posted October 14, 2002 01:01 AM         

Back in the summer I had a backslide of sorts. I stumbled upon a huge gapping emotional wound from my ex-husband that I didn't know was there. I was in a lot of pain for about 6 weeks because of this. Don't worry, I dealt with it and it's not so bad now. It's healing nicely.

During this time, I met a man. I wasn't looking but I was so drawn to him. This is the man I mentioned in my dream from Apr. 24. Anyway, I was hurting so much I pushed him (and just about everyone else close to me) away. I mean, I pushed hard. Some things happened around my birthday that I overractted to and I told him not to bother me again. I pretty much took the brunt of my anger out on him.

Between Sept. 6 (the last day I talked to him trying to find the words to apologize but they never came) and tonight (Oct. 13) I had a dream about him being sick in the hospital (which turned out to be true) but I knew he was fine (which is also true). The whole we aren't talking I can't shake the thoughts of him. I kept making myself stop thinking about him. But at the same time I kept praying for it to work out somehow like in Cinderella.

Around Sept. 23 I mailed him a letter apologizing for my irrational behavior. But somehow I knew he wasn't home to get it. Turns out he had taken a holiday to recover from the hospital stay and to try to heal as well. He got the letter when he got home last night.

He showed up tonight in a friend's chat room. I barely had the nerve to ask him did he get my letter. I really started to freak out and was overtaken by a wave of emotions. We flirted a little bit in the chat and played trivia. Then he logged off for a while. I thought that maybe that was it. That maybe it just wasn't meant to be despite the very strong feelings I've had all this time that it was.

I logged off for a while to get my focus back and calm down. Put some 5 flower formula in my water because my head wouldn't clear and I couldn't stop the anxiety. I also lit a candle and asked it to pray for me because I had no words for what was in my heart.

Suddenly, I was moved to log back on the net. I go back into the chat and there he is. We played more trivia then he asked if I fanced a chat (he's British). I asked him if he meant in the room or on the phone. He said phone. We talked for over two hours. I kept him up til 5 am UK time. I feel so complete now. It was literally like I'd been torn in half all this time. My soul ached for him. I needed to talk to him...to share myself with him. He felt the same way.

I realize I'm gushing. But it just feels so good to have the man back who understands me even when I can't get the words out right. We share so many important things in common. He just really is my other half. He's all the things I prayed for and all of the ones my heart prayed for in silence.

posted October 14, 2002 08:06 PM         

How much do you want to bet, that I understand how difficult it is? I am a single adult woman! You bet I understand! Trust me, I have been in your shoes! It takes a lot to trust someone enough to fully love again, and it takes trust and longevity to master unconditional love.

posted October 15, 2002 05:41 AM         

At least there are some people who are. Good luck and all my wishes

posted October 15, 2002 08:12 PM         

His DOB: Dec. 31, 1968
Place: London, England

Thank you for checking this for me Bissie.

VWP...It sounds like we have a lot in common. It's been hard for me but it's an interesting challenge.

posted October 16, 2002 03:34 AM           

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Hear me my beloved I beckon thee through waves of dream ..And in thine ears my voice whispers oceans of light ..And in mine eyes alone begins this journey of thine

posted October 16, 2002 01:42 PM           

So you haven't seen any pics of J yet? ooooh I bet you're itching to see them, then! Go D!!