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Author
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Topic: " love suffers long"
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dragenfly
Knowflake Posts: 2
From: san diego, ca 92104
Registered: Mar 2004
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posted April 05, 2004 06:55 PM
 
hi people my name is dragenfly. heres the drama from my life... me and my boyfriend of 6 years are going through hell. we have a child together . oh yeah just for reference i'm a pisces and he's a tuarus. but two months ago he started not coming home at night. i found out he was sleeping with this pregnant girl(with someone elses baby) then he started saying that itwas over between us becuase he wasnt good enough for me. but then he would come home and of course i let him back in my heart, and just when i would think it was all through he would dogg me big time for whatever the reason would be. this went on for about a month. then the car broke and he had no money so he was stuck at home. i paid for the car to get fixed and even helped him fix it. and off he was again. well this last time he started to act really wierd . he would be soo mean with his words to me. in front of people he would tell me to shut up. and other rude stuff.and just was a prick. i dont understand how he can walk away from our life we have made so easily. without any pain in his heart. i learned at a young age that people are only human, mistakes are made. ive made a few without any vindictive reasons behind them. so i also know that "Love suffers long" It take a lot to be in love and it take alot to finally be happy. but the strength of a relationship can be even stronger if the both of them can make it through lifes struggles and our own mistakes.a lifetime is a long time for me to expect him to stay with only me. he is only 25. anyways i love this man and i feel like we are soul mates but i start to wonder if maybe i should quit trying to make things better. we've gone through so much i feel like i could overcome anything with him. i feel that he really loves me but i dont know if i should just drop him forever, for good, or lay back and see what happen and be there when hes ready to make things work? i need help with the one i want to be with. am i pathetically holding on to something that is no longer there?
DRAGENFLYs TEARSIP: Logged |
Total Pieces
Knowflake Posts: 90
From: Los Angeles, CA
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted April 05, 2004 07:23 PM
Dear Dragenfly,I don¡¦t think it is ever pathetic to hold on to love but the question you should ask yourself¡K is that what this is. ¡§I¡¦m not good enough for you¡¨ is a passive aggressive statement. It sounds all self deprecating but then to turn around and cheat some more and treat you poorly¡K¡¦Maybe if I treat her bad enough she¡¦ll leave or kick me out¡KIt won¡¦t be my fault¡KI won¡¦t have to take any responsibility¡K¡¦ He doesn¡¦t sound good enough for anyone right now but I doubt that is why he said it¡K Not to pry into your business but if he is sleeping around with a woman who is pregnant with another man¡¦s child, that seems to me to VERY IRRESPONSIBLE. She doesn¡¦t seem like she is putting the health care of he child ahead of her ¡¥needs¡¦ so why would the health care of her partner matter¡Ki.e. you don¡¦t want him bring you home any other issues you may have to fix. If he is ¡¥sleeping with her¡¦ he¡¦s sleeping with others. Not his baby¡Kmaybe not¡Kyou know the people involved but¡K All this to say... you need to take care of you. There is nothing wrong with expecting a mate to stay with only you a lifetime if that is what the two of you agreed upon. When there is a child involved it is always so complicated but would you want your daughter to be treated this way? Would you want your son to treat a woman the way you are being treated right now¡K Don¡¦t sell yourself short¡K Amber
(Libra) Know your worth ļ
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astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1732
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 05, 2004 08:23 PM
Hey Dragenfly -I agree with everything Total said, but I'd like to pick up from here... I'm a survivor of domestic violence, and I've volunteered to help other victims. Sometimes we'll get a visitor here at this Linda forum who is a woman smack in the middle of a violent situation. The most important advice to stress is that if she is planning on leaving NOT TO TELL A SOUL. If she gives him any indication whatsoever that she wants to or is planning to leave, well, it's more likely the woman is murdered. See? It's when she's trying to leave. The other thing I stress is this::: there is a UNIVERSAL pattern to domestic violence. In other words, the same exact same psychological pattern is at work in HER head and in HIS head, whether she is rich and the abuser is a doctor, to if she is poor and on welfare. Whether they live in Africa, whether they live in England, or the U.S. Keeping those two things in mind, I'm very serious when I say to you that he is showing signs of a domestic abusive person. Even if he hasn't hit you YET. Either way, he IS being abusive to you, and so you must take this seriously. If your child is injured in any way, you will live with that decision for the rest of your life, and you will never forgive yourself. Do it for the child. ------------------
it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
quiksilver
Knowflake Posts: 97
From: new jersey, usa
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted April 05, 2004 11:15 PM
Dragonfly!!!!
I TOTALLY agree with Astro junkie on this one. Listen, take it from a Pisces who's been in very much the SAME situation (minus a child). I too once was with a Taurus and due to circumstances I won't get into on this thread, we are no longer together. Make no mistake, I was sick with pain and guilt when he left me (for a younger, barely legal Russian girl) after our 5 yrs. together. But if it had lasted any longer, I would be in a very bad way right now. I say all this still feeling like I still love him and still knowing that on some level, in some life, we are meant to be together. (I think,though I might be wrong). I have never felt so strongly or loved another person so deeply before. Granted I am only 27 so what the hell do I know but the point is that I was sick with grief when he finally left (but did not completely leave, you see, because he still does email me from time to time - probably out of guilt). Anyway, to summarize, our relationship was a series of love-hate incidences. Basically he was extremely critical of me in every way, and sometimes very cruelly so, to the point where I had no choice but to turn elsewhere. THen when he saw he was losing me, he'd do an about-face and beg and plead, cry like a small child, tell me he loved me and I was the only one who could understand him, etc. etc. By the end of one of these episodes I would feel completely and totally indespensable to him and feel as though I was the most important person in the world. He would dote on me to the nth degree, write beautiful peoms, you name it. This would go on for a while until he felt "safe" again and begin to neglect me or brush me off. Again, I would end up turning elswhere for sheer want of sharing a meaningful human experience, whether it was just a basic conversation to verify I was actually still alive, to actually going out with other guys. At first, it was totally innocent but then, after he would falsely label me as a "**** " and other such unmentionables as a result of me even just innocently talking to other guys, I did begin to date other people. Of course, when he found out, he would then claim that he was right all along, that I am a liar, etc. The truth of it is that he refused to ever really listen to me and acknowledge his part in our disatrous affair until it was too late. One day I realized that no matter what the reason, I didn't want to play the game anymore. I made up my mind to give it my all and not turn to anyone else even if he was nasty and mean and derogatory. I saw that even though this was the story about 50% of the time, the other 50% of the time, he was a doll, so sweet and kind. It killed me that he had this diabolical personality and I wanted to find out once and for all if it was reeally MY fault that he was such a jerk, if it was really all MY fault for gravitating towards other people and "giving up" on him so easily. Wow, was I in for the rudest of awakening. After months of relentless holding back on my part, never saying an unkind word, always being attentive and sweet and tolerant and forgiving--- he was still stepping all over me like it was going out of style. So you see, once I had firmly resolved to be the best I could be for him, he saw the ultimate truth in it, and was scared out of his mind, as I called his bluff. There was no longer anything to blame me for as I was truly the perfect little angel that he never had and guess what, it STILL wasn't good enough. In fact, I think it frustrated him even more because now he couldn't find fault with me and his smokescreen was effectively eliminated. As much as I feel love towards this individual, my hatred has suddenly resurfaced, my seething, loathing hatred for a wasted 5 yrs. of my life that I still to this day have trouble getting over. I hate that I feel so much and that he felt nothing. I hate that I always walked on glass and he did whatever the hell he wanted. I hate the fact that in his simpleminded bull-headed way, he no problem treating me horribly at times and even worse, showed no remorse at the end of it all. Nothing. Meanwhile, I was the one who to this day still remembers every single flaw of my own, everything I ever did wrong, every unkind word spoken. I feel shame where he feels nothing. No offense against the more enlightened Taurus people but you know what? For us Pisces they just don't live enough in our world of spirit. They're too much of this world, the material plane, and many seem to have little use for scrutinizing their own psyches for the purpose of higher development. It is a slow death, to be associated with this kind. Whether or not he is violent now, he will be in the future if you stay with him. Rest assured that if he does catch wind that you're leaving, he will pursue you so openly, relentlessly and shamelessly that you will wonder where all his newfound love for you ever came from. Then when he knows he has you, he will proceed not to care anymore. Till the next time you try to leave. What's more is that after several times of trying to leave, when you are finally too tired, too guilty and too worn out from life, he'll pull the Joker card on you and walk out. Mark my words, you do NOT want to be that girl. Maybe I'm too jaded from my own experience. In fact I know I am. But trust me, that's the path you're on. I say all this still feeling conflicted about my 5 yrs. with this person, so you can imagine just how much more torturous this is for me. While he, almost certainly barely even remembers what I look like anymore, why he left, or what I ever meant to him, if anything at all. Bitter? Yes, I am. ANd I know that one day I really need to let it go if I ever want to progress. All of this emotion is resurfacing in me because I see another poor fish being duped and I will at all costs say whatever I can to show you that it isn't worth it for this guy. If you were meant to be, it will happen in another life. In this life, your Taurus will never take true responsibility for his actions and most likely never give two thoughts about their effect on you (though he may try to argue QUITE CONVINCINGLY to the contrary). Sad but true. Please let me know your thoughts after reading this. I'm not being harsh, I'm just giving you the real deal. And unlike the true Pisces way, you gotta serve it up raw when you see a fellow fish about to be trampled by a bull. Believe me, you are destined for a higher path.....IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1732
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 06, 2004 01:15 AM
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it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16760
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted April 06, 2004 01:35 AM
Welcome!  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
dragenfly
Knowflake Posts: 2
From: san diego, ca 92104
Registered: Mar 2004
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posted April 08, 2004 09:35 PM
wow thank you so much for your words. Ive been so entangled in my own emotions that im actually doing what i can to not feel anything at all. i have been asking my self the same question for the past week. see i never told him i was leaving or that i was through with him, i still was begging with my eyes, to please stop what he was doing to us , to me. But at the same time i was letting go of all these painful emotions. kinda like i was coming to understanding that he may go or not go but either way i knew i was going to be okay. so i was no longer pleading and begging him to stay , but i wasnt leaving him either. so the next couple of days this pregnant (taurus also) girl kept calling looking for him. she would call all hours of the night. she came by a couple of times too. well i was always curtious to her and told her the truth i havn't seen him in days. well three days ago he pops in like usual and we were hanging out with a mutual friend. he was acting normal towards me and i was nonchelant with him. well after the friend leaves i thought he would go but he sat there for a while and then asked me if i wanted to have sex.(we have a great sex life) i didnt say anything i just stopped what i was doing and sat there and thought for a long time. he said its okay and that he shouldn't have asked me hat. but unfortunatly i was really horny. so i quickly decided this time im not excepting him to stay or to be faithful or to be anything with me. i knew he would **** around or whatever but i was going to be fine and me and him could be friends without resents.as the next three day went on i noticed his girl was always calling for him but didnt answer her calls. he still went about his day here at home and still did all his running around but he wasnt see her at all. he acted as though he was okay as us being friends. finally i asked him yesterday why he wasnt talking to her. he said he didnt want to deal with her luggage that he had his own to carry . he said he was tired of ******* with my head and hurting me. he said he didnt want to see her again. i said ok and left it at that and continued on my day doing the things i needed to do for me and my son. without ever trippen or dweeling on **** concerning him. well this girl is now desperatly calling all his friends giving them threatening messages to give to him saying to call her or else. well i wasnt going to be that sad foolish fish. so i doubted everything he said, stuff he was doing. i gave him not trust. just a friend . well my curiousity got the better of me and i snooped around once in a while to see if he was really staying away from her. well he hasnt seen her in 1 and a half weeks. and at home its just like we are really good friends that have a child together. now he went and applied for a job and has being a real friend to me when i needed one. without me saying anything. still no commitment is being stated on either of our sides. i want to believe that he is going to get his **** together and then try to make things right by me. but i know that i cant get my hopes up high and i cant trust him. but this is strange for him to be so responsible and a true friend. so far im just going to take each day one step at a time and always put me first along with my son. i am not going to give him my heart and i wont let his actions hurt me anymore. but i do want to keep my dreams of happiness with him in my heart. what you have told me has made me open my eyes alot more. thank you so much for your words of wisdom. i hope one day you will be okay within yourself and let go of your pain. you desevre to be happy when he not in your life anymore. not be miserable becuase of him even though things are done and over with.and thank you to everyone else who has also replied to my topic . i feel alot more in control of my sistuation and my emotions. i know where i will be going from here and i know i will be okay. thank you once again. your words have given me strength and encouragment that i really needed. thank you! skimming the surface of the picses stream, dragenflyIP: Logged |
quiksilver
Knowflake Posts: 97
From: new jersey, usa
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted April 08, 2004 10:03 PM
Dragonfly,
I am glad that you have found some sort of peace with the situation, at least for the moment. Interesting that he was seeing another Taurus. So was my ex whom I was talking about. You say that you have not told him in so many words what you've been thinking, but trust me, in light of his recent actions, he senses it. You don't have to say a thing. It is good to hear that he apparently is through with this girl. However, remember it has only been a week and a half. Also, you told me you are functioning as friends. This is fine but is this the end of the line for you? Do you only want a friend that has sex with you? I'm not saying it's wrong if it works for you but as a fellow Pisces, I couldn't live with just this. I'd rather forego any physical pleasure for the sake of a deep intellectual connection. It seems that "love" should be more than just "friends and sex". But again, I do not say it's wrong, as long as you are happy to live with it....
Lastly, be on guard. He is probably being faithful, as you say, but for how long. Even if it lasts for years, or a lifetime, are you satisfied with your spiritual progress with him? Is he aware of or concerned with such issues? Just some things to think about.Good luck to you!!!! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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