posted December 31, 2003 09:43 PM         

Aphrodite keeps telling me to listen to my inner voice. I've really been focusing on that and so, "this voice" said: "Gloria, you need someone to take care of you."

Now, you have to understand, I've always had trouble asking for help. I pretty much have full rein of the "ranch". The thought of someone "taking care of me" has always been uncomfortable.

So I guess I found the crux of my intuitive inquiry. What does it really mean for someone to "take care of you"? And I don't mean that in a material way. I mean that in the most sincere manner.

Thanks for sharing,

.gloria

posted January 02, 2004 01:00 PM         

Instead of questioning what it means, ponder why is it not happening already . . .

. . . what are you hiding?

Food for spiraling.

posted January 02, 2004 02:11 PM         

I think that taking care of you simply means being there for you when you need them. Not protecting you from your own learning experiences, but helping you to come to grips with their meanings.

Kind of like a safety net, allowing you to fly free, but there if you fall to hard.

posted January 02, 2004 05:02 PM         

It's true I need to find the equal to share with, but I've never met someone who's opinion I really respect and trust. I know we don't have to agree on everything. But I have to appreciate their thinking processes and their unique sense of values.

The honest truth is, I've never had someone there for me when I really need them, nor someone there for when I fall hard. Yet I've been there for many.

What am I hiding? My fears, my sensitivity? I thought those were the key to my vulnerability. Could it be exactly the opposite in ATTRACTING the right one? I don't come across as overtly vulnerable, yet the sharks have a way of sensing it.

.gloria

posted January 02, 2004 05:16 PM         

It's an age old struggle, but you don't have to beat yourself up about it.
Give of yourself and you will receive, just remember to be honest with yourself as you go along, and keep positive. You can always go slow, but you have to keep moving.

That's my analysis,
How goes it with the Taurus anyway? Is he moving along? At this rate he will become aware of your feelings and act on his own next century. Taureans take a long time to figure anything out, they really need direction. And they are really gushy and romantic. Even with an Aqua moon. I would send him a big romantic card, with romantic edible goodies and drop by his home unannounced. He will like it. Taureans are not assertive, My LIBRA, and neither are you.

So you are going to have to go into battle someday, it doesn't have to be painful but do not procrastinate any longer. The Holidays are the perfect opportunity to act romantic.

posted January 02, 2004 08:51 PM         

I'm risking it all because I already love you guys. Here's the story with Taurus:

Met him 4.14.03, on a Virgo/Libra Moon. I had not been in a relationship for 6 months, we hit it off and hit it home quickly. I was like, "it was fun", but he kept calling to see me. We were always together.

Within the first 2 or 3 days, he told me about a female friend he met 3 years ago in a hostel in Canada who was planning to be in the states for a year. He came back to Florida, she went back to Switzerland, they occassionally wrote emails and rarely spoke on the phone.

That over the last year, they'd been trying to plan her visit. So I immediately knew of this person whom he'd spent less time with than me. I wasn't huffy puffy about it. I'm bisexual and don't have catfights with women. I would welcome her as friends, as his friend, as his girlfriend, eventual wife, WHATEVER.

He emailed her about having met me. As our feelings TO OUR TOTAL SURPRISE, grew for each other, she began to sense this. She would arrive soon, but then she wrote him to say it would be another 3 months.

Well... that was A TOTAL LIE she gave him, maybe thinking he was playing a game with her, only to surprise him 3 DAYS before his birthday with an email saying "I bought plane ticket and I will arrive on your birthday!"

See?

So, he immeditately was like, "I think she was pulling my leg when she told me she'd take 3 more months", and sensing SHE had lied and was playing the game, he decided to call her and discuss it. He calls me later to say she's putting her trip off for a couple more months. In other words, he didn't appreciate that.

He was born into a "family legacy" thing hanging over him, and starting to think about marriage and all it entails. When he occasionally spoke to me about her he made her larger than life, putting her on a pedestal.

As my feelings for him grew, I realized I needed to protect my heart, and as much as I tried to resist his phone calls at times, I found myself irresistably drawn to him as if he was MY TRUE SOULMATE. I felt completely comfortable with him, that he understood me like no one ever has. He was feeling the same way.

He was always honest to me about EVERYTHING, including telling me he wasn't sure what he wanted, but if he did there was no telling where he and I could go with it. That anything was possible between us, or even the other girl.

After almost 3 months of him and I dating each other, (while she was still overseas) I started to bring her up for the first time, confronting him as to whether or not they were in love with each other. He always answered with a resounding NO. One time I asked him why not, he said in his humorish way, "I'm an unlovable bas***d ."

Jump to 4th of July, the last day I saw him in person. His sensitive nervous system was acting up because of the pressure to make a decision, and I knew it. So without me really letting on how much I knew, I bowed out and gave him his space to deal with the girl and his "lagacy" and the whole "finding out what he really wanted" thing.

If you love something, set it free... if it comes back to you... (as the saying goes)... and he knew perfectly well I did it out of love.

Didn't speak to him over the phone, (he'd called but I wouldn't answer) for about 2 1/2 weeks, at which time the girl had arrived at his place and they started to... guess???... fall in love...

I told him I had every intention of welcoming her, they were still invited to my home for dinner, go out on the town, etc. But she had landed on american soil with WAY different plans.

He told me over the phone they were starting to have strong feelings for each other, but that life was fluid and nothing was sure because they were still getting used to each other. I asked him if she said she was in love with him, he relunctantly said, yes. I said, "WHY didn't you tell me when I asked you before?" He said, "Because she didn't tell me," and I believe him.

They hadn't seen each other for so long, but I always knew anything could happen once they were together again. I still didn't feel like I'd lost anything.

After about two weeks, I called them, she answered the phone. I had a 45-minute conversation with her, ensured her I wanted to be friends, they were welcome in my home, how I loved showing foreigners around town.

Then I realized I needed to listen closely to her for clues. BUT I had no intention of competing with her AT ALL, if she said anything which sounded like she wanted me to stay away I WOULD, and totally respect it without anger.

Well, not only did she throw out a series of unrelenting landmines, which I successfully circumvented, she also had a few things to say about how my baby should change certain things about himself.

Then I how should change certain things about myself. Well... she was arrogant and patronizing and had nothing of substance in return. My intuition said, she's DISHONEST and VERY SNEAKY.

And then I remembered how when my baby would speak about her like she was bigger than life, and how he'd said, "I'm an unlovable bas***d ." And I began to feel protective of him, but I finally realized they may deserve each other in a twisted way, and I'd have to let him trip and fall if that was his lesson.

I decided then and there she and I would have to be kept separate, physically as well as in his conversations with she or I. You see? And I had no intention of seeing him unless it was over between them, or until she flew back home.

The first thing that occurred to me would go wrong between them, which gave me a chuckle, he would soon realize he would be stuck with her for a year, during which time, she would be dependant on him completely.

SURE ENOUGH, about two weeks later, I get a desperate sounding phone call from him saying they were coming to visit me. I told him to call me when she wasn't around him.

He did 15 minutes later from a payphone. Without saying NOT ONE negative thing about her, (or about details of my conversation with her), told him he has to kept us separate in his mind and in conversation, and I'd see him in a year. He was FLOORED.

Another couple of weeks went by and he was calling my phone about 6-8 times a day for about 5 days, but I never answered. I wouldn't even want to see him alone without her because I wouldn't do that to HER.

They probably already went up-state for his short-term project, he might even have gone to Switzerland for the holidays maybe travel Europe. Anything can happen. In a way I'm hoping he'll come back without her, but ONLY because I could tell she was a dishonest manipulative person.

And I'm sure he's figured that out by now, but you know guys!!! And he knows I've NEVER lied to him or played head games with him. He values my advice greatly.

When I do their charts, they have "falling in love" aspects, but struggles if they try for a traditional relationship (which is so ironic!). Also, they apparently have a LOT of ego-based arguments, completely opposite of he and I.

For OUR charts, in more than one area it says soulmates, that we don't have to speak to know what we're thinking/feeling. For long-term it looks good, good placements for marriage, along with minor challenges like every chart.

In Magi astrology, I have more positive Chiron activations with him, they have more sexual linkages. He and I have only two Saturn clashes while they have EIGHT Saturn clashes PLUS the NUCLEAR CLASH which leaves HIM heartbroken.

I hope you realize, it's not that I cannot attract other men. It's not that I'm competing with her. It's that more than anyone else I've met in my life, I've felt like "he's the one". I even tested myself by looking at him in silence and saying, "that's my husband", and it felt perfect. He's my dream come true romantic best friend.

As for the lagacy thing. She's just as wealthy as he is if not more, and also wants a traditional marriage. I come from a family background which, in alchemy terms, is actually closer to gold, if you know what I mean. But I'm simple, down-to-earth, non-materialistic, and have fought the traditional binds. He and I have all that in common.

I guess he took my decision seriously although quite relunctantly. He did not call for my birthday, no message for the holidays. My intuition tells me he can't do anything half way with me.

It's been tough.

Thanks for listening. Open to all insights, magic love potions, hexes
*clear throat*

or prayers.

.gloria

posted January 02, 2004 09:25 PM         

But I think you played your cards well, with strength and self-respect.

posted January 02, 2004 11:49 PM         

This can make the relationship really convoluted and make you feel the air moon is in love with everyone but it's really their own emotions which are tangled not yours. The insecurity is always there, it never goes away, so your Taurus will always think he is a unlovable so and so, until the day he dies. There is nothing you can do about that and it's not anyone's fault.

He wants to be a good person, but trips and falls and blames himself over and over again. It's not healthy and yes I see where your protective instincts come into play. Those instincts have to be for yourself first though. You can only show him how you feel, you can't show him how he needs to live emotionally and he will always need a lot of reassurance and space to work out his issues about women and trust.

You have to give him some help and direction but not override his natural decision making process, by pointing out to him your protective instincts so he feels loved, but not by actually protecting him. Do not underestimate how much air moons need to feel loved and protected, they need an honorable deeply attached, loyal mate who would do anything for him/her. They secretly want to be swept away by a romantic heroine/hero who is a natural psychologist and love connection.

Your Taurus wants a super goddess and don't we all want and deserve that in our lives? The difference is since he is insecure, he needs that fantasy even more, to live on, he needs to live on the fantasy, the illusion more than others. The worse he feels about himself, and he will always feel up and down about that, the more of an illusion he needs to feed.

As long as you do not too caught up in his moods but at the same time give him hope, and feed the fantasy of protection and undying love, he will be happy. Keep in balance for yourself because Air moons can be all the way up, and all the way down again. They are as moody as water signs but act it out, and talk it out.

Air moons need constant love and affection, touching from their heroine/hero, in their minds if you are deeply attached, why would you stay away? So even though rationally they are thinking and agreeing with you, deep in their minds they are very unrational in love, and secretly desire and resent any time apart from their love who they want to be pursued by and loved by all the time. Air moons are natural romantics, and take to romance like a candle flame does to air, they want to be like other people, fit in and rise above, and be naturally beautiful, gracious, and loved, and taken care of too.

They can only do this with a partner, and so therein lies the sadness because their partners are usually undesirable and selfish in their perception. Cancer moons are not naturally like you said arrogant, and so do come across as selfish sometimes because we do not project our feelings, instead we absorb and reflect. The problem is air moons do not put out any light of their own but depend on others to project love, so they can show it off.

In their hearts they are very afraid of that love going out, they want to feel completely safe and protected in love, and do not want to have to think about all the stuff that goes into a relationship, really, they just want to have the perfect relationship now, and do the fun stuff, kissing, making love, going on trips.

They have to really work at the logistics of it, whereas Cancer moons love that deep stuff, and can discuss it, air moons get insecure about any discussing, they want to live it. In this way they can be real babies about love (air moons) and you may find yourself with no real boundaries as the air moons goes everywhere searching for it's perfect love, and demanding to live in a perfect world where accidents never happen and if they do they are for you to fix while they play.

Air moons like limits and boundaries for that reason, and you may find yourself playing love cop, a little goes a long way but air moons are playful and will never actually try to hurt you. Do not be heavy handed, but do not allow the boundaries to move either, you let the air moons talk about walking over the line but if you let him actually go there he will be hurt and confused.

Do not let the playful act confuse you though, he/she is deeply attached to the ideal mate and the ideal relationship and if any playing around continues, he/she will hurt himself/or you.

So with that said, I would not allow the situation to continue with the other woman, no matter her sign. It really doesn't matter, because there will always be another woman in his mind. You will have to get over that insecurity in yourself and it's giving up an ideal that we are all perfectly matched. We are almost perfectly matched but not quite. You cannot convince him or yourself that you are soul mates, put more energy into getting him and yourself to believe that you need to put energy into your relationship and avoid other people so that you can make a love that lasts.

As John Lennon put it, you are equal to the love you make. (not that drifts your way). If you make it then it can't leave, and so that' the only way to conquer your insecurity. You have to deal with your own first. You have to admit that the only way to happiness in a relationship is to concetrate all your energies into it, and avoid other people who drain your energy.

I have to say too that making love is really, really important to air moons, in that they place a lot of importance on the act and do not forget their lovers. An air moon feels very attached and tries to be "honourable" towards their mate, until they can't anymore and will beat themselves up about it. he/she must give up the ideal in himself/herself about that.

The road from wanting to be a good person to actually being one, is lined with heartbreaks. The sooner he/she accepts that the love/sex relationship isn't going to work, the better, otherwise the insecurities and guilt will set in. Air moons may act breezy but the guilt does exist and air moons react by acting out in all sorts of self confrontational and self destructive ways.

So you want to avoid the guilt monster, not by trying to defuse it in him, Gloria but by avoiding him when he is feeling guilty. You have the right idea by not encouraging behavior you do not like, but do allow yourself to be affected by it. If you were with an alcoholic would you drink? would you think it's your fault or that you were drawn to types like that in the first place?

Probably with your Cancer moon you will rationalize your feeligs for him, but they have nothing to do with you except on the superficial level. Your moods with him are caused by external forces, you will have to accept the outsiders in his life. You will have to spend a lot of time by yourself to work out your own feelings within the relationship with him.

It's up to you to set that boundary and stay within the relationship but make sure he knows you need a certain degree of space and time by yourself, let's say every other Sunday and Saturday afternoon. Yes you have to be that exact, otherwise the air moons will draw you in and leave you with no understanding of yourself and then you will become resentful and withdraw.

Air moons are naturally friendly and gregarious and will feel hurt by any withdrawal. They are not as dark and deep sometimes but they are genuine and honest.

So all and all I would highly recommend air moons, although they can be down on themselve s a lot and on their mates. One Aqua moon I know is happy with his mate one day and rejects her the next (while talking) but he would never in a minute leave her.

You have to remember not to be too hurt by talk with an air moon, and remember to set boundaries instead of remembering past hurts and do not get defensive over implied hurts.

It's good to love and let you and all that, but I think it's better to love and let go day to day, air moons just feel punished for their wandering boundary.

Remember the emotional boundary and make sure he respects it. If you let him see other women you are letting him walk over his boundary and that isn't going to help you any, since the relationship needs to be about concetrating the energy between two people. Your Cancer moon needs this, and your Libra Sun needs this.

Do not allow others to become physically intimate with your air moon since this will make him/her self destructive and self punishing, air moons are secretly very loyal and hurt by their own lack of sense and backbone as they see it. They do not lack backbone but are shoved around a lot, it doesn't help to shove back, or punish the air moon, but you will have to detach and set up boundaries. Air moons are actually not detached at all and will remember past hurts, past misdeeds and past sexual affairs forever so each one means a lot and it doesn't have to.

Air moons do not detach easily and will stay in a emotion forever, and throw away everything for a love. Look at Marilyn Monroe, an Aqua moon, could you really say she was detached at any time from her emotions in love? she threw it all away on every man she loved and in the end feel for Bobby, the loyal "family man" who was super "honourable". That was her ideal and she was willing to do anything for it. At no time do I think she was in control of her emotions.

I have yet to meet anyone who is really that detached, no matter what astrology tells us, detached emotions come from years of analysis, therapy and maturity. Experience and maturity are not always comparable.

Maturity is valuable, but air moons are not born more detached or more mature than the rest of us, they have to learn that, and it takes many years before an air moons becomes even the least detached, usually 35 or 40. Young air moons are not very mature in love.

So if he is older good, but remember he will always have that childlike innocence about him that you love so much, and that it will not translate into the wise father figure that you may crave, he will always be less detached than you and need to figure his emotions out more than you, so do not get resentful and impatient and withdraw.

Is this girl gone yet? I hesitate to call her a woman because she is not very mature. If not then certainly do not rest on your heels waiting. Air moons like action and do not wait around forever like us Cancer moons. he will respect action. I know your instinct is to do nothing until she leaves but that will just confuse him and make him feel more guilty when her ideal image is before him. He needs to confront the flesh and blood reality of her after he has seen you.

So now is the best time to meet with him in public and discuss your feelings. Pick a coffeeshop, be intimate but not sexual. Touch him often and let him know you are emotionally accessible. Visualize, with your Cancer moon, a warm tropical island and that island is you. Welcome him, and introduce yourself to him again, with hospitality, freshness, open yourself, renew yourself, leave your negative thinking behind.

Visualize that you are a warm tropical island and that he is the first visitor ever and let him know what you are thinking, he will get a kick out of it. Make sure you spend as much time with him as possible right now, let him know you need it and he needs it too.

When he is alone he will remember how much you supported him emotionally and you will seem gracious and most importantly not petty about your affections. Keep supporting him emotionally, and be affectionate and warm, more than sexual. Touch him often, give massages, but let him know sex means a relationship to you, and that you want to be with him one on one. He will respect this as it gives me an out, and it's what he is feeling too. He would prefer to concetrate his energies on you one on one too.

This is long but worthwhile because one good relationship is worth ten bad ones,

Aqua moons are loyal, fixed moons are very loyal people and are good one on one. They do not feel like good people in a two and one.
My big relationships have been with air and water moons, and my biggest mistake was always waiting too long to act. That underestimates the insecurity that is in every relationship. I did not have enough respect for my other's intelligence, it was up to him to decide, not just up to me. Trust is tough for Cancer moons but we have to open up.

posted January 03, 2004 12:57 AM         

Where do I mail the check? You are awesome, thank you so much for taking the time to respond in this way to little old me. You've made my week.

I was wondering why it's said that Aquarius Moon expressed their emotions more fully, when I would think they were detached, and only people like me with Cancer Moon do that (except I have Libra Sun)...

Well, you explained it very well, and you described him to a tee. Oh my God. Well... the other woman is probably not out of his life because I have a strong sense he is in Europe with her. I envision him taking off backpacking on his own. Find myself thinking "Run! Run!..."

Yeah, so it's very evident that she was completely prepared and capable of laying down the law with him. Whenever I've done that with a guy, it's backfired, so I'm weary of coming across demanding in any way. Maybe because of my Merc in Scorpio. I've come a long way though, speaking through a Libra filter instead. But that fear of losing a guy for admitting what I want...

You are very perceptive because you pointed that out in me.

So there is no way for me to see him until he decides to contact me again. A few weeks before Christmas, I sent him a funny kind of email saying I missed him and to talk to me. I know he read it, but he never emailed me back. BUT I did get a phone call, definately from him, and he heard me say hello twice and then hung the phone up lightly.

Well, at least he still remembered my phone number. I don't know what THAT meant, maybe you can shed light.

But ever since I let him go, I've not felt bitter or angry or jealous. I've felt like half my heart was literally missing. It's the one thing in my life which has brought me to my knees in desire to be married for the first time.

Should I email him with something more full-bodied? Will I make a fool of myself? He knows I want to talk to him.

Thanks again,

.gloria

posted January 03, 2004 11:22 AM         

You have a way of communicating with him which will open up his heart, and you can bring him to you when he hears your voice. Merc in Scorpios have a wonderful way with words and Taureans really respond to that, and take direction from it.
Be sure not to just talk but get him to at least think about coming to see you for a while. This will keep him in action.

A check is nice, or a small tropical island. Or maybe a postcard from a tropical island. Take him on vacation somewhere warm and send a postcard so I can dream I am somewhere warm.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to take your Taurus to somewhere warm, (mention this to him as a hint on the phone) even if it's a hot tub at a local Bed and Breakfast, or even better one in the mountains with a view. It's where he wants to be anyway (tell him this too). Good Luck,

posted January 03, 2004 05:04 PM         

What if he's asked her to marry him?

See, this is ONE of the reasons why I'm learning more about astrology and the metaphysics here. I'd like to get as much insight into the dynamics of their relationship, as well as ours. So at least if any of those uncontrollable "external influences" exist, I'll at least know where the buck stops. You know?

Aiy Yaiyai Yaiyai...

What if he doesn't respond back?

I think when he hung up, it was his way of saying "I'm still with her and per your request, I'm not going to talk about it..."

CRAP!!! I'm nervous... I feel sick...

Thank you for telling me about the Mercury in Scorp working out well for me. It means A WHOLE LOT to me. Does it matter if it's 4.53 degrees? What would that mean anyways?

posted January 03, 2004 05:45 PM         

He will automatically sense any anxiety, just firmly tell him what you want him to do. He wouldn't be able to deny you anything with the Merc in Scorpio, it's a very powerful influence, communication wise, be sure to use it.

posted January 03, 2004 06:11 PM         

and, am I being too accommodating to the other girl? How do I figure her into my actions if/when I send an honest letter to him? One of the reasons I didn't mention any of her bull**** was because I didn't want it to backfire on ME....

UH!

.gloria

posted January 03, 2004 10:52 PM         

I hope you put your fears aside (I do know how very difficult that can be) and trust your heart...that's the only way to minimize regret I think.

Best of luck with it (and thanks for your help with my air sun/moon guy by the way )

posted January 03, 2004 11:47 PM         

Especially thank you for telling me I handled the situation well. You cannot imagine how important it is to hear that because I don't go along with the crowd, and I'm not coming from "ego". So it goes without saying, people like me seldom feel acknowledged, and if you know about Leo and my 4th house being jinxed...

Well, if you see my other posts, you'll know...

But anyways... I'm a writer by fate, not by choice. And whenever words come to me, I apply them to characters. Today came these words verbatum into my frequency:

"...I live in a Murphy's Law world where no matter what I do, I'm behind the eight-ball..."

What do you think? Should go to like a tortured soul guy, with a wirey body and mussed up hair, looking to bum a cigarette off someone... eh?

That's enough drama for me right there. I just need a soft place to land. I guess this is it for now... wake me up around noon.

.gloria