Posts: 18
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted October 09, 2004 01:25 AM         

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ok, so i have this situation with a cappy. i know this is really weird, but i need to tell someone... he was my teacher 4 years ago. we were kind of friends and i emailed him after i graduated and we talked back and forth pretty frequently. i kind of liked him, but had a boyfriend at the time, so i pushed those thoughts out of my head. well, the cappy was close to me and we talked about some very private matters, emotions, past relationships, ect. he told me he told me things he had never told anyone before. he did however, have an annoying habit of not writing me back sometimes and ignorning when i would write that i was upset. he forgot my birthday, ect. it just seemed as though he always wanted control over the relationship and would write back when he wanted to express this "power". well, he started to see this girl again he was somewhat involved with before. he wrote her more than me ofcourse, and this ofcourse made me feel even worse. i realized i liked him a little too much "rollseyes: and told him that i was in love with him and it was wrong because i had a boyfriend. i went in to see him one more time at his work and he treated me like crap. i wrote back and said you are not my friend, don't ever talk to me again. then.... 2 years later, i was still extrememly bothered by the situation and felt like i never had confirmation on just how he felt for me. i mean, why would you write a former student who is 15 years younger than you sometimes twice a day about intimate affairs if you didn't care about her? i contacted him just two months ago. i told him i loved him still and asked him out. he said no. i then wrote him a very long and heartfelt email saying that i really missed his friendship and that i felt as though we ended on such a bad note that i needed resolution. he did not write back. i later found out that the girl he had been dating when we last talked got married (not to him - he loved her but she never loved him)on the day i wrote the letter. i im'ed him and said i was sorry i wrote such a letter on such a bad day. he apologized for not writing back and said he had so much to say and would be in touch. so.... i started to write to him again. he did not respond. i wrote multiple letters and realizing he was very busy, just waited for a response. i never got one. i got mad. i got really mad. i got even more mad when i heard he went to a party with my friends (friends from my class and also 15 years younger than him). i mean if he didn't want to be my friend, ok, but why go and rub it in by stealing my own friends? i b*tched him out. he wrote back and was like, what did i do, so i wrote back and told him. i b*tched at him for everything... for ignoring me, for leading me on, ect. he didn't write back. i just wrote him another email saying i am sorry you lack the maturity to end what was a meaningful relationship in a peaceful way. i tried to get some resolution on what he felt for me, but he wouldn't even throw me a bone. and then to top it off, he said earlier it was nice to hear from you again because i needed some resolution to the matter again too. BUT... he never responded. i never got my resolution...what a *ucking jerk!!!!! i told him in this last email that i finally have my resolution. and that he will never know if i love him or hate him. i wanted to hold the power for once. but i'll let you guys in on the secret....i hate him. i know this probably makes no sence, because it is such a long story and i tried to condense it. i just wonder what your opinion is on why he acted like he did, starting a relationship with me and then acting like it never existed and refusing to repsond to any quesions i had that would have really given me some resolution. sorry for the long posts guys!

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Posts: 4594
From:
Registered: Nov 2003

posted October 09, 2004 12:40 PM         

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It's OK - I know how it feels to be free from an oppressive kind of love which keeps drawing you back in ways you cannot understand. Just remember, THE most important thing here is to not repeat the same mistake again. Remind yourself it's better to deal with the struggle to move on because in the end you will be free.

Congratulations on your most brave progress!

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Posts: 18
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted October 10, 2004 12:25 AM         

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thank you for your kind words astro. i guess you really do understand what i am going through. i WAS and admit still am somewhat inexplicably drawn back to him. i think we had a very heavy karmic influence. astrologically this was very evident, in multiple nep., sat. and pluto contacts. i am a cap. rising, taurus sun, virgo moon. he is a cancer rising, cappy sun, taurus moon. talk about contacts! i always knew what was going on in his life without him ever telling me. i proved this on many occasion. i just *felt* he was really meant for me. it's very hard to have no resolution to the matter on his part, BUT i am not going to try to get any anymore. i am done! i blocked his email, just so i won't check my email everyday for years hoping he suddenly wanted to restore contact and apologize. there... i did it! i'm proud of myself.... now, i just need to focus on myself. what will be will be.

just a quesion to you all.... did anyone else have this type of "flirty" relationship with a teacher? what happened? do you have resolution? do you think the teacher likes the attention, but feels the need to have it one sided and hold the power? just wondering galls. tell me your stories! it'll help me get over it!!!!!

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Posts: 4594
From:
Registered: Nov 2003

posted October 10, 2004 03:07 AM         

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Yeah, reading what you say is actually bringing tears to my eyes, but I must tell you in all honesty, only because you have been successful in breaking away from this. If not, I'd be, well, disappointed. There is no way I would ever get involved with a teacher unless the playing field was even.

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