Posts: 988
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 22, 2005 11:55 AM         

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An old friend of my grandmother recently passed away. From what my mother told me, she was a really sweet and kind person.

Naturally I felt bad for her, but because I didn’t know her I quickly forgot.
Last night my mother was talking to me about this woman’s life. Apparently she married young and unfortunately to a terrible man. He was physically and mentally abusive to her throughout their marriage - which was over forty years I think. Not only that but he also cheated on her on a number of occasions. When asked why she was putting up with it, she simply said she loves him

OK now I refuse to believe that - but that’s not my point.

My point is, this woman was clearly never loved by her husband…and she died unhappy. So it made me realise, some of us are doomed to never be loved by the one we love or perhaps to never experience love

Yes I know it’s depressing lol but that’s how I felt when I heard her story. It hit me really hard how horrible her life was, and how long she put up with it.

It made me realise you should not rely on others to make you happy - and perhaps why finding love should not be that important. Now for a Piscean this is nonsense and I’m trying really hard to believe my own words

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Posts: 398
From: City Of The Lost Towers
Registered: Apr 2005

posted May 22, 2005 12:10 PM         

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Posts: 8380
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted May 22, 2005 03:02 PM         

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Yes, true...
Love is a grand motivator. Good and bad.
Sometimes the stories we hear are only halves of the whole....
I want to believe she was happy... or, as pointed out on another thread.. had moments of happiness, and contentedness.

I think upon my own stories... and the people in my own life, and of course, everyone has opinions....
Others' versions of the same story vary quite a bit.
I've no doubt that the facts are correct.. but what about the life between the facts?
I reserve non-judgement, as I do not know.
But I want to believe that one's life isn't all miserable, or else I'd think that person was coming right back in again to learn some more....
Not about tolerance ths time, or putting yourself second.. but about empowering oneself and learnng love.

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Posts: 1755
From: California
Registered: Oct 2001

posted May 22, 2005 03:30 PM         

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Hmmm. For whatever reason she chose to stay with this man. Maybe if we are doomed to never be with the one we love, (as you stated), we should keep trying to find one who loves us back equally. It's worth taking the chance, than to spend your life 1-sided and unhappy.
Perhaps that is the lesson?
Yes of course we have to be happy inside, with ourselves, before we meet our true love.

Positive + Positive = Positive

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Posts: 988
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 22, 2005 04:34 PM         

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God I started a depressing thread sorry about that guys, my emotions were/are playing with me and it’s not fun
Didn’t mean to start a thread that’s so

I mean we’re all adults and have free will, this was her choice and I have no right to judge.

I think the moral of the story is - at the end of the day you sleep in the bed you make.

Thanks for the replies, you made good points and I agree with both of you. Also thx TP.

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Posts: 267
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted May 22, 2005 07:02 PM         

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If this was a friend of your grandmother's, then think about the era in which she was married - people often did marry young back then, especially women, and perhaps she didn't have options to marry another, who knows what her whole story was? It is kind of sad, some are destined to not know real love, and then others seem to fall from one relationship right into another and then another, each one being 'the one'...

Laura

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Posts: 260
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004

posted May 22, 2005 08:17 PM         

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Hi All.
In as much as it saddens me to hear of people staying in situations of abuse, I have to say, that I believe most people have the idea that ' true love ', is something that always knows only the pleasant sides within. I believe that it is really, only a few that know that they have experienced ' true ' love, because love is not a happy time and, in fact, to love purely, brings the deepest of any and, all of both the bad and, the good. True Love, is unconditional ....

~ geminstone

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Posts: 71
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 22, 2005 09:59 PM         

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i believe true love is so awesome it compels you to give without contemplating return.
when love is expressed in acessing how you can best serve the other it is at its purest.
some people are such noble grand spirits that they are here to guide those who need it most and are thought of as unlovable, they teach them the ulitimate ,self love, by becoming it reflecting it and guiding others by it no matter what is given in return.
it takes a strong evolved soul to be able to love themselves first, as in love the Lord God (You), with all your might , transforming others through this love, as in love thy neighbor as thyself .

maybe your Grandmothers friend was such a soul.

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Posts: 874
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 23, 2005 08:00 AM         

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My 80 year old mother confessed to me last week that she was finding my father almost impossible to live with and that was after repeatedly telling us over the years "what a good man he is". She said we love each other but...........I suggested she gave him a kick up the arse and she said that her generation didnt do that. I told her that my hubbie and I openly told each other how we felt and it always cleared the air - I would never keep my mouth shut and allow anyone to abuse me. This woman, I am sure, in her own way loved this man, but what a pity she lived and died unhappily. I think the only love we can guarantee is the love we have for ourselves and when that really SHINES out of us, we shall be loved by others - love to everyone on their path xxx xxx

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