Lindaland
  Soul Unions
  My Love Life.......HELP!!!!! :)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   My Love Life.......HELP!!!!! :)
ShadowLost
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Not Here.....Not There
Registered: Apr 2003

posted April 16, 2003 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ShadowLost     Edit/Delete Message
Hello I'm new here and need some help with what's gone on.....
I met a guy online nearly 5 years ago, we ended up meeting in person about 5 months later and he moved to the state I lived and we moved in together a month later. But, it just didn't feel like I had found the one I thought I'd found. (sorry I'm leaving a lot out so I can explain this) We started having communication problems and I was feeling like I didn't want to be with him anymore and stuff even though I did care about him. About 8 months later at work I met a coworker of mine his first day of working the day shift. It was like synchronisity. We just started talking about our age, how long we'd worked there, where we'd gone to school until a coworker snapped us out of it. It was love at first sight for me. He was soo easy to talk to. The other guy ended up moving back to his home state about 2-3 months later. I got really upset and sad and stayed that way for about a month cuz, the first guy and I had intended on getting married, etc. About a month and a half or so after the first guy left, the new one ended up taking me home from work and we were connecting on so many mental levels. I couldn't believe it. We sat in his truck out if front of my apt. for something like an hour before he decided that we go for a drive. I thought I was in heaven. He ended up taking us to the beach to walk and continue to talk. Our interests and everything were so in sync. We walked around the beach with our arms wrapped around each other. A commercial jet flew over our head above the cliff. It was sooo cool, loud, and just awe-inspiring. It was soo fun. It was like I'd dreamed him into being or somthing. Anywayz, we went hiking a couple weeks later and it was still wonderful. I later found out he had wanted to kiss me on the hike but, didn't. About this time the other guy had contacted me and wanted me to move to his state. And I was really unsure obviously. (I'm really shortening this next part) I decided I would, then about 2-3 weeks before the move I decided I wasn't going to. But, then the next thing I know I had packed up everything and moved. I was stunned and sooo sad. The last week I was in my home state was like the best week of my life. Needless, to say it wasn't working out with the old guy cuz, I had feelings for the one back home. I kept in touch with him. 5 months later I went back home to visit and spent time with him and found out he really wanted a relationship with me and of course. I did too. I had agreed. I went back to where I was currently living and was going to move into my own apt. away from the old guy within the month. But, when I went back it didn't turn out that way. To make it short, he through a fit, and I ended up calling my new guy and breaking things off. About 6 months later I finally moved into my own place and wanted to work things out from a distance with the new guy. Things were going smoothy until I the following summer I went back to visit and I found out he still loved me and wanted me but, said he didn't see the same in my eyes. I was really sad. Cuz, in my heart I did. I was just sad cuz, I had hurt him so bad. He had previously told me so, and that he had made plans of how he'd propose to me in the future, etc. So this time I went back and started going back out with the first guy. Then I got some shocking news about my Dad...he'd died. Between this and my last visit to my home state...My parents had told me that the new guy came to visit them every 3-5 weeks or so. This was really cool I thought. But, anywayz, when I went up there for the memorial service I saw the new guy and was mostly cold to him. But, I still loved him after nearly 3 years of knowing him. But, I kept him at bay cuz, of the old guy. Then I came back to where I currently live and was still working things out with the old guy. And about a month later...guess who decided to call me. THE NEW GUY!!! I was cold at first but, I couldn't keep my love in. So we had a nice talk. And then a few days later I felt that I needed to call him and I found out he wanted me to move back home and that he wanted to be with me. Even though I had hurt him so many times. He started callling me regularly and I was starting plans in my head to move back after my lease was up in about 6 months from then. One night we were talking and the old guy was trying to get a hold of me and I wouldn't pick up the other line cuz, the new guy and I were having such a wonderful conversation. We must've talked for about 3-4 hours. I found out also there were a couple of girls that wanted to date him and he kept telling them he was in love with me, a girl in another state. Anywayz, needless to say it was getting late. And the old guy was getting worried about me and decided to check my saved voicemail message and found out I was talking to him. And blew his top. (This was after I had finished my conversation) He said it was over and said he was bringing stuff over that he didn't want anymore. And I was thinking IT'S ABOUT TIME. I met him downstairs. He sat the box on the ground and got back into his truck. And I was going to turn around and go back upstairs but, for some reason I felt really bad and went around and talked to him and he told me why he was angry, hurt, etc. And threatened to fly up there and hurt him and then himself. I'm sure he saw the pain in my eyes when he said that. I was scared. I couldn't imagine this guy hurting the man I love. I ended up giving in and deciding to stay with this guy. He's not a horrible guy...we just don't connect as well. And don't get me wrong our commnications have improved sooo much. But, anyway for the next week I didn't answer any calls from the new guy and it was breaking my heart. I wasn't going to stick with it but, the old guy wanted me to call and be ice and cut all contact off with the new guy. About a week later I did just that. He was trying soo hard to let me know his love for me. And it was what I believed I wanted too. But, the old guy was in the room while I was talking to on the phone to the new guy....so I didn't give into the new guy or myself because I was scared I think. Needless to say yet again.....I told him not to call, write, not visit my family, etc. EVER AGAIN. I regret it everyday. Finally 6 months later I called and apologized. He told me he'd always forgive me. And that he was dating another girl, but he also said he was fine and also felt bad everyday since I made that horrible call. It's been nearly 7 months since the last call. I can't let him go....I feel like I'm dying a little each day. I'm still with the old guy but, living in my own place still. The old guy wants to get married but, I just don't know. I do love him but.... And at this point I'm afraid if I moved back home that things wouldn't turn out the way I want them too. Back in the day...the new guy used to tell me he thought about me all the time. Somehow I always new that. And he used to tell me when I called that just before I called he knew I was going to call him. Really cool stuff. I'm really confused. HELP!!!!
My birtdate is: 11-12-1972
Time: 5:40AM
Place: Anchorage, Alaska

The old guy is: 10-16-1976
Time: 11:05AM
Place: Springfield, Oregon

The new guy: 9-18-1975
Time: unknown
Place: Somewhere on the western border of Michigan


------------------
"If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter what else you have."
~Sir James M. Barrie

IP: Logged

theFajita3
Moderator

Posts: 1404
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003

posted April 17, 2003 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for theFajita3     Edit/Delete Message
WOW! I can't help you but I am here to listen and tell you I know it must be tough. Sounds like a real emotion twister and turner.

------------------
food is the only art that nourishes!

IP: Logged

Sunmeadow Glades
Knowflake

Posts: 253
From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Registered: Jan 2003

posted April 18, 2003 04:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sunmeadow Glades     Edit/Delete Message
I think you need to sort out how you feel about these 2 guys before you even attempt a relationship with either of them. It sounds like the new guy and you do connect alot better than the old guy. But, you have to realise that there are feelings here, and it's not good to put out feelers for the new guy if you are still involved with the old guy. It sounds like a love triangle to me from where I stand.

I know it's hard but you have to be emotionally strong here, because you aren't going to break out of this "pattern" of constantly seeing the old guy if you keep seeing him. I have to say that you need to stop stringing the new guy along and be honest with him. He is putting his life on hold for you because he loves you. But, it's not fair to him if you keep going back to the old guy.

You need to find your inner strength and decide what you want.

I am sorry if I am being frank here. I do know that's it's hard when you are in the middle of emotional stuff, but I believe that you need to decide for once and all who you really want.

Love and Peace,
Sunmeadow Glades.

IP: Logged

trillian
Moderator

Posts: 1317
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted April 19, 2003 07:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with Sunmeadow Glades, you need to decide what you want, and stop playing with the emotions of these two men.

Now, I am a pretty blunt person, and since you posted the intimate details of your love life and asked for advice, you have invited it in. And my advice is this, in the kindest possible way: Grow Up. At its best love is gentle and kind and unselfish, and you are playing it like a game. You're not treating anyone well, including yourself. This is not good for the heart, the soul, or your karma.

Some couples like drama, it's what keeps them together. So be it. But your drama is causing distress in the lives of at least three people. You've come to a place for advice where people are trying to choose the higher path...and the way there is to search inside and know which man you love, and be with him. It is an act of love to also let the other man go. And it is an act of love towards yourself. As things are, you are short-circuiting yourself.

You already know what your choices are. Be true to them.

I wish you well.

IP: Logged

Nikky
Knowflake

Posts: 87
From: mo,usa
Registered: Sep 2002

posted April 22, 2003 06:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nikky     Edit/Delete Message
Hi!
I don't think you need any help becuase all the answers are with you and not with your stars
If you sit back relax and analyse your relationship or the two guy's in your life you would know what you need to do.
Once you get the answer from your heart go for it. Becuase giving pain to the people that you love or who love you is the biggest sin of all(in my dictionary).When you make up your mind life would be very simple.
Listen to your heart and decide your future don't think what someone did for you or what may happen to the other becuase people get hurt but they do get on with their life.

Life pushes you around to make you a better person.

May you find what you seek

nikky

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2004

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a