posted April 07, 2003 10:18 AM         

Very good food. Don't be cheap. Excellent wines, and tasty steaks like chauteaubriand, prime rib, or filet mignon. Russian fingerling potatoes are a nice touch.

It's even better if dinner is cooked at home.

Good luck

posted April 07, 2003 11:20 AM         

I remember you.

You used to post on the other Linda Goodman site and I recall quite a dramatic show you put on with an 80-year old man. I know you had gotten a lot of advice regarding this matter and I certainly do hope you took what was said into consideration as much time was devoted to your charts and the situation you were in. If this is the same man, I do also hope you are not still playing cat and mouse games.

posted April 07, 2003 11:32 AM         

Crabs have a hard outer shell but are softies inside, so don't be fooled by that "tough" guy.

Don't EVER PLAY GAMES with his emotions or you'll be sorry.

Understand he can be dark and moody. These moods will pass, but will return-- ebb and flow, like the tide.

Try to adapt to his irresponsibility and work with it instead of criticizing him (because you're not going to change him--his is a cardinal sign).

They are great cuddlers. I am the one more likely to roll over after sex and go to sleep, but he always pulls me over to cuddle and I love it.

posted April 07, 2003 11:38 AM         

I also remember the poster from the other Linda Goodman site that Aphrodite is referring to and my "DON'T EVER PLAY WITH HIS EMOTIONS" comment was in thinking of that particular game-playing person from back then. That was actually one of my comments to that person at that time also (and still holds true).

posted April 07, 2003 08:06 PM         

But yall got me wrong. I am the same person.

ButI did not play any games. I left a home and a business and moved half way across the United States to be his wife. I uprooted 5 children and their lives. Only to get to his home and run into those dark and moody moods that I did not understand.

I got scared. Thought I was about to get seriously hurt and I pulled up and left. After serious prayer and research into trying to understand him, I attempted to go back and he would not respond to me. I read in one of Linda Goodmans books that you could get a response out of a crab if you bring up another man. So, I went on a singles website, got a couple of guys who claim they were looking for a wife to write to me and I sent these correspondences to him to make him think he was losing me. I told him that I wanted a divorce because I wanted to marry one of these guys.

He responded alright. He sent legal registered in court divorce papers. I am so hurt. I thought he would say something like "blackflorist (not my real name of course)....I love you".

What was I suppose to do. It had been 3 years since I left. He would not respond to me. If I said, "now I understand you, I am coming home" he would say DON'T COME!!! IT'S OVER!!!. But we were still married. That may have been fine for him at 80, but what was I going to do. Being married to someone but not being able to be with them?????

posted April 07, 2003 11:02 PM         

Anyone know anything about cancer asc men?

posted April 08, 2003 06:13 AM         

it seems to me you did play games with him, bringing those men into the picture. I'm a Cancer and I would take something like this as a sign that the other person doesn't care for me. Exactly what he did. If you have a problem with someone, you have to resolve it with him, not run away and... Play games. Cancers don't like games when their emotions are involved, they take them very seriously. These kinda things just makes them retrieve back into their shell where they heal their wounds. And once they do that it's very hard to bring them back out, it takes a lot of love and reassurance and proving that you really care for them. I think you and your Cancer have a classic case of not understanding each other. Maybe you should work on that if you still want to be with him. And if you do, return home in spite of what he says and try to reassure him that you still love him. It may be tough and it may take a while, but if you do love him, it is worth it. Good luck, blackflorist!

posted April 08, 2003 02:12 PM         

The court sent me divorce papers and I could have very well responded telling them about his impotence or his angry mannerism; but I did'nt. I know how tender those private things about him are. So, I responded to the court by saying that "I love my husband very much. That there is a 30 yr age difference and it is normal that there would be so adjustments. I said that we have strong faith in God and with our faith we will resolve our problems." TO ME, THAT'S love.

But really, I am hurting inside. I am hurt that he would try to divorce me. I am in pain and he does'nt same to care.

posted April 09, 2003 06:00 AM         

In the meanwhile: I don't understand why you left him after you got married. Didn't you get to know each other before that?

I would just like to say this: Cancers hide their true feelings. Believe me, if he cared for you then, he cares for you now, it's just that he's obviously very hurt and angry and needs time to forgive you, but you have to help, if you're not there reassuring him over and over again, he'll just sink deeper in his anger and resentment towards you. Mind you, he'll never forget the hurt, but if you will be persistent enough in showing him that you love him, he'll melt down. I don't think that a basket of gifts that you sent him is enough, though. He needs feelings, not things. I hope this helps a bit.

, morgana

posted April 09, 2003 01:24 PM         

No we did not take time to get to know each other very well. In this religion (Islam) a lot is based on religion and we tend to fall into the fantasy that religion will solve all the problems. It is very realistic to get to know the person. And, he and I should have know better. But due to the ages that we were, (it was not like we were teenagers) and due to the fact that we both had been around the block a couple of times and have raised large families WE THOUGHT WE COULD PROCEED. Also, there is no sex before marriage. Supposedly, some muslims do get intimate before marriage. We did not.

posted April 09, 2003 02:54 PM         

i remembered you mentioning your husband's dysfunction. there is an excellent book i had glanced through, but not read in depth yet that may be of good use. it will definitely expand possibilities and outlook, and provide knowledge about mens' sexual health. the book is called "the multi-orgasmic man" and is available for not more than $25. i found it intelligently written and provides health facts, along with theories and exercises.

best wishes.

aphrodite

posted April 11, 2003 02:54 PM         

well then I think you got your answer right there. You don't know each other enough. Maybe you should start from there and see where it takes you. I still don't know why you left him, though. Since this is obviously the cause of his anger.