posted January 10, 2004 05:51 PM         

I knew it was time to let go, oh about an hour ago, when I had a phone conversation with my aquarian (the same aquarian from the "how to seduce an aquarian" topic). After a year and a half, I realized that I have been drowning a perfectly fine man with my own insecurities and sensitivity.

Although I'm a young'n (21 years old), I have had a four year relationship and a year and a half relationship (along with a dating for short periods of time) before I met my aquarian. I feel like I really learned what love means. It means letting go, despite how deeply you feel for the person, so that they get a chance to be happy. I care for him so much, that it means more to me to let him experience life and meet the fun, care-free person that he needs (saggie moon) than to satisfy my own desire to be with him. Letting go is not an easy thing for scorpio moon people to do. Being objective about your own love relationship is not easy either.

Does anyone want to share their stories about letting go?

posted January 10, 2004 06:00 PM         

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
The time has come again for me

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own

I'll try and find the floor below to stand
And I hope I reach it once again

And I'm feelin' the same way...

So many times I wonder where I've gone
and how I found my way back in
I look around awhile for something lost
maybe I'll find it in the end

posted January 10, 2004 07:52 PM         

O.H. M.Y. G.O.D. I am the Queen of good-bye girls...

I've exprienced 1000 different good-byes and not one true love yet.

You're talking about the handy dandy, "I'm holding him back from happiness because of my wallowing and neediness" utensil. OK... here's what happens next. The emotions you hide from yourself will eventually control you. Which emotion is brewing it's way up to the foamy surface?

.gloria

posted January 11, 2004 05:49 PM         

Sometimes it's too hard to love someone that close. You can love them only at an arm's length away, and it feels ok, but if it gets any closer, it hurts more often than it feels good.

posted January 11, 2004 05:59 PM         

Untied hearts is the masterkey and Buddhist philosophy may help you change your way of thinking and feeling towards attachment and desire for another humanbeing.

If love is suppose to rise between two people there will eventually be an recognition...but before this freedom in thought, heart and action is my best advise.

***

It is all but an illusion

I have attained, absent my pride a thousand times
Cried, prayed and given you my eyes
I had the will to reveal you from confusion
Reaching out to rejoin you with the infinite
To serve and guide you with no ending
Visions of immense light

O` clear Shakti
O` great Shiva

Wrapped up in golden tread of myths
Don’t leave us in wane, thus blow Maya away
I prayed the Lord for our truth
I cried from your deepness in me
End my desire for this numinous lingam
End hunger, leave us be

O` golden Birds
O` cosmic Nagas

Abandon my magnetism for my love
For he must alone walk his path sincere
Let us both walk freely, untied from obstacles
Freed from aspiration, delusion and free of pain
I care for you greatly and know this wish
I see you sombre my spirit cry

O` golden Bodies
O` humble Souls

Through Aeons & myths came sacred precision
Open your Eye and let life grant you!
Hope of true fate and no conceal
Blessed be your path and let the animals salute you !
Transcendental, yet omnipresent
What you invoked in me arouse seashells from their sleep

O` divine
O` mortal

Beyond the serpents tomb
The womb of soul elucidation
Buried alive, crawling between
Oceans, roaring for enchanting
Radiant rebirth, the powerful rising
Ground alter into electricity

O` Light
O` Maya

Burry my Dream free
Meet Kundalinis morning chant
Within the ultimate magnet axis
Untied hearts is the master key
Look into to the sky of liberation
Chanting for our destiny to rise

***

posted January 12, 2004 12:48 AM         

The air sun/water moon is tough to work on. Just ask other water moons here.

posted January 12, 2004 05:02 PM         

What an interesting reply. I have read some of your other posts and I hope you find what you are looking for soon. Just thanks for responding to me. I've grown up hiding my true emotions from people, because when they do come out everyone is shocked at the intensity of what I have to say. And I got so good that I don't know what I really think sometimes. So what am I hiding from myself? I don't have a solid sense of who I am, and I hold other people responsible for providing me with security and approval.

Hi Lioneye68,

The first feeling that comes to mind when thinking of him is Admiration. We are more complimentary to each other than alike, and I can see us being together in the future. I see a good person and the pain I needlessly cause over small things and he asks me why things have to be so difficult.

Hi Nagali,

Thank you for your beautiful prayer. Letting go requires more energy than I have, and I've looked to higher forces to help me in my life. Thank you

Hi PixelPixie,

You have a way with seeing into situations and identifying the true issue. I identify strongly with what you spelled out. When I talked to him over the weekend, he made it clear to me that he still wants me around and 95% is wonderful but its that 5% that is driving him nuts. No, I'm not ready to let him go, and I was acting on what I thought he wanted or what I thought I saw. Although he DOESNT want that, but communication doesn't come easy between us. And the projecting and martyring.

Why am I insecure? I let the sensitivity control more than it should. I hide or take no action, because I'm afraid to put myself in situations where I could be hurt. I miss out on meeting people, because I feel they can see right through the tough facade and take advantage. It's funny but people who know me don't think I'm very shy - I talk a lot, I have the Cancerian humor because of my asc. Basically feels like I'm on the defense about half the time.

People ask me for my opinion often and they say I give great advice and I'm a good listener. I enjoy listening and helping. I'm graduating from UC this June. I'm applying to graduate school to be a school psychologist. I hope that it will suit me.

Hi sthenri,

Yes it is tough. There must be something holding us together, we seem to enjoy each other the majority of the time.

I've learned so much from everyone here. ESPECIALLY you fire signs..I have learned to see things from your point of view, and I appreciate having you around.

Thanks for listening,

posted January 12, 2004 05:06 PM         

For you my dear, I am 21 too, but don't let age fool you. It is the soul that holds your wisdom and you must go day by day planning your mornings and your evenings. Make little goals for yourself, simple things, like "I'm going to go here today and do this tomorrow." Do things that you have always wanted to do. Call up your friends and make that little trip that you've always wanted to take. You need to let YOURSELF go and release yourself of his mold. You need to continue your path of success. He will see you in success one day, and maybe then you might have moved on and maybe not, but you'll know, when that time comes.

Let yourself live, because by giving everything to him, you will have nothing left.

posted January 12, 2004 10:15 PM         

The fear of your intensity, and/or the miscommunication between you and others regarding your feelings may have something to do with something I've struggled with myself. It may be you too. Where you didn't really grow up with having your feelings validated?

You may not have had a comfortable trusting platform from which you could learn to express them without any fears. So you've learned how to repress them REALLY well, and ironically, life seems to have rewarded you for your skills.

If you assume that all those who care about you are more interested in your feelings than in your "skill", then naturally you will begin to build bridges because you will have changed your assumptions, and you won't be PROJECTING.

If you feel like being a sensitive person has been nothing but trouble, know all the good things about sensitive people. Once you do, you will be PROUD to be sensitive. The best book I read is called "The Highly Sensitive Person - How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D

It's very well put together, a very easy read.

Also, if the first thing you feel when you think of "him " is admiration, I'm going to ask you to question yourself about something. Just answer yourself honestly, I'm not insinuating anything.

Is your admiration for him a way of idealizing him, to the point of worship? Are you learning how to treat someone really special?

Thank you for your vote of confidence in my struggles. I'm very impressed at your educational goals,

and so glad to "know" you.

with love & support,

.gloria

posted January 13, 2004 10:08 PM         

Yep - my libra sun, libra moon and saggie asc. father just didn't know what to think of me. I was forced to keep lots inside, but you know it came out eventually. Then when it eventually came out, he couldn't relate.

I'm not sure what the whole admiration thing is about. I have some airy undertones (venus in aqua, merc in aqua and mars in libra), so maybe I tend to be objective about some of his qualities and maybe throw in a little idealization/worship from my piscean sun?

I will check out the book you suggested. Those airy undertones also give me a strong desire to analyze feelings and I'll do just about anything to learn to get around easier.

posted January 14, 2004 01:14 AM         

If you want to know any other REALLY good books I've recommended on men and related issues, let me know. They are all excellent easy reads.

I've learned on this forum that Air Moons express their emotions more outwardly, such as an Aq Moon who do not feel the same emotions like a Cancer Moon (me) feels, but that they really take what the feel out to the world and express it more directly to what's happening. That Air Moons tend to idealize or find idealic love's.

It's not bad to admire or worship if that's what floats your boat. But if it's not a healthy thing, when you direct it to someone else when you need to direct more to yourself, then it's something to think about. That's all I wanted you to consider, since when you are trying to end a relationship, it's so easy to remember all the really good stuff about them, feel like you've "lost" something really good, and forget about yourself.

I've been there SO many times....

But as we speak, I've figured out something else about myself in that regard. That I've had so many soul connections and they now seem more like one more piece of a sacred "pattern" filled with keys and clues to who I am and what my ultimate fate will be. Know what I mean?

Like I have this thing about Aquarians, maybe due to South Node OR MC in Aquarius. I just KNOW they hold an important key, and each guy I meet with Aq influence gives me another glimpse of the bigger picture. Does that make sense?

So in other words, try to separate the man from the message. Honor the message, thank the man.

with love & support,

.gloria