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Author Topic:   My 78 year old dad is going for counselling!!!
sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1376
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 28, 2005 09:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Having just completed a weekend doing a family constellation workshop (working on my dad and his family), he tells me today on the phone that he is going for counselling at the age of 78!! Isnt that something guys. He calls me his "psychiatrist", and I have been trying to encourage him for a while to get some help - he still doesnt accept the relationship he had with his mom. He is an Aries, still the child, god bless him. Anyway, I am so hoping he gets some relief from this. The power of healing hey, isn't it powerful - i now realise intent is everything - and in every family I am sure there is a healer - love to all xxxxxx

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Aphrodite
Knowflake

Posts: 4105
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted April 29, 2005 08:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Sue,

I am sending my Love and Light to you and your Dad. Congratulations to both! Such a bright and beautiful breath of life to share with us.

And yes, I do agree that there is a healer in every family.

------------------
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1376
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 29, 2005 09:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks to you Aphrodite, such beautiful words you send, I appreciate them - I send you much love and light xxx

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1376
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 11, 2005 01:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
My dad has had two sessions of counselling, he goes once a week. The counsellor is a young woman, He said to me he had no problem going in there and spilling everything. He is a 78 year old Aries, always very ruled by ego and the macho thing, like when I met a boy, he would say "how tall is he then", like that mattered!!

He never gives anything a chance, but I made him promise he would go again (seeing as he enjoyed it). He rang me today in bits, could hardly talk, cant walk and saying "I dont want them to take me away". There is my mother telling him to stop it. He says I am the only person in the world he can talk to. I tell him to breathe and then to cry as much as he can - let the feelings come in and out. My mother says stop, I say go!! So I casually ask him is he taking medication cos I couldnt recognise his usually strong voice, and he says "yes, Prozac for the past two days". BLOODY PROZAC for a 78 year old man, he is in bits, cant even walk to the shops. It is awful.

I am trying to get him into a group where he can go along and be with other like minded folk. He wants to move to Ireland to be with me and my family and my mum wont come!! He was raised by an Irish grandmother and he still misses her - he has a strong connection with Ireland.

He said he doesnt know anyone who understood him (except me). He needs warmth and understanding. My mother is scared of the emotion and my sister is repulsed by him (cos she think mental illness is a person acting weakly)!!!

Out of all this sadness, something has finally clicked with me..........I NOW KNOW WHO I AM!!! My Dad has been my greatest teacher, he has an inner light which is dying to shine - it has been repressed, by his mother, his wife and his friends. I feel an amazing connection with him, I am so proud he can talk to me. The once arrogant and argumentative father I had has broken down and in his twilight years he is allowing the feelings he so badly needed to flow, come out - this is a BREAKTHROUGH - I told him how wonderfully strong he is to allow the emotion to come, and to visit a counsellor at his age. He has allowed life to repress him, watching and listening to him has allowed me to become free - it is as tho his illness has been my healing. I never cease to be amazed by the power of love - there is nothing else, and if we are brave enought to allow it in and out, we have attained the highest of the high. I am inspired by what most feel is a taboo subject!!!

Love and healing to all

Sue xxxx

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Aen
Knowflake

Posts: 474
From:
Registered: Nov 2002

posted July 11, 2005 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aen     Edit/Delete Message

*lots of light&good thoughts*


There is something amazing about the Aries spirit. No matter what, it still can shine through even in the old age.

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algysh
unregistered
posted July 11, 2005 02:46 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Lots and lots of love and happiness to your dad...He IS a strong man.

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Cardinalgal
Knowflake

Posts: 118
From: Lincoln, UK
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 11, 2005 04:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cardinalgal     Edit/Delete Message
Oh Sue, your post made me cry!

My heart goes out to your dad but because he's been so brave (in true Arien style) and has had the courage to examine his feelings under the mental microscope so to speak, he's reaping the reward in connecting so wonderfully with you!

It must be such a learning curve for him to be able to express emotion, as his generation were nearly always taught to surpress and stifle feelings. My dad was an Arien and would have been 76 this year - I recognise so much of what you said about your dad in mine The macho posturing and the little boy-ness of them at times. I miss him so much and wish I could have helped him on the path to exploring and accepting his emotions just as you're doing with your dad.

You're doing a wonderful job Sue and I'm so happy for you to be able to find this aspect of your relationship.

I'm horrified at the whole Prozac thing though! Those drugs only mask the symptoms but they do nothing to solve the cause of the problems. Can you persuade him to come off them at all?

Huge love and hugs to you both Sue Sarah xx

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 1059
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted July 11, 2005 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Wow! That's an inspiring story. Seems coincidental that my dad's an Aries as well, and I was just fantasizing last night what it would be like if my family were more emotionally available. All of us are reserved around one another -everyone held in check by the personalities of the other people in the family.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 962
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted July 11, 2005 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Oh soozi, this is so exciting for you and your Dad -- perhaps that's not the right word, but I was thrilled at the connection between you two that is deepening because of his letting the walls down. And shame on your Mom!
Will he be able to come and stay with you? If this had been my situation, and it were my father, I would drop my job and everything else that seems so important to me and smother my Daddy with my love and support!

Love & Strength with this post to you and your Dad,
'Zala

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1376
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 17, 2005 03:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks guys for your kind words and support, you are something else!!!

Well my Dad and Mum and hoping to come over to Ireland in September, and I would like to try and get over to Uk before then. I am a little worried about something, my Dad cannot walk and this has only been since taking PROZAC, he also sounds p****** everytime we talk, he is slurring his words, (he doesnt drink alcohol), Ive a feeling he doesnt listen to advice, but at least is still going for the counselling. I am very tempted to ring his doctor and give him a peace of my mind - my dad drives, he is at risk. He was doing okay before the drugs, I am really annoyed about this guys, anyone else have any comments (bloody drug companies make me sick)!!!

No offence to anyone, but if he carries on taking this stuff the counselling isnt gonna help as much. One of my friends is a therapist and wont treat people if they are taking medication!!! I dont wanna come on strong with my Dad, it is his choice, but he was just beginning to open up and then that bloody doctor...............oh well they are on great commission arent they aaaarrrrghhhhh!!!!!

Sorry for the rant, but I love you guys and I know you will be helpful

God bless and love to all


A rather annoyed love lady xx

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Cardinalgal
Knowflake

Posts: 118
From: Lincoln, UK
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 17, 2005 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cardinalgal     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sue hon,

Just a thought but could you speak to his counsellor and ask her to speak to the GP about it? If she could persuade him that the affects of the therapy are being interfered with by the drugs then he might advise your dad to come off them. Bit of a long shot I know but maybe worth a try?

Would your dad listen to anyone else re coming off them? A friend of his perhaps or someone whom he respects? I do understand that you don't want to interfere as it's got to be his choice but I think it's important enough to stop him for his own good, because as you say he drives etc. After all, his GP doesn't seem to have given him an enormous amount of choice about taking them in the first place!

Thinking of you and your dad and wishing you both all the best Sue

Lots of love,
Sarah xx

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1376
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 18, 2005 03:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks Sarah,

You are very kind and I appreciate your advice, it is helpful. The problem is my Dad doesnt listen and has always been very arrogant to a point, although there is a lovely softness about him too (its just the male ego Aries thing with him). My sister said he is just humouring me when he pretends to listen, this hurt me a bit, cos I put a lot of effort into trying to help him. Maybe there is a message here - I spoke to a depression helpline in Dublin and the lady there said I needed to be careful and mindful of my own health.....mmm.....maybe my sis is right!!

I have noticed my Dad is becoming very angry too, he nearly hit a young fella with a stick because he rode his bike on the pavement and he also shouted at his neighbour.

This is a very difficult one, I am sure he appreciates my support, but at the end of the day I dont think he will listen. He doesnt believe in any sort of God and when I said to him yesterday one of the ways I learned about life is by listening to others, he went quiet. I suppose he has chosen his path and I have to accept that.........very difficult tho. He always treated me quite badly in the past, shouting and putting me down, I was always his scapegoat and now he says I am the only one he can talk too, that is a huge responsibility isnt it??

I will pray around this..........I dont want to get to the point where I feel down myself again, I tend to take on peoples' stuff, maybe my Dad has to learn this!!!

Love to all

Sue xxx

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