posted December 01, 2004 09:41 PM         

I recently came to realize, admit and accept that I am in love with one of my oldest and dearest friends. I'll just call him Gemini. We first met in 7th grade in 1985. It took a few months, but we found out that we were born in the same hospital near St. Louis, had moved from that area to central Missouri about the same time, and finally met up in extreme southwest Missouri. I admit he was my first big crush when I started school there, but our relationship soon changed into more of a grand sibling rivalry. We were both very competitive in nature when it came to school, especially in regards to each other. His younger sister was in my mom's Girl Scout troop, through which our mothers became good friends as well. Somehow we always understood each other. Most of our classmates had known each other since the day they were born and many were related to each other. They all had family within one hour of town, if not in town. Gemini and I both had to travel at least six hours to visit our closest relatives. In a very small, close knit community we were definitely the odd ones out. We actually got to where we called each other brother and sister, and when someone new did move into town it took them awhile to understand that Gemini and I actually weren't related. Irish Eyes was one of those, though she soon became another sister in the Odd Ones Out club.

Even after my family returned to central Missouri our families stayed close. And when we left for college I went back to southwest Missouri and he came to central Missouri. After I married and returned to New Franklin Gemini and I didn't have much contact, maybe a passed on status report from our mothers after their yearly phone call. That is until his father received a promotion and his parents moved to New Franklin, two blocks from my parents. His mother started teaching at a nearby school, where my sister (whom I share a house with) now teaches.
A few years ago we got back in contact with each other (okay I called him.) Every four months or so I call him to see how he is and to update him on the other "Long Lost" sister, Irish Eyes. God bless her, Irish has been trying for years to open my eyes to what she clearly saw. Last month he finally came to New Franklin to visit his parents, something he rarely does. I still had his birthday present from a year and a half ago, so I went by to drop it off. I had not laid eyes on him in almost six years. I almost feel sorry for his girlfriend who was there with him. To come into her boyfriend's parents' home and come face to face with a strange woman who obviously has a long history with said boyfriend. Anyway, Gemini and I talked for a little and then I left. No big deal, though he did hug me pretty tight and didn't seem to want to let go, but that could be my imagination, though I don't think so. That night I spoke with Irish (as usual) I told her about our visit. She once again posed the question as to why Gemini and I never even dated. I told her she was nuts, enough said. Except I really began thinking abut what she had been saying all these years. I woke up on a Monday morning and the first thought in my head was "I'm in love with him." I waited. I waited for my heart to stop and my stomach to sink, which was what always happened when I said to myself I was in love with someone. It didn't happen. So I said it out loud to myself and again waited. Nothing happened, except I grinned against my will and kept grinning all day.

It has taken me nearly 20 years to realize exactly what Gemini means to me. And I have come to understand that I will love him the same as I do now no matter what happens down the road. There's a part of me that still wants to run from this, but a stronger part of me that wants to shout it from the rooftops, which wouldn't be a problem except for: his family, my family, his girlfriend, my son, almost 200 miles, etc, etc, etc. I can't just call him up and say "Oh, by the way, I'm in love with you." But I don't want to play games to get into his life either. I'm in a bit of a quandry as to what to do, though that is mostly my impatience getting the better of me, because I know that eventually one day everything will go the way it is meant to. But after 20 years my patience is pretty thin.

Thank you for letting me chatter and any insights woudl be greatly appreciated.

posted December 01, 2004 11:24 PM         

I had a relationship like this with an Aqua, we ended up as romantic friends. I am probably the only person who feels that long distance relationships are more romantic than usual.

Use the distance to your advantage. Tell him you want to visit but you have to spend the weekend because it's so far away. He will most likely offer to put you up for at least one day and night, don't be a stranger, go right in!

Be friendly and warm, but not emotional, if you can't stay with him, stay near him and let him know you want to see him and spend time with him for at least one full day.

Since you are a Leo I can't imagine he would turn down the time with you.

invite him to your home for a weekend, and get a sofabed ready. Treat him like any other guest, or like a family member at first. Turn on the warmth. Offer him a drink when's he's comfy and talk, share, talk some more.

If he has Venus in Cancer this ought to work out, maybe a little harder with Venus in Gemini or Taurus, let us know!

posted December 02, 2004 11:57 PM         

lovely - I have no problem given my signs or his. I have done a little probing into our astrology, guided by Linda and Relationship Signs. (Thank You Linda!) Before I do though, here's a little more of the story for you.
I have always loved history and have been a student of the War for Southern Independence (American Civil War to most) since I was very young. In fact, I really started my self-study after I met Gemini. In college I had an experience with past life recall that made some other experiences make more sense. I know I lived during the war, a Southerner who didn't agree with slavery, but did agree with the fight for state soveriegnty. I was in love with a man who was either a Northerner or a southern Union sympathizer, I'm not sure. I know that I chose the love of my home over the love of this man. I'm not positive about this, but I believe I became a nurse, traveling with the Army of Tennessee. Whether I did or not, I somehow ended up at Chickamauga (northern Georgia) and found Samuel (I know that was his name) mortally wounded on the battlefield.
When I saw Gemini again recently after so many years, one of the things I realized was that his soul, the feel of it, is the exact same as the feeling of Samuel's when I dream of that time. I reached back in my memory and admitted that I always felt safe and comfortable around him and that when we did disagree we would still like each other. I'll give our signs here soon, but I found it interesting that many of the "harsh" aspects between us come from him to me, whereas if you look at my signs to his they appear less tense. Anyway, here's our signs. Please let me know if you have any insights. Thank You!!

ME
Sun - Leo, Moon - Aquarius, Mercury - Leo, Venus - Virgo, Mars - Taurus, Jupiter - Aquarius, Saturn - Cancer, Uranus - Libra, Neptune - Sagittarius, Pluto - Libra

HIM
Sun - Gemini, Moon - Taurus, Mercury - Gemini, Venus - Gemini, Mars - Pisces, Jupiter - Aquarius, Saturn - Gemini, Uranus - Libra, Neptune - Sagittarius, Pluto - Libra

posted December 04, 2004 07:35 PM         

Alright already! Now do you beleave me that there is something to this? I am going to do my best to help with this. I am behind you 100%, you know that!

posted December 06, 2004 12:22 AM         

pixelp - Thank you. To tell you the truth, if it wasn't happening to me I probably wouldn't believe it.

Blessings all.

LLL

posted December 07, 2004 07:03 PM         

Blessings all