posted March 08, 2005 05:23 PM         

I do miss him, I will over the years, but I guess he did what was best for him. I wish him the best in life, happiness and peace, but I need some hugs and love from my favorite people - so dont be stingy.

posted March 08, 2005 10:25 PM         

We are your supplemental strength always, (always!). The reason I say supplemental is that, I know you have the strength inside you as a person, and that strength is absolutely imperative for an independent person like yourself. But we all need someone to lean on, and LL is ur support group!

this reminds me of swerve... I wonder how he is doing and hope he feels awesome.

posted March 09, 2005 01:37 AM         

The Same Deep Water as You

Kiss me goodbye
Pushing out before I sleep
Can't you see I try
Swimming the same deep water as you is hard
"The shallow drowned lose less than we"
You breathe
The strangest twist upon your lips
"And we shall be together... "

"Kiss me goodbye
Bow your head and join with me"
And face pushed deep
Reflections meet
The strangest twist upon your lips
And disappear
The ripples clear
And laughing
Break against your feet
And laughing
Break the mirror sweet
"So we shall be together... "

"Kiss me goodbye"
Pushing out before I sleep
It's lower now and slower now
The strangest twist upon your lips
But I don't see
And I don't feel
But tightly hold up silently
My hands before my fading eyes
And in my eyes
Your smile
The very last thing before I go...

Iwill kiss you I will kiss you
I will kiss you forever on nights like this
I will kiss you I will kiss you
And we shall be together...

If you have ever heard it..it is haunting and reminds of being in love with someone that pulls me deeper into a place I don't belong. Mr ex had too many problems and one of them was alcohol. I just couldn't rely on him..so I let him go, much like you did...

But, when we let go and we mourn- something always happens that makes us stronger, make us love more and changes us. For me, I felt a burden lifted, even through the heartache. When my heart was healed - I met Mr. Taurus, or should I say, he found me.

I then had to place that call to the ex-leo, because we were still friends and I felt he needed to know what was up. He and I didn't talk much for about 3 months. Then he started to call again, but more just as friends. He tells me he still loves me, but his words always ring hollow. He once told me he couldn't give me the love I needed- but what he didn't realize was that it was IMPOSSIBLE to love as he needed to- I know that now, because now I know real love, warts and all.

My heart it with you..and you will be in my prayers..I know you will become stronger and stronger as each day passes. You have a fighting spirit..

HUGS!!!

posted March 09, 2005 10:02 AM         

Still not over it ... dont know when I will be

posted March 09, 2005 12:40 PM         

You are so loved, as evidenced by these brilliant and loving replies. The last thing I want is to make this about me, but you know how my mind works, and, it is nearly impossible for me to focus on the personal element (i.e. maya), however unique that "element" may be. Too many universals seem to beg equal attention, and, perhaps, that is after all the best way to transcend the vicissitudes of the moment of personal crisis. But, neither do I see it as my place to preach these lofty ideals, without recognizing first the quintessential element, which is sympathy.

I want so badly to say it, whatever it is; "the thing that is needed". When Christ spoke of "the thing that is needed", he was referring to an attentive ear, and not to any personal oferring of consolation. Although I think both are needful, and I envy the clarity and wisdom with which others here have voiced their concern, I am poor in offerings. But, you know that I am here for you, to bend a reverent ear. Times like these cannot, I think, be reduced to scrutiny by the conscious mind. There is a living process at work here, and the best we can do is clear away our conscious misgivings, and allow the time to be. I think that an instant of true mindlessness is worth a lifetime of mindful concentration. If it takes time to heal wounds, it is only the time required by our conscious minds. But, throw your mind away, and you will be born anew in this instant.
Again, all this just smacks of impracticality, and my words are indeed empty, if they are not filled with faith.

I dont string these words together to hear myself speak, but to give concrete evidence of my feelings for you. Having said that, I wish you would throw my words away, and take instead this , as it expresses all I could ever want (or know how) to say to you.
In truth, I respect and admire your judgement too much to make a pretense of sharing my own. You know it as well as I. You honor the Archer with a humility I cannot touch. You honor yourself with a strength I can do nothing but marvel at. You are my savior, and you come to me to be baptised. If I suffer it to be so, it is because I see that it is only fitting, to observe and fulfill all righteousness.

posted March 09, 2005 12:57 PM         

LH - you are an

posted March 09, 2005 02:50 PM         

Well...it kind of reminded me of an old college roommate I had. She was a Leo and was very slooooow moving..she also stared alot at people- as did our Gemini roommate. I kept telling them they would get their butts kicks (a we lived in NE Portland..not a nice place, but that was where the Uni was).

Anyway, we went to this bar called the Wooden Chicken (yes lame..but for quarter beers um, ya..it was cool). The Leo and Gem kept staring at a table, mostly just zoning..and I was busy being Sag butterfly, making the rounds.

I get back to the table and Slowbie Leo comes back from going to the restroom..her hair is a mess, her shirt is crooked and she has a HUGE red mark on her face. I said "What in the heck happened"

In her best EMO (that slow talking comedian) voice she said "This girl said "What you been staring at you dumb rich &$&@T#&? And then she karate chopped me and beat me up".

Well...of course Aries moon jumps into play and I am like "where is she?"...and I start top walk towards her, she and her friend run out of the bar and leave. It wasn't like I was going to hit her, that is really not my thing, but I just wanted to find out..

Well..the rest of that night we just kept looking over at Ms Leo..shaking our heads..and then cracking up. I am still cracking up now, because she LOOKED like that pic...and still..I believe her pulse never rose above 65..LMAO...

posted March 10, 2005 08:11 AM         

HSC, you are one of the the sweetest, wisest people I have met here and I love the way you cheer me on inspite of the lows I tend to go to. I guess that Fish Moon needs a kick in the tail once in a while!

Thanks all you guys, you are amazing.

Love and Hugs

Maya

posted March 10, 2005 08:50 AM         

I dreamed about you last night. No word of a lie. You were sitting on the side of a stream, playing with a big, pink and green leaf, twirling it around in the water with your finger, giggling at the ripples, but crying when they went away. You picked up a stick and pierced the leaf with it, slid the stick across the leaf, then poked it through again. Then it was a kite, a big giant leaf kite and you ran across this park, looking up at the sky, the sun sparkling through the leaf, all it's veins showing, the pinky-green haze blocking out the full blast of the sun. I was sitting in a tree watching you run, and you looked so happy, just running on the green earth with your kite high in the sky. Then you were at the stream again, the kite was a leaf again, only bigger than it had been, and you picked a blue lotus and put it on the leaf, sailed the leaf away like a boat, and grinned as it gently sailed away. The sun was setting, and a big orange moon came into the sky, one of those huge harvest moons. You pulled out a book and started singing this little chant until you fell asleep on the ground.

Hope that's not weird, that I dreamed of you. But I had to tell you about it. Seemed kind of fitting to put it here.

Take care, darling. Your heart will heal.

posted March 10, 2005 11:50 AM         

Wow Ghani! Are you psychic or just the best friend ever!

Would you believe ME if I told you thats where I have been, or atleast almost been, since yesterday! Its hard to believe but even as the pain lives inside me, as I think of him the moment I wake up, and then curse the day I let him into my life and heart, there is this delirious release, like I am so free and in such a nice place. I am happy letting him go, evenif it saddens me, I am in a good place, or at least getting there

Ghani, you aquarians have a funny way of reaching straight to my heart with your intuition and touchingly honest love - God bless you all

Love and hugs

posted March 10, 2005 02:39 PM         

I was wondering if you ever got a chance to read your progressed moon interp I wrote up for you. 26's post reminded me of it, and I just went back and read it again... it's good to do sometimes when things in life change. You know, go back and see things from a different perspective you may not have seen before.

posted March 10, 2005 03:40 PM         

I am posting this here just to remind me how great things can be if I try ...

Maya-v,

Here ya go, honey!

Taurus sun in the 9th, Pisces moon in the 7th with a 5 degree Virgo rising... correct?
Your moon being in your 7th house would indicate you are a vulnerable and dependent person, needing a maternal partner to 'take care' of you in a way. Your Taurean sun would also find this stable environment ideal for relationships, but your Piscean moon also seeks to at times smother and control others to keep your emotional and responsible sides balanced comfortably. You are exceptionally interested in business matters and make successful working partnerships.
Health wise, your affected areas could be your bladder, kidneys, lumbar region, haunches to buttocks, adrenal glands, lumbar nerves and blood vessels. You were born during the waning cresent phase of the moon in 1977, indicating you will be extra sensitive to the moods/feelings of others and may have a hint of psychic awareness. Your ''Dark side of the moon'' birth also indicates the presence of trying relationships in your first 30 years or so, but dealing with them from the gut level will make you a very strong character that will gain much wisdom during these times, leading you to a very successful marriage when you find the right one.