Lindaland
  Soul Unions
  message for Az

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   message for Az
sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 588
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 17, 2005 10:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Az, if you go into problems with so called soul people and read what I said to you regarding a partner..............well I just pulled out a card for you, they are heart shaped cards called "Lovers Oracle" and guess what you got..............SECRET ADMIRER..........!!!! Now who could that be???? Enjoy

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 424
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted April 17, 2005 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, LoveLady, you are such a sweetheart to take the time to run that for me!
You and zoso are giving me fits!!!!!!!!
Check out her thread: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/004795.html
This is making me CRAZY with anticipation!
quote:
Az, dont know why I asked about you having a partner - cos I know youre a single parent........mmm are you about to meet someone??? x

OK, I guess it's time for my story. No, no partner right now, but I think I am close to being ready for a companion. For many years a man was the last thing I wanted to spend my time on, except in my dreams.
First off, I want to say that I abused alcohol for many years and made some pretty bad mistakes about my life's direction. I have had partners, but none that I remained with for more than 5 years. I made poor choices, so of course our relationships fell apart. I drank to excess for many years -- here's the short version of that: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/004782.html
In 1992 I met a Capricorn that I fell in love with. He was a drinker too, since at that time I sought people with the same vices as me. I found out after we moved in together about his violent streak. He would drink and turn into another persion, cold and cruel, and physical and verbal abuse would follow. The next day when he'd wake up he'd see what he'd done to me and cry, and vow that it would never happen again, but of course, it did. We both quit drinking in 1995 and it was one of the happiest years of my life. That's when I got pregnant. A month before the birth of my son in March 1996 my partner went back out -- he claimed that he couldn't handle the stress of being a father again (two daughters with this ex-wife), even though he was thrilled about having a son (I had amniocentesis because of my advanced age, so I asked for the baby's sex). The year that followed was hell. I worked to support us since he couldn't hold a steady job, and besides he only wanted to work under the table so Child Support wouldn't find him and garnish his wages to give his ex-wife (see what I mean about poor choices in partners?!?).
In April 1997 he put a gun to my head in the middle of the night and told me he was thinking about blowing me away. All I could think about was my sleeping son in the next room, "my poor baby, what will happen to you?" But instead he left the house. The next day I went to work crying and my supervisor came and asked me what was wrong. I told him and he said, "get a police escort and go get your things tonite, you can come and stay with my family for awhile." A true angel just at the time I desperately needed one. I lived in Washington State at this time and worked for a company with a home office in Minnesota. My supervisor called his boss and asked if there was a place for me in the Minnesota office. His boss had been after me quite a bit to move to Minnesota and work there and I always said no since I wanted to be near my family, but this seemed the perfect opportunity to escape and I accepted the transfer. Anyway I stayed with my supervisor and his family for a week. I talked to my partner a couple times on the phone and he was frantic that I was going to leave and take his son with me. We had never married, and he didn't want his name on the birth certificate (he was afraid of possible child support issues down the road) so he had no legal leg to stand on concerning any custody rights to his son.
So, I loaded a U-Haul and drove 1800 miles across the country with a one-year-old baby and my cat. I arrived here in Minnesota to an apartment my boss had rented for me and started my new job. At the time I had only thought of escaping my ex, I didn't even care where I was going as long as it was away from him -- I thought the only way I would ever get away from him was if one of us died. He threatened to hurt my family if I ever left him -- burn down my parents house, etc. (he was a real prize!).
Anyway, I arrived here, frightened and alone, but relieved to be free, then reality set in -- I was in a strange place where I knew nothing and no one and I had 24/7 responsibility for a toddler. I saved some money, and my folks helped big-time, and I bought a little house and got out of the apartment complex, so my boy could have his own yard to play in. All my energy and focus since 1997 has been on my son and making a new life for us, until about a year ago.
Then I became friends with a man at work, and I actually came out of my shell enough to think that I could possibly be ready to have a companion again. I was very attracted to this Saggie guy, and we talked a lot, and even had play-dates with our kids, but he told me at one point that there would never be anything more available from him than friendship. On the heels of that disappointment, another guy at work (this is Mr Aries) started paying a lot of attention to me (this was last December) and I was very attracted to him in a way that I hadn't been with Mr Sag. I have Saturn and Pluto aspects with both of them, so we have something to teach/learn from each other, and have shared past lives. Especially Mr Aries, with his Neptune conjunct my Sun. Linda writes: "the spiritual tie between you is profound and unbreakable...especially if the conjunction is less than one degree." (which it is, it's less than 15').
The issue right now is that Mr Aries met up with an old flame from his college days, and I believe he's become involved with her, so I'm not getting the attention from him that I did several months ago, which is a disappointment.
To make a short story even longer, zoso's card said a Dark-Haired Man is in my future, now your card says I have a Secret Admirer! It would be nice to think so, but it's hard for me to believe that. It has been my experience that men are not attracted to women who are overweight. I'm working on that, though. When I got here to Minnesota I was so unhappy and scared that I became an ice-cream addict, and I gained quite a lot of weight. I've been on a diet, and lost quite a bit, but I have about 40 lbs to go before I'll really feel as sexy on the outside as I do on the inside.
Anyway, that brings us up to the present. My son is unconsciously looking for male role models now, and has started asking things about his father. I don't want to find a man just for him, I'd like to find a partner who can love both of us. Getting back into the dating scene is not something I look forward to, which is why finding a friend at work would be excellent. Besides, I don't know how to go about it sober -- I feel like an inexperienced teenager!!!
I have a Tarot deck, but don't know how to read the cards. I subscribed to an online Tarot site, and some of the readings there confirm what I already know, that this is a Me-Time when I have to invest energy in clearing out baggage from my own life before I can share it with someone else. Taking care of an ADHD child when I have a full-time job doesn't leave a lot of time for house, yard, etc., and they are not well-kept-up. That is something else I'm working on clearing up so that I can be ready for Mr-Secret-Admirer-Dark-Haired-Man! And I also had to move my mom here closer to me when my dad died. She's confined to a wheelchair after a stroke 12 years ago, and she's in assisted living but I still take care of all her financial and physical needs, which doesn't leave much time for my own pursuits.
Anyway, thanks for listening sue, and thanks for your generosity!
Love & Hugs,
'zala

IP: Logged

pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 7993
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted April 18, 2005 01:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, thank you for your candid story.
and regarding your son wanting a male role model, but you want one for you as well as him?
Good for you to recognize that.
There are programs like "Big Brothers"
***Oh, are there, where you are?*** I actually don't know..
well anyway, there are scouts, groups like that, where he can be fulfilled with male role models, and you needn't have to commit your heart to them, you simply have to trust them and make sure you are comfortable with your son there.
You are beautiful person, I have seen evidence of that ever since your name showed up on LindaLand.
Forty pounds, schmorty schmounds... when a man is interested, it is within as well as without, and if you care about this aspect of you, then he will too. Work on it, and maybe you can usher in a new you with help.. there are lot of classes in gyms you can take.. or community centres....

Oh, I am excited for you!
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on a new better time in life.
Truly, you have to wallow in manure before the flowers bloom more beautifully.... better soil growth, firmer foundation, less erosion.

IP: Logged

sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 588
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 18, 2005 09:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Wel said Pixie, she is a beautiful person and so wise, and so are you sister, so are you!!!!

Oh Az, your story totally blew me away, you brave brave woman and how you suffered through the stupidity of another. I was so pleased you felt able to share this with us, a real honour and now even more am I keen to "magic" up a lovely man for you. Do you know what, the only other person I felt really connected with has Libra Sun and Mercury in Scorp and do you know who that is............aahhh sure you'll never guess girl??? But anyway you are a very SPECIAL one and have certainly helped me..........your son will find his role model and I feel he will play a large part in helping you find "Mr Wonderful"..........I shall endeavour to play my part too in helping you coz you are real and kind and have helped me loads!!!! Thanks lovely Libra lady, love and magic Sue xxxx

IP: Logged

sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 588
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 18, 2005 06:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
And, guess what, your know my healer friend I talked off, well she also has Libra Sun, Scorp Merc and Venus............now isnt that interesting??? I hate to say this, but it doesnt help me to let go of Mr, Libra/Scorp easily knowing how tuned in he is...........aaaaarghhhhh!!

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 424
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted April 19, 2005 12:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you Scorp/Eagle Ladies, for your generosity of spirit, I am so grateful to have found you! Thank you thank you for the gift of your time, your caring, and your opinions.
Pix, there are Big Brothers organizations in my metropolitan area, but the waiting list is about two years long. We tried Cub Scouts, but my youngling didn't care for it. He's been diagnosed Autistic Spectrum (which covers just about any syndrome they can think of or put a name to) and he's on meds for ADHD, but my little guy does not make friends easily and I can see that he feels "different", even though he is much more social now than he was at kindergarten age. Actually I have been talking to a guy at my work (my work is filled with men since I work for a large construction company!) about martial arts and I think it would be just the ticket for my boy. This summer I plan to get him into the classes.
As for
quote:
when a man is interested, it is within as well as without
well, yes, but for me lately I seem to be prime friend-material but they're "just not available" for anything beyond friendship. This is so disappointing, and of course I have to chalk it up to something, some lack in me. As you probably know, a Leo Rising does not take rejection of ANY type very well! And it IS a sort of rejection -- friendship is wonderful, but I want MORE than that along with the friendship! Yes, I am on my way to a New Me, and I feel great about the weight I have lost. The only thing I forgot to plan for was having to buy new clothes!
Loved your fertilizer/flowers metaphor!
Thanks, Pix.

soozi, I love ya, you are such a special person. I'm overwhelmed that you would spend your energies trying to put a little more magic into my life. You already HAVE put magic into my life, I am indebted to you. If there's ever anything I can do for you, please let me know.

It's way late ladies, and I wrote a bunch over in pixie's wondering thread and also back at Scorps in Denial, so I'd better finish my laundry and get my tushie to bed! See ya tomorrow!
Love and Light,
'zala

IP: Logged

Secret Garden
Knowflake

Posts: 589
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted April 19, 2005 03:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Secret Garden     Edit/Delete Message
Wow Azalaksh, maybe its coz my guy didnt show up online again today, or coz Ive been overwhelmed with work and school, or because Ive been so sad today,

but your story truly brought me to tears, ive been sobbing, and this is a Scorp moon here,

You've been through a lot and I hope that things only get better for you from here, not worse, and seeing that you have a beautiful son with you now, make him ur strength and move on, its never fails to amaze me how men can screw up womens lives so bad,

but i wish you courage and good luck and give you all the love i have, every single bit,

SG

IP: Logged

Peaches
Knowflake

Posts: 27
From: London
Registered: Apr 2005

posted April 19, 2005 06:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peaches     Edit/Delete Message
Azakalash~

I didnt finish reading your story because as soon as I read 'He is on meds..' I went off on one.
I have no words to express how I feel about putting children on meds. It is something that troubles me soo greatly I cant describe.
I do not know the finer details of ADHD, but in my humble opinion, if children are running around it is often because they have a lot of energy that needs to be released.

Children do have pent up stress (who doesnt these days) and they need a way to release that energy in the way we adults do; with creative outlets.

Young boys especially have a lot of energy.
Martail arts is a wonderful idea. I would also suggest drumming as a great way to release pent up emotions.
Even a small set of bongos would suffice.

Also children should be led to nature once in a while. For fresh air, barefoot walks and jump good all fashioned running around and screaming.

Either way it will be a beautiful challenge finding whats best for your child. Its part of the joy that the stork delivers alongside. I wish you well.

IP: Logged

fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 468
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 19, 2005 08:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Azalaksh.....I have often wondered about what you said,about men not being attracted to overweight women. I have never really had that problem with men unless they are the ones who I wouldn't want even if I were young and beautiful and thin. {I was}. Most mean and rude reactions about sizes I have encountered, usually have come from women. Wether 94 or 400 pounds, I don't let weight stop me. I left spouse #1 when I was thin. I married #2 who was much younger, when I was 300 pounds. I met and married my beloved {this time I got it right!!!} when I was 350. Many men like me, and if I were not married{well some have tried, even in spite of my being married}Would like to pursue me. It is so strange. I guess I just act like my weight is not an issue. For health reasons I do continue to lose weight however. But not to impress men{or women}.

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 424
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted April 19, 2005 10:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Secret (or shall I say Venus) ~
The Moon was in Cancer until 5am this morning, we've all been a bit oversensitive. I hope you're feeling better today -- I'm so touched by your sending me all the loves -- {{{HUGS}}} back atcha!

Peaches ~
I struggled for quite awhile with the decision to give my son medication for ADHD. I finally made the decision to go ahead, and he's really made good progress. Living with an out-of-control 5-year-old was something I cannot even describe to you. He is a very bright child, but he is wired differently. I want him to succeed in school, and these meds are very successful at helping him to focus so that he can learn. Perhaps if I was in a different life situation we could have dealt with it in a different way. As it is, he has grown so much in the last 3 years, and learned how to cope better with his (might as well call it) disability, that I foresee him being able to quit the meds. His self-control has improved by lightyears.

fayte ~
Hi kiddo, and thanks for the dose of reality and courage! I've always had a poor body image, and struggled with self-esteem, even when I too was young and thin. I don't necessarily BLAME this on anyone, but it was very hard growing up with my Cappy mom, who criticized me incessantly. Nothing I could do was ever "just right", and this is still baggage that leaps out and surprises me sometimes, even when I think I've gotten over her constructive criticism. Just the other day I came back to her apartment from the store and she greets me with "who's that fat lady?" Maybe she thought that was funny, or just a statement of fact, I don't know. Maybe that's why my ex felt so familiar to me sometimes -- he was also an overly critical Cap.
Perhaps the men I meet ARE more shallow than the ones you meet -- are you in rural Ohio? I'm in the Twin Cities. And with all the wonderful things to do around here, I still don't get out much because babysitters are so difficult to find.
But I don't let my weight stop me -- I still flirt! My only outlet is men I meet at or through my work. But as my boy grows up more, I will be more free to get out and have a social life.

Still eagerly waiting for "Hell, High Water and Survival" by fayte.m!

Thanks, ladies, I am grateful for your comments and especially all the love and courage and magic you've been sending my way, I feel totally recharged -- anybody out there got any dragons they need slayed?!? 'zala is pooped, stayed up too late writing last night, off to bed.
{{{Hugs}}} to all ~

IP: Logged

pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 7993
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted April 19, 2005 11:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Omigosh, I read your reply on Martial arts, and rushed passed the other posts to reply * I wil read them, I promise*

DO IT!!!!
My son was enrolled and went for a year, he decided not to do it anymore, but man oh man, it was very helpful.. I had never seen him act *and mean it* so respectful toward anyone in my life.. his sensei or *whatever* was awesome! Fabulous thing, fabulous.

as an aside......
Go to the type of class that you can watch.
It is so elemental and physical, I had great admiration ( and objectification ) for the black belts who trained and taught there.
I'd watch my son and the other kids with pride, but I 'd really be watching the men who were so in touch with moving their bodies, I would vibrate with it.
*gasp*
It turned me on so much, so hey gal, you can kill two birds with one stone.
*had vivid fantasies about 'stretching' and wrestling on a mat with those hard men, lemme tell you.
and I am totally serious.
You might want to join yourself.
so I say
DO IT!!!!
DO IT!!!!

and enjoy.

IP: Logged

fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 468
From: ohio
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 20, 2005 12:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Me tired too. The last few days have been a little hard.......I will do the "Hell and High Water" story asap. I didn't forget!

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2005

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a