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Author
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Topic: So nice, but... (relationship rant)
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future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 428
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 21, 2005 06:04 PM
 
... it gets kind of boring. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy, but he's not all sap... he's pretty fiery as well, as in entertaining. But everything is always so hunky dory with him that it's making me hostile! I can snap at him and he's sweet as pie. Today he was so nice to me on the phone that I hung up on him when he said goodbye. I know that sounds like I have a serious defect, but he's driving me crazy! No matter what I do or what I say he's so chipper. If I try to tell him about something that we don't necessarily gel on he feels badly about himself and apologizes for screwing up. I keep telling him that just because I have some need or whatever that he *hasn't fulfilled* (in his words) it doesn't mean he messed up. I tell him he's not a mind reader and the reason I'm telling him is to inform him because I don't expect him to just "know" everything. He, however, has never needed or wanted anything from me. He says he's perfectly happy with everything, with me, all the time... I probably sound like the biggest ***** in the world, but I feel like there's no challenge. Part of the problem could be that he's a virgo and I'm a sag, so he adores predictability, routine, and peace of mind (which I've learned to appreciate much more since we've been dating) but sometimes I like a little spice, ya know? Sometimes it doesn't feel like we're much more than friends, but he's totally fulfilled. Ahhhhhh... now that I've got that off my chest... Anyone else ever feel like this? What did you do? I really feel wretched for feeling this way. I know he hasn't done anything wrong and that's what makes it so hard to explain to him. Any thoughts? IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 6163
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted January 21, 2005 06:31 PM
I do know what you mean.... it was hard to express, but when I was dating a Libra man for a while, the same thing happened. he was so concillatory and whenever something cropped up that bothered me, .. not that I wanted to fight.. but I wanted him to express his oopinions to me, and have that back and forth thing.. he always conceded and agreed with me. Of course, i like when people agree with me, but man, I want to be engaged in a challenge as well.
I totally know what you mean.
As for what I did about it? Well...... We aren't together anymore. There are still parts of him I love and adore, and he stil thinks the world of me... but.. there's always that but.
You do need fire as well as calm waters.
Maybe you can talk to him about your concerns? Maybe he is so in love with you he is supressing a part of himself in order to not jeapardize what you have? Tell him you know it sounds silly, but can't understand logically why you feel this wy, and need his help ( men love solutions!!)
Good luck!!!!IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 2847
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted January 21, 2005 06:44 PM
Have you looked at your transits?
What do they say?Natasha
IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 428
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 21, 2005 10:10 PM
St. Henri, I haven't looked at my transits because I don't have even the slightest idea how to. I wish I did! This is something that seems to recur and I had wondered in the past if there was some astrological trigger...Pixelpixie, you expressed it better than I did. That is how I feel-- not like I want to pick a fight, but I do enjoy the challenge of relating to a person's unique self; I think it's that interweaving that makes love so special. On top of what I mentioned above, there is another problem that stems from this one. In fact I just ran into it because I talked to him right before coming here. When I do talk to him he gets angry about being wrong. I can't talk to him like this and get anywhere because he's too busy being mad and defensive to even begin to try to see where I'm coming from. This has become so frustrating for me that I feel like I can't even talk to him anymore about these kinds of things. It's really quite hurtful and the worst part is that if I try to explain that to him, it makes him even more angry. I really think that he's so concerned with making me happy that he takes any imperfection personally. I've talked to him about this and he doesn't understand it at all. It just makes him more accomodating in an attempt to "make me happy" again. He was angry with me on the phone because he said he noticed that I had not been myself for the last few days and he'd done everything he could think of to cheer me up and it doesn't seem to work, so now he's not going to try anything at all, yada, yada, yada, angry rant, etc. I've told him that I don't want him to cheer me up, I want him to listen, but that makes him mad, too. It seems to me that he has difficulty in really relating to someone. He has a script in his head that makes everything perfect and any deviation is devastating for him. That's not relating. It makes me feel as if the real me is irrelevant to our relationship. Wow, I've really unloaded a lot here. BTW, he's a virgo with an aries moon and sag rising, which may explain his reactions, but doesn't leave me with much chance to rectify things with him. Thanks for listening,anyway. I'm ranting here because I don't know what else to do! Just trying to get it out of my head, I guess.  IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 2847
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted January 22, 2005 02:59 PM
Why is he so happy? Is he on something? I am just kidding, at least he's not depressed so you have someone to talk to..
but maybe he's not romance material, just guy friend material. It happens a lot. Don't feel bad, is he boyfriend or just a friend? Sometimes I call men my boyfriends because they hate the word friend, but it just means I am dating them, not seriously. If you are not serious than that's good at least. Nat IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 428
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 22, 2005 09:40 PM
We're pretty darn serious. We talked again last night. The problem seems to be in the way we express our romantic feelings. I tend to be very passionate, physically and verbally (very sag) and he shows he cares by doing things to take care of me (very virgo.) I'm not always the best at being stirred by subtle! I need to try to remember what it means to him when he does things for me, and maybe I can convice him to give me a little more of his aries moon energy!Thanks again for your replies. You've all been very helpful, even just by letting me rant!  IP: Logged |
fredbird
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: us
Registered: Jan 2005
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posted January 23, 2005 04:07 PM
the fugue perpetuo is no picnic either.IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 428
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 24, 2005 09:56 PM
Hi, Fredbird! I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad! Welcome!IP: Logged |
CNO732
Knowflake Posts: 5
From: New York City
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted January 26, 2005 02:01 PM
Virgos like Libra men don't like to rock the emotional boat too much ... They are emotionally stable folks who get uneasy with lots of ups and downs ... cause deep down Virgos are nervous wrecks ... They have a need to "take care" of everything cause they live in a perfect neat little box of a world ... They generally will attract fire signs because of this "anchor-like" stability and super succint reasoning ... Boring and predictable ... yes, but depending on rising and moon signs ... Ur Virgo has Aries and Leo, which is a major plus ... so u should be able to rile some passion out of him ... Virgos hate drama and Sag loves it ... it intensifies the relationship, emotionally and sexually in ur book ... He gets a charge out of the ideal of perfection (no fighting, everything great, no problems, etc.) ... But if u keep pushing his buttons he will explode ... Virgos hold all that emotion and passion in and don't dole it out in doses ... so when it pops up (anger, sex, passion, arguments, etc.) it really bubbles over and u will hear an earful or two (which will definitely hurt ur feelings and bruise ur ego) ... which is why I'm sure he's holding back ... IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 2847
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted January 26, 2005 03:15 PM
Yes virgos can get VERY angry and explode, the key is to tune into their real moods. A picture on the wall, a photo left out, a comment. They leave clues to their feelings, rather than leaving them out out there for everyone to see.I have known very angry Virgos who literally exploded one day after too much provocation, there is a lot of passion and pressure there, just ask him what is ideal woman looks like, ask him about his ideal world, and he will have lots to say, Libra men can be very similar with more to say Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 428
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 26, 2005 10:55 PM
Thanks again! Aside from his virgo/sag/aries stuff, he has a stellium in libra and, yes, he does hate to rock the boat! And when I ask him about his ideal woman, his answer is "you." His ideal relationship, "ours," and so on. But sthenri, you got it when you said what you did about the little clues they leave behind. With him it's little comments here and there, which I've learned not to brush off! They're so subtle that it took me a while to catch on! I'm very happy with him, though. We have a lot going for us, astrology-wise. But our suns are squared and we feel that a lot. We generally agree to disagree. (Again, so nice, huh?!) But I do associate drama with passion. Not tons of drama-- I'm not a drama queen. Libra moon keeps me from going overboard. But some fire is nice every now and then! We've been talking about these things lately and I think it will take quite a while for these things to become second nature for us. But I think we'll probably get there!  I just want to say again how much I appreciate all of your input! You're the best! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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