posted April 22, 2005 03:23 PM         

Not a bad habit for most,
but deadly for 1st house moons that oppose Jupiters in Leo,
which Square their Scorpio Suns.

posted April 23, 2005 07:19 PM           

But I appreciate that merratti.

For some reason I think I'll have better luck in the States. Maybe I'll move in with my brother in L.A. He's a struggling gay actor who looks like a model and is 4 years older than me to the day!

Think of the potential just swimming in his slipstream!!

Thanks,

posted April 23, 2005 09:12 PM           

any particular way of going about it that you think really helped it hit home?

thanks,

posted April 27, 2005 12:26 AM         

I think it must be a whole confluence of influences, eh-hem. The primary motivation, I guess, is that I was a Scorpio who had no genuinely satisfying (i.e. intimate) relationship in his life. That right there is a big one. I just needed someone to understand me and speak in dulcet tones to me, without making me feel like I was "too-sensitive" for wanting to be treated with that kind of loving kindness and respect.

What else?

She's a natural born hypnotist, for one thing (Scorpio on the 3rd?). Her Taurus Sun is so practical and patient about getting things done (and you know Taureans can relate to Scorps), while that Pisces Moon gives me the unconditional acceptance that my strong Aqua/Uranian tendencies appreciate and respond to (Sun/Venus/MC/Uranus all within 3 degrees, Aqua Moon in the 1st). Its like I was resisting help only because I felt like people were judging me, and withholding their love and affection as a means of motivating me (which never worked) - and I was literally killing myself in protest to the notion that I should have to change in order to be loved. Maybe that sounds silly, but it makes perfect sense to me now.

Also, I had been trying to quit for a long time, - that helps. And, her company gives me an alternative to hanging out with my "smoking buddies", which I really needed - I hate being alone, most of the time. That, and a blood purifying tonic she recommended called Safi, which really cleans me out. My 1st house moon is super-sensitive to diet, so, this alone has been invaluable.

I dont know if any of that helps, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

posted April 27, 2005 01:16 AM         

I missed this:

"HSC sorry i took so long to get back to you, after asking about ur chart,
I dont mean to sound offensive, but Im surprised at the intensity of your emotions despite that Aqua moon, of course you have Scorp sun conjunct Venus, that would be a whole different story, so where do your emotions really come from do you believe its from the Scorp Sun n Venus or the Aqua moon? Do you feel detached at any time completely?"

You dont sound offensive in the least, and I appreciate your curiosity. I wish I hadnt overlooked this post of yours, but, better late than never, right? 'K, let's see... My favorite topic: ME! Well, that Aqua Moon IS in the 1st house, so, that's pretty emotional and absolutely demonstrative, even if it is Aquarian. And Cancer (already emphasized by the 1st house moon) is on one of the angles (the DC!). I feel an awful lot like a Cancer, especially in love.

And I'd say that Venus Conjunct the Sun is a very big deal. Also, the Venus is in retrograde, so, at least in my eyes, it manifests in a more refined appreciation for loving kindness and affection, as opposed to an aesthetic appreciation for materialistic beauty, harmony of elements, etc. Both the Moon in the 1st and the Venus in retro have a deep need to be loved and appreciated.
So there's that.

But, yeah, there's all that Uranian/Aquarian energy. I do tend to intellectualize my feelings too much, and detach myself from the experience at times. Often my feelings will surge to the surface later and I'll just be bowled over by my love for some little thing that, at the time, almost seemed to go unnoticed. Then I've got to express it, and let her know that it reached me.

I think the Merc/Mars conjunction in Sag Trine Jupiter in Leo (in the 7th!!!) could explain why I am able to express myself so voluminously and enthusiastically. Yeah, come to think of it, that Leonine Jupiter in the 7th must have more to do with it than I've even considered. Love is a Grand and Spiritual experience for me, no ifs ands or buts about it.

Sorry to write so much.

peace, love, empathy,
hsc

posted April 27, 2005 02:05 AM           

well ive got none of those aspects going on with any ol body.... nothing interesting in my third house either... heh could explain why im so sucky at these things...

with less than zero patience, im a b!tter b!tch to say the least. forget about listening but no one even hears me out most of the time. im like the vanna white in my family and friends. good to be around, good to look at, no one cares for what i really want to express though. when i get serious about things everyone jus sort of blows it off.

yes u do have quite a few intense aspects going on there, but i had thought they wud have a more indirect affect rather than direct on ur personality. this aqua mooner (hes an aqua sun also) jus has me beyond bonkers right now with his totally 'i dont care' attitude, he wont call or anything. well i guess i dont have to pollute every single thread with my sob story, its on like so many other ones... so i guess i was curious as to how that aqua moon works with ur sun. i think the two men ive fallen hard for in my life were both aqua mooners (leo sun and aqua sun). even tho technically both their suns AND moons squared my moon (bad bad bad!). i got married to a sag moon and at best it was a deep friendship/sympathy kind of relationship, not intense deep love. If im not consumed by love its not love for me, well thats the bad part of the scorp moon.

once again out of curiousity how exactly does she put things, that makes them so sweet to ur ears, and where is her mercury placed? (house and sign?) any important aspects to it?

posted April 27, 2005 01:01 PM         

If you don't mind my saying so, I think you are way too hard on yourself. You seem like a really cool person to me, no wonder your friends and family dont always get you. I know all about being unappreciated, really, I've waited 26 years for a single person to let me get a word in edgewise. Thats just how most people are. People hardly ever listen to them, so they just keep talking.
And, it even seems like the more serious the things one has to say, the less likely others are going to feel like listening. Its important to find your audience, someone who likes to talk about (and listen to!) the same things. ((That's why the internet is so great!))

I forget, but, aren't you a Gemini? If so, your third house (ruled by Gem) is bound to be pretty interesting, whatever sign is on the cusp, right? And, as for being bitter, I'm sure you have plenty of good reasons for that, and, in any case, you recognize it as something you'd like to change about yourself, so, you're headed in the right direction. Please, don't beat yourself up about it, that just makes it harder to love, forgive, and understand yourself, and, by extention, others. The kinder and more gentle you are with yourself, the kinder and more gentle you are going to be with others, and that gets results. People think that negativity motivates, but it never really does. True discipline takes the time to understand - true teachers listen, and teach in a way that is appropriate to the individual.

Just remember, that "inner child" business you've no doubt heard about, is not nonsense. There is a child in all of us, just dying to be loved and treated with respectful kindness. If others deprived you of love, and taught you not to give yourself love, its time to reverse that early programming, and the only way to do that is to start loving yourself. Sure, it wont happen spontaneously at first, but its a wonderful habit to get into. If you dont care enough about yourself, you will attract and be attracted to people who don't care enough about you, and thats no fun.

Think positively. Believe in yourself, and you will love being the type of person you can believe in.

I havent entirely figured out how that Aqua moon works with my sun. I know its like a sheild of ice that needs to be broken thru over and over and over again. But the Scorp Sun at least ensures that there is depth, and a longing for intimate connection, within.

Her Mercury is in Taurus, in the 9th. She takes a very patient, thoughtful approach to communication. She asks questions that will illicit the answers she's looking to give me. I dont know how else to put that. She doesnt take a direct approach, which my fixed energy would be reluctant to welcome. She's enthusiastic (she has a grand fire trine), and she gets me involved first, by prefacing her statements with playful things like, "You know what". Also, her Merc makes an exact sextile to her Moon, so, her emotions are well-balanced with logic. She wants results, and she knows that, in order to get them, she needs to take the time to express herself in a non-aggressive way. That Moon being in a water sign is good at feeling out when I am receptive and when I am not, while the earthy Merc will wait for the right moment to make its move. That Merc opposes a Yod to Uranus, but I'm not sure what that means yet.

Hang in there,
HSC

"Don't walk in front of me,
I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me,
I may not lead.
But walk beside me,
and be my friend."

posted April 28, 2005 07:29 PM           

yes i am hard on myself, it gets me places in life, but it also gets me nowhere in other areas of life. i dont get the way relationships work. i get how careers and education works; you put in effort, you drive yourself, by hook or by crook you can achieve what you want. because people behave the way they are supposed to--rationally, with emotions where appropriate. in relationships ppl abandon me, abuse me, go psycho on me, emotionally blackmail--and i cant handle these crazy things. and the self protection has gone so far that i dont want people to come closer to me where i would get very attached to them. so yes theres bitter for you...

to everyone else it may seem that my childhood was perfect. my mother earned a whole lotta money. she wasn't home much at the beginning which was really good for me, then she came home later to raise us and lived as a housewife for 7 yrs--bad bad bad (lots of conflicts with my mom during that time). my dad was abusive to my other two siblings but not me, i was his 'little girl'. because of that, the other two siblings and my mom resented me. thats what really alienated me emotionally. i literally almost wanted him to hit me too, so that i could at least be the victim and not be considered on the bad guys side.

yes i am a Gem sun/Scorp moon/Libra rising gal. my third house cusp is Sagittarius and the only planet in the third is Uranus which opposes my sun in gemini (3rd house opposes gem ) which wud explain a lot i think...im me but not really, i want to destroy past parts of myself as i move on. i dont act rashly but i do react harshly at times. a lot more in the past than i do now--now i feel a lot more resigned to my fate. otherwise, my scorpio moon will find 'under the table' ways of accomplishing what i want without having to upset ppl overtly.

well i know that it sounds pretty right in theory that being kind and gentle to urself will make u kind and gentle to others, and probably is true. but when i am happy with myself and gentle with myself, i find that others dont respect me so, then i get angry. afterall, why dont they? have i wronged my mom? why does she keep taking out her anger about my dad and brother on me? have i sabotaged my friend? why does she keep sabotaging me? if i keep quiet and think of myself as inferior, i dont have to ask these qs, i dont have to defend myself with people all the time, i dont have to sever ties and fight wars. i can be myself and do my work and end of the day go to sleep without being exhausted emotionally and mentally.

i understand that teachers teach according to the individual. thats the biggest challenge to me. becoz i thot i knew my bro but he turned out to be someone totally different. he lied to us for years about what he believed in. now i want him to change his ways because they are not good for him, but i dont know how to reach him etc. but im hoping that through trial and error and patience, that i will eventually be able to reach him?

youre so true about attracting ppl who dont care enough about me. i project the whole gemini/scorp persona. kind of like an oversexed gemini or outgoing scorpio. lol. so lots of men think i am all fun and games and have no emotions. but thats not true. in fact i have a phobia of relationships that arent headed anywhere and dont have the word commitment involved in them at some time or another. jus coz i am sexy and confident, or portray that, (and that portrayal just happens...naturally) and i dont ever like to blow up or cry in public doesnt mean that i dont have a heart.

well the shield of ice analogy u used explains a lot to me. sometimes aqua moons seem like that to me totally. i dont know why both long term relationships ive been in have been with aqua mooners. maybe its coz of my gem stellium. but in the end my scorp moon probably doesnt work very well with it...it ends up being hurtful (never ugly but just hurtful for me). i dont think the aqua mooners ever got hurt in the process, theyre usually the ones doing the dumping, but i dont know if they even were ever emotionally attached to me.

well her placements explain a lot. my merc is conjunct my sun, in eighth and gemini. it doesnt have any negative aspects with any planets, but then again, i also have uranus in the third in sag, and thats an anything but 'gentle' placement. it doesnt really represent how i communicate--i would think i have a more morose, eeyore sort of outlook on communication, otherwise i go to the other extreme, the outlandish, cynical, crazy funny, inappropriate sexual humor kind of communication. lol.

yes i am hanging....and hanging...and hanging....

posted May 03, 2005 03:26 PM           

Why? Cause I need to!

posted May 04, 2005 09:18 AM         

Thanx for opening up. I hope I have something good to say. First, I guess, I would just try to assure you that you're not alone. I've known a lot of people, girls and guys, who can relate (painfully) to your relationship experiences. I want to repeat that it is of primary importance to practice and learn how to become a true friend to yourself, otherwise, you will always seek confirmation outside yourself, and it is highly likely that you will place your trust in people who will abuse it, and, because you trust them, you will be inclined to accept their less than sympathetic appraisals of your worth. There are, as you well know, plenty of people who are less than worthy of your trust. Still, there are good people out there too. Its important not to lose faith in that, while you practice clear-eyed discretion in whom you do place your trust in. I dont know if you've looked into seeing a therapist, or what, but I know that's helped me a lot. By now, you've realized this stuff wont fix itself overnight. And a therapist, a good one, preferably female, is someone you can confide in, without fear that they will abuse your trust. After all, they dont have an agenda, aside from your well-being, so, they're not going to manipulate your trust to suit their own ends. Bear in mind that it takes some time for them to get acquainted with your circumstances, history, etc., and for you to establish a rapport with them, before you can be open to the things they want to tell you.

I'm sorry to hear about your abusive home-life situation. Its too bad your siblings can't see (yet) that, by singling you out for distinction, and thereby alienating you from the rest of the family, your father actually heaped as much abuse (maybe more) on you as on anyone. I dont know if there is any abuse worse than isolation. I would even go so far as to say that it is often preferable to be oppressed in sympathetic company, than to be honored on one's own. And who benefits much from the tribute of a tyrant anyway?

I know its hard to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, when the whole world seems intent on condemning you. Maybe its one of the hardest lessons to learn. I would never advocate turning a blind eye to the things about yourself which you would like to change, but, just understanding yourself, where you're at right now, as a work-in-progress, etc., can make change for the better a lot easier. We all have a shadow side, it creeps in where we least expect it, maybe even especially when we think we are at our best. But, the people who bring their darkness into the light, do it by loving themselves, even as they come face to face with their shadow. Then, even if people are frequently drawing your attention back to your less desirable qualities, it does not have to come as a rude awakening. You know them well, and you know you want to release them. It sounds cliche, but, just understanding ourselves as only human breeds patience and forgiveness. And, forgiving ourselves, we gradually (like all things in nature) come to express our strongest and most loving potentials. Its not about morbid, obsessive self-pity (I know ALL about that), but a healthy compassion for ourselves. I believe that this compassion is the only thing that will contribute to a firm resolve to do what is best and healthiest for ourselves and others.

Keep hanging (I always chuckle at the thought of a kitten being crucified: "HANG IN THERE" lol - that's my sick sense of humor.)

Take care, and by that I mean, be gentle with the strong woman you are becoming, and the lost little girl inside.

posted May 12, 2005 11:27 PM         

How are Prince Steve and Princess Taurus/Pisces doing? Been wondering about your happiness lately, and you are right up there amongst my favorite heart-melters with the way you write about your feelings!

posted June 20, 2005 10:09 PM         

How are you and Ms Taurus/Pisces doin'?

{{hugs}}
'Zala

PS: Are you a professional writer yet or not?!? Just saw your reply to Taurean-Scorpion over in Astro. You have a serious talent there Steve....

posted June 21, 2005 12:43 PM           

How lovely and thoroughly beautiful to see someone so totally in love and at peace with expressing it!

posted June 21, 2005 12:52 PM           

I'm glad you found someone special. Still, take it slow. Okay?
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Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

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