Posts: 537
From: chicago
Registered: Aug 2004

posted April 12, 2005 03:18 PM         

---

I have a question I have a friend that is with this female and they are living together. Before he moved in with her he hung out with all his friends balanced his life so that he could enjoy everyone. But now that he has moved in with her been living with her about 3 months now. He is the real friendship type of guy. Aquarius he is. Since he has moved in with her he has not hung out with the boys at all says between his job and his personal life he has no time. It is just so strange cus friendship seemed so important to him before he got with her. They say that she has manipulated him in so many ways and has made him choose between her and them. What I want to know from you guys is doyou think that revolving your whole life around your significant other with no outside activity to a small degree at least is healthy or is a healthy relationship. I know for myslef no way could I function like that, just want to hear some feed back. Could a relationship like this even last.

IP: Logged

Posts: 950
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted April 12, 2005 04:16 PM         

---

Most new relationships start off that way. Over time he will find time for friends, and yes such a relationship can last.

Lanny

IP: Logged

Posts: 537
From: chicago
Registered: Aug 2004

posted April 12, 2005 04:22 PM         

---

Is not a new relationship they have been seeing each other for awhile. They have just been living tgether for 3 months now. If that is the same thing. Things changed when he moved in with her.

IP: Logged

Posts: 180
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 12, 2005 05:17 PM         

---

This seems perfectly normal to me. Yes as you say, they've known each other for some time. But being they are new to this living together, that radically changes the perameters and dynamics of things. Are his friends jealous? Do they resent his preoccupation with her? Most important, do they even like her, or know her? It's not clear from your post where the problem lies.
Lastly, how long have they been friends,he and the lady?

IP: Logged

Posts: 537
From: chicago
Registered: Aug 2004

posted April 12, 2005 05:44 PM         

---

Well I know that they do know her and do not like her. They may be a lil jealous. They say she brings alot of Drama to him. I am not quite sure how long he has been friends with her maybe a year or so. But he has been friends with them over 13 yrs..

IP: Logged

Posts: 180
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 12, 2005 06:09 PM         

---

This still sounds normal to me. My husband had dozens of so called long time friends before he met me. They were just so terribly upset when Mr. reliable, always there, whenever they wanted him, at the spur of the moment, day or night. Added to that was the fact that I am much older than him, and definitely not what they would like! What they couldn't get through their heads is that I am there for him. I do not consider our marriage as an invitation to use him etc.. That is what they all did under the guise of friendship. When he quit kow -towing to their every whims, they rejected him and some even became nasty and insulted me and told him he was crazy for marrying an old fat thing etc. What they couldn't get was that he wanted his mental and spiritual EQUAL, not some daffy pretty trophy mate! I don't know if any of my experiences fit their situation, perhaps some aspects of it do. Fortunately a few were not jealous selfish judgemental people and we still have them for friends, as a couple and as individuals also.

IP: Logged

Posts: 504
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 12, 2005 06:32 PM         

---

Being a possessive Scorpio woman, I tried to consume my partner, and now realise after being with him for 16 years how unhealthy and unbalanced it is to focus ALL your attention on one other. Thank God he now has taught me to be more balanced - we have our own friends and interests and spend lots of time together as well. I am sure in the first part of a relationship this can happen, but I would worry for your friend if he casts away his friends - seems a bit sad to me that he can just throw away people like that. I would try and talk to him?? Good luck x

IP: Logged

Posts: 180
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 12, 2005 06:35 PM         

---

is he throwing them away or are they throwing him no choice? Them or her, no options otherwise?

IP: Logged

Posts: 180
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 12, 2005 06:42 PM         

---

Oh, by the way I am a Scorpio too, but NOT the jealous possessive variety. My logic won't consider such an attitude. I own no one, nor do I desire to to. It is mutual sharing by choice with another and respecting and trusting them as an individual. Jealousy is not love.

IP: Logged

Posts: 504
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 13, 2005 09:17 AM         

---

Well said Scorpio Sister - how I wish Id the wisdom you speak of back then, oh well its never too late to learn hey? x

IP: Logged

Posts: 180
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 13, 2005 11:22 AM         

---

sue g! IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN! Not in the bigger picture. One might make the wrong decisions but more often than not it is not until we reveiw them in retrospect that we learn. That we learn from our experiences and mistakes is what really counts. I have made my share of bad decisions or even downright major stupid ones. But I learned and will not repeat them! The first thing is to accept ourselves for who we were then, and realize, that choices we made then, were based on where our heads or hearts were at the time and then it seemed right.
Many Scorpio's are also alot more sensitive and caring than people are led to believe. You sound very loving and caring, and responsive to how you affect people. I don't know if it helps at all to have a stranger on the other side of the planet say, "I understand". But I do. It sounds like things are going well now!

IP: Logged

Posts: 504
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 14, 2005 03:12 PM         

---

Hy Fayte, thanks for your lovely words and yes it really really helps to have the support, especially from a Scorpio woman who understands so well. I feel so lucky to have you and others on this forum to chat with - it is a blessing, thanks again xx

IP: Logged

Posts: 3177
From: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Registered: May 2002

posted April 16, 2005 03:38 PM         

---

I would say that it is normal for at least the first 6 months to concentrate on the "live in" relationship. It doesn't matter how long the couple has dated, something changes when you merge two households together.

Now you have to make room for the other person, cull through the unwanted and wanted stuff and then shop for things together. You spend time learning the other person's routine, their idiosynchricies..etc... who likes the toliet paper roll up or down LOL..

Once the couple has a chance to get into the swing of things and they are more comfortable with their surroundings, they will venture out together and separately. In both of my live in relationships (one to my ex-hubby and now with my fiance) I saw less of my friends than when I was living on my own. It is natural- but it can be carried to extremes if the couple cuts everyone out of their lives.

On the other hand, there can be something to be said for "toxic" friendships. If friends are encouraging the two to break up or telling the guy "she is terrible..you need to leave her" etc...then the man, if in love, will cut those friends out of his life. If she is truly a horrible person, he will find out and then leave her..or whatever he chooses.

I would just advise the friends to be patient and supportive. Let him know that they are still around and keep invited "them" out as a couple not just individuals. For me, I like to meet Mr. T's friends and then if they are cool I could care less if he goes out with him. But if he had a friend or two that I absolutely had something against, yes, I would ask that he not allow that person into our house and not go out with him. I would expect Mr. T to apply the same standard to me, and he does LOL..

IP: Logged