posted February 20, 2003 02:24 PM         

here is the correspondence that occured after he sent me the papers:

Dear Hakim, I received the mail from the lawyer and this is very devastating to me. I never thought you would put this in court. Yes, I honestly believed that there was some affection for me from you. I pushed this divorce thing simply because I never thought that you would go to this length. I sincerely always thought that you would go the other direction of trying to save and rebuild what was started.

I pushed and provoked by trying to make you think I was interested in someone else only to push you to respond and to reveal your feelings for me.

As I have stated from the beginning I came in love and I leave in love. I have nothing in the form of PROPERTY. As I told you I lost my home. I have 30 days to move out. Whatever properties these papers are referring to must be property you have. And, as I have stated from the beginning I have no interest in fighting a blackman for his accomplishments. My desire was to share in his accomplishments for the betterment of our families. I just do not want anyone to stand in the way of me accomplishing what life has in store for me. That is what I am very angry about, that I took my mind off of my situation and now I have lost.

This is what you want, I guess god will give you what you ask for. I at this point am at a very crucial point. God has blessed me to have a roof over my childrens head now thru Valentines Day. I truly cannot attend to responding to these papers, I must stay focused and take this one payday and try to earn enough to get me and my children some shelter and insha allah have a little left to rent me another shop. Which means that I have approx. two days to earn $30,000 and try to get up on my feet. What are these papers saying .......that you will try to take that.......and deprive me the ability to take care of my children???? I don't understand.

Even though I am in dire need of help........I have no desire to fight in some court. I came in love and I leave in love as foolish as that might sound. I want nothing that you have. To have it without you is worthless to me. I accept only any help you OFFER. And, I refuse to put any court in jurisdiction over me. I have no need to go to any court and ask for anything. ONLY allah(swt) can rule over me and any husband that I give permission to be amir. And even then, he can only rule in harmony with me with what allowances God allots him; not rule over me.

Again, I cannot focus on this right now. I am under too much stress. The stress and hardship of my family has caused Raya to lose her purity and this is crushing me to the core at this point. I thank allah(swt) that she did not get pregnant. I have to stay focused and take advantage of this payday to make things better for my family. Again, I only pushed for you to put this in court because I did not believe you were serious. I am very sad for this. However, I can't allow anything to get me down at this moment.

Dear Hakim:

I have finished working and now I will address the divorce papers.
Me and the girls worked and we received what Allah(swt0 made manifest for us. To my dismay, it was no where near 30,000 but I can only do my best and submit to what god makes manifest for me.

I will be in Alabama on Friday or Monday at the lastest god willing to file my answer with the court and as the papers instruct, to hand deliver you a copy of my answer.

Although, my prayers to god is that you forgive me any hurt or wrongdoing that I have done to you. And, that you see fit to not to go thru with this divorce, surely god hates divorce.

Hakim, I need a husband to help me raise these children. I cannot do this alone. God knows my intention is to provide a home for them and give them the opportunity to enjoy this deen. Outside of God I am all they have. And, I need your help.

For three years now I have pressed you with this issue of divorce. Knowing all along that i did not want a divorce. I wanted only to push you to confront the issues and feelings between us. Hoping all along that you would express your desire for me and a desire for us to make amends.

Please do not let me go Hakim. I am a good wife for you. I care about you and I understand you. Foremost, Hakim, I love God

I will contact you once I arrive.

(HIS RESPONSE)
Yes,God hates divorce,but GOD allowed many of his
followers to obtain a divorce,if the mate they have,isn't one that they
don't wish to continue---secondly,I'm getting a divorce,regardless what
u do---its a waste of your time and money--nothing to fight over,I
bought this home more than 15yrs before I met u--no children---together
less than 4-months---(inconpatible)I'm asking nothing from u---except
freedom from u! no issues to resolve except divorce-----I'm
with the divorce.PEACE,Hakim(PS) please don't waste your time.

(MY RESPONSE TO HIM) (I have not sent this yet. I am wondering if I should not send this, but send something saying that I am not about fighting and that he is not a waste of my time and that I have arranged for a hotel room with hottub for us to meet and resolve this)In the following letter, I am quoting him and giving my response.........

---secondly,I'm getting a divorce,regardless what
u do---
YES THIS IS YOUR RIGHT,

its a waste of your time and money
I WILL DECIDE FOR MYSELF WHAT IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND MY MONEY. PLEASE DO NOT FLATTER YOURSELF AND TRIP ON YOUR EGO AS IF GOD DOES NOT EXIST. I DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO BE RIGHT WITH God. You can only say what you want in your life and who you want to be marry to. You cannot, however, say what HURIYYAH needs to do by God for Huriyyah. I know what makes me feel at peace with my G-d. And, for me, doing all that I can toward peaceful resolution is what is my OBLIGATION by God. So, it is not waste of time or money for me. Don't worry about what Huriyyah decides for herself, for that I and I alone am responsible. Only worry about what you mislead and deceive people about.

--nothing to fight over, THE FIGHT IS ONLY IN YOUR MIND. NO ONE IS FIGHTING WITH YOU OR FIGHTING FOR ANYTHING YOU HAVE. Just ask yourself, where do you see anyone fighting with you???? NO ONE CAN KEEP YOU MARRIED IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED. it is only you that has kept us married this long. You COULD HAVE filed these papers in 2000. In fact, you could have never married me in the first place. My point, you have been in charge the whole time. Where is the fight?????

I bought this home more than 15yrs before I met u--no children---together
less than 4-months

ALL THIS BUILT UP CALCULATION IS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. As, I told you before. I don't need to capitalize on your back. I've never taken anything from you nor hampered your life in anyway. It is you who put small children out on the street for the sake of feeding your ego. I don't need to hamper other peoples lives in order to make it IN LIFE. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SOMEBODY. It is you who brought my family there under false pretenses and interrupted us from doing what we needed to do to survive.

---(inconpatible)I'm asking nothing from u---except
freedom from u! NO ONE CAN STOP YOU FROM HAVING FREEDOM. You need not ask me, I can neither give it to you nor take it from you

no issues to resolve except divorce THERE IS NO DIVORCE BECAUSE THERE WAS NEVER A MARRIAGE. Only a piece of paper. You can hardly call a bunch of deceptions and a need to vent frustrations from a past relationship onto someone who has nothing to do with any of your past anger A MARRIAGE. --God---I'm
with the divorce.Salaam,Hakim(PS) please don't waste your time. PLEASE DO NOT DICTATE NOR DECIDE FOR ME. NO ONE CAN KEEP YOU MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE MARRIED TO. And, that is the limit of your jurisdiction, you can not decide what is a waste for me nor what to use MY money for nor what to do for my peace with God

I need to rest knowing that I gave the situation every benefit of the doubt. This I need to do for HURIYYAH. There is no fight. I prepared myself to accept and submit TO what God decrees. Furthermore, as a woman, I know how I choose to handle my affairs. Even though I need help for my family, (a woman is suppose to have help for her family so this is no crime) I still have strength to face what I need to face and deal with what I need to deal with. God is great, not you or me.

What I need, you are not capable or not willing to give.
You are so absorbed in this imaginary fight that the ability to be peaceful and loving with a woman you are missing out on. You are so absorbed in deriving imaginary power from sexual malnipulation (having power over a woman because you please her sexually) and thru material malnipulation ( thinking that a woman is only with you for what you have) that sharing and enjoying the deen with a woman escapes you.

I am doing bad, yes. But thank God I have the ability to love. I am not doing that bad.

posted February 21, 2003 12:04 AM         

I do not know how to analyze charts but some people here are really good at that. But what I can tell you is that I support you and please know that sometimes what seems like an awful situation, well from that something else stems. God/Allah (I hope you don't mind me grouping them together) works in mysterious ways and maybe this is the plan for your life.
At least you have good faith that is one thing that has always supported me and given me a back bone when I needed one and helped me to roll with the punches of life.
Keep us posted on what goes on.
d

posted February 21, 2003 01:12 PM         

But, will someone please help me to understand this cancer. All of my advances are being returned by him with anger. Lots of anger. Why???

This is the letter I sent to him and following is his reply.

((((he says)))
Yes, God hates divorce,but the Prophet
whom Allah "says is the model for all mankind"allowed many of his
followers to obtain a divorce,if the mate they have,isn't one that they
don't wish to continue---secondly,I'm getting a divorce,regardless what
u do

((((I reply)))
THIS IS YOUR RIGHT AND YOUR PERROGATIVE. NO ONE CAN STOP YOU FROM WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Just ask yourself. What would have happened if you had done this in 2000??? So, who has been in control of keeping you married???? No one but you. You are in charge. You have been the one who has kept us married this long.

(((((he says))))
---its a waste of your time and money--

((((I reply))))
I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF WHAT IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND WHAT IS A WASTE OF MY MONEY. YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND I WILL DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO DO. For you infomation, Farrakhan is speaking for the last time on Sunday. I have made my plans. You can either share them with me or I will enjoy them by myself. Either way its all good. I plan to be at the

Auditorium
1563 8th Ave. N ----I am still arranging with the group as to whether I will be vending or not. But I will be staying at the Holiday Inn
2101 Airport Blvd n
((((he says))))
nothing to fight over

(((I reply))))
WHO IS FIGHTING???? Ask yourself. Who is fighting you??? I have neither gotten a lawyer, nor drawn up papers. Where is the fight???? IN YOUR IMAGINATION. You are hallucinating and reliving what you went through with your previous wives. I plan to celebrate an be happy either way. Either I will celebrate our reunion or I will celebrate my divorce.
((((he says)))
I bought this home more than 15yrs before I met u--no children---together
less than 4-months---(inconpatible)

(((I say))))
NO ONE ASK YOU WHAT YOU BROUGHT AND WHEN YOU BROUGHT IT. Again it is your hallucination thinking that someone wants what you have. As I stated before, doing things in the islamic fashion solves all of this. The hadith that you quote above states that we should have marital contracts. Had you done this properly, your possessions would not be of a concern. You would have laid out in the contract what you were willing to provide, what you will not provide, what your wife would be entitled to and what your wife would not be entitled to; what the conditions of divorce would be and what you expected from your wife during the marriage. And, she likewise would also have a marital contract. YOU NEED TO GET ISLAMICALLY CORRECT.
((((he says))))
I'm asking nothing from u---except
freedom from u!
(((I say))))
CONFRONT YOURSELF HAKIM, ask yourself, who kept you married. Who stopped you from filing papers in 2000, 2001 or 2002???? I HAVE NO POWERS, I CAN NEITHER GIVE YOU FREEDOM NOR TAKE IT AWAY.
((((HE SAYS))))
no issues to resolve except divorce--
((((i SAY))))
IF YOU ARE QUOTING SPIRITUAL TEXT and referring to the guidance of the prophet then you cannot take only that part that suits you
(HERE i QUOTE relevant scriptures from the Quran)
065.001
YUSUFALI: O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed periods: And fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah: and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation

Even if you had not touched me, even if the marriage was short lived..........so give them a present. And set them free in a handsome manner.
033.049
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When ye marry believing women, and then divorce them before ye have touched them, no period of 'Iddat have ye to count in respect of them: so give them a present. And set them free in a handsome manner.

I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. IT IS NOT MY DUTY TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. YOU should be able to do what you are suppose to do on your own. Not have me tell you what to do or how to go about a islamic divorce or have a court tell you what to do or what to give.
033.004
YUSUFALI: Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his (one) body: nor has He made your wives whom ye divorce by Zihar your mothers: nor has He made your adopted sons your sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way.

BUT YOU DID CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE
002.236
YUSUFALI: There is no blame on you if ye divorce women before consummation or the fixation of their dower; but bestow on them (A suitable gift), the wealthy according to his means, and the poor according to his means;- A gift of a reasonable amount is due from those who wish to do the right thing

WHAT IS EQUITABLE TERMS??
002.231
YUSUFALI: When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their ('Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take
(((he says)))
I'm with the divorce.Salaam,Hakim------

((((I say))))
AGAIN, THIS IS YOUR RIGHT AND PERROGATIVE. no one can keep you in a situation or marriage, no one has dominion over you but you. ASK YOURSELF, what stopped you from filing these papers in court from 2000 to 2003. WHO FORCED YOU TO GET MARRIED??? Who made you not construct a marital contract??? You are in charge of all that happens to you.

(((he says)))
(PS) please don't waste your time.

(((I say)))
PLEASE DO NOT DICTATE TO ME. please do not GIVE ME COMMANDS as to what I must do or feel I must do to please ME.

MY MARRIAGE, my husband is never a waste of time. PLEASE DO NOT OVER RIDE YOUR JURISDICTION. IF I CHOOSE THAT I WANT TO GO BEFORE Allah(swt) knowing that I did all that I could toward peaceful reunion than that is my right and perrogative.

I will contact you once I arrive at the hotel. You do not have to stop your divorce plans in order to share this event with me. However, I will enjoy myself whichever way things go. NO ONE IS FORCING ME TO BE UNHAPPY so why should I??

HIS LETTER BACK TO ME WAS VERY ANGRY. WHY???? Remember this is a man who is 80, why is he so upset that his wife wishes to come back and care for him and about him????

Riyyah,get this straight,there won't be a reunion---don't contact
me---my reasons for keeping this together---none---I want out now! I'm
not concerned about posessions---U haven't any concept of what Islamic
marriage is---argumenitive,un-peaceful,I"ve been trying to get a divorce
for a long time----u wouldn't sign the papers,now u come forth,trying to
turn this around,and make a dramatic attempt---saying---it wasn't done
Islamic way--Why then did u go along with it? Never quote quran to
cement something u don't practice! One who follows Western style
Islam---not the sunni of Prophet Muhammed(PBUH)--U Never listen--"Its
over"Salaam,Hakim

HEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!

posted February 22, 2003 03:49 AM         

I wish I could help you understand the cancer better but to be honest I have a difficult time with cancers. I guess I feel like I never know what they are feeling...

d