posted January 25, 2004 09:38 PM
Nagali I like you and I wanted to post this here for you. This may help soon.
Think of "marriage" as "commitment""Journey of marriage
needs destination"
by David Sanford
Marriage is a journey, you say. But a journey towards what? What is the purpose of your journey? Toward what goal are you moving? If you don't know, what chance do you have of ever getting there? For many people, the marital journey is about growth-less conflict, more harmony, less criticism, more acceptance, more affection.
The more clear and specific you can be about the marriage you want to build, the more liekly it is that the journey will be productive and that you will reach your goal not impossible perfection but a relationship that is clearly more developed in the ways that matter to you than the one you started out with.
Here listed are the important dimensions of a couple relationship. As you read through the list, skip the ones that do not seem like issues to you, infavor of those aspects of your marriage that stand out as clearly needing work, either because the relationship feels depressingly incomplete without them or because the interaction between you and your partner regularly and painfully confronts you with our inadequacy in that area.
If you partner joins you in being willing to work for a better marriage, then you should both complete the inventory. Any area that either checks as important, is also important to the relationship. The more you can accept each other's sense of what needs work, the more powerful your focus becomes, because you share the same genral goals for your marriage.
How affectionate are you with each other? How much caring and appreciateion do you experience between you? How accepting are you of each other's limitations? How well does each understand the other? How understood do you feel? Are you fundamentally interested in each other? Do you fundamentally accept the differences between you that are not likely to change? Or do those differences regularly cause irritation or worse?
How intimate if you relationship? How close do you feel to each other? Are you happy with your sexual relationship with the frequency of sex, with your enjoyment of it, with the meaning that you derive from it?
Is yours a fundamentally honest and trusting relationship? On balance are you more positive or more negative in your attitudes and behavior toward each other? Would you call your relationship more cooperative or more competitive? And with what consequences? Are power and authority pretty much balanced between you? Or do you experience that one of you has a good deal more power and authority than the other?
How satisfied are you with the role that each occupies in the relationship? In your judgment is the relationship fair and equal on the whole? Do you feel respected by your partner? Do you respect that person overall?
When you need to be, are you assertive about promotiong your legitimate interests and protecting your boundaries? Do you feel basically that your partner respects your boundaries and makes room for you to be assertive when doing so is clearly important to you?
How well do you and your partner manage conflict? How much is the relationship free from or infested with criticsm and blame? How skillful are the two of you at negotiation and problem solving? Are the issues that need resolving adequately dealt with, or do they remain to burden the relationship?
How do you assess your communication skils? Do you share easily with each other? Do you enjoy conversation together? Do you like each other's company? Do you have fun together? Are you genrally satisfied with the ways in which you feed the relationship and keep it vital? apart from the relationship that you share, are you individually sustained by meaningful work, friends and family exercise, personal interests and your own spiritual life?
Do you hold important values in common? Do you work well together raising your childten? Is your relationship relatively free from family conflicts? When you fight or otherwise hurt each other, do you have adequate means of making up? Do you have an effective way of healing the relatiionship when it has been injured?Are you committed to each other and to the marriage? Do you love each other?
Dr David Sanford, has a website at marriagesupport.com
Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus
Lindaland
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posted January 11, 2004 06:37 PM
posted January 11, 2004 11:45 PM
posted January 24, 2004 02:56 PM
posted January 24, 2004 06:15 PM
Thanks!
But my mind was occupied with other emotional issues so it was a quiet walk after the movie and then a good goodnight hug. 
he so much fades. Acting like he dont care. See you when and if I see you. Makes me feel stupid and young, as if our friendship is for my sake only. Makes me feel missunderstood and inherrited by bad moral. You probably know how Aquas feel they kan hear other peoples thoughts...