posted October 21, 2003 06:54 PM         

I feel darkness falling
I hear my soul crying aloud
as if my mind were in a cloud somewhere..
far away

There's nothing I can do or say to take this emptiness away
it is hallow in every space
a loud karmic feeling invades..
smacking me across my face

Nothing is warm like her embrace
Nothing so sweet as the peace on her face
God took an angel far away
it is so close to a year on this day

She is so far away from me
but her soulful ghost haunts my memory
To bring her back for just one day
would only make me want her stay to last forever,
so on this day I will say goodbye to her..and let her move on from my mind..to let my tearful soul survive without her.

I love you Mom and I miss your light so much!

posted October 22, 2003 10:53 AM         

I know just how you feel. I lost my Mother April 15, 1999 and miss her every day.

The first year is the hardest. After that...gradually the pain will lessen, but it never goes away completely. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and if something difficult is going on in my life, I still cry for her, wishing she were here to advise me. HOWEVER...I have found that with time, my memories of my Mother make me smile more often than cry, and I am comforted by the belief that she is still with me. I dream of her often, and have had several "experiences" that indicate this.

On the first anniversary of her death, I wrote a poem and placed it in the personals of our local newspaper. IF I can locate it, I'll post it. BTW, your poem was lovely!

posted October 22, 2003 11:02 PM         

I have lost so much since June.2002 and it seems as though this cycle has not ended.
Since my Mother passed away my brother and sister-in-law have turned to crack to get rid of their troubles...needless to say they own not a thing and are stealing to support their nasty habits. My brother isn't all there now and looks as if he has aged 15 years. My family is falling apart.
I am sad and scared and I have so many emotions. My mind is all chaotic from thinking of how my life has done a complete 360 in a little over a year. I really need to make friends here, because I am going through so much right now. Everyone here is so positive and wonderful.

Thank you for your kind words.
LOVE AND LIGHT

posted October 23, 2003 12:42 AM         

My heart goes out to you, and I understand what you mean about Saturn.

I'm guessing by your user name you are a Pisces native? If so, that would mean you experienced squares from both sides by transiting Saturn in Gemini and transiting Pluto in Sagittarius in 2002...for me, it was a conjunction from transiting Saturn and opposition from transiting Pluto, plus both squared my Pisces Ascendant. In addition to this, both my daughters got "hit" by these transits: one is Gemini Sun/Pisces Moon and the other is Pisces Sun/Sagittarius Ascendant, so there have been many trials and tribulations going on in our family.

I found Lindaland back in January, and am so grateful I did. The terrific people here have given me support through a recent ordeal regarding my daughters' health, and I can tell you, it really helped.

Please know we are here to listen to any feelings you feel comfortable sharing. BTW...what are your Moon and Rising signs?

posted October 23, 2003 10:18 PM         

Since before June 2002 I have been experiencing some massive changes in all areas of my life.

I have lost first my children,then my Mother and now slowly my Father and siblings.

In late May.2002 my ex-husband and I were not getting along so well. I knew that I no longer loved him because he was too dependent on alcohol and other irresponsible things.I confronted him with the truth that I no longer loved him and that is when the monster from hell came out from underneath his usual calm exterior.
He booted me out of our home with nothing..and would not let me see my angels for weeks at a time. He would not let me even speak to them on the phone. He told my children "Mommy doesn't love you anymore" among other ignorant, nasty things. He has held our children over my head for far too long now. It has taken until July.2003 to finally be permitted to have my children every weekend. I was only allowed 2 at a time before because my ex thought that I would run off with them if I had them all.
I cannot believe how messed up the legal system is! I have so many unhealed sores on my heart..all I want is for my children to come home where they belong. I call them every night to speak with them and I cannot help but cry when they need to go to bed. I no longer feel like life is stable. I wished so much to give my 3 children a perfect and loving home. I wanted so much for them but it cannot happen when you are being emotionally and psychologically abused by your husband. My advice to any of you wonderful souls out there that may be abused...please get out when you can. Always plan wisely how you are going to get out especially if you have children. Do not let the abuser get the upper hand!

Love and Light

posted October 23, 2003 10:46 PM         

November no longer quenches my thirst
as it used to do..
now all I feel is this month is a curse
and can bring nothing good or new

I used to love this chilly month
as it brought emotion to my soul
now I don't know what to feel...
without her I am not whole

Love and Light

posted October 24, 2003 01:25 AM         

So, transiting Saturn and Pluto *nailed* your Sun, Moon, Ascendant...Mercury, Venus, Uranus and Neptune...no wonder you've been experiencing so much trauma! You're almost all mutable, with 4 cardinal and no fixed signs. And now, with transiting Saturn in Cancer, it is squaring your Aries and Libra planets.

If you want to post your birth data or (if you already know them) the degrees and houses of your planetary placements, it might make it easier for you to understand better some of the ramifications of Saturn's transits and how it relates to you. I am not a professional astrologer and there are other people here who would be better able to explain this to you, but I am willing to try and help you with it if I can.

About your situation with your children. I must say, I can't understand how your ex can prevent you from having full custody when HE is the one who has the problems with alcohol/abuse!???! (Probably a dumb question): have you been fighting this? Has a judge ordered that your ex gets the kids and you only have visitation?? If so, that makes no sense to me at all. Are the laws in Canada that different from the laws in the States? This situation is so unfair, to you and your children!

Sorry for the rant...I get upset when I hear things like this.

posted October 24, 2003 10:59 AM         

I knew that all of this was coming, but I guess that I was sort of naieve to how huge this would be. I guess I believe even more in astrology now, because I have felt the wrath of good and bad from this.

My natal information is this:
March.20, 1981 @1:30 am in Lindsay,Ontario
Canada

Sun-29 degrees pisces 33' 49 (3rd house)
Moon-25 degrees virgo 24' 36' (9th house)
Mercury-2 degrees pisces 21' 8 (2nd house)
Venus-24 degrees pisces 57' 41 (3rd house)
Mars-2 degrees aries 27' 23 (3rd house)
Jupiter-6 degrees libra 15' 21 retro (9th house)
Saturn-6 degrees libra 58' 29 retro (9th house)
Uranus-0 degree Sagittarius 0' 34 retro (11th house)
Neptune-24 degrees Sagittarius 50' 41 (1st house)
Pluto-23 degrees libra 36' 31 retro (10th house)
True node-9 degrees leo 55' 3 (8th house)
Chiron-14 degrees Taurus 57' 38 (5th house)

In the matter of fighting for my children yes I have been going to court for the past year. What is unfair is the fact that my ex would not agree on anything that was presented to him. The court is backed up with family cases and it can take almost 3 years to get before a judge. I have my ex on tape telling me that I could see my children if I had sex with him. I sent that to my lawyer. I have joint custody of my children right now, but I need them to live with me.
There is a children's lawyer becoming involved. My ex was being so evil..not allowing me to see my children and they were going to bring the children's lawyer in a long time ago, but didn't because he turned his attitude around and allowed me to have all of my children at once every weekend.
His lawyer is trying to change the access to alternating weekends.I would die if they ever did that! I am so sad inside because of this. I know that a huge part of this is my own fault because I didn't leave the situation at an earlier time. I didn't plan things through. I have to admit that I had poor judgement and the naieve attitude of my pisces planets. My children are so important and I feel so gross inside knowing that a large part of their life is without Mommy.

Thank you for your wisdom and compassion everyone!

Love and light!

posted October 24, 2003 02:04 PM         

Thank you for sharing your birth info.

Since I'm not very experienced at "interpreting" charts; I can only share what I myself have been through during a particular transit, along with what others have explained to me. One thing I was told that proved to be true is this: as a transiting planet is approaching the degree of a natal planet to form the conjunction, square or opposition, the effects are felt most strongly. Once the transiting planet "passes" that natal degree and begins to move away from it, the intensity of the effect will lessen. Looking at your chart, it's understandable that a legal battle would ensue (transiting Saturn square Jupiter and Saturn in 9th); with you experiencing loss of rights to your children (transiting Saturn square Moon in Virgo in 9th). BUT as you can see, Saturn is moving away from these planets now, so as you've already shared, things should begin to look up a bit.

As Saturn approaches the square to your natal Pluto there will most likely be some event that has a transforming effect on you, but this does not have to be negative. Keeping with my earlier statement that I can only share my personal experience with a transit: because my natal Saturn and Pluto form a square, when transiting Saturn squared my natal Pluto, it passed over my natal Saturn FIRST (called the Saturn Return)...then moved on to square Pluto. In all honesty, the "worst" that happened was simply that a lot of work and responsibility was required of me, more than at any time in my life to that point. I did not flee from this but instead, embraced it and was richly rewarded, with that period indeed transforming me in terms of "growing up", but it was actually one of the happiest times of my life. So don't be afraid of this transit. Who knows; in your case it could mean extra work and responsibility because by then you could have full custody of your children and be required to raise them more or less on you own. Not easy (I know), but rewarding nevertheless, and better than your present situation, right? Saturn brings tests, but also rewards.

Playing pisces, please take all I've said with a grain of salt, because as I said I'm an amateur and can really only give you my perspective based on my own experiences. I've shared these things in an effort to encourage you to see your situation in a more positive light. With your Sun, Mars and Venus all in your 3rd house, writing can be therapeutic in helping you sort out your emotions, so keep posting, whether poetry or to vent; and remember, where there's life there's hope!

And Annie Kuzma, I am sorry for the loss of your father.

posted October 24, 2003 11:23 PM         

Twin lady,
I am happy for your insights and wisdom,
I myself have a diploma in Astrology and Parapsychology but unfortunately I am no good at using it in my own life...only in others.

Love and light

posted October 25, 2003 03:55 PM         

I am so happy that I decided to come back here and share my heart and soul with all of you wise people.

When I say thank you it is with every ounce of love and feeling in me.

I love you all.

LOVE is All.

LOVE AND LIGHT EVERYONE!

posted October 25, 2003 07:43 PM         

Love and Light

Thank you for your kindness and compassion everyone!