posted December 27, 2004 09:33 AM         

he is just soo full of anger for some unknown reason and takes it out on the family. he cant live with anyone...he moved into my flat when i moved out and my flatmates were in a high state of distress. he just refuses to compromise and he says he hates the fanily.

its really distressing to me becos at 20 he doesnt have any friends. he blames my mum for moving him around when in fact it was becos of the fact that he doesnt get along with anyone that he moved. also , his friends are still in london, where he lives...and when you mention that he says he doesnt have a car so how can g=he get about.

its such a headache for the whole family becos my parents think he is suicidal so tehy try and appease him all the time. its torture for me becos my mum is going through so much and she just doesnt need this.

i am sooo distressed...i just cry all the time and its becos of my mum. i'm such a cancerian.
she is handling it but i feel bad that she has to have such a burden.

my brother is sooo selfish and all he does is take take take...i swear theres no reason he should be mad at the family but he is.

its been like this for too long. i personally think its an emotional blackmail thing becos he knows that no matter what he does, we love him and always forgive him.

sometimes i hate him so much for what he is doing but i really cant. i am just trying to protect myself selfishly, i guess. and everytime my mum points out his negative, i always turn them into a positive to try and protect her i guess.

he is soo paranoid. he thinks people look at him, people talk about him and so on.

i dont know what to do cos i am intrisically linked, it seems, to my familys happiness.

i already feel much better typing this words out...but it really sucks that things cant be perfect. it soo surreal that the disfunction is in my home.

i always thought that if you have a sh*t start in life, the rest of it turns out good.

my ex-flatmates and i have had 3 aries guy flatmates and they all turn out to be fairly diificult to live with. one of them ended up in a mental institution.

i would appreciate any advice on communicating with him

posted December 28, 2004 04:32 AM         

Planetary positions
planet sign degree house motion
Sun Aries 25°10'35 04 direct
Moon Libra 13°33'35 10 direct
Mercury Taurus 06°12'13 04/5 retrograde
Mercury is technically near the end of house 4 and is interpreted in house 5.
Venus Aries 08°46'37 03/4 direct
Venus is technically near the end of house 3 and is interpreted in house 4.
Mars Scorpio 27°47'29 12 retrograde
Jupiter Capricorn 12°37'07 01 direct
Saturn Scorpio 14°25'48 11 retrograde
Uranus Sagittarius 13°14'21 01 retrograde
Neptune Capricorn 01°22'57 01 retrograde
Pluto Scorpio 00°54'40 10 retrograde
True Node Gemini 07°15'44 06 retrograde

posted December 28, 2004 04:27 PM         

Aries don't gel with the whole "family" thing very well. Unfortunately, that's a fact. They don't like the responsibility, emotional or otherwise.
To an extent they need to be looked after, but resent other people's doing things for them, since they are fiercely independent. They can struggle with this whole dependence/independence issue. Therein lies the dilemma.

Your brother sounds a little like I was at age 20! (I have Sun OPP Pluto.) I think he is still trying to find his feet. Give it a few more years. It may seem frustrating for everyone around, but that's just Aries...albeit the negative side. Not all Aries are bad, trust me. Although a lot of us have problems with anger, we're mostly just temperamental!

LOL

posted December 28, 2004 06:36 PM         

College would be good for him though, even at least some structure would be good for his self esteem.

posted December 28, 2004 06:52 PM         

anyways, i have adviced to see a counselor, just to egt this off his chest because he doesnt seem to trust us, his family, with his feelings.

anything that makes me so miserable is the way i deal with. i shout and i am blaming. and i freak out cos i express myself loudly and harshly when mad with my loved ones becos i guess you know theyll always be there...subconsciously, i think. but then i realise how sensitive he is and fear i am making him feel worse.

i truly dislike myself and just wish i could take evrything back.

i am the elder sister...ver y emotional elder sister (cancer/cap)

but i feel better to know that he will grow out off it, cos its been a while he's been like this. i just want him to be happy, thats all.

thanks

posted December 30, 2004 03:21 AM         

As negative as this sounds, I have learned that Aries demand upfront, but in time they can repay you multifold. They are very much like their element, fire: in order to get a fire burning, sometimes you have to add more and more fuel. Sometimes the fire ignites readily with only a match; othertimes, the conditions are more difficult, and it takes more fuel, more effort and even occasionally reignition. But if you don't give up, eventually that fire will burn brightly, and give you much warmth and illumination. As one of my Aries pals once told me about his extremely needy ego, "I know have a big ego, and I need a lot from other people, but once I figured out how to love people in return, it turned out I had a lot of love to give them." This kind of friendship/relationship isn't for everyone of course, but for me personally, the kind of love an Aries is capable of giving you, with all its enthusaism, inspiration, creativity and sheer enthrallment for living, is without price or substitute.

All of my Aries male friends have been damaged goods, certainly - these are souls that in their own way are very innocent, vulnerable and sensitive, so they are easily injured and traumatized in their young age by things like unstable homes, divorce, sibling conflicts and competition, parental abuse and neglect, so fortgh. Most of my Aries friends have struggled with seriously self-destructive behavior that is rooted in negative childhood experiences, and some have sadly died as the result of their struggles.

Because Aries is a cardinal fire sign, it's way of handling negative past experiences is "full steam ahead." They run from their problems until they exhaust themselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Then they become extremly depressed and despondant as any fire sign that has lost its fire, its raison d'etre, would. They have trouble accepting responsibility because the past is simply overwhelming and truly frightening for Aries, which is a future-oriented sign par excellance. Aries instinctively sees needing help as a weakness - it is afterall the great initator of the Zodiac, the first in line, the one who starts it all on its own. This is a serious dilemma for Aries men, as our society informs them that "real" men should resolve their own problems.

For what you have said about your brother and the chart information you've provided, I'd say your brother is in a very difficult place. Young adulthood is an extremely difficult transistion for healthy Aries men, but for one that has so much emotional baggage and low self-esteem, it's mostly likely an existential hell which he cannot see ever ending.

Whatever his past experiences have been, they have not prepared him to take charge of his present and his future - the calling of all Aries - at the point in his life that he knows in his gut that he should. He probably knows on a gut level that he will never be able to do this as long as the past is holding him down. This only compounds his despair, as Aries is woefully unprepared to confront the past.

What he needs is to learn tools to cope with his present emotional state, with some confident and knowledgeable guidence in confronting his past, and acceptence that one day he will achieve the things he yearns to do in his heart, but not until he's given himself the opportunity and the time to heal and rediscover himself.

What you need to do for him is accept you cannot provide these things for him. If you could, you would have already. Same goes for the rest of your family unit. This isn't about the quality of your intentions toward your brother, but simply a realization of your limitations. Seeking out a counselor or therapist that is impartial and apart from your family unit is the best way you can offer support - support him by allowing him to have someplace and someone else to go to for help confronting and tackling his problems.

Of course, you cannot make an Aries do anything they don't want to do. So be patient if he acts like he doesn't want help at first. Give him space to think his options over. Reassure him that if he opts not to go the way you'd like, that you still support him. You can go a long ways in regaining the trust and faith of a discouraged Aries by giving them some room and showing them you have confidence in them to make decisions on their own.

posted January 02, 2005 01:08 PM         

your words are priceless. and i have printed it out and given it to my desperate parents.

xmas has come early this year....

cheesy holiday joke.