posted April 29, 2005 12:15 AM         

Its nice to see such interesting discussions here and then i have always been of Linda's faith. Glad to have joined here and hope to know all of you better. Right now just reading up on most previous threads and lapping up the info. For introduction, iam pisces lady with a virgo moon and sag ascendant.....and no not all piscean women are the archetypal helpless, women in a flutter kinds. I cant stand that and maybe thats sag or virgo influence speaking.

Anyways, i did have one question. About....yes, a 'Cancerian'. They DO seem very popular people here!

I recently joined a new job abt 6 months back and this guy came on to me very strong. As in he was flirting with me always, talking of, with and for me, doing things with me, sitting with me for minutes on end in total silence etc. I knew he was possibly attracted and then he mentioned going out for a movie with friends etc. He used to be very bold but i saw him gradually becoming shy, egoistic. As in he wld expect me to do certain things and i got the vague feeling that he thought we had a reciprocal thing going. Well i admit i was attracted but a relashionship was a million years from my mind since ide had a breakup abt 4 months back.

In between i think he retreated into his shell and his greetings werent exactly warm and he was acting all cold for a day or 2. I was thinking of him too much so i let it drop and stopped all communication including greeting him. The cold war went on for abt 2 months in which i did see him very upset, cranky, ignoring me, depressed, telling my friends he had a problem with me ect but not once did he come to me and sort out the problem.In fact he told his friend to go wish me on my bday which he remembered but didnt wish.

So i said lets end it and went up to him one day when everyone was mingling around and casually said a Hi and hope he was ok since he was very quiet these days? He looked shocked and didnt say much except nodding his head and now....after that....hes TOTALLY STOPPED all communication!As in hes even stopped talking to my closest friend which he used to do a lot, stopped visiting the common extra curricular group we have etc. I mean what did i do wrong?He ignores me like plague, his personality has gone an awful transition and hes become this weird depressed cranky dude whereas he was so jovial and boisterous?He dosent even LOOK at me anymore and always frowns when iam around. I catch him giving me silent looks, sometimes very depressed and sometimes full of hate or anger.He moves away when iam anywhere near him.

Whats going on? Does he HATE me so much? And what did i ever do to deserve this extreme kind of reaction?It intrigues me bcos i admit i liked him. He was so sweet as cancerians are....typically family peson, warm, genuine etc and a great friend to have who always showered compliments on me....moreover, we were both numerologically number 9's and i always get along with them.

What happened? Im a bit stunned, quite hurt and dont know how to act anymore. I tried to talk casually once or twice but he just looked the other way. It was insulting and iam not of course on talking terms anymore.

But it hasnt left my mind still. Can someone throw some light on this sort of behaviour?Also, we are always coming across each other. We work in one org but how many times do u come across the one person who hates you and why? I just have to think and hes there, right in front of me, always.....

Someone....please tell me whats going on?

posted April 29, 2005 05:49 AM         

It sounds like he liked you very much, while at the same time trying not to get too attatched to you at once.

posted May 01, 2005 09:15 PM         

Most of what Monad said was good advice. I would have left out the insults, though. Let us know if we've answered your question.

And, Monad, I don't know you, so forgive me if I've taken anything out of context. Has this been a sensitive situation for you in the past? It sounds like it touched a nerve with you, in any case.

posted May 02, 2005 01:17 AM         

Im sorry couldnt reply earlier bcos my net was down.

Thanks for the welcome and the insight into this. Future_uncertain & Isis, Hi and Thanks for the warm welcome. Iam taking no offense at all abt any comments bcos i know that i might have acted wrong in this situation myself and sometimes i need a good telling off.

Monad, Thank you for giving me insight into this. Actually strange u mentioned, but iam thinking of leaving the org. Not just bcos of this situation but bcosmaybe the job isnt so good but anyways its a way out of something thats dead and dosent move and is awfully painful and confusing. Prior to this, i had a broken engagement so u can imagine why i was running away and maybe i did do something wrong but tell me Monad, if u do like/love someone, come what may, would u not at least go and clear up all the confusion??? I did. I gave him a chance to be friendly and he just totally gave up? Why?At the end of the day what matters more to him....his ego or his love?This is wahts making me back out. I can easily arrange a meeting. Im pretty direct actually and i dont mind but is it worth it? I mean for all you know he ll just brush me off like he has every time i tried.

Which is why the title for my post. Maybe the love has actually turned to bitterness and so maybe he does hate me. And if so, why try at all?

What do u say Monad?U indicated that u came frm this experiance and so iam asking. I really would like to know.

Thanks you Wonderful knowflakes. Even talking abt this is making me feel better.

posted May 04, 2005 12:10 AM         

i have done this a few times myself, but now kick myself in the rear for it. i know gal pals of mine who have done this too and i always tell them it was wrong.

WHY WHY WHY do women have to withdraw and play the kitten at the beginning? not all men like to be turned away from coldly and played games with (hard to get etc.) seems like you were acting the kitten a bit in the beginning, you wrote that "i was attracted but a relationship was a million years from my mind". i bet your behavior reflected that also, and what man is going to stick around for 25 yrs to see if a woman is ready or changing her mind? (well maybe a really hardcore stellium in scorp , scorp sun dude, but no one else i can think of. lol). our nonverbal signals can be stronger than verbal ones, and i personally think what happened is that u sent out the 'yeah i like you but cool down, coz i dont like you THAT much' vibes, and that made him back off. rejection is not easy to handle, and even if you were friends/had chemistry, still you rejected the more serious pursuit on his part.

then you mention that his greetings weren't warm or were cold for a day or two. instead of being a good friend and inquiring right then what the problem was, was he upset, did he have a bad day, family problems ? was it something u said? u were concerned for him?

instead, you went the opposite route and once again played the kitten. maybe he really had something bugging him and wanted you to ask, maybe he really needed your support.

once you dropped all communication, you've validated his fears that you were completely noncommittal and nonserious to begin with. this pushes him farther away as he tries to forget that he even liked you, how embarrassing for the guy.

Well, from a normal human beings perspective, (can't say im 100 percent normal but somewhat there. lol) this is what I think happened. i think many men would probably see it this way too.

i dont understand why ppl arent honest...and when ur verbal and nonverbal signals say different things, sociologically its proven that ppl will believe the nonverbal. so you should have reached out and breached the distance.

anyhow whats done is done. i have no ideas on how to 'fix' this if it is fixable. Cancer men get wounded pretty easily, although it is true they dont forget their love very easily. I wounded one myself and regret it to this day; i should have been forthright and sensitive with him, to make him understand better. he still has feelings for me as a friend, and perhaps is so caring that even 'more than a friend' would be correct. but he would not forget the bitterness, and i doubt anything will happen again.

I learned the hard way, i guess other people do too.

posted May 04, 2005 07:23 AM         

Oh man, u are right what u say abt acting kittenish but believe me that was never the intention.I really wouldnt do that to someone i care for.

Monad, well u really Do think i did something wrong and he might not forgive etc. al, ok i undertand.

My one stand on this from my side is 'HE NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING'!!!!I mean there ws never any verbal communication btween us that cld allow me to act in a certain way towards him. We werent even great friends or anything and they werent even outings alone together. Yeah, it was just the beginning but nothing materialised and nothing was written or spoken, then how cld i act warm or even decide anything on the matter?!Fget acting coy, or cruel, he NEVER said he liked me or loved. Oh yeah there were all these hints in between flirting, the body language, the eye contact but one cld be mislead by that!

And then hes behaving as though i was his woman and jilted him.....i mean was he like 'DREAMING' all along? I never even lead him on. Of course since i ws attracted i might have given some signals but never direct ones for him to act as tho he hates me?!!!

How illogical......isnt anyone on my side here???!!!

Thanks for listening.

posted May 04, 2005 03:36 PM         

Honestly, I don’t think you did anything wrong. He never told you he was interested…does he expect you to read his mind? I know water signs have a weird connection but not that weird lol.

posted May 04, 2005 05:20 PM         

first of all, water men and heavily-water influenced ppl can be pretty illogical anyways. i have a water stellium (scorpio) and LOOK OUT when the transits are bad for me. ill just collapse in a corner of my room and sob and sob and sob and think that all is lost and nothing is getting better etc. till my gemini sun slaps me and tells me to wake up. and in those times, really, on one can understand me coz even i cant!

maybe he has an afflicted chart, and has had really bad experiences with women in the past. maybe he is throwing u in the same category and is suspicious, paranoid, untrusting, insecure. etc. and really, you wouldnt be at blame in that case, even in this one you're not, but like i said, his behavior is not completely insane.

maybe he has a pisces placement--which can make ppl dream up things and then hit the ground hard when they realize its not so. also makes them super sensitive to criticism and nonverbal signals :maniac:, and difficult to express their emotions verbally sometimes (my moms pisces moon, aaah! somebody save me).

not a lot of cancer men i know are openly passionate about their feelings for someone before they're officially in a relationship...they'd rather let things gel first then go about flaunting their significant other....becoz they are kinda scared that things may go wrong. and who isnt? they are sensitive souls, very sweet at heart, but not very good at making passionate sweeping confessions of undying love (see aries or leo man for that! ) in fact a lot of cancers i know are very emotional but wont confess their deepest and most true emotional fears, insecurities, and attachments. because they know themselves, too well, that they are so compassionate that if they reveal that about themselves, everyone will be able to use that to predict them/manipulate them.

like monad said if u really want him its going to take some work. but u have something special that attracted him in the first place. so i would say, you have an edge! you can do it again, you did it before.

otherwise i would say, just look for someone else, but dont put him out of your mind, cancers can be the bestest friends in times of need. and then love could always blossom later; you never know what may happen.

posted May 04, 2005 09:54 PM         

The trick to Cancers is to get in there right away, don't let it go on too much longer, and then let him do something for you. Like cook you dinner, and make sure to compliment everything he does. Cancers like attention and feel hurt if they are not appreciated for their giving nature.

I would do something or else you will feel bad, and if you don't feel right than it makes sense to try and mend the fence.

Cancer men make great friends who are loyal and nice even if they don't date you, which is a real breath of fresh air sometimes. Trust is the issue, dont' be afraid to trust.

posted May 04, 2005 10:08 PM         

Sarah9 For Him at that time to actually be YOURS, which undoubtedly he wanted, but maybe not needed he had to KNOW it WAS SO, that you WERE ONE, perhaps wrongly.

posted May 05, 2005 03:05 AM         

and thanks once again for giving me insight into this. For days on end ive felt guilty, angry, sympathetic, torn etc. and its been a terribly emotional time for me. (being a pisces with a virgo analytical moon dosent help)

After reading and digesting all that every one has told me on this thread, i have come to one conclusion. He DID in fact like me a lot and unknowlingly i hurt him by my actions and so this cancerian has retreated into his shell. I on my part admittedly liked him but not a lot bcos there was nothing concrete to go by and i got totally confused and hurt by his retreating behaviour.

Noone is to blame, not me nor him. I certainly dont want to bruise my already bruised feelings and im sure he dosent want his bruised either.I can however vouch for the cancer pisces connection....oh yes. I can 'See' the guy, hear him talk in my mind sometimes. We meet 'everytime' i go out of my seat and there r so many, many coincidences that was i to contemplate those seriously, it would possibly indicate something else.But like i said and my virgo moon insists i say.....there is/was never anything concrete.

Secret garden, i have a feeling maybe ure right. And maybe its just a missed opportunity.

As for the fact abt what i shall do now....well, i cant be casual and hang around him, cajole him etc,my feelings are too raw right now. Yes, if he moves one step, shows me one little consideration, i wld rush to bridge the gap and that truly would be True friendshp/Love. Otherwise just an ego battle to forget.

So maybe for the moment,i think i should just let this go and let fate take over? Ive read in a thread here abt 'Letting Go and letting God' so maybe thats whats needed.

Thanks all u wonderful Knowflakes for helping me with this....after 4 whole months i finally feel a burden off my back and talking abt this has helped tremendously.

Lots of Love and hugs!

Sarah

posted May 05, 2005 09:21 AM         

Look, you have a lot of charisma and charm, and iI am a shy person. I respect you, and now I know you respect me. If you can respect the fact that I am kind of shy and private and not good at being emotional, we can be friends. I like talking to you, I wish we could talk more often, here's my number, call me later when we are both alone, gotta run. (smile)

then wait for him to smile and leave. Then everytime you see him, keep smiling and waiting. Eventually he will relax and call, you may not be best buds right away but he will warm to you.

As for manipulation, it's not on purpose, but it's not healthy for anyone to bottle up feelings and get depressed. Not for you either! Let him know what's in your head.

Take Care,
Natasha

posted May 05, 2005 08:26 PM         

I hope I haven't offended you. Like I said, I've never talked to you before, so without that context it was difficult for me to understand why you were being "harsh" with Sarah.

It doesn't seem as if you've offended Sarah at all, though... in fact I think you've helped her quite a bit! In any case, I wanted to say I'm sorry if I've misunderstood you!

posted May 05, 2005 11:25 PM         

Than to not get my point across and "be nice" about it.

Yes, I sure do make full use of my Leo asc. at times.

I took no offence Future Uncertain

I dont think that Crab will have any clue whatsoever as to what he could do.

posted May 06, 2005 01:58 AM         

the unanimous opinion here seems to be that i should make the first move....i really have no issues with that. And like i already mentioned, ive gone to him twice or thrice already, tried to be nice, friendly etc. But then again he's been turning away???!!!I mean how many times am i going to get myself pinched and pricked for something i didnt do?

Neptunes mermaid thanks for understanding.

Secret Garden, ur advise is well taken. Possibilities of others are there and im in a transition phase. Once i put away this baggage maybe ill move on. Or if i get the nerve enough to approach him again then maybe its him. But did anyone notice, its just been me, me and only me whos trying to patch up. He hasnt made even one move?!

Natasha, thanks for your insight into cancerian guys. Yeah i gs hes retreated into a shell. Maybe i shall give him another chance or maybe i might dart away under the weeds like a fish.Depends on how emotionally strong i feel at a given moment.

Fayte.M, im only just realising abt cancerians. Its my first time really. Ive otherwise had relashionships with mostly earth and fire signs so u can imagine why i fail to comprehend a cancer. If and when i do leave this org (and ill know soon), i do plan to address this issue, make a clean break and a clean slate.

Monad, thanks again for your opinion.Like i said no offense and i can see why u said it.

Future.uncertain, well theres no scoop ....wish there was though. He looks a little less depressed and he's been around lately instead of brooding in his corner.But he still wont look at me whenever we are near. Hes still acting like the juvenile kid and i can so relate that to a cancerian.

Ill keep u guys posted on whatever comes up. Once again, Thanks SO much!!

posted May 06, 2005 03:07 AM         

repeat that to yourself really slowly again and again.

they are S L O W

lol.

but when u win his heart it will be urs forever, likewise. they are slow and steady, and you know what they say about that, they win the race.

i understand it can be so frustrating with a guy not making the first move. today is the first time in the history of me and this aqua, that he actually called me first without me calling him. he msged me first too.

it took about 2 months...haha. but it did come! im happy about it. at least now lets hope he doesnt break my heart all over again.

try to reach his pace of communication. be strong, definite. let him KNOW in no uncertain terms that u like him. be sultry and things, let him know that you care. he will be sure to sit up and take notice. and when he really send that one unified message he will have to make a decision. you will have ur answer sooner than later, but you have to implant the question in his mind first.

sometimes men can just be a little slow in general....dont give up. wait it out. love is a battlefield remember

posted May 06, 2005 04:42 AM         

He was at 'MY' lunch table today, sitting with 'MY' friends and talking to them!He 'knows' i sit there and i ws a bit late and i was so stunned to see him!!!!!He couldnt look at me, he was so embarrassed and couldnt speak either even tho we were sharing the same table.....

What the HECK does that mean now?Hes looking totally sheepish and thoroughly guilty....

I was just v v quiet...i didnt know what to think...

Is this something significant?

posted May 06, 2005 02:00 PM         

gotta go right now but i will come back, ur situation is interesting

posted May 08, 2005 10:55 AM         

I read your reply and i thought abt him and yes it is definately a step towards progress. In fact, i inquired later and my friends told me 'HE' was the one who joined our table. It was not as tho there werent others and he left his group to do this.This is the 'First' ever time he's done it so yeah logically, it seems like a step towards me when he couldnt bear my sight abt a week back....

And actually i was a bit irritated cos he was gelling so well with MY friends!!!I mean here i was, quiet,in front of them and there he was trying to be the wonderful nice guy!!!How does he want me to react?

The question is, how do i react now? I simply dont want to be overfriendly, dont feel like it and maybe i just want to dart under some weeds like a fish and dissapear for a while. Thats what he did when i called a truce isnt it? But thats juvenile. Anyways, i think ill have to wait and watch for some more clues.

He seemed a bit 'Low', kinda 'deflated' when he left our table. And he didnt come in for coffee later....

SG, maybe he's just playing the fool. And if so, 'Now' is the time for me to back out since im not so emotionally in it.

Lets see....