertex maybe), Uranus, Pluto, chartruler

5. asteroids

I wouldn´t ignore Eros. He could trigger some intense feelings, especially if he is aspecting:

Psyche, Venus, Mars, AC or Pluto (maybe NN and Vertex too)

also interesting Eros-midpoints:
Eros-Psyche
Eros / Venus
Eros - Mars
Eros - Pluto
Eros - DC

aspected by Eros, Psyche, Venus, Mars, Pluto, aC, NN, Sun, Moon, Uranus, chartruler.

Uranus and Pluto are included here, because they tend to have unpredictable, stimulating (Uranus) or intense, transformative (Pluto) effects.

If those midpoints above are aspected by Saturn and Neptune, there could be some cold feet included. Either a scenario of rejection (Saturn) or rather platonic feelings (Neptune sometimes dissolves what he aspects).

BUT one aspect alone NEVER is a deal breaker. You have to see what is dominant in a synastry. If there are several midpoints opposing Saturn and conjunct Neptune, with Saturn of one person squaring Venus, Sun, Moon and chartruler.
And if the Saturn person`s Venus makes just NO aspects to the other person`s chart and neither do theSaturn`s person`s ruler of 5th or 7th house and there are no personal planets in this person´s 5th or 7th or 8th or 1st house, and Eros will be unaspected, then you might have a VERY clear scenario of a probably rejection-scenario.
If now the other person`s Venus and ruler of 7th hosue will be bombarded by the Saturn`s person Sun and Moon and ASC, it will be a very unhappy situation for the other person.

Also, the aspects that make the attraction happen are conjunction, opposition and antiscia / contrascia.
The other aspects are important, too, but they act as secondary influences. A Venus Mars - trine is never stronger than a Sun-Venus-opposition.

The opposition would be what brings those people together, and then when they are together, the Venus-Mars trine will be a VERY harmonious and compatible aspect, very effective in the relationship.

If there are no strong aspects between personal planets, the souls of two persons will only be in weak contact, and the attraction might be limited. But it depends on the natals. Maybe a person with a lot of trines and sextiles will actually prefer the Venus-Mars-trine to a more intense Venus-Mars-conjunction. (if the other one has a more challenging chart, though, he or she will be rather bored by the Venus-Mars-trine, and not as much attracted).

Alvarella,

just judging from the aspects you listed, it doesn`t look like a strong synastry, not even from his side. Those aspects that seem to be more prominent are:

Juno cj. N.N.
Pluto oppos. ASC

Your Pluto at his DSC might trigger Venus-Pluto-issues inside him (does he have Venus-Pluto natally? Venus in Scorpio, 8th house, ruler of 7 in 8 or ruler of 8 in 7, venus aspecting Pluto, or does he have Mars Pluto natally?)

Now this is a generational aspect, so a lot of people would give their Pluto onto his DSC. Are you a Plutonic person, so he is projecting Pluto onto you?

Also, your Saturn is completing a T-square with is Sun, Jupiter and Neptune in the synastry. It seems he is highly idealistic and delusional, while you act as the "destroyer" of illusions, getting him back into reality (Saturn).

posted August 31, 2008 12:13 PM         

This North Node angle is very, very interesting...but, another thing that's coming up in this thread is that there are different kinds, and different definitions of unrequited love. Someone deciding he's not "in love" with another person, but putting a rose onto her doorstep and begging her to be friends, has deep feelings for her. Whereas in situations like Alvarella's (and I've been in her position too), one person just does NOT have the feelings.

posted August 31, 2008 02:52 PM         

I only can recommend: Go and follow Darkdreamer’s footsteps!!!

Especially intriguing was the following example given by Darkdreamer:

quote:

---

Example:
I have Venus square Pluto natally.
I will of course be drawn to people who either have Venus-Pluto or Mars-Pluto aspects or constellations (Mars - Pluto because Mars and Venus are complementing each other). So if someone else has Venus in Scorpio or Venus square Pluto, too, or Pluto in 1st house, there will be a resonance inside both of us. But now let`s say, the other one has neither Venus-Pluto nor Mars-Pluto and not even Sun-Pluto or Moon-Pluto. (always consider sign, house, rulership and conjunction, opposition, antiscia / contrascia and square). BUT in the synastry his Pluto will conjunct my Venus or Mars; so now my natal theme (Venus / Pluto) will be triggered by the relationship, and that man, even though he has no Plutonic vibes natally, will waken up Venus-Pluto inside me, and I will react in a Venus-Pluto way to him. I will probably be insanely attracted to him.
And he will sit there and probably think: What the hell is going on here? I don´t feel anything of that sort.

---

posted August 31, 2008 03:26 PM         

The thing to remember with any nodal connection is that it's the node person who is being 'pulled' toward the planet person. The planet person has something that the node person needs, based in large part on the energies of the conjuncted planet involved.

Lucia ~

I totally agree, there are different degrees of unrequited love or is it different types? I have experienced being the one who did not feel what the other person did and it seemed to me at the time that, to a certain extent, he was projecting qualities about our relationship that weren't there. So when I found myself in the position of the lover as opposed to being the "lovee", I tried to see if I was responsible for creating something that wasn't really there.

I still don't know. I don't consider myself delusional and I cut myself some slack because of the insanely mixed messages. But ultimately, whether you're already in a relationship or you have some vain hope of being with someone it can amount to the same thing: rejection and/or feelings of abandonment.

I can tell you one thing, it definitely changed how I approach relationships these days.

As for your Scorpio, I want to say "I can't believe it!!!" But I can. Control is one of Scorpio's most prized abilities. They are soooo good at it and it's a wonderful quality to have but I sometimes suspect that it hinders their ability to enjoy a deeper level of intimacy since that's really all about surrendering and losing control. That's what falling in love really is and trying to control that puts a kink in the process.

Having said that, I think Scorpio energy is amazing and that once they are at that level of intimacy, they're terrific at maintaining it. So maybe that's why they try so hard to be sure that it's 'right'.

I know I'm Sun-sign-generalizing here, but in my vast experience with Scorpios, that's the energy I've come to understand.

posted August 31, 2008 03:32 PM         

I think that your Saturn on his North Node is probably an indicator that you were bring a sense of structure, order, discipline and realism to his worldview. Maybe he wasn't ready for that in his life at the time and resented it? Saturn is like the parent and NN is like the willful teenager. And you remember what it was like to be a teenager, right?

posted August 31, 2008 05:22 PM         

thank you for your nice words about my analytical work.

"myself into what you were suggesting as a method here."
It was actually the first time I was spreading the method out as a whole. I was aware of the bits and pieces, but never really combined it. So you challenged me to gather all these informations and ideas floating around in my mind together (and I didn`t eve mention the Draconics )

"It is just too much material to post it back here … I don’t wanna bore people with the very personal insights I gathered."
I wouldn`t be bored. As a matter of fact I`d be very interested to learn if you can confirm any of my theory. There are bits about the theory I am VERY sure about, and others I`m not so sure about (like the midpoints for example).

"I am still studying this in my own „cases“ now – and may post some insights here, if I manage to find a way to write them down in all their complexity... ;-)"
Yes, please write them down. And yes I know it can get VERY complex. But life and love is complex, too, because people are complex.

posted August 31, 2008 05:23 PM         

So both of us have a high emphasis on Venus-Pluto natally, which would point towards some kind of compatibility.
But surprisingly there is NO aspect between Venus and Pluto in the synastry.
Only my Pluto is in his 7th house (but that is pretty generational I guess) and there are some VEnus-Pluto-midpoint activations. Like my Venus - Pluto midpoint conjunct his Uranus, while his Venus-pluto midpoint conjuncts my NN, ASC and Neptune.

But I thought it was interesting, though, that there is no DIRECT Venus-Pluto-aspect (there is a Venus-Pluto-square in the composite, though).

I wonder what it means if two people have natally the same constellation (Venus-Pluto in our case), but this one is not repeated in synastry.

In my particular case my progressed Venus and progressed DSC-ruler is moving towards a trine to his natal Pluto though.

posted August 31, 2008 05:27 PM         

My unrequited love/ex and I actually do have Venus/Pluto aspects in both our natals and synastry. I have Venus square Pluto natally and he has Venus conjunct Pluto natally. In our synastry we have the double whammy.