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Author Topic:   I NEED MORE HELP WITH MY AIRES BOY*****
moonmaiden
Knowflake

Posts: 68
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003

posted May 21, 2003 11:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonmaiden     Edit/Delete Message
I KNOW IVE ASKED BEFORE BUT I ONCE AGAIN NEED YOUR HELP BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!.
MY AIRES BOYFRIEND HAS AN AQUARIUS MOON AND CAPRICORN ASCNDENT.
He holds back his emotions all the time.The only time where he lets it all out is when he is drunk,so when hes sober hes rather detatched and cool but when hes drunk hes affectionate and tells me how he feels and how serious he realy is about me.Ive asked him why he only lets loose when hes drunk and he says its because he feels less inhibited and he can just let it all out.
Iam a cancer gal with a leo ascendent(my moon is like his in aquarius) so can you see? i need declarations of love and romance and the fact that i only get it when hes drunk leaves me feeling resentful and hurt i really need advice because this is our biggest obsticle .thankyou all in advance for your wonderful advise!

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"to thine own self be true"

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moonmaiden
Knowflake

Posts: 68
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003

posted May 22, 2003 12:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonmaiden     Edit/Delete Message
just wanted to clarify ,he does tell me he loves me when he's sober but its become a goobye for him eg.) "ok iv gotta go now loveyoubye!"
its said quickly and at the end of a conversation he never says any more than that ...please dont tell me im reading to much into this it is really affecting me.(*)

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"to thine own self be true"

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RubyRedRam
unregistered
posted May 22, 2003 01:00 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Have you told him how you feel? My favorite phrase to my aries ex was 'if you don't water a flower it dies'. Tell him what you need and try and find a compromise. If he truly loves you, he should be willing to compromise on some level as it is affecting you so much. You should have a deep level of friendship in order for the relationship to work. Therefore, you should be able to be open and honest in telling him what you need.

Another thing, give and ye shall receive. Everything you would like said/done in your relationship, do for him. Buy him flowers, write him a poem, get the ball rolling!

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moonmaiden
Knowflake

Posts: 68
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003

posted May 22, 2003 01:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonmaiden     Edit/Delete Message
thanx ruby red ram,i have told him how i feel and he tells me " i cant show my affection as much as you do" i do write him poetry and all that ,thats the problem it all comes from me !!,and hes even told me "stop giving so much"
it really is beginning to seem imposible coz hes said it himself" the time when i let my feelings show is when i get drunk" and that is wat upsets me the fact that the only time wher i truly feel adored and cherished is when he is intoxicated.

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"to thine own self be true"

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Aphrodite
Knowflake

Posts: 4081
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted May 22, 2003 09:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
hi moonmaiden,

well hun, you can't change him into what you idealize . you must eventually admit to yoursELF that this is the way he is and you either love him as this, or remain in love with a ghost image that he can never live up to. he is beautiful and perfect just the way he is, as are you.

he has stated time and time again that this is how he is, and you refuse to accept. can you imagine what it is like to be him and having the woman he loves constantly complain that she doesn't feel loved when you are doing all that you can? put yourself in his shoes, his life, how he grew up. what is it like to be him? what is it like when he is with you when you are like this? imagine and know that if you were him and lived life the way he did, you would be doing the same. just experiences and different interpretations of life hun.

lastly, if you were him, how long would you put up with this criticism? how long would you remain? seriously think about what effect your judgements have on him and his self-esteem. he is not broken and there is nothing to fix. he is a whole person with a soul who needs unconditional love just like anyone else.

questions for your ponderment.

aphrodite

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moonmaiden
Knowflake

Posts: 68
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003

posted May 22, 2003 09:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonmaiden     Edit/Delete Message
Thankyou for your insight .I believe that i deserve to be told i am loved by him when he is sober not just when he is intoxicated.Obviously my relationship is too intricate for me to post here,but thankyou for your reply.

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"to thine own self be true"

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lllog
Moderator

Posts: 963
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted May 22, 2003 09:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
Being a Capricorn Ascendant myself, I understand a little about what is going on in his head. Its typical for Cap ASC to remain somewhat aloft or appear so. In really, many of us have been hurt very badly as children, and find it difficult to trust anyone not to hurt us again.

You can't do anything about what he has experienced, or how he has reacted to it. All that you can control is your reaction to him.

As he matures his Sun sign will start to bloom and his ascendant will deminish.

My 2 cents
Lanny

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Lunargirl
Knowflake

Posts: 1513
From: south of utopia
Registered: Mar 2003

posted May 23, 2003 03:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lunargirl     Edit/Delete Message
People need time and love, to learn how to love. There is no deprivation or abundance between a couple -- only needs that either can or cannot be met, and the question of whether the give and take is satisfactory to both. It isn't lack of love that's the problem, it's the expectations and growing drama around the expectations that is creating this imbalance.

Is there no halfway point between you? A trade, to even out the imbalance? You (because you can control only yourself) refrain from showering him with gestures, and he chooses one new behaviour on his own that is true to him, that he can give freely to you to express his love? Both of you need to change fixed (Aquarian?) attitudes to grow -- but as a Native woman I know of once said, resentment is like p*ssing down your own leg. It's as attractive as its close cousin, bitterness. Whatever you do, please reflect on what resentment does to yoursELF.

Lunargirl

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 21735
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted May 23, 2003 03:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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trillian
Moderator

Posts: 3391
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted May 23, 2003 11:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message
Aphrodite, well said! Beautifully put! It's not always easy to remember, but your words are wise.
We can never change another person, we can only change ourselves and our expectations.

Compromise of some sort is usually included in most of our relationships. As Lunargirl stated, there may be ways for you to meet halfway. We can all climb to the rooftops and scream to the powers that be for what we think we deserve...but there's no bolt of lightening or magical potion that will bring it to us. We all seek reassurance of our value through others...but...ultimately, if we value ourselves, then our knowing comes from within.

Forgive me for being blunt, it's hard for a triple Aries with her moon in Cap to be anything but blunt! But, you sound insecure in your relationship, based on what he does or does not say. Perhaps his actions are loudest...he has chosen to be with you. Your love is not unrequited, just unspoken, on his part.

Cherish your time together. Cherish him for who he is. Cherish yourself for who you are. Your time together may be finite...enjoy every second. As we've been told by many great masters, often, when we let go of what we can't control, the problems magically disappear!

Change your perspective, and you change the world!

And Aphrodite, thank you for reminding of something I nearly forgot...

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moonmaiden
Knowflake

Posts: 68
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003

posted May 24, 2003 08:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonmaiden     Edit/Delete Message
Thankyou all for your help.My beautiful aires boy and i have worked through it and have come out the other end,wiser and better for the experience,i know its not our first hurdle and wont be our last but things are going great for us now...i think after a conflict is resolved a greater intimacy is created because you are forced to see the other persons point of view and there fore are more empathetic to each other probably why we feel so connected,just thought id let you guys in on something too.weve been given readings which have told us that we were formerly cousins in our past lives in which he was my protector(probably explains why i get so irritated when he says in a stern saturn fatherly voice:"now dont you ever raise your voice at me again,understood?")any way once again weve both taken your advice on board and it looks like the soul testing 4-8 vibration of the aires/cancer relationship isnt going to beat us after all!,well you know what they say...LOVE CAN OVERCOME THE INFLUENCE OF THE PLANETS ,IT CAN EVEN ERASE KARMA!! once again thank you people.

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Tranquil Poet
Knowflake

Posts: 999
From: New york City.........sometimes in hell!
Registered: Apr 2005

posted June 29, 2005 01:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Tranquil Poet     Edit/Delete Message
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