Posts: 7026
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 24, 2005 05:35 AM         

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Please forgive me guys if I come across as negative today (PMT), but I have just read something in another thread about "being isolated". As Ive mentioned before, I have come to a point in my life where I am very careful who I mix with, and I have three or four good people in my life who I love and trust, but...............there is still this thing where it is I, the majority of the time, who makes the arrangements to meet, go out etc. I was with a friend last week and I said to her "if you want to meet up again next week give me a buzz, I wont put you under pressure to meet" and she said "oh its okay you get in touch and we can get together". Does anyone else out there feel as tho they are the ones initiating things with friends most of the time, or am I being too sensitive. I have already had proof with the Libra guy, who hasnt contacted me in 3 months and probably wont. I can see in years to come, me living half way up a mountain with my cats and violin for company - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

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Posts: 7475
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted May 24, 2005 07:20 AM         

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Maybe you choose to associate with people who are too self-obsessed to bother with making plans with you. It's probably not even that they're trying to be mean. It's just that you've made them lazy by arranging the plans. They like that about you. That's why they come when you call. They may not like taking that roll to the degree that you do.

I use to go out with a Cancer girl who wanted me to always plan our dates about a week in advance whereas I'd prefer for her to just generally be available to go do something on spur of the moment. That's the way I tend to operate for casual things. I don't make a specific plan in advance, I just go do.

Your friends may be like me. I'd be happy that you asked me to do something, and I'd go along, but if you ask me to plan it I don't want the responsibility. Lazy, I guess.

It's not you. It's them. And there's probably a reason you like them so much. Maybe it is that attitude of not being bothered by people.

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Posts: 7026
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 24, 2005 08:21 AM         

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Thanks so much for your words Acoustic, this helped me a lot - wise goat that ya are xx

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Posts: 5816
From: ~out looking for Schrodinger's cat~
Registered: Mar 2005

posted May 24, 2005 12:07 PM         

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Thank You AG!!!!
Maybe it is a Scorpio thing. I enjoy my privacy. I do not like my space to be "invaded" by people just dropping in/by. Being disabled makes it even harder to accommodate the aquaintances who like to do that. I had to put a sign on my door to discourage that, and to please call first. The ones who really understood, comply rather well. But the ones who wanted to just drop in when they wanted to, wether I was down at that time or not...or for that matter, not even at home...these rarely come around anymore. Alot of my situation also is that my closest friends are reclusive. In many ways more than I am. They enjoy being alone.
None of us are into the bar/club scene, or shopping trips, or the many activities people do together. Most of us are not church goers or in any clubs. We putter about in our gardens, read alot of books, write, and when we do visit it is either well planned or it is catch as catch can..."if you drop by unexpected" it is ok, but we all agreed to be straight up honest if it is not a good time for a visit, and no offense is taken. Others I know do have very busy lives. Too busy! They complain about never having enough time, but they refuse to cut back on the unnessesary busy busy things in their lives. My recluse friends can be counted on in an emergency...the busy busy ones often have a ready excuse.
I think that is perhaps why internet friendships have become so appealing to many people. It gives anyone a way to reach out and connect with others without the social planning getting in the way. It also I think means that perhaps people do want to have friends and not feel isolated, but life intrudes...people often just get too busy.
So yes...I do often feel isolated. But given the alternative of people thinking that they can just come and go as they please, wether I am physically up to it or not...well I guess I opt for isolation. I use to be VERY social. Now that I do not party often, or go to bars, or the activities that I engaged in before I was injured etc., the many people I thought were friends do not call or answer my calls anymore. I just consider myself lucky to have my fellow semi-recluses who understand me, and I them, as long time friends.

PS.and yes...if I do contact and I set up, plan the visit etc. with the busy busy ones..they do seem to enjoy it all VERY much! They claim they get busy and depressed and "forget" to call and so forth. I take these friends for what/who they are. I just do not count on them or expect them to do any planning. They are the spontaneous types, everything on a whim....if they get a spare moment...or if someone else makes the plans and overtures. Oh well..and so goes the diversity of humankind.

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Posts: 1360
From: New York City
Registered: Apr 2005

posted May 24, 2005 12:12 PM         

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Same story here sue.

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Posts: 7475
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted May 28, 2005 09:46 AM         

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Wow! I just discovered this. I'm glad what I said made sense. Yay!

And now I return to my quest to figure out ...oh duh...you just told me what your sign is [Sue]. I must need to go to sleep.

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Posts: 4312
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted May 28, 2005 12:23 PM         

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Friends are not for everyone, some people dont have friends, they have buddies, or co-workers, or just their family. And some use their friends and then never call them back. With my Pluto Trine Sun, I do not like all my friends, some borrow and never pay me back, others however, will move me for free and make me a music video.

They are up and down, but as a rule of thumb, never get too close to anyone who is far away emotionally, or who drinks/smokes pot too much.

That's been my general rule and it's worked so far.

Hope this helps,
Natasha
Taurus

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Posts: 1132
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004

posted May 28, 2005 12:47 PM         

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Well...sue g, some people tend to get a bit wrapped up in themselves. I lost two friends through their starting families (plus, they were never on time, or pretended to be sick when we had arranged to go out together, calling me abt. 1/2 hr. before we were due to meet up!!! )

So I decided I wasn't going to have friends like that any more, I bumped along for a while with friends my husband and I made as a couple, or went out to the occasional hunt dinner with him (people as unlike me as you can imagine). Now I am building my own circle of friends, mainly Internet but not all (which I like) and they seem to be better for me as a person, there aren't the same expectations, they are also generally older than me and not directly from my peer group. Then again, I do keep in contact with a couple of people from school. I think the good thing abt. all my friendships is that neither party is in each other's pockets and that mutual understanding is there.

I'm also suffering the "punctual blues" - join the club!

Also, I think Scorps need contact and reciprocation - on a regular basis - even if it's just to say hi. I can understand that.

LOL

AT

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Posts: 257
From: New Zealand
Registered: May 2005

posted May 29, 2005 09:15 PM         

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Know where you are coming from on this one Sue. I have the same problem with 90% of my friends. They are always so happy to hear from me and do what ever i suggest, but getting to phone me and organise things well it just doenst happen. It has bugged me for years, so glad to know i am not the only one out there!!!! Since moving to this town after i came home from Europe I have met two really close friends that text, phone or pop in and instigate things, feels kind of weird cos i am so used to doing it, (control thing or what!)so i am slowly changing things....

Kiwi x

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Posts: 2252
From: anywhere but LL
Registered: Oct 2004

posted May 29, 2005 10:08 PM         

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Oh man I thought I was alone on this...my friends drive me insane on this. Hardly any of them initate much of anything. I have a Cancerian who will ALWAYS IM me which is nice, but she is always late for things or makes up some excuse not to hang out. I have a Scorpio that I just don't want to hang out with all the time and she's the only one who does call to make plans or just have me come over without any planning. The rest of them, I wind up doing all the work and it makes me resentful most of the time. I loved my ex-bf for the mere reason that it was totally give and take on that part, and I hung out with him more than anyone. I wind up being a recluse because I'm forced to - the people that are outgoing usually don't share the same values as me, so there's too many differences (around here the extroverts are all into partying).

I highly doubt there's anything wrong with you...kind of like what was said in previous replies...people sometimes are too wrapped up in themselves to see that you even exist to chill with or just don't want to be bothered to do the same work you're willing to put into a friendship.

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Posts: 1132
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004

posted May 30, 2005 03:00 PM         

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Interesting, VTT...you have the same problems with Cancerians as I had. (They are a bit duff.) Problem is, they don't want to say, no, I can't or don't want to go out, etc. they can't just be straight with you.

I have to say that Scorps do do more initiating, but maybe this is the Mars in them, and the fact that they are pretty devoted individuals.

LOL

AT

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Posts: 7475
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted May 30, 2005 07:09 PM         

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Yeah, Cancers have trouble creating boundaries I agree. They always want to be agreeable. I know a few Cancerian women who took it to the extreme staying with abusive guys far longer than they should.

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