posted January 02, 2004 11:36 AM         

I miss my Dad so much. And love my husband so much. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me.

Please help me understand and tell me it will get better. My details are:

DOB - 13 June 1973.
His are DOB 18 March 1973.

posted January 02, 2004 02:15 PM         

If you would like a relationship reading, email me the complete birth data for you both.

LLLOG@yahoo.com

posted January 02, 2004 02:28 PM         

My God child, you really have been through a lot!!

You have a TON of water in your chart, including the Moon in Scorp, so you probably felt you could relate to your Pisces. And HE has Moon in Virgo which means his intellilect is very strong, therefore, able to relate to your Gemini Moon. BUT it also gives him an extremely sensitive nervous system. If he were to stay in the middle of all these crises' between you and his family, your busy work schedule, and then the death of your father, he would literally get completely physically sick, perhaps suffer from a complete mental breakdown.

So you cannot blame him for ackwowleding his limitations in this way, and in ways he has no control over.

It is true that the energies WITHIN both of you and BETWEEN both of you are extremely scattered, which amplifies the uncertainty of everything. You will probably do best at this point to deal with one thing at a time, which is what you are best at TO BEGIN WITH, much less with everything else on your plate right now.

Concentrate on your family, your grieving process and holding down the fort to the best of your ability. Trying to reconcile with your husband right now is asking for too much. Know what I mean? Just for now.

What Spiria was referring to regarding your mutable and dual signs goes with what I just said. Gemini is ruled by Twins (one light side and one dark side) and is mutable, which means you flex a lot. Pisces is ruled by two Fish, (one down stream, one up stream) and is also mutable, which means HE flexes a lot.

What happens is you have 4 people in the relationship, and you are expressing yourself through your dark side. He's decided he cannot make it upstream. He has to take the easier path of going downstream in the same direction of the water. He's also mutable and flexible.

But the flexibility doesn't translate into both of you being able to mold yourself to solve all these issues all at once. The huge amount of flexibility and dualities is NOT providing STABILITY. Neither of you are coming from a point of stability to begin with.

At his time especially, there is NO stability in the circumstances as well. Do you see? You would BOTH need the influence of a fixed sign, like Leo, Scorpio, Taurus or Aquarius.

And check this out, what I'm saying has never been more true than in this situation... you BOTH have mutable Suns (Gemini and Pisces), PLUS his Moon is also mutable (Virgo). He is NOT going to be the Rock of Gibralter you need, and if you try to force him, it will only make him physically ill.

I hope this information will help you cope in some way. Everyone here is anxious to hear from you, and willing to help you. So please stick by us OK?

with love & support,

.gloria

posted January 02, 2004 11:40 PM         

I had read Linda Goodmans chapter on Pisces-Gemini relationships before we got married. At that time I just wanted to know if it would work, and Linda had said this is one of the worst possible combinations. I wish I read on to try to understand more about his personality and what makes him tick. Of course I have read the chapter a lot recently, and it is all completely true. Which is how I found this site.

Everything you guys say is true also. The whole things started when he was feeling sick and went to the Dr. for a complete check up. I knew he was fine and the Dr. confirmed that he was one of the healthiest patients he had ever seen. I am really not a bad person but in my frustration with our problems and my Dad's passing away I even accused him of going to the Dr. for attention. Because this is what his mom does. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she pretends to be sick. And I am the only person who does not fall for it. I just thought he was doing the same thing. I was really wrong. I insisted we move closer to my mom, which I knew would upset his parents. He insisted we don't move and we argued and argued.

As you say, I was looking for a Rock - a knight in shining armour to rescue me from everything --- to truly be there for me. I don't why, I just thought that I deserved it. Then when he kept trying to talk about himself and our relationship, I just kept saying, I don't want to deal with this now --- i am grieving.

And bang bang, He left me. The last thing I ever thought he would do. His parents blame me for making him sick and say it justifies a divorce. I just keep saying but he was never sick. I have BEGGED him to give me another chance - to swim downstream with him so to speak. I told him we dont have to move anywhere and that I would work less hours. But he is adamant that it is too late and the relationship is OVER. His walls are up and he won't listen to a word I say.

Now he wants to finalise the divorce as quickly as possible and settle all financial matters, in which he gives me nothing. I know I can demand a lot from him (since he is very very rich and we are not) but I think this action by him, makes me feel better about the whole thing. That maybe he is not really the best guy in the whole world. ALthough I know deep down he is a great guy and the problem is we are just not compatiable.

I have never ever been lucky in love. The guys I like never liked me. And when I would meet Mr. Right, something strange would happen and overnight, for no reason, the relationship would be over. This would keep happening to me.

I have this horrible fear of being single again. And going through all of that again. I just want to get married to anyone as soon as possible. Will I ever get married again --can astrolgy predict that. Should I go see a psychic? Why am I so unlucky in love? I know other people go through much worse than me and everyday I am thankful for eveything that I have.

Ohh can I ask you guys one more thing. My relationship with my mom is really strained at the moment. I am trying my best to make her happy but its obvious she blames me for the breakup in the marriage. She is on a mission to "Improve" me for the next guy and that involves constant criticism about everything. It is really painful to be put down all the time - this is what his parents use to do to me.

I just end up screaming at my mom and we argue a lot. Then she says this is why he left me. Its so painful. She is a scropio - 6 November. How do I deal with this?

Thanks again for being there and letting me pour my heart out and ramble away.

posted January 03, 2004 12:17 AM         

We all have crazy relationship patterns which cause things to go wrong again and again. I'm 42 and never married, OK?

I would say from taking another look at this, your pattern in relationships is really being interested in the beginning until you snag him, and then you lose interest in the relationship itself and sort of expect it to stay together anyways.

You may have a tendency to get dramatic when you are feeling a lot of emotion. This happens to a lot of people, and while feel-good psychology says it's good to express your anger, the result of coming across overdramatic to others is you are not taken seriously, (which will only make you angrier).

The above is you on a normal average day. Multiply it by your current circumstances, and no one (not even God) would expect you to carry the load alone. NO ONE!

Whatever it is you're experiencing as a loss of control over your life, whatever you are feeling is completely understandable. Absolutely. And it's good that you realize there's always someone worse off.

But it's also a lesson I've seen lots of people of similar temperament confront. The fact that we really do not have control of anything. This also goes against feel-good psychology. But the secret doorway is in admitting you cannot do it alone.

There are some things you can do to help pull yourself OUT of yourself in your time of need. I'm going to say that I've been through a lot of tragedy in my life, and was determined to deal with it on my own, until 9/11 hit. I suffered severly from post tramautic stress syndrome, totally unexpectedly.

For the first time in my life I was completely open to any relief, besides wine, and the best thing yet is Effexor XR, and there are a couple other low-key options just like it.

It's like the effect you would get if you had a Rock in your life. That sense of 500 pounds being lifted off your shoulders, not sweating the little things, which equals to being able to be ten times more proficient, energetic, and sharp in your every day matters.

A lot of people experience getting back in touch with the younger innocence they left behind so long ago. It reminds you of who you REALLY are. It's promoting your body to heal itself.

Be open to this Jena. It's not a big deal unless you make it so. It doesn't "change you", it's just helping your brain make more of the chemicals it already makes naturally.

Once you get balanced out within yourself, then you can begin to eliminate all the toxic people from your life. If not eliminate them, create some distance from them so you can breathe. One of the worst dissappointments in life is to realize you are related to someone who is totally toxic.

None of this is going to happen overnight, so get started. Take the first step.

with love & support,

.gloria

posted January 03, 2004 01:01 AM         

Which "family" business are you running? Your parents business or your husbands and your business?

Don't sign anything and don't agree to sign anything. Over the weekend check all your check book balances and look for any withdrawal(s) of money. Find and secure all the credit cards. Find the name of the best divorce attorney in the area, not the cheapest, repeat, not the cheapest but the best, based on results. Friends, referrals or personal knowledge will be helpful in finding the best divorce attorney. Monday, make an appointment for the earliest possible date, Monday is not too soon. I don't know if you're in a "community property state" or not but go for every possible marriage asset and don't even think of the fairness issue, that's his attorney's job, not yours. Realize you are in an adversarial relationship with your husband and don't tell him a thing about your plans. Don't move out of your home or agree to do so and if he threatens you in any way, call the police and have him arrested, then get a restraining order against him from the court. If necessary or desirable for you or your situation, ask your attorney about a legal separation and separate maintenance payments while you make up your mind or to draw out the divorce or put it off. Sometimes the interval is worthwhile if for no other reason than to get an accounting of all the assets, including those that may have been hidden.

Stop trying to make your mother "happy." She's only making your situation worse. The less contact you have with her for a while, the better. What you don't need right now is more pressure so eliminate it where and when you can. Before this is all over, your mother and your husband are going to come to the realization you're not the pushover they thought you were. You will find you can be kind and gentle but firm and unyielding at the same time.

Your husband sounds like a jerk or perhaps a little boy who listens to his parents entirely too much. If he had any backbone, he would have told his parents to stay the hell out of the marriage from the beginning.
I would also not discount the idea there may be another woman at this point. You have no reason to believe anything he may tell you considering the fact he surprised you with a demand for a divorce.

Just focus on the goal and the goal right now is finding out exactly what your rights are in your state and finding all the marriage assets.

I would say you've done what you could and more to save your marriage and your husband has used it against you. It will be interesting to see how adamant he is when he finds out---from your attorney, surprise---that you're actively participating with his divorce plans but on your own schedule, with your own agenda and not his.

I'm sorry to have put this so plainly and baldly jena but this is a time to take care of yourself and protect yourself first, before any other considerations.

jwhop

posted January 04, 2004 07:27 AM         

I am really sorry about you suffering from post tramautic stress syndrome. It sounds really bad and I hope 2004 is a wondefully happy year for you.

Jwhop & Spira, thanks so much for your advise. I really appreciate it. The family business is my Dads bookshops. They are not doing so well at the moment and I am trying to ... well feels like trying to put out fires all the time. I guess that is why my husband got fed-up. My mom has also come into the business now. Its hard working with a scorpio. My sister, as Sagi, also has been working with me. And my Dad was an Aquarius - who I got on amazing well with. No surprises there.

I am trying to develop a positive attitude about money and karma, etc. So if I sue him for his money, I feel that it will lead to bad karma. Am i crazy?

posted January 04, 2004 01:18 PM         

Money matters are extremely personal things you need to think long and hard about. No one can make that decision for you. The only thing I will say is this. As long as you believe that you can get him back, you will not accept that it is over. The longer you don't accept it is over, the longer you will not want to sue for money. The longer you don't sue for money, more legal deadlines will pass. The more legal deadlines pass, the less money you will get when you realize, it's over.

Do a mental exercise. Imagine it's over and you've accepted it. Imagine all the anger and grief you will feel about it, especially anger. Do you still want him to win the legal battle?

As to your response to your patterns in relationships, I get the feeling that you are under the impression that you need to change a bunch of stuff about yourself. So perhaps if you pile on SOME MORE c**p on your plate, you'll have the excuse of having too much c**p on your plate when you fail.

Come on Jean! Get real!

No one can change the intrinsic parts of themselves. No one would expect you to, not even God. So you snag the guy, or you snag control over your situation. And then what do you do having gotten what you wanted? Here you go again!

The only way any of that is going to work is if you are surrounded by people who are reliable. It doesn't mean you need to "correct" that about yourself. It means you admit you cannot go it alone.

As for your coming off as over-dramatic when you get emotional, all these things go hand-in-hand. Getting dramatic is your subconscious way of DRAWING PEOPLE INTO YOUR PILE OF C**P. And why are you doing that instead of just admitting you need help from reliable people in your life?

Perhaps it's too much work?

Well, it may seem that way at first, but in reality, it will be less work in the long-run.

And don't think you can change your God-given traits and then present it to your ex-husband. He will NOT have grown as much as you... and you need to move on or you have no one to blame but yourself.

The key is NOT to CHANGE these traits, or the traits or responses of anyone else for that matter. The key is to view your emotional cues, every single one of them, as traffic signals in order to keep YOURSELF safe. And if I may be so bold, you're running red lights lady!

with love & support,

.gloria

posted January 04, 2004 11:44 PM         

Scorpios are good in a crisis, that's the time they really shine. So she may be your "knight" Look for other "knights" such as your lawyer. Do you have one yet? You can find a free lawyer through any women's counseling center, email if you need help theinnerwoman@yahoo.com
I have been through this myself and gave up most of the assets at the start before I talked to a lawyer, luckily I got help when I needed it but it almost ruined me.

Do not give up any personal posessions because it will be taken as a sign of weakness. Do not FEEL GUILTY! It's not your fault.

And see your lawyer,
You won't feel so bad about being single if you can afford to take care of yourself and go on cruises. You won't want to get married again really soon but when you are ready, it will happen naturally. Don't Worry about that now.

Good Luck and take care of yourself emotionally,
take walks, breathe, eat right,

posted January 05, 2004 01:30 AM         

However, if you are clear as to what your needs are and admit to yourself, and others you may disappoint, admit to them of how dire the situation is looking, then it should work out. Do so in a direct, no-nonsense, calm manner.

Right now you probably feel some sort of guilt, like failing at marriage or some darn social conformity thing we sometimes buy into. So her penetrating Scorpio eyes may be intimidating you.

When was the last time you allowed anyone to see your vulnerable inner child? This is when you are allowed to let her show. Only when you become truly humbled by the realization of your circumstances can you discuss, in a calm and sincere manner, what you need.

It's sort of like, inside you somewhere you know the truth, but your Gemini Sun is doing a tap dance over here in an attempt to distract you and everyone else. Why would this be occuring by default? Probably to protect you from what you perceive to be an unimaginable pain, but what may really be, amazing grace.

I know it's easy for me to generalize and try to say what's going on, and it's all so much easier said than done. Believe me Jena, I KNOW. I think we all do.

But no matter, just consider this as good intention in your favor.

with love & support,

.gloria