posted October 07, 2008 11:16 PM         

I'm trying to keep this one short: Relationship break-up six months ago. I was very hurt, but was on a very good way to get over it since then. Now: I suddenly experience a heavy flashback (maybe due to Mercury Rx). I get the strong impression (like telepathic, it's crazy) that my EX is going through really tough times currently, and his transit-aspects say so too.

On the one hand I am happy to have come so far (coming over him and this heartbreak). On the other hand ... I feel so "responsible" for him ... difficult to explain. I don't hold grudges anymore - I guess that meanwhile I understood what was happening between us and why it didn't work - and I'd love to tell him .... just to make peace, at least! And somehow ... to seek a reconciliation, in a way. Not necessarily to get together again (he lives far away anyway) - just for the sake of inner peace for both of us!

This urge is so overwhelming! I could cry.
I want to forgive him (I did already, inside of me) - and I want him to know - and I wish he could forgive me too, in case I hurt him. I feel such a nececcisity to do so! But maybe ... this are just my own inner demons ... and he wouldn't understand what I am talking about ... and get it all wrong.

Apart from the fact that anyone who knows more about that story (my friends!) would call me NUTS if I ever would contact him again ... I am wondering whether this might be the right time at all. I really feel that he has to sort out a lot of things this fall season - and that would be not the appropraite time to reach out to him ....

My Ex-bf is currently experiencing ALL these transits (some of them started durig our break-up already and are on their return now - some just started and will last/return again till next spring/summer):

tr. Saturn cj. his Pluto (in his 12th)
tr. Saturn cj. his Uranus (in his 12th)
tr. Saturn oppos. his Saturn (in his 6th)
tr. Saturn square his MC
tr. Saturn cj. his ASC
- so his whole "power axis" comes under stress these days.

- tr. Uranus cj. bis DSC
- tr. Uranus cj. his Chiron (in his 7th)
- tr. Uranus his Eros (in his 7th)
- so his whole "partnership" sector has been shook up for a while - and will remain so for another six months or so

- tr. Neptune oppos his Sun (in his 12th)
- tr. Neptune oppos his Mercury (on his cusp 11th/12th house)
- he must feel weak or vague and/or misunderstood - maybe even helpless? or betrayed? doubtful? anxious?

- tr. Chiron squaring his Neptune (in his 3rd).

TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE: Would you try to reconcile with a person in that transit-situation, would you go for it??? Or rather: Let them sort out their things first ....?

KOIFLOWER, I know that you're experiencing similar transits as this guy currently - please tell me: If you had split-up with an EX about six months ago ... and maybe would still hold some grudges and irritations on that - would this be the right season to seek a reconciliaton with you now? Or are you rather ... fed up with other topics in your life, currently?

posted October 08, 2008 02:36 AM         

but firstly, don't feel responsible for him - that would make him feel great and in a position of power. He needs to go to another soul with equality, not with power.

catch up REAL SOON!!!!

posted October 08, 2008 03:46 AM         

What you want, is to contact him and for him to say
"Oh my God, thank you for contacting me. I have missed you like crazy and realise what a fool I have been. Come back to me and I will change and be the perfect man you want"

It takes at least 18 months to move on from a bad break up.
You are not ready and you are opening yourself up to get knocked back, right to the beginning of your hurt.

Leave him now. If he wants you or needs to he will contact you.

Why do women always feel guilty or responsible?
By the sound of it you didn't do anything wrong but in your heart you don't want to admit that it may really be over.

So you just want to poke it one more time to see if it moves.

Set yourself this date. Feb 2010
Then you will be ready xx

posted October 08, 2008 08:18 AM         

You acknowleged the damage he was doing.
You moved away to a new location.
You had a date just recently (or met someone, have you not?).
All good stuff!!!

How long have you felt this telepathic thing happening? I need to know this

Therefore, today was a typical Merc Rx with people coming back. A synastric connection was felt and left me wondering about the nature of those 'telepathic' feelings. The [edited] was just another mixed message I received, and I thought I can't keep on seeing these mixed messages. I have to make a decision.

(At this point I have to go, but will try and carry on in the morning - about 8-9 hours from now. Sorry I have to cut this short).

posted October 08, 2008 10:51 AM         

I am really thankful for your support. (It is so weird sometimes to share such intimate things with "strangers" via the internet - maybe this is easier than with "real life friends" in a way ...)

KOIFLOWER: That other romance that kept me busy for some weeks, lately ... it is over. No regrets with that one, though. It was a short "fling" (can you say so) - not real potential there. Anyway: This WAS important, because it was a huge step for me ... finally "feeling" something for another person again ... even if it was just superficial and shortlived. Maybe, because that small flirt has come to an end ... I fell back in the old "trap" now. Three steps forward, one step back...

posted October 08, 2008 05:09 PM         

But in saying that, you've asked a few questions that you would like answered. Is this a good time to make contact with him? According to my transits, and the signs the Universe were giving me, if someone were to contact me today, I would feel warm and receptive to them, but I would be standing behind a chalk line that I wouldn't cross. I would also be aware of the history and the hurt. I would understand that it would take a lot of work to to reach a happy medium due to the 'stubborn' factor of people involved.

Even the great synastry experience is kept at bay, as a potential menace that could screw me about.

However, according to the level of hurt, any contact from anyone would initially be warmly received. My gut feeling (for myself) is that I want to continue as I have been, working hard, sticking to my personal routine and letting Life and Time work for me in growing and healing, but not necessarily going back over hurtful history.

posted October 08, 2008 05:22 PM         

Do you have any Neptune or 8th house synastry with him, at all alvarella?

As hard as it is, and also hard to believe, but many people go through that 'grief', that unbearable desire to see them again. If it could be a part of the healing process for both of you just to make a quick call every now and then, by all means to it - but without expectation. Do it with the expectation that you will feel a little better releases some of that buildup - a means to heal and move on.

If that process is painful and detrimental, then can it.

I am sitting in the middle of .....I'm gonna mention that "A" word......asteroid Karma. Saturn is conjunct with my stellium as you know. I am sitting quietly for the next 2-3 weeks and just watching the world move by. Watching and sitting quietly, that's what I'm doing at the moment. Have to go to work now, but will be back

posted October 08, 2008 05:29 PM         

It turns out that all of those dreams were coming from a true place. We talked over email for a few days and his desire to see me was very real...but he only wanted to be with me without a commitment and although this came from a deep place in him, nothing had changed for him in terms of his availability or desire to be with me long-term.

I would suggest you wait and allow him to come back to you if it's in his heart to do so one day. As hard as it can be, since it seems as though you two have an empathic connection, it is likely for the best.

posted October 08, 2008 07:54 PM         

The thing is: I am 38(!) years now - and never experienced such a strong "link" to anyone after a break-up as with this man. I am really rather the "moving-on"-type in emotional matters (Moon in Sag in 1st, for instance). At the same time ... my Moon squares my Pluto, natally. And in Synastry I experienced that miraculous Pluto-Venus-conjunction with that man, for the first time in my life - me being Pluto - me being definitely "obsessed", as we can see. We also had his Vertex exactlx cj. my NN (in Pisces) ... maybe that's also a reason why I feel so "threapeutically responsible" for him.

It was a relationship loaded with mindgames and lies - he even admitted to play mean "tricks" to me, now and then, in order to "feel" me better. In the beginning, I found that quite flattering in a perverse way ... but it became unbearable and quite hurting soon. And the matter that we talked about this problem several times, in our lighter moments (talked about his "ego"-problem, which he admitted, also about his jealousy and control issues) ... it didn't help at all.

Once he called me his "therapist" (in a more or less joking way...) And somehow, in retrospect ... I guess he was the more "needy" one in this relationship than I had been.

The breaking point: I gave in to his constant begging ("emotional blackmail") to move closer to him, to his town, into his appartment, after just 9 months of being together. He always said he was fed up with all the "maybe"'s and "let's wait and see"'s ... He said: "You're the woman I waited for, I want you!" This decision to move to him, to soothe his nerves and to start a better and more peaceful life together there ... actually, it was the end. At the moment I was "ready", just 6 weeks before my move was scheduled ... he suggested to "put in on a backburner" and re-think everything. And then stopped calling me... and THIS TIME ... I changed my behaviour ... and STOPPED "caring" for him and running after him ... but was VERY hurt now ... and just ... din't call HIM as well - although this always had been our game, before...

In fact, I was so hurt and tired about his fickleness and egotism then ... that I cancelled my next visit - and wrote an e-mail to him: "This is not working, man. Make-up your mind and stop playing with me. I'm off for the moment - if you don't speak in clear words to me - okay?."

From that day on ... we NEVER had any real contact anymore. He NEVER ever replied to me - apart from sending me two mp3-songfiles via E-Mail!!! This man is 43!!! I had cancelled my appartment and had already accepted a job offer at his town!!! It all was SERIOUS in a very practical way!!! And he KNEW about all this ...

But: NEVER any substantial reply since then (end of April.) After a few weeks I got it ... that this is obviously really over. My own hurt and pride prevented me (luckily!) from crawling to him once more ... something which he ALWAYS expected, and some kind of "role playing" in my eyes most of the time. But not THIS TIME, when I was about to cancel my own life for him!!! REALLY - NO!

In July, 3 months after all that and after 3 months of silence, I wrote a long letter to him ... not begging for being "back together again" at all - just explaining in a calm way, what this story obviously was about ... that I cannot understand, what was wrong with him, that I had loved him till then ... but that I'd want to be free now and that I'd wish him all the best ...

Again: He sent me an mp3-song as an answer!!!

Over summer, I managed to make huge steps - trying to forget all that nonsense - started a new job - started a small (superficial, shortlived, but nice) "flirt" with another man, all went very well for me.

BUT: He is constantly in my mind - I am still struggling to UNDERSTAND! It's an ongoing process. That's why I cannot give an exact date on "when" my retro-feelings began ... Some impressions grew stronger: I guess I know now that he is a very negative person - but mainly because he had been hurt himself in his childhood. He is very afraid of many things - and he suffers a lot from his own immaturity. That's why now I managed to "not take all that too personal" anymore. THAT's the way I managed to "make peace" with all that - to "forgive him" in a more general way. He will NEVER be able to have a real, substantial relationship - if he doesn't clean up his own closet, so to speak. Somehow ... I feel compassion for him now. Although originally ... it was me who was on the "losing end" of this story. Difficult to explain.

One more WEIRD detail: I've got my own website (blog-site), and I can see that he comes there almost EVERY DAY, watching what I might do, how I might feel ... every f**** day for six months now!!! So ... I am pretty sure that he also is not "over it".

But I also know ... that I really cannot "fix" him in any way.

As far as his "personality" goes: Actually, he's a pretty weak man - and he knows that I know now. (This is a pity - of course some brilliant sides shine trough, that's why I fell for him. But his own mechanisms ... sabotage all of these - and he KNOWS himself, he has TALKED about that often....!)

And since I know that he cannot take his hands off my website ... I also know that he is not half as "cool" as he pretends to be...

STOP now! THANKS for listening again. This really, really shall be the LAST TIME.

I only hope ... he learned a bit (about himself, about life, about courage and straightforwardness, hurt and strength, sincerity and consequences ... some of these basics...) And maybe - if he can love himself one day, he can love others too.

And one day ... I'll find out what I could have "learned" through this exhausting experience myself ... apart from having "therapeutic" traits, obviousl ..;-)

GOSH!

THANKS!

posted October 09, 2008 02:29 AM         

You feel in love with a man who had fantastic and not so fantastic qualities, as we can all profess to having.

You gave your heart and soul, and much more because you are a deep, mature, loving woman.

You made plans together which you needed some sensible time in which to move forward with all bases covered so that you could feel comfortable about uprooting your life to be with him. That's as close to making a life commitment ('life' being the word to describe your life holistically from that point of commitment on) - a form of marriage. This is what he expected you to do.

When your heart and mind agreed that this was what you wanted to do, you moved forward to make the appropriate arrangements - move house, new job. This would have been an exciting time for you, filling your heart with a new hope for the future. Your new future was about to begin with Mr. Leo. Your whole person, heart, mind and soul was now in motion with no looking back.

He changed his mind.

I can use another "A" word here - but I won't because you still care for him.

You probably won't want to hear this, but you may obsess over him for a number of years to come, checking his transits, checking his presence on your blog website. It can take ..... wait for it..... up to 8 years to get over a deeply serious relationship. I hope I haven't scared you. But that's a reality, and the other reality is you've been done over by him and hurting. I see that you're working as hard as you can to deal with this 'grief' and the myriad of emotions that come with a shock ending like this. Are there days when you are totally angry at him? Your heart must feel torn out. No-one should have to go through this. There is a trauma element to this situation.

Has he taken some of the responsibility of your re-structuring of your life to accomodate the relationship? - which takes TWO people to make adjustments, not one who sits back and lets the other make all the serious changes. The changes you went through equate almost to a death on the stress scale. That is, moving cities, changing houses and jobs can be almost as stressful as going through a death.

Not seeing a lover, and not expecting to not see them again is also equivalent to experiencing a death. Some people even say that it is worse than experiencing a death (I personally would agree, if there had been a lot of passion in that relationship).

The fact he sends you mp3 songs does prove he is weak. Do you see that as an attempt to 'try' and communicate with you? I can understand that this could instigate a feeling of compassion for him but you are worth better communication than that! My experience with people who use alternative methods to get their point across, is that it comes across as being manipulating and can be tiring trying to read what they're actually trying to say. Can you be bothered with that for the next 1-2 years?

Do you mind posting your synastry chart alvarella? I wouldn't mind checking his details once again. Include Juno, Eros, Karma and Valentine, please.

As savanna said, that's what gfs are for, to help get each other through. And believe me, what you've gone through, is by no means, a skip through the daisies.

posted October 09, 2008 10:05 AM         

As far as my very own "healing" is concerned ... Of course I took a look at the transiting planets to my chart, while this aggravating "love" happened to me.

When we first "met", via the internet, during the first weeks while he contacted me there, I had brilliant aspects - such as tr. Jupiter conjunct my ASC.

When we got more "serious" and started to meet in real life and started a real realtionship with each other ... I stood under heavy ("karmic") transiting aspects. Our thing got "serious" when tr. Saturn started to conjunct my Venus. This transit lasted about a year (with Saturns forward- and retro-movement) - actually Saturn was directly my Venus when I first visited him at his place ... and Saturn was the last time conjunct my Venus this spring - during these bad weeks, while I split... THAT gave me food for thought already.

I also experienced tr. Chiron square my Saturn during these 10 months ...

Me on the inside, he on the outside:

posted October 09, 2008 04:56 PM         

***Mars conjunct Jupiter
***NN conjunct Vertex by what looks like 0-1 degrees!!!!!
***Eros and Valentine are close!!
***Of course, there's one of the strongest 'holds' there with Venus conjunct Pluto.
***Your Lilith on his Sun must feel a challenge.
***NN conjunct Karma - very close!!!
***Saturn opposite Neptune
***AC/DC conjunct MC/IC. I think that's a huge force that binds people together.
***Your Venus in his 12 house - maybe a 'walking on egg-shells' placement, due to 'karmic', 'completion' and 'evolution' demands of the house, which can also be a double whammy for him having his Venus opposite his Chiron and Eros.

Maybe there is someone out there that would like to add their expertise, as well

Anyway, that's just a quick look. Am off to work, but will be back later on to have a closer look!!!!

Have a great day/night!

posted October 09, 2008 10:55 PM         

Apart from that: His name-asteroid in my chart in Synastry is cj. his JUNO. And my name-asteroid in his chart in Synastry is cj. my ASC (exactly sextiling his Venus, etc. ...) and loads of other coincidences, in our composite for instance: Venus-Mars-conjunct xactly - all sreams "INTENSITY" ...

My closest female friend today (who knows about every detail of this story...) she said: "This man wants to be saved - he even told you so - he can't forget you - he's more hurt than you, even though it was HIM who comitted all the hassle - you have just one choice: fly over to him ... and declare your love to him once more - or erase him from your mind forever. Time is ticking - do it now - or never"

But ... I won't do that. He'd have to say ONE word at least, and be it via e-mail only (if not on the phone)... and be it a word like "******* !" - I'D BE RUNNING BACK TO HIM!!!

But if he doesn't even manage to say this single word ... (like "******* " at least...) I won't do it.

Still... I KNOW it sounds crazy ... but he DOES think of me, at least as much as I think of him ... he KNOWS that he is the one who destroyed it all and he REGRETS it ... he feels ashamed and feels his own pride threatened because of his shame and openly displayed weakness... he has totally failed with the way he had uttered his doubts and insecurity conerning our living together ... and I critized him seriously for that ... and he KNOWS that sending mp3s is ridiculous (I didn't react at all to these!) ...

I can SEE that he thinks of me every day, at least once or twice, whenever he is visiting my page ... (he doesn't know that I can see.)

BUT: If I just go back and declare my "understanding" for him ... nothing will change (have changed). It is HIM who must find the courage and strength ... to be forceful and faithful ... And to come to me... telling me ANYTHING at least. But as long as he is just "stalking" me via the internet, silently, "in secret" ... I am sure that nothing has changed in his mind. Because he's still afraid to "give in" in a way. And I don't want to be with him as long as he is not willing to change the slightest bit.

His PRIDE and CONTROL IMPULSES are still stronger than his obvious interest (feelings) for me.

Fact is: I love him. I'm a bit drunk now, tonight, excuse me please, have been going out tonight.

I'm preparing to live my life without him. My chart is ruled by Pluto, I'm Scorpio all over (ASC and chart-ruler Scorpio, and many planets in 8th house) - I've got a strong pride too!!!! You Leo-idiot!!! (Sorry, Koiflower, not talking about you now;;-))

Although we COULD be great with each other ... we are not the least "great" in the way it has been.

That's the only truth I can rely on.

The rest is ... wait and see.

My ambition is: To make it without him.

But it is ... "ambition" .. which involves a struggle ... not a "natural thing" for me...

(I only wonder whether ANY man can break that "spell" on my heart and how this man would do this...)

posted October 10, 2008 05:10 AM         

I like that comment "My ambition is: To make it without him"

Is that your strongest feeling?

I will get back to you over the weekend about your chart and that Leo astro twin

posted October 11, 2008 08:28 AM         

If you would like to do this, are you able to leave an email address for a day or so, and I can make contact with you, please?

I will put aside some time on Sunday to get some ideas down for your chart, but I think it goes deeper than what I can explain.

I hope you're having a great weekend!

posted October 11, 2008 11:21 AM         

I'd love to drop my e-mail for you (shortly), but I'm shy with it ... Best would be you drop me a line which date/hour would be suitable for you, so that you can have a look at this thread then ... and I can quickly delete it again? ;-)

Spy-business, haha!

Oh my god - how far is Australia away from the middle of Europe..? Paris-time over here... You must be 10 hours ahead.

Maybe we say GMT?