posted February 01, 2004 12:35 AM         

I have vivid memories of my past lives. At least twice, I was hung or stoned to death for being a "witch". Not because I was evil, but still ahead of my time. However, there WAS one time when I was punished for cheating on my husband (maybe why I've never messed with married people, or married myself yet)...

Anyways, I'm not sure, but I think I actually punished myself in the end, and either killed myself or tried to. I say that because one of the running themes in this lifetime is I'm being forced to detach myself from getting sucked into a dizzy romantic whirlwind with anyone. And my parents had that themselves in such a ridiculous way, and probably to remind me of my previous life.

So here's the memory regarding that. If I were to fall in dizzy romance and totally emmerse my heart and soul completely, if something should go wrong, I instinctively know I would NOT survive it.

My whole purpose in my life since I was 8 years old is to be a writer and inspire people on a global basis. My challenge this lifetime has been to marry a higher ideal, rather than "dispose" of it into just one other human being (romantic ideal).

So the fear this time around is not solely the fear that I would "die" if something went wrong with my romantic committment, but taken to the next level, the PRONOUNCED command in my soul to SURVIVE so that I may complete and publish all my books.

To not give my love to one child, but to the world-at-large.

This is consistent with my considering being a nun at a very young age, and to this day, being quite monastic, and even having SUCCESSFULLY reached those higher altered states for sustained timeframes. I WAS THERE!!

I had to make a decision when I was done with my FULL 6-year practice of celibacy. To marry myself to the higher Source, or to seek human companionship on the "earth" plane.

Remember the movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"? When the guy was dying and he was saying that to the woman he began to love? How he reached "that point" and found it to be so filled with a void he never imagined?

I mean, I could completely relate to that.

So I'm not sure, but it seems I do want a bit of romance, especially when you meet each other because I know how guys make that first meeting a big memory upon which they build the relationship.

But I can't emmerse myself and give up everything, as the only way I know how, to THAT PERSON. I have to have a certain detachment to complete my life's mission as a writer inspiring people on a global basis.

That's why I think I need a romantic friend, a kind of "brotherly" relationship, albeit, 100% committed.

At the same time, despite my complete knowing and conviction of what my life's mission is, I truly need that encouragement from a loving supportive companion. I get discouraged very easily.

(going to sleep again)...

.gloria

posted February 02, 2004 03:05 AM         

you are wise. i think you will know what to do when you meet that potential companion. and ok, i don't know you other than through posts but you sound very strong. strong enough to survive anything. so, my point is, knowing is half the battle right? just that you know all this about yourself, your past lives, etc....you are "armed and ready", so even if you get to that dizzying whirlwind you will have already brought alot of subconcious to the concious that will be there to aid you in acting things out next. i am afraid of dizzying whirlwinds too...i have had visions of dying (or letting myself die)in a forest over love lost in a past life. try to take a deep breath.

oh, and i read a very cool quote on the tag to my yogi teabag the other day....
"that other person is you"

posted February 02, 2004 02:21 PM         

No I hadn't read it, but just did. I will edit it down and email it back to you and you can consider posting it on LL so you can get more feedback.

I'm really honored you wrote to me and sense a sort of "wise" person over here. Thank you very much. That means so much to me.

I'm not a cheater in life. Everything I've learned, I've learned the hard way.

Yeah, I've worked with abused women and am a survivor myself. You should get a really good attorney and go from there. From what you say, I would recommend trying to get full parental rights and then move away somewhere far away and starting life all over again.

But I'm not sure if it's viable.

I'm glad you reminded me of how to "look" for love but not too hard. There are things all of us know already, and need to be reminded of. It's nice hearing it from someone else.

It's like, we cannot give ourselves open-heart operations, and psychic people are rarely psychic about the details of their own lives. All of us have the tendency to give good advice which we rarely take ourselves.

.gloria

posted February 21, 2004 01:30 PM         

I've got the edible art guys running around too...

So what's the scoop?

(thanks again for your lovely response to me)

.gloria

posted February 25, 2004 12:54 AM         

well, it's not all too spicy but sweet and fire-y. basically, we started out friendly, innocent flirting while i was pregnant. of course, i felt awkward about flirting while i was preggers, single or not. and i am sure he didn't know what to think...and still probably doesn't.(as far as my situation) we just hit it off while i ordered my sub...he is the new owner there. it's this fun, funky sub shop that i went to as a kiddo...with a leprachaun and rainbow painted on the wall. anyhoo...he looks Irish to me, but that's based only on his red hair and green eyes.

posted March 16, 2004 04:13 PM         

I can feel for you cause I am in a similar boat. I did want to change my alone lifestyle and last year prayed to the gods or universe to have someone, the right person, come into my life. Of course since then, the world went crazy for me. At the moment I am guessing I wasn't as ready as I thought I was and am rethinking about it. Nothing comes our way unless it is a lesson for us, whereby hopefully we learn from what we face. I think when the time is right it will present itself to you. I have to work on my projections onto the opposite sex that are causing me problems. It's best to see them as they are.

posted March 16, 2004 07:02 PM         

Oh, you're in the same boat... and everyone tells you the same thing too... "when you are ready..."

I'm at loss for words right now. It's one of those times when my mind throws an inner trantrum blocking out logic. I think I need to cry. Haven't done that for a while.

Thank you for sharing, glad you are here, don't be shy...