posted June 16, 2004 07:27 AM         

It was so much like everyone else's dating life. See what you think.

It's dating, not drama
Social Grace
by Charles "Social" Grace
Dear Social Grace,
First off, I realize that this is very wrong, so you don't have to tell me that. Basically, I have two guys I'm seeing. I was very monogamous, but the first boyfriend stopped telling me he loved me and didn't send me a Valentine's Day card -- and I haven't seen him in months. (I would have gone to see him, but I temporarily don't drive.) I was feeling neglected and lonely, so when I met another guy online and he offered to come see me, I jumped at the chance.

Now the first guy has said he has a gift for me and one for my mother. But he said he didn't feel comfortable with calling our relationship "love," and I don't know if I feel it anymore, anyway. The first guy lives in a small, cramped place with his sister and a roommate; the guy I just met has no way to support himself, and his family wants him to move with them -- which will put him an additional 100 miles from me. I was wondering if you could help me out with this crud.

-- D.S.

Dear Sir,

You are obviously a very creative person. What I'd like you to do, though, is channel that creative energy into something other than designing elaborate relationship problems. Perhaps you have a talent for screenwriting: You've taken a perfectly innocuous situation -- it's called "dating" -- and turned it into a melodrama. All you need is a case of amnesia or an evil twin, and you're ready for daytime television.

Many gay men have forgotten how to date. Larger society just doesn't encourage us to work on our same-sex dating skills; luckily, Social Grace is here to help. Some seem to have forgotten that between that first chat-room hookup and the professions of undying love, there should be a long process called getting to know one another -- or dating. During this period, before any serious commitments have been made, seeing more than one person at a time is absolutely acceptable (in fact, I encourage you to do so). Only by getting out there and meeting lots of people will you will meet the person who is right for you -- and I'm here to tell you that Mr. Right very likely is neither someone who doesn't see you for months nor someone who lives with his parents 100 miles away.

You have the skills you need to clean up your own crud. My advice to you: Date. Hold off on all the love talk until you're sure, and don't rush to call a man you just met your "boyfriend." Explore your options. Go ahead and see where the relationships you're in now lead, but don't let them stop you from exploring all possibilities -- or from exploring your own interests. Sometimes, the solution to trouble with boys is to ignore them for a while.

posted June 16, 2004 08:28 AM         

With women, not so promiscuous, but can get dramatic and emotional at times. Jealousy is more common.

Depending on the individual, some who've "resorted" to a homosexual lifestyle out of frustration with the hetero's will usually experience homosexual break-up's much more intensely, as they feel like they can't get it right either way.