posted October 19, 2004 12:01 PM
dear natasha,"Factors that had a significant role in shaping the quality of psychological intimacy in the last 5 to 10 years of these relationships (recent years) were the absence of major conflict, a confrontive conflict management style between partners, a sense of fairness about the relationship, and the expression of physical affection between partners."
WOW! that's so right-on. i've come to the conclusion that the best relationships (the most intimate & successful) are ones:
-that are affectionate and supportive
-in which communication plays an important part, and each partner is free to say what he/she thinks or feels
-where the couple fights productively
genuine intimacy involves being a bit naked with someone else. it requires self-disclosure. it also means being sensitive to another person and their needs.
we all bring a certain amount of baggage...we're all coming into a relationship from 'a certain place'. i guess we need to know where that place is, what's in that place, in order to avoid negative behavior and thought patterns. you know, relationship sabotage. we need to know ourselves.
these days, i feel a lot more comfortable with myself. i'm more secure. i'm better at self-disclosure. and being in this place, it makes the relationships i have now MUCH more fair, open, honest, loving, energizing, productive. if something happens that bothers me, i speak up about it, but i don't go into some kind of attack mode and start wrecking things because i'm disgruntled. i realize now i actually feel kind of healthy. it's weird! (of course, i still have my moments. ESPECIALLY with my family. god - why is it that our parents and/or siblings have this near perfect ability to bring out the worst in us sometimes? but i digress.)
basically, in a healthy relationship, both partners are always growing and improving. healthy relationships bring out the best in us.
sincerely,
chrissy