posted November 03, 2004 12:20 PM         

ok, so in the dream i heard about a new romantic movie compared to 'say anything' (in reality this has got to be one of my favorite 80s romances, besides 'the sure thing') where the stars were drew barrymore and nick cage. i remember thinking this was an odd pairing, and THEN i heard that the 2 stars in the movie actually hated each other; the romance in the film was created entirely due to EDITING. this was a big disappointment to me, as for some reason it made me think of the sweet romance in 'say anything' (remember when he points out the broken glass on the ground? all my life i've been looking for a lloyd dobler - me, the girl who reads the dictionary) and doubt its validity. then, the scene kind of changed, and i was at the bottom of a very steep climb...as i looked up, i saw these whirling disks of colored light. they were pastel-ish. as i looked up, they wirled and whirled and kind of bounced around, a lot of them, together, kind of graduated so that they appeared to be steps. but there was no way i could make it up those! and then as i contemplated climbing them, i realized that i didnt know what they were made of - air or something more solid like rock? that's pretty much the end.

i realize i have commitment issues. i mean, i know i have astrological influences contributing to this, and i've often joked about it. i have an aqua sun/moon midpoint, a sag moon/3rd house, uranus conjunct the AC, an aqua venus, a mutual reception between venus and uranus, an aqua NN in the 5th house, an aqua 5th house cusp, no planets in the 7th, and a stellium in sag (moon, jupiter, neptune).

but a dream such as this really hits home how much anxiety i have over being involved with someone. i really LIKE the guy i'm seeing right now. but sometimes i get all freaky.

luckily he has a gemini moon and his venus is conjunct uranus, so he understands my independence and freakishness about 'my space' (though last night upon further inspection of his chart i discovered he has a mutual reception, too, with venus-pluto...i have yet to determine what exactly this might mean for him).

anyways, does anyone else get freaky like this? have weird anxiety dreams? keep waiting for the ball to drop so you never really invest? wonder if it's worth it? anything? what aspects or sign & house placements you think influence this tendency in you?

posted November 03, 2004 02:02 PM         

My dreams the last two nights have been very vivid though, and I put a lot of emotion into them. I think I even caught myself talking in my sleep!

Dreaming is the greatest subject. It serves several purposes, one of which is keeping one sane.

posted November 03, 2004 07:20 PM         

I have been told to commit and forget about it, but if you commit to one thing ever noticed how it doesn't turn out at all what you wanted? You end up wanting something totally different and are then told you are changing your mind. But reality changes constantly.

Sure being loyal is good, but when the reality is totally different than what you dreamed of, I don't think the dreams are the problem. I think the reality is often unacceptable.

Yes with Venus in Aries I am told by astrologers my biggest problem will be commitment to one thing, especially relationships. And it's true it's a rocky road. LIke you I tend to gravitate towards those with a Gemini Moon or Venus aspecting Uranus, the problem is that although these friends make me feel calm, I do not progres in anyway if I spend too much time with them.

My suggestion to you is to spend time with Gemini Moon friend, but watch fire signs and emulate their confidence at least. You will start to feel like your dreams and reality are coming together.

I try to strike a balance, but I do have very vivid dreams all the time and I know I have to get out there and make decisions and changes.

The best way to cure that anxiety for me is to study Leos, works for me.

posted November 03, 2004 07:24 PM         

Do you have anything regarding suffocation in your history or past lives?

posted November 03, 2004 07:33 PM         

But religion was a huge issue too. He was Mormon, and pressured my very passive-aggressively to convert, which I was very upfront about with him that if he wouldn't consider converting to Catholicism (he said, absolutely no) that he had no right to expect me consider converting to his religion. He got angry with me because, after he avoiding questions I asked him about the LDS church, I did my own research, and was horrified by what I found. In return I resented him hiding the things I found out from me. He claimed I was being influenced by "anti-Mormon propagandists" or "discontented Ex-Mormons"(which I also resented) and I showed him that nearly everything I got was from Mormon pulbishers, and some of it directly from their "holy" books. (I'm sure there's Mormons around here that will want to defend their church - but please save that for another thread in another forum for someone who cares, as I've been through all those arguments before, wasn't convinced then and don't wish to revisit them again now.)

In my dreams, I dreamt of a dragon that at first was asleep, or I would approach it with a knife or sword, that I knew I was supposed to use to kill the dragon. I would be marveled by the dragon's size and the irridescent sheen of his scales,a nd would have to tell myself that I knew in my heart the dragon was evil. In one dream I had, the dragon was awake and told me he was capturing people to devour later and pointed to a cage with hundreds of people in it. Int he very last dream, I giving birth to a baby that supposedly was father by my boyfriend, and it turned out to be a dragon. The very next day, a theology professor confronted me about dating this guy (he knew this guy's mother, who, for lack of better words, had serious issues), and asking why a woman so independant minded who want to have a long term relationship with such a person. I couldn't give him an answer, and broke up with the guy that evening for good.

posted November 03, 2004 09:43 PM         

No dragons, but there is usually some sort of beast to slay, maybe my anxieties? And then I am given a reward which I cannot accept as I do not feel I earned it.

A therapist would say fear of commitment for me comes from powerlessness, fear, anxiety, guilt, and a desire to be stronger. Fear of the weight of the relationship, like many men I do all the supporting in the relationship. I am afraid of supporting the relationship and at the same time afraid of not supporting it since I am capable.

Many times I do have to kill someone I love very much, in order to prove to a higher power I can be worthy of one great love,
obviously I am guilty about loving too many people at once and can't decide even in my dreams. (Remember that I have Neptune conjunct ascendant opposite the sun)

My commitment phobia is so deep, I couldn't really tell you who I loved sometimes. That kind of anxiety is normal I think, but it drives me crazy not to know. I constantly pick men who pick on my looks, so I must think I need to change, but then I refuse to follow the plan.

I pick men who are horrible to me about criticism. To them I have no redeeming qualities most of the time, which leads to me feeling guilty. This is called undermining and I am used to it. I find it easier as I get older to avoid it.

The best advice I can give is to follow people, who you trust, if you do, things go right in your life.

Love to me is a state, a feeling, I can't explain. Something to do with power, and a feeling of specialness? Very rare.

I have faith in a new job, a new baby, a new relationship, as for love I share that with old friends. But I can't see falling in love with someone and totally being head over heels forever in love. Maybe I will share my life with an old friend, or meet someone new who is my entire life and vice versa.

But I can't imagine being in love with someone who thinks I am beautiful, I just dont' value the physical as much as others do. I change my looks, hair, clothes so often I forget what I look like sometimes, so I just don't believe men when they tell me I am pretty. This becomes a problem when I think they are being insincere to make me feel better, or when they look at other women. It's very hard to know how to feel.

That is why I am picky because, I need to know if the man I am with is sincere as a person. If I find the person I am with isn't the real deal, I feel totally cheated. As if I am drinking flat beer instead of champagne.

My Virgo placements make me very neurotic about my looks, look at Michael Jackson!
Well, at least no plastic surgery yet. As for now I am settling for being a redhead and blond in summer. No more black hair, I was starting to feel like an Elvis impersonator. Plus with light blue eyes and pale skin I was really washed out.

I am still interested in marriage, but for the right reasons, for a real commitment, that is a commitment to who I am right now, not the better person I could become, or another version.

I have a strange gift of being attractive to men who would like to see a certain version of me that does not exist, yet they believe it exists and they want to magnify it, if that makes sense. If a man battles me on this and wins, he is always happy and I am never happy, and vice versa. It's scary to commit to someone when you know your entire life will change, and it does, even if it's for the better.

I believe change is good for a Taurus, but I am also a Sag Mars, and already am restless. I do need earth under my feet, but from a man who can contain me, and of course he can only do that if I am the only one for him. It's tough to commit if the one you love has to commit first, but it's not a game, I need to feel, for lack of a better word, caught.

posted November 04, 2004 04:49 PM         

do you have a venus-neptune aspect? i ask because gloria does, and i have this good book, aspects in astrology by sue tompkins, that i typed out the quintile stuff from, and i also typed out info on her venus-neptune aspect for gloria. you said something that resonated with what that book said about that particular aspect...that you often find the reality, well, wanting. i wish i could remember the name of the thread. it's around somewhere. if you have one, you gotta read that stuff i typed out from the book, it's so good. the information the book gave me on my sun-pluto and moon-pluto aspects (both 0° aspects!) was so right on. it somehow hit the nail on the head on certain issues i somehow have surpressed.

anyway, you've got a point about the fire signs. i have been wondering this: with a stellium in sag - one of those planets being my moon, and my DC in aries, you'd think i'd wind up with a fire sign or someone with a lot more fire in him than gemini moon guy. he actually does have his sun/moon midpoint in sag, on my moon, and he has jupiter in leo and neptune in sag. but...what i am attracted to most about him is sort of a mix between that gemini moon & venus-uranus conjunction, his virgo sun/merc/saturn, plus all of his scorpio is nice. i find their (his) intensity compelling. but that gut level attraction occurs most for me with air & earth (my mars in cap, i suppose...plus all my aqua stuff). earthy sensuality and heady talk, that gets to me. i guess im not as comfortable as i should be with my aries DC (it conjuncts my mercury in aries, i dont know why i shouldnt feel ok with it) or my sag moon (i love to read and travel, educate and be educated, get emotionally recharged by doing something spontaneous and fun so this baffles me, too). i guess what it is is i recognize and appreciate the fire qualities in myself, but i am not really attracted to fire in other people, except with regard to passion, maybe - enthusiasm for one's work and life in general is a pleasure to encounter. maybe i have weird family connotations with fire, aries in particular. my sister is an aries sun, moon, mars and she drives me nutso. she's actually studying to be a counselor and she is so messed up and tactless it disturbs me. but, i dont want to get into that.

i think i can relate to where your fear of commitment comes from. it's a mix for me, too...i want my own space & freedom, but i also want to be stronger...sometimes i dont feel as strong as i wish i was. it's an almost pathological desire. where this comes from, im not so sure. i obsessively wait for the ball to drop - i have esteem issues i'm sure. self-worth issues. also, im afraid. i know we all are. im afraid to give up, to give someone else a bit of control. and in a relationship that's kind of what you do. at least, it sometimes seems that way. things with gem boy are good so far, but it's new. what i like about him is that he makes me feel so good, so mature (my being 7 years older than him certainly helps this, hah). when issues have arisen, i've dealt with them so maturely than i've shocked myself. im surprised im not running away or lashing out or being silent. so FAR, anyway. and it's only happened a couple times. i like that he puts me on a pedastal (my neptune is in his 1st house, and is 5 degrees away from his ascendant) and thinks i can do no wrong - you know what?! i've NEVER dated a guy like this! it seems ive always picked people who inevitably find fault with me and leave, blaming it all on me. like you, i wonder what my motivations are for doing this. why? jeez. im intelligent and attractive, joyful, kind, compassionate, creative, charismatic individual. not to toot my own horn, but jeez! why pick ultimately hateful men? why pick men who lie to me? why pick mean who are in the end, insincere? i do this all the time, it seems. and darnit, i think it's good to celebrate the wonderful about ourselves, natasha! we are amazingly astute people who are incredibly talented and even brilliant (shiny, too). and yes, i'm trying to toot your horn. you deserve it, and i mean it. i love the posts i read of yours - you're serious and thoughtful, articulate, sensitive, bright. i don't know why we pick bad situations for ourselves sometimes. i guess it may really come down to what psychologists and therapists always say, it's about playing out childhood patterns. BUT - as always, at least it's a learning experience. and i think age helps us to be wiser.

anyway, i digress.

gemini nymph, your dreams slash nightmares sound most like my own. entanglements...i guess much like an aquarian i like the idea of freeing myself from them. i celebrate the entanglements my family, pets, & loved ones represent and rejoice in what they give to me and what i can give to them, and also what we share together, but when it comes down to romantic relationships i often find myself scornful and uninterested. but then that damn singleton pisces sun pops up and makes me feel connected and passionate with that rare individual (who sometimes ends up being a total waste of my time and not worthy of my attention) or i watch a movie like say anything and i sigh, yess, it IS worth it, it feels GOOD.

but still, i have dreams like the one above, which i can still call to mind vividly. those damn rotating pastel disks were impossible to climb and i didnt even attempt it. i didnt even know what they were made of so how could i even try? what if i feel right through?

i am sorry to hear of your experience with mr. mormon. it sounds awful, and you have my empathy. you are great, too, and worthy of being treated so much better than that.

chrissy

posted November 05, 2004 06:24 AM         

Venus, the good aspects are to mercury in the 7th, Mars in the 1st, and the bad one is to the Moon/8th. Reality is tough for all my loved ones, I feel I am sort of balancing in the middle. That is why my friends are more important than family. New friends are always coming into my life to help,

I know what you mean about moon in gemini making you feel mature. My ex had this and even though he's close to 50, I still made all the decisions, not because he couldn't but because he had faith in me. That made me happy.

posted November 05, 2004 03:55 PM         

Being a Sag, I get freaky about commitment. My bf wants to get married and have kids and all, but I keep backing out because I can't commit if I'm not totally sure. And I'm not sure at all if he's the one. In fact, I'm almost sure he isn't. But I have a moon in Taurus which makes me stay and also makes me paranoid of rocking the boat.

Such confusion!! I guess I hope he will find someone else that is more suited for him (or vice versa) but in the meantime, he is a totally possessive and suffocating Capricorn with Pisces moon. Thankfully, he has a few Aquarian aspects which makes our friendship strong, so when the romance eventually fails, we can still be great friends.