posted December 21, 2008 02:16 PM
Also neurodivergent people tend to have problems in marriage and relationships. Because they are neurologically wired differently, they can seem very odd,peculiar,unconventional,weird,slow,immature,
and/or stupid.Just imagine a person with high functioning autism or Aspergers man angers a neurotypical(normal neurological processing) woman because he can't understand her emotional needs due to his lack of ability perceive emotional and social cues.
or imagine a neurodivergent woman person who has auditory processing problems angers a neurotypical man because she doesn't seem to be listening to what he's saying but she really is, but gets confused about what he's saying and/or has problems remembering.
or imagine a neurodivergent man who gets overly emotional,hypersensitive and it bothers a neurotypical woman that she sees him as immature,irrational,or even crazy.
or imagine a neurodivergent man having sexual problems with his neurotypical wife and frustrating her because of his coordination problems(problems of his brain sending messages to his body).
or imagine a neurodivergent man getting a lot of flack from his wife because he is not communicating with her in way that she can understand because he has problems with speech.
or imagine a neurodivergent man being seen as dishonest when he has a hard time looking at his neurotypical wife's face and speaking to her at the same time or her speaking to him because he has problems with coordination/and or sensory integration issues which can make processing more than one sensory experience overly stimulating or overwhelming.
or anger his wife because he has problems with demand language or word retrieval issues that make hit hard for him to readily respond to her questions.
auditory input speech lags to make it hard for him to understand what people say and respond in a timely manner can get him being seen as dishonest,not caring,or not paying attention.
or imagine a neurodivergent woman who keeps burning stuff on the stove or just can't cook because of her coordination problems and it angers her neurotypical husband.
as a neurodivergent person, I do find relationships to be very difficult all my life. Relating to the opposite sex in a relationship can be very difficult for me. I am not like most people,not like most men.
also neurodivergent people tend to have some of the thinnest skins,they tend to be hypersensitive to criticism,take things way too personally,think that they are negatively judged at times when they are not, and there can be feelings of insecurity and low self esteem that creeps in at times. They can even feel like they are being condescended and patronizing to even though their partners are just trying to tell them things and give them feedback to help them. Sometimes,they can be babied and treated like children,and they really hate that. They can be treated like they are "special" when all they want is to just be treated like everybody else. They are a true paradox with full of contradictions and complexities. They need to put in a lot of effort to make themselves undersood and/or to understand others. They just have to try harder in a relationship than neurotypicals. They can be easily taken advantage of because they can be more naive which could be out of idealism and just wanting to please the partner,wanting to be good,being afraid of being punished like a kid, or they just have problems reading people like people with autistic spectrum disorders have problems with emotional/social cues. They can either being overly trusting,but they can also be overly mistrustful because of bad experiences of being treated badly or because of their own insecurities. They can be capable of giving a lot love and receiving it. They can be capable of closing themselves off too....especially if they are in a bad mood. These people with their sensory integration issues can be easily overwhelmed,stressed by their environment too,and that can really worry their partners......especially if it's a neurodivergent man who doesn't fit the male stereotypes of being the tough guy,protector for his partner. Most of all,many seem to be late bloomers too.
I am even wondering if I should just find a woman that is neurodivergent like myself. I don't want somebody with autism or Aspergers because I am a person who is very emotionally complexed and I am very emotionally expressive, and I need somebody to understand my feelings just like I can understand the feelings of others. I'd be frustrated if my emotional/social cues are not noticed or misunderstood constantly.
on the other hand, being with a neurotypical person could be complementing me. Our differences balancing each other. It's not always good to be with somebody exactly like you. I know that I would be better off with somebody who is a lot more organized,has better memory for things,and good with time and sequences. I'd probably do better with a woman who thinks more linearly than me.
I just want to help raise awareness about the relationship difficulties that neurodivergent people tend to have which is not something that you can just look in a natal chart to see. Many neurotypicals just don't get neurodivergents.
neurodivergence runs on both sides of my family, and divorces too.
because neurodivergence do run in families, neurodivergents can be people that are not readily accepted to be biological genetic contributors because they could be viewed as having "bad genes"...especially by people who believe in eugenics in some way. There are some people that don't want biological children because of history of mental illnesses,diseases, and they don't want to give birth to children who could have those problems too.
I believe that everything happens for a reason though. I am a believer in things like karma. Karmic lessons can be challenges that people have which can help them with their soul evolution. I am a believer in evolutionary astrology in that I believe that karmic lessons can be seen in our natal charts. There could be astrological aspects,placements that indicate our karmic lessons.
here is an article about learning disabilities in relationships.
Dealing with Learning Disabilities in Relationships
By: Brita Miller (1999)
Learning disabilities may present many challenges to the individual other than the obvious. They can have a great impact on relationships and personal interactions. The effects are experienced by persons with learning disabilities and their partners. The problems can manifest themselves in a variety of situations.
A person with learning disabilities may be frustrated about the way a partner provides assistance by feeling stifled when too much is routinely provided, which may give rise to the perception that he or she is stupid or being treated like a child. Also, he or she may feel unfairly blamed for relationship problems, such as not listening or not trying hard enough, which may be due to his/her learning disabilities.
The partner without learning disabilities may experience resentment at having to continually tend to the needs of the other, while many of his/her needs may seem to go unmet.
As everyone has good and bad days, so do individuals with learning disabilities, but theirs are often much more pronounced and frequent. Their capabilities can vary widely from day to day without any predictable patterns or identifiable causes.
Since learning disabilities often are not visible, both partners may have difficulty understanding and accepting the limitations they create. No matter who has the disability, the problems must be worked out together. It is important to distinguish between difficulties which can be overcome (using strategies and accommodations) and those which are not likely to change.
The following are some helpful tips that may be useful for partners who have learning disabilities:
* Have a good understanding of the way in which the learning disabilities affect your ability to process information, communicate, etc.
* Explain to your partner how the learning disabilities interfere with many aspects of everyday life.
* Request accommodations in a direct manner without feeling guilty or giving excuses.
* To maintain credibility with others, avoid "crying wolf."
* Accept that some tasks may take longer.
* Be as self-reliant as possible by finding alternatives to overburdening your partner.
These tips may be useful for the partner of a person who has a learning disability:
* Try to recognize, specifically, how the learning disability impacts your partner's ability to: pay attention, comprehend, conceptualize, visualize, communicate, be organized, follow conversations, interpret body language, etc.
* Be aware that what appears to be a simple and logical way to carry out a task for you may not be the most logical way for the person with learning disabilities. Persuading the partner to "just do it this way" is not necessarily helpful. Conversely, you should accept that what seems like a roundabout method may, in fact, be the easiest way for your partner to complete the task.
* Remember that the learning disability thought process may manifest itself in a nonlinear fashion, which may seem confusing.
* Refrain from demanding that your partner "try harder" to correct a disability. This would be like expecting a deaf person to hear by trying harder.
* Be aware that "symptoms" of the learning disabilities may be more apparent at the end of the day or when your partner is fatigued.
Socially constructed gender roles may compound the effects of learning disabilities. For instance, men have traditionally been designated as breadwinners. This has not been realistic for some men with learning disabilities who have had difficulties with job stability and career advancement. A couple can reduce the stress they feel by creating more realistic expectations and redefining their roles according to each person's abilities, rather than tradition.
Although couples may feel that learning disabilities are a unique problem, they are shared by a great number of people. Due to the close interaction of a relationship, the effects of learning disabilities are often greatly magnified, thus creating additional stress for the couple. It is only with hard work and a lot of understanding that these problems may be resolved.
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6007
Raymond
Lindaland
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posted December 20, 2008 04:24 PM
posted December 20, 2008 04:44 PM
I know the answer to this question--because we can't marry ourselves!!
posted December 21, 2008 12:46 PM
@ Deux