|
Author
|
Topic: does anyone know how to heal a broken heart?
|
starryeyeddreamer
Knowflake Posts: 4
From: Richfield, NC, USA
Registered: Jul 2003
|
posted November 06, 2003 02:26 PM
 
Recently I have began coming to terms with the fact that I can't, at this time, be with a man whom I deeply love any longer. He needs to be alone, and I'm not dealing with it very well. I miss him, I dream about him, and I'm always thinking about him. It seems the harder I try to occupy my time around something totally unrelated, the harder it hits me either in mid-task or upon completion that he won't be there to share the experiences with me... because right now he doesn't want to be. Part of me feels this is only temporary, and I toy with the idea of sending him the occasional "how I'm doing" letter, just to let him know that he still matters to me. But another part of me knows better, fears that kind of gesture (although considered sweet and thoughtful by me) would only irritate him in the end. He says he feels nothing about anything... I am lost. If there is any kind of therapy or ritual or thought process that any of you are aware of that might stop my self torture, I beg you to share. I'm so tired of hurting, I just want some revelation as to if it will ever again be worth this pain to keep a place in my heart for him. My heart says it will be, my soul does, too. But how to pass the time in between is an enigma that I need help figuring out.IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 374
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted November 06, 2003 03:03 PM
Welcome to Lindaland, Starryeyeddreamer. I'm sorry you are hurting. There is one thing that will help...time. I know that sounds trite, but as days go by, you'll feel less hurt. Start looking for things you like (not things you liked to do together, things YOU actually like). Also, do things that comfort you, whether its eating pizza in front of the TV or taking a long walk. Soon you'll find you only think of him a few times a day instead of all the time. Then it will be that you only think of him every few days. Then one day it will be... wow, I can't remember the last time I thought about him. It can be really hard at first, but if you move on, you'll eventually be happy again. If you keep writing to him and waiting for the day you two will be back together, you'll never stop hurting. You say that your heart and soul want to keep a place open for him. I understand how that feels, but if you move on and find you can be happy within yourself, whether he is involved or not, you will doing yourself and him a huge favor. Then if he comes back into your life, it will be because both of you want it, not because you are miserable without him. We each have to be responsible for our own happiness. Good luck and may you find peace and joy.IP: Logged |
Duality
Knowflake Posts: 72
From:
Registered: Jul 2003
|
posted November 06, 2003 03:48 PM
Hi Dreamer,
Same thing happened to me. It's very difficult to give advice in these situations. What worked for me best was keeping myself busy even when I didn't feel like it, especially by studying into which I put every effort I could. There's nothing worse than having lots of time to dwell on it.
I don't know how things will end between the two of you but I know these happenings have a purpose, as hard as it is to see it now.
Maybe you should take this time to think deeply and seriously about your relationship, not only about your feelings but try to analyse it and see if it really was that good. If this is the man you want to be with. I know it's hard to do in this situation.
We all have a crisis once in a while and he could be (and probably is) experiencing one so it doesn't necessarily reflect badly on him but sometimes we do (often, actually) love the wrong person.
Only time can heal/solve this.
IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Moderator Posts: 3280
From: San Francisco, CA, United States
Registered: Feb 2002
|
posted November 07, 2003 12:20 PM
Know that the Universe loves you and that you are never alone.We are all here for you and feel free to write here as much as you want it to help release any blocks. IP: Logged |
key
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: USA
Registered: Jun 2002
|
posted November 07, 2003 12:57 PM
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake
the world as in being able to remake ourselves."
-- Mahatma Gandhi Like I tell my daughter, don't ever put all of your eggs in one basket. Make yourself happy, and do not expect anyone else to do this for you. And, never give up your friends, your interests, your projects, or your work for a guy. You have to take responsibility for yourself. Hope I don't sound too harsh. I am sorry that you are feeling badly. IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 714
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
|
posted November 07, 2003 02:18 PM
Hope this helps...here is a poem I wrote about a year ago about a troublingly unsettled relationship, and maybe it might give you a bit of peace...
****************
The connection cannot
so quickly dismiss
eons of shared memories
your gaze does reflectI instintively know
our paths have crossed
though tension and hurt
may be the sole base Sensing this time
we must make it known
and never pass by
a chance to reconsile This lifetime's for healing
though now's not quite right
we'll meet again when we're ready
to change and forgive  and 
------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1125
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
|
posted November 08, 2003 09:41 PM
starry eyed, i think it's better not to bother him right now since he is sincere about wanting to be alone right? Did he say why? if you know why, then you know whether or not to send a letter.Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus
Sometimes I like to be alone too, for a Libra mate this can be tough but it's necessary. IP: Logged |
bewitched
Knowflake Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Oct 2003
|
posted November 10, 2003 02:04 PM
Hi starryeyeddreamer,I think that if your heart and soul says he has feelings for you you must be right. I think that instead of asking us these questions you should waste no time and ask him. If you are asking us these questions you have indecision, things you need to know about him. Go to him and talk to him. Maybe he says this because he's hurt. You'll never know till you get close to him, communicate. Don't let him brush you off, don't get intimidated, you could at least be his friend. He probably didn't take the time to know who you really are. Men are not to deep sometimes and you both may loose something special. Tell him you love him, tell him you need him, show him your love. Men don't respond to words, it's a language they don't understand, they respond to love, physical affection. Show him. I suggest you believe in yourself, your worth, and trust your feelings. Fight for him. You must at least for your own satisfaction.  IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Moderator Posts: 1404
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted November 10, 2003 11:12 PM
Try not to escape the situation. Often times when one tries to run away from the pain, when they stop escaping, the pain is still there waiting to be felt. We have to feel it sometimes, but we do grow from it. I'm sorry your broken hearted. I am always hear to listen.------------------
Namaste! IP: Logged |
moonmaiden
Knowflake Posts: 32
From: sydney,n.s.w.Australia
Registered: May 2003
|
posted November 20, 2003 08:58 PM
My boyfriend of two years and i decided to end our relationship on the 16/11/03,i am devistated and heartbroken.I have decided to share with you a very personal and intimate diary entry that i wrote yesterday
here it is:
Today is the 20th of November 20, 2003
Its been five days since he and I decided to end it …its been two days since we spoke ,what feels like an eternity now ,I know someday this time of sadness and “loss” will become only a memory…I long for that day when the pain is no longer a reality ,no longer a physical presence, I long for the heartache to end.(I know it’s a cliché but I use it in want of a better word) the moods change by the minute, what for a moment appears to be the initial stages of acceptance is soon transformed by a memory of the past , this turns into a sorrow that swims in the pit of my stomach.
It isn’t always this way, some moments I even manage to smile…to laugh! ...but then that feeling returns, an unwelcome hollow, empty grief. Unwelcome not because it hurts to the core of my being, but unwelcome because the emptiness is all too familiar.I think when you sleep you escape the pain and when you wake up that’s what the pain is the remembering of the pain.
I have not written since 2001, not sure why…(that’s a lie) .I was obsessed, consumed ,indulgent ,in search of ,chasing, that perfect image in my mind of what I believed love was ,of how I deserved to be treated…like a queen. People use that term to refer to being treated well, I don’t care I know im not arrogant, maybe I m just realizing my worth, when I write it I mean it I want to be treated like a queen.i want a complete and ultimate love…I went after it …I thought I was being passionate and idealistic…turns out I was simply another foolish ,young, naive and insecure twenty one year old…running from her fear that the image of love shecdesires may always be just beyond her…always for another to enjoy existing only for her observation and envy never finding it…chasing the wrong goal,
I have always known what love should look like, I know in my heart what a real (and I mean real)love should be….i know what real love is because it hasn’t died in my heart…I’ve never had it ,but that doesn’t mean its beyond me ,it simply means its still alive awaiting my arrival.
How will I get through the rest of the year without feeling like this…I suppose it is not for me to run from but rather for me to feel.
The thing I now fear the most is boredom…I fear that I will not have enough to do these holidays…I never use to fear this…where did this come from?...i guess from my other relationships .Our biggest issue was that because I gave up my friends …drifted from them and made him my world it appeared that I was the one without a life but others would not find me interesting if I had nothing to me…what shall I do this summer/ three months off!...its the first time ive been an adult to enjoy it…hang on …im an adult now…when did this happen? Somewhere between falling in love and falling apart. I don’t want to fall apart and be miserable I want to be one of those, I want for my self to be the confident satisfied women I know I can be
These holidays I will work…. read! i will read…go for long walks….do yoga at home, celebrate the new year with a renewed sense of who I am…there you go- tears! don’t know where they came from ?,just welled up in my eyes ,it was the thought that I know he doesn’t want me to be upset. .I DON’T WANT TO THINK OF HIM ANYMORE!!!.THATS IT ,IM GOING TO BED!
------------------
"to thine own self be true" IP: Logged |
PrincessO27
Knowflake Posts: 57
From: Riegelsville, PA, USA
Registered: Jul 2002
|
posted December 01, 2003 08:47 PM
Hey starry eyed. I'm so sorry to hear of your situation...and I am faced right now with the same sort of dilemma myself, so I know how you feel- like a walking open wound. Honestly, I think the only thing that will help heal your heart(as others have said) is time. But that means no talking to or seeing him also. Because everytime you just so much as hear his voice say "hello" over the phone, you will be drawn back into a whirlwind of neverending emotions...it's a sick cycle we all tend to be stuck in at one point or another. It kills, I know...but just let time run it's course. If you are "meant" to be together, I'm sure fate will bring him back to you. Just please don't make the same mistake I did, which was to continue talking to him...pretending I could be just his friend and "Hook up buddy", acting like you feel the way he does about the situation. It will just hurt you more in the long run...leave you emotionally attached while he is detached and free without a care. I know that it is going to be hard...but after a few months you should start to feel better and his name will start to fade from your mind. Just do things you enjoy. I work out a lot more, and do active things. That seems to work because it keeps you focused on the task at hand, plus you end up looking great so when you see him next time he'll be floored, but you can just look at him and laugh  . I really hope things work out for you, no one deserves to feel like this, i know. I'm sorry..Best wishes!!
AnnesiaIP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted December 02, 2003 12:35 AM
------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
key
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: USA
Registered: Jun 2002
|
posted December 03, 2003 01:18 PM
A Rose Is Still A Rose
Written by Lauryn Hill There was a rose I knew
I met her once or twice before
She was a pretty sweet thing
Not the least bit insecure
Then you came with your sticky game
And played with her youth
Unashamed of the way
You lied and played with the truth
She never knew what hit her
You'd steal her honey then then forget her
Now the rose is scorned
And she wears her thorns
Trying to forget about you
But a rose is still a rose
No matter what you do
Baby girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, girl you hold the power (What I am is what I am)
Now believe me when I tell you
I've been hurt myself
And when he tells you that he loves you
It's you and nobody else
Now you're so tough tryin' to wear tight clothes and things
Tossin' and flossin' tryin' to
Fill the void heartbreak brings
But when she looks in the mirror
She's crying, but you can't hear her
Now the rose is scorned and she wears her thorns
Trying to forget about you
Cause a rose is still a rose
No matter what you do
Baby girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, girl you hold the power (What I am is what I am)
See a rose is still a rose
No matter what you do
Baby girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, girl you hold the power (What I am is what I am)
Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow
You may feel you're lost today
But new love will come tomorrow
Don't believe that life is over
Just because your man is gone
Love yourself enough to know
That without him your life goes on
Without him, your life goes on
Without him, your life goes on
Cause a rose is still a rose
No matter what you do
Baby girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, girl you hold the power (What I am is what I am)
See a rose is still a rose
No matter what you do
Baby girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, girl you hold the power (What I am is what I am)
Aretha
IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
