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Author
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Topic: so embarrassed, but dont know what to do...help!
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purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 03:30 PM
 
My cancer guy and I get along perfectly in every way, except for "in bed". anyway, I didn't think that there was any problem before, but he just told me he is thinking of ending our relationship over the fact that he is very "well-endowed" and I am very small, so we are having some difficulties in that department. He says it breaks his heart, because he thought I was possibly "the one", but now he is very confused. He said he feels jipped, because in his other relationships, the girls were not nice or fun, but they could still have sex, and that he loves everything about me, but sex is taking work. He said he likes me sooo much, and is very attracted to me, and we always have fun together, but he doesn't want to hurt me (emotionally or physically) if we can't make it work. He said sex should be a release, but with me, it isn't, and the body wants what it wants, and he doesn't want to stray from me if this continues to be a problem. I am so devastated. I told him that "practice makes perfect", and that sex is only one aspect of a relationship, if everything else is perfect, why not try to work on things in that area? Love conquers all. He said he doesn't want to let me down if we cannot get past this, and he knows that we are both getting more and more attached to eachother. We talked for a long time last night, I was crying a lot. He said he felt sooo terrible. Not as terrible as I feel. Please help. IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 2338
From: Annapolis, Maryland USA
Registered: May 2002
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posted July 20, 2004 04:01 PM
edited for content  ~Pidaua IP: Logged |
hutchie
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: Toronto, Ontario Canada
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted July 20, 2004 04:06 PM
And, I too, don't mean to be too graphic - but I have yet to meet a guy who would complain about, um...a tight fit – unless it's because he is afraid of hurting you...I think your guy may be evading an emotional issue - turning to something that might be too awkward to discuss? IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 04:13 PM
thank you both so much. the main problem is that mr cancer says it is such a tight fit that he cannot feel anything. I know I still have a lot to discuss with him. I will of course keep you posted. IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 04:14 PM
pidua, your email addy is not in your profile. IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 2338
From: Annapolis, Maryland USA
Registered: May 2002
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posted July 20, 2004 04:18 PM
Edited for content I didn't want the little ones to read what i posted. IP: Logged |
Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 467
From: UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 07:52 PM
Hi Purplezen,
Thats really brave of you to share, dont be embaressed! 
As Im not a sexpert (lol who is!) but wanted to help you, I scouted my magazines for info regarding this problem and found something interesting... and don't worry, its a really good mag. (Glamour)
OK, here goes;
"Its too big"
First of all, if fear or worry is the problem, when woman tense up, the muscles of the vagina tighten, making penatration even harder.
The number1 gripe of woman dating well-endowed men is that is pokes their cervix, causing discomfort. To prevent this, she suggests positions that allow you to control the depth of penetration. An on-the-side-from-behind postion (like spooning) is good.
In addition, positions that increase the range of motion for you but reduce it for him can save you from discomfort.
Try having him sit on a chair while you stand over him, then lower yourself onto him. In the missionary position, you can control his thrust by where you place your legs. Close them and his penis can't go in as far.
Finally, if he's broad as well as long, you need to take action before choosing your position.
Lubricant isnt enough- you need to be fully turned on before he even enters you, which means alot of kissing, oral sex, whatever it takes.
"When I was younger, I had a bf with a really thick penis and it hurt alot." says Suzy, 34. "I used to get urinary tract infections. Looking back, I realised the sex could have been better if only there'd been more foreplay."
"My bf also has a thick penis," says Anne, 23. "And although we use lubricant, we have to have sex often or it was tight and sometimes painful."OK, Purplezen, thats all. Hope this helps and you feel better.  IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 08:02 PM
thanks for all the info sun-scorp. When mr cancer contacts me I will show him the info. IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Knowflake Posts: 457
From: nevada
Registered: Feb 2004
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posted July 20, 2004 09:54 PM
Baby oil is cheap and fun
IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein
Knowflake Posts: 194
From: Another timezone
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted July 20, 2004 10:28 PM
True lala  And KY liquid - if you're using condoms since oil may disintegrate them.Everyone has good advice here, Sun_Scorp's right about tightening when tense too I wish you well purp  ------------------
Sheaa Olein, previously Known as the Knowflake 'Special' IP: Logged |
NightCreature
Knowflake Posts: 59
From:
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted July 20, 2004 11:11 PM
All I can say is that if he really does love you, he wouldn't say something like that."If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return." -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 1757
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 11:44 PM
He sounds like he is acting like a jackass,I don't know this Cancer but that sounds like he is saying,
"It's your fault, you are built the way you are"
He loves YOU, your ego, your soul, not your sexuality, so what's the big deal??? This is his problem with you, not the other way around, don't feel guilty about your size. It's right to be emotional but I can't believe he would end it for that, and if he is then it's his loss. Maybe he'll come to his senses if you leave him alone for a while, Cancers do need space even though they don't show it, and he may need an emotional break. Sex is a huge responsibility for men and women, and many emotions are involved. Just give him space but don't discuss it too much. It's not a problem that can be fixed by talking!
You don't need to be fixed, he isn't helping things by making you upset emotionally because a woman can't relax if she's being criticized, Weird but I was thinking about this today,
because women and men always fetishize size in men when it's so bizarre. Some women are petite, there ought to be less emphasis on that aspect of making love and more on kissing and cuddling. If a man is a good kisser he can make you forget everything. If he is a bad kisser he's history. He's dust, and that's all that really matters. As long as you can kiss and cuddle, you have it made. Lots of times he will be too tired, or get older anyway, it's not like men are always ready to go. Better to have a backup plan anyway and if a man can't kiss and make it feel better than anything on earth, than you haven't found the right man. Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 1757
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 11:53 PM
Aloe vera gel works too, both pure and 99% pure
it lubricates, heals and eases pain all at the same time! However, I do think the Cancer is being really impatient. It takes months to make sex work, it's not just something you "do" like taking a girl out for a hamburger, it takes work.Maybe he is insecure? and wants to know if it's like this with other men? does he think you are holding out on him? If you have told him your sexual history and especially if you haven't been with a man in a while, he ought to understand. Tell him to be more understanding and be firm. Remember Cancers like the partner to be *sure*
That is communication too, telling someone something you believe in. It doesn't always have to be a compromise. When it comes to taking care of yourself physically, don't feel guilt. Natasha
IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 20, 2004 11:57 PM
thanks so much everyone. You all have some really good points. Tonite mr cancer called me. He said "where were you before?" in a sad voice. Apparently he called before and I did not answer the phone, I guess he expected me to sit around and wait for him to call...wrong! He did not bring up "the problem" again. He just asked me about my day and told me about his. He told me "please don't be sad", but I said I would not feel better until we talked in person. He said he would email me tomorrow and would probably call me tomorrow night. I did not bring up the subject again either. I'll keep you all posted. IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Reno, NV, USA
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted July 21, 2004 09:23 PM
Well, there is the possibility of surgery. But if you guys are really in love (which it sounds like you are), you will find a way to make it work Best wishes to you.IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 3204
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted July 21, 2004 09:32 PM
just need to step in and make sure no one is dispensing any medical advice, for legal reasons...but Purplezen - i know very little of what you are challenged with - you know? like i cannot imagine and we all feel a lot of frustration for you. i would speak to several doctors, and several specialties before doing anything rash. IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Reno, NV, USA
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted July 21, 2004 11:09 PM
Well said, I would definitely see a doctor, and go from there.IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 21, 2004 11:17 PM
Thanks so much everyone. Mr cancer invited me over tonite to talk. He greated me with an apology, a hug, and an icecream sundae. He said that while sex is an issue, he is willing to be patient. He also said there is something he did not tell me: he got scared because he likes me so much, that he wanted to make sure his feelings were real, and from now on he wants to take it slow with me. He said he would be proud to remain my boyfriend. Tonite we just talked and cuddled and kissed.  IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Reno, NV, USA
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted July 21, 2004 11:59 PM
Aww, that is so sweet I'm glad you guys figured things out. Let us know how things go  IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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