posted September 23, 2004 12:23 PM         

(Funny, I usually say, "Hey Mama" to my girlfriends when they call me up, or vice versa )

Anyhow... I didn't read your other post about this situation. But I have a couple questions.

How long have you two been dating?

I also what to ask you what your idea of unconditional love is...

I have a few thoughts on unconditional love that I would like to share.

I don't believe loving someone unconditionally means staying with them demons and all. For example, if a woman is being abused by her husband (or vice versa for that matter... it happens ). The person can still love the abuser unconditionally and kick them to the curb at the same time. To love someone unconditionally doesn't necessarily mean staying together forever... it simply means loving them, demons and all. You don't have to be in a relationship with the person to love them.

I believe this scenario applies to any situation where unconditional love can be applied: Parent/Child, Lovers, friends.

Love shouldn't have conditions, but relationships should ALWAYS have conditions.

Another example from my life...

My mother is a raging alcoholic. She's also Bipolar and suffers from psychotic episodes. I love my mother unconditionally, but the relationship has conditions. She has crossed my boundaries too many times so I have had to close the relationship. Doesn't mean I don't love her still. My love has no conditions, ALL of my relationships (aside from my children) have conditions.

I have tried to explain this to my husband who went through a serious bout of depression. During that time, he was being a real jerk and I had to make him leave. He asked me, "What about loving me unconditionally?" I told him, "I do love you unconditionally, but I also love myself enough to set personal boundaries. You have crossed them one too many times. I'm sorry. I love you, but we're going to be separated for a time." (in hopes he would pull his head out of his arse ... which he did ). Now that we've gone through this, he understands what I meant when I said I loved him unconditionally, but he still had to go. He respects me more now (for having done that) than ever before.

I don't know if any of this applies to you. I hope it has been of some help.

posted September 23, 2004 01:18 PM         

The first year of the relationship is what I like to call the "honeymoon" period. Usually everyone's on their best behavior for fear their loved one might not stay if they knew how crazy they are. We're all nutz, IMO

After the first year, THEN you really know each other... warts and all.

I'd say, give it some time. Your relationship is still very new and you're still feeling each other out. I advise that you never second guess each other. Rather, always go to each other with your questions about how or what the other person is thinking. Open dialog is the best thing for a healthy relationship.

I believe people are brought together in relationships for very important reasons. One can always learn something very valuable from the other.

What is it that the two of you are teaching each other?

posted September 23, 2004 09:44 PM         

Confession/Vote here.

I'm scared to death of getting what I always wanted. Even in romance. I'd have to walk around with a mirror 24 hours a day to figure out what I keep doing wrong.

As for the boundaries subject, real love is for realness. (I could say I'm Sag that way - and moreso lately ...)

.gloria