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Author Topic:   Taurus guy - I am confused! Is he slow? Am I impatient?
alvarella777
Knowflake

Posts: 504
From: Europe
Registered: Jun 2007

posted September 21, 2008 08:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for alvarella777     Edit/Delete Message
Hi, I posted a thread on this Taurus-guy before. I met him again now ... and I am very confused! I never had a "flirt" or anything with a Taurus-man before ... please help me once more and tell me, from your experience, how I could read the "signs" he is sending me ...!?! He seems to be intensely interested on the one hand ... but very remote on the other! Approaching me first ... then "diggin' his heels" ... and I feel a great danger that I could behave too rash OR too seemingly "unintersted" at the same time ...

1st part of the story: We met for the first time in August - it was in a professional setting - but we soon switched from professional to more private topics - and went into "flirt mode", as I perceived it. He was very (!) charming then, but shy at the same time - we discovered many shared interests and likings - and he spoke about himself and his love life in a very serious and down to earth way. (He has a kid from a former relationship, is a a Single-parent-dad, the kid living with him - he was very disappointed by his last girlfriend - he said he was looking for a woman whom he can share his interests and likes with ... some sort of real "companion", as he put it.) And when I told him, that I had just broke-up from my last disappointing relationshiop 3 months before, he said: "Oh - things like that time to get over them ...." That gave me the impression: He might think that I am "not ready" for anything new yet ... He also gave me the feeling that I am very (!) attractive woman.

Also: We're living about 600 miles apart from each other and I had to leave his town soon after our first meeting - and IF we ever got into anything, it would have to be a "long distance thing", at least for the start ... that's for sure.

We shared some e-mails since then ... but he didn't seem SO into it anymore, all seemd to have lost its intensity soon - that's why I though I had to forget about him.

2nd part of the story: NOW, this weekend, we managed to meet again - again in a more or less professional setting, at a party, amongst colleagues and other people. The sooner this date came, the more he seemed to "heat up" again, via e-mail. He started to write more often and more "flirty" again, during the week before our meeting - all very shy, BUT: very charming again, quite sweet, but: never "explicit" in his words.

When we met again this weekend, I was totally overwhelmed - because I clearly sensed how happy he was to see me again!!! He gave me compliments, HUGE compliments, but never cheesy, all very simple and sweet, and: constantly, all night! He seemed to be even less self-secure than before - which I found cute and flattering - he sort of "let me shine" a lot. He also seemed to be a bit irritated that I talked to and laughed with other men as well, that night - just colleagues of course! But ... I knew many people there and welcomed then friendly, and all... Suddenly, one female colleague/friend of his took me aside and alluded to me ... that he obviously liked me, that he had talked about me, and that he was a "good guy". She somehow behaved like a "matchmaker" or something, haha. I took that hint and signalled to her, that I got it... Still... there were so many people around, all night, we just didn't manage to get really close ... we just smiled at each other and whenever we talked to each other, he said the nicest, most respectful things to me and asked a lot of questions, wanted to know ALL about me... ;-)

At the end of the night (late at night), at about 3 a.m., we finally had the chance to talk to each other a bit more exclusively, because many people had left that party already ... we found a silent niche. But right then ... when we COULD have talked again, on a more private level ... he suddenly said he was tired and excused himself and left the party ... as if he fled that opportunity to get a bit closer, finally!

This was so confusing! Of course I was a bit disappointed ... But at the same time I sensed that he felt very insecure and shy ... so I let him go, of course, just said: "allright, I'm gonna leave too, soon", and then sent him a message via mobile, that I liked the evening with him so much and wish that we'd live a bit close together to get to know each other better ...

He sent me a text-answer just a few minutes later: That he also liked our evening, but that he was tired ... sweet, but also quite remote. He wished me "sweet dreams" at the end of the message. He didn't ask or suggest whether to meet again the next day or not ... and now we both have travelled to our hometowns again, 600 miles apart.

WHAT IS THIS?

I am confused - I have the strong feeling that he likes me - I also do like him. He was very direct with his compliments, quite emotional when we met .. but then... he suddenly goes back into his "shell"... And I don't want to "frigthen" him or give the wrong impression by beeing too offensive...

I am a bit shy myself! But ... at the same time ... I feel I cannot be so "after him", because he ... ran away again!!!

I cannot/don't want to post our charts/Synastry, because I can only guess the time of his birth, but I do know his birthdate, and I'll list some of the connections our charts make:

His SUN
- cj. my DSC
- cj. my PSYCHE
- sextile my SUN
- sextile my MARS
- trine my PLUTO

His MOON probably in VIRGO (like my VENUS)

His MERCURY
- sextile my MERCURY
- trine my URANUS

His VENUS in CANCER (like my SUN)
- square my Chiron
- trine my NN
- cj my Vertex
- oppos. my Eros

His Sun/Moon-MP probably in wide cj. my SUN

His JUNO cj. my Sun/Venus-MP and cj. my P.o. Husbandry

His Psyche cj. my Venus

His Amor cj. my P.o. Lust, Danger, Catastrophe, Illness/Accidents


And the other way around:

My SUN
- sextile his SUN
- sextile his URANUS
- trine his NEPTUNE

My MOON
- square his URANUS
- square his P.o. PASSION

My MERCURY
- square his NN
- cj. his Karma
- probably wide cj. his Moon/Venus-Mp
- trine his EROS

My VENUS in VIRGO like his MOON

My MARS cj. his JUPITER

My EROS square his SATURN

My CHIRON
- cj. his SATURN
- trine his JUNO
- opposite his VERTEX

My AMOR sextile his Sun/Venus-Mp

My MC cj. his PLUTO and his URANUS

Please, you Taurus-people or Taurus-lovers out there: I have the warmest, most friendly and also "attracted" feelings for that man ... at the same time I've been hurt myself, lately (in spring, break-up almost 5 months ago). I don't know: Should I wait whether he "moves" once more now? Should I procrastinate? Should I act more self-confident and "active"? or would he be easily repelled by this?

Your ideas would be very welcome! (Sorry for writing so much ... but I really do FEEL for that man... and I have NO CLUE what this is!)

*** edit: My impression is: He DOES have feelings for me - but he seems insecure whether I am a "trustful/respectful person" of just "playing around with him" ... this is HONESTLY my instinctual impression - and that's the main reason why I am not feeling too comfortbale to show my feelings for him in a more decisive way ... because he might be "frightened" or "repelled" by this - because this might increase of his (wrong) impression, that I am an "easy-flirt and easy-to-get-woman". At the same time I have the feeling, that he ... wouldn't know or dare to make a step further himself ... Because he doesn't feel sure enough about himself... and because, last weekend, he MIGHT have gotten the impression, that MANY men are after me ... even though these have been colleagues mostly, but I must admit: There had been many guys around me, that night ... just talking and all, but: quite a few men... HM. I didn't want to CLING to that Taurus that night, not beeing to "direct" ... that's why I left him "standing there", once in a while ... because I didn't want to be too intrusive/obstrusive ... (hope this is the right word.)****

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Kick It
Knowflake

Posts: 1032
From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 21, 2008 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
I think you like him!

Little difficult when you live so far apart, but maybe you could arrange a meeting. He could, but he hasnt.

Maybe he was wanting you to take the lead, which is why he left....he could just be shy, like you say. It is possible that he was leading you on too, but maybe not.
A missed opportunity or a futher step down the road?

Be pro-active and initiate a meeting. If he doesnt want to, then he doesnt want to.
Saying no is fine, but if he doesnt offer another suitable time and place, just leave it.

If he wears heels, thats not the Man you are looking for.

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jane
Knowflake

Posts: 2000
From:
Registered: Nov 2006

posted September 22, 2008 04:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jane     Edit/Delete Message
Hey alvarella. This Taurus guy sounds like he's really into you. In my experience, Taurus can be passive. He may feel that he's already done his share by
1). Telling you about why his past relationship failed. By telling you this, he told you what he's looking for and is letting you decide if you match it, and
2). His sweet, attentive behavior at the party. Plus his friend letting you know he's interested. (You know he told her to tell you!)

So with his behavior, attention, and matchmaker friend he let you know that he wants you. And he already let you know what you'd be getting into if you got involved (a real companionship). So, imo, he's waiting for you to say that you also want to be with him and that you want the same type of relationship.

It may be frustrating dealing with a man who's more shy and patient, if you're usually attracted to the more forward types. But the good news about guys like him is that if he likes you (and it sounds like he does), he's not going to stop just because things aren't moving fast enough. His feelings for you will last even if you don't act right away.

I'm wondering, when he mentioned what type of woman he's looking for, how did you respond? Did you let him know that you are that type of woman? You didn't have to throw your hand in the air and say, "Oh me! That's me!" But if later during your conversation you described yourself and the type of relationship you want in a way that makes you fit what he seeks, he'd feel more secure. Taurus needs to trust and is practical. So he'll want to trust that the reality of who you both are is compatible.

I think he may have been confused by your behavior at the party. Perhaps he would've preferred more of your focused attention. Taurus can be possessive. I'm in a LTR with a Taurus and the first time (and one of the only times) I saw that famous Taurus temper was after a party at his house when he thought I was giving too much attention to a male guest. But this case sounds different b/c I get the impression that you were mingling with everyone and not bonding with one particular guest. Even so, it may have made him question the feasibility of a long-distance faithful relationship with you. Taurus is like Scorpio in that he wants exclusive attention. He may feel like you're just not into him enough to want a faithful relationship.

Even if he's fearing that, all of this can be easily solved. Just keep the contact going with him by email and phone. Be yourself. Let him get to now that Scorpio ASC-Taurus DSC of yours. And let him know how you feel about him. No official soul-sharing talk, just let these things come out during conversations. You have time on your side with this one. Do you think you two could keep in touch?

I hope things work out.

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted September 22, 2008 06:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
Okay, let's get the 'not-so-hot' ideas out of the way....

Moon AND Virgo in Venus isn't going to move mountains on the first date, or the second, or the third...

One comment concerns me coming from the Virgo part...

"...he was very disappointed by his last girlfriend....."

Watch that critical analysis of another person. I'm sure she was lovely when they first met, but after all, he is a single dad and that takes a lot of time and energy and he will want a pretty fine woman around his son, if he's the man I think he could be in a Virgoan sense.

I know I sound critical but I have a stack of Virgo in my chart and know how fussy I am with some things

Now for the juicy bits......

All that Earth will be nice once your watery Cancerian can pour some lovn' his way, and let his garden grow

His Juno conjunct your Venus is a very exciting aspect to have. It's one of my favourites. In my experience, the Juno person feels the heat first!! This is a big plus!!!

With your vertex conjunct his Venus and opposite your Eros, he must be ignited by your presence.

Venus conjunct Moon supports mutual understanding.

He's feeling something, but all that Virgo (and maybe Taurus) is pulling the reins in, so he can gauge his 'thoughts' on the matter.

In my humble analysis, there are factors that support an affair of the heart. But I don't want to see you hurt. Follow your instincts and prod that Taurean a little to see what stirs.

koiflower xoxox

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

Posts: 1432
From:
Registered: Feb 2007

posted September 22, 2008 07:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
The things I believe upset him were:

- when you said "3 months" and seemed ready to move on. From a fixed-sign perspective, it probably seems strange that someone could go through a relationship break-up and want to try again in 3 months.
He either thought the relationship was not very serious or else that you are simply in re-bound mode and not ready for something more.

- the distance is a problem. Since he has a kid, I don't think he would consider moving. You don't seem keen on moving either. So as an earth sign, the practical thing for him to do is to not get involved.

- he may have overcome the past two fears, but, flirting with other men didn't help.

Fixed sign men are usually possessive. They don't get slightly jealous and turned on. They get seriously upset. Taureans are patient and I believe he is still studying the situation.. but if he gets future signals that you are not very serious about him, things will add up, and he'll slowly become very cold.

Apart from this, I think he is very attracted to you. He paid you a lot of compliments, so obviously he thinks you are good looking. He seems to like talking to you and you guys have chemistry. But that's not enough to build a relationship on. As an earth sign, I think he needs someone stable, reliably and trustworthy - first and foremost.

Maybe you should think about what you want out of this. He told you what he wanted in a woman. I think Jane's right, you should let him know how you tick his boxes and let him know you are as serious as he is, IF that is the case.
If you are not ready for something that committed, then - in my opinion, it's best to leave it alone.

quote:
he seems insecure whether I am a "trustful/respectful person" of just "playing around with him" ... this is HONESTLY my instinctual impression

This was my impression as well, reading through what you said.

quote:
that's the main reason why I am not feeling too comfortbale to show my feelings for him in a more decisive way ... because he might be "frightened" or "repelled" by this

I think this is kind of misguided. I actually think he needs reassurance, because right now he might be under the impression he's just another male friend or guy you laugh with and flirt with, occasionally.


quote:
this might increase of his (wrong) impression, that I am an "easy-flirt and easy-to-get-woman".

I don't think this is his biggest problem. He has a child. His last relationship didn't work out. He is being very cautious both for his sake and for the sake of his kid. He obviously wants something serious, since he mentioned wanting a - real companion.

I doubt this is some kind of ego thing from his perspective. It isn't so much about whether you are an "easy-to-get" woman, but rather whether you ARE the companion he is looking for, whether you would be faithful, whether you are someone he could be with long-term.

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PLF
Knowflake

Posts: 92
From:
Registered: Feb 2008

posted September 22, 2008 03:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PLF     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Alvarella,

I think you've already got some FANTASTIC advice here from the likes of Jane and CF. As usual, lengthy, practical and very useful.

I doubt I can add much more but I'll give it a try.

I'm not Taurean but I have many friends who are including my best friend and my sister. So I have some good idea of what they're like and what sorta things they care about most when trying to find a potential love/partner.

- I think, you should take a more pro-active approach and make your feelings known. Because just as you may think, he has been 'remote' sometimes, he has even more reasons to think, you don't fancy him as much as he does.

Like you said, they can be a bit shy and I find often under-estimate themselves. So the fact that he saw you mingling, chatting and seemingly having fun with other men (even though it means nothing to you and they were just colleagues) put some more doubts in his head to add to already the difficult situation of you guys being apart from each other so much and him having a kid which makes a possible relationship harder and 'impractical'.

I get the feeling, he was REALLY looking forward to that party and seeing you again and hopefully 'hitting it off', expanding the already good chemistry/connection you guys had but that didn't happen.

- The bottom line is, this guy LIKES you. That's obvious and if it wasn't obvious enough already, the 'matchmaker female friend' really put the icing on the cake.

And from your post, it's quite clear, that you are also very fond of him!

I say go for it! Be more direct! I know it's not typical for a woman to do it. But sometimes with guys like him, it's NECESSARY.

Because like you mentioned yourself at the end of your post, he may not have the courage/dare or know-how of how to move this forward and take charge and it'd be a shame if two people who are this fond of each other don't at least GIVE IT A CHANCE by letting NOTHING happen.

I say, take a chance. Come out of your shell, be more direct (your mobile message for example was very good and while you may think his response was luke-warm and remote, it's because he needs more re-assurances LIKE that to come out of HIS shell).

I think if you show him that you fancy him and give him some real personal compliments, it will not only NOT backfire but quite the opposite. It'll boost his confidence, make him realize he DOES have a chance with you. And with a bit of patience on your part and positive behaviour like this, he will come out of his shell and you guys will make great 'memories' together which you can then share with us later.

I know it takes a lot of courage and it's not a role women too often resort to, but I think it'll be worth it if in this case you take the initiative. You be more pro-active. You make things happen. (just for the beginning, he'll come good later...)

Of course like 'kick it' said, if you call and want to arrange a meet-up but he declines WITHOUT offering another time, then yeah, in that case, it's probably best letting go of him since he may just be a bit too shy/insecure for your liking. But hey even then, you'll be a hero in your own mind and in ours. Because at least you GAVE it a try. You didn't just sit on the sidelines and wonder what if.... or keep hoping he gets the balls to do so... because despite his strong feelings, he never might.... they can be quite cautious, reserved and shy when not SURE of surroudings and other person's feelings. But once they're sure of it, it can be quite the opposite!

Intense, loyal, passionate, warm, loving and sensual. All things, you crave I think.
But you won't get to usually see those sides of him as much until he feels SECURE with you and your feelings about him.

Oh well, I hope this helped in some way.

EDIT: By the way, I only suggested the following because I get the feeling, you guys really do have a connection and are attracted to each other.

I personally wouldn't pursue this though because for me the long distance thing is a DEAL-breaker! Even if it was 300 miles, let alone 600! But hey, maybe I'm just not a believer that long-distance relationships can work... maybe you guys are better and more proficient at them.

Plus, he has a kid as well. So for me, the relationship is a little impractical and not what I'm looking for, but it's you and him, not me, so it's up to you to decide how strong of a factor you think this stuff is. Maybe you don't mind it as much...

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alvarella777
Knowflake

Posts: 504
From: Europe
Registered: Jun 2007

posted September 23, 2008 06:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alvarella777     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you, folks, for your really SUBSTANTIAL replies!

I get the feeling that maybe I can "read" that Taurus better now.;-) In fact, we sent some E-Mail "to and thro" since yesterday ... And actually, I am not so sure myself, how this thing could go on in the future ... due to that long distance-problem. So I can understand his doubts (should he carry any.)

Another thing: My latest failed relationship (break-up in spring) had been a long distance thing as well! AND I've been hurt with that ... so I've got my own reservations now and don't feel as courageous and carefree in matters of the heart as I usually do...!

But, apart from that, I am rather the adventurous type - sincere, but adventurous (Sag-Moon in first house.) Also ... a bit impatient, sometimes;-)

I had been a single-person for 3 years - before I entered that last "love thing", which failed, about a year go. This was with a guy who had a very playful, and quite outgoing nature (Leo-Sun) with a very (!) fiery Aries-Moon ... All was very intense and direct and went fast ...

So ... the Taurus-temper (coupled with that picky Virgo-Moon of that guy) is something I must get used to now, haha. Anyway: Your posts help me to relax and to get into a smoother "timing" ... I'm trying to watch this thing through the "Taurean" lense now: Just sit back, enjoy myself and see, what time will bring... ;-) Meanwhile: Will be exchanging charming E-Mails with him, haha! ;-)

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