posted June 03, 2005 08:17 PM         

Am i just predisposed to feeling miserable all the time? When I'm in love and I am with that person, any feeling of passion nearly always change to one of sadness, although I dont know why. I always end up feeling moody for no reason it seems.

I feel that my "down" emotions are always stronger than my "ups".

Often boyfriends dont know whats happened and think they've done something wrong. (And I have to convince them otherwise)

posted June 04, 2005 03:08 AM         

'cept, my highs can be pretty high

I was dancing around my kitchen ast night, doing "beat box" rap for my son, I am the whitest white chick ever!!!!
It was so funny, I'm sure!!!!

A white white chick who doesn't know how to make awesome mouth noises, trying to picture early rap ( like Fat Boys rhythm) in my head, and actually duplicate it!!!!
THAT was funny!
I only wanted to embarass him anyway.
Thats fun to do,.
He laugfhs his ass off.

i'm like "dance baby, your mama's rockin' da' mike!!!!!"
BBBBbbbbbbbbmmmmmmmm... chhhhhh Bbbbbbbmmmmmm Bbbbbbbbmmmmm Chhhhhhh'

posted June 04, 2005 04:22 AM         

if even a little bit sad, not 'depressed' or really down-down u know, but if even a little bit sad, i like to keep myself that way. why? because i feel i am more sensitive and caring towards others then. why my own emotions are low, i want to nurture others and make sure they dont feel like me.

another thing is that i routinely try to find something sad, some misery, to ponder. it gives me drive. if i wasnt this sad and frustrated most of the time i wouldnt think, 'im not good enough', which makes me good enough to push myself. now if other people tell me that i get b*tchy on them coz its not their place. its this tactic i use on myself to motivate myself to do BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER. and it works for me coz ive conquered the top titles academically and in the workplace.

in my personal life im a complete failure. i dont get along with my family and i havent been able to secure a good relationship yet. maybe that attitude needs to change to get these things. but i know if it did, my work would suffer.... i know for a fact actually coz once i was very high on happiness for about 2 months and school and work both suffered terribly. at that time i was in my happiest relationship ever and things were peachy with my family too. i was too lightheaded with happiness and content to want to make a positive change or push myself.

posted June 05, 2005 08:12 AM         

i also feel like a failure - for some of the same reasons. I dont have a relationship and i get on with my family only on a superficial level. Actually I find my parents completely smothering and demanding, while also being extremely hyper-critical at the same time. They dont even know half the damage they've done to me in terms of confidence and self esteem. (Although I dont blame them for everything).

Umm you're Asian right? I dont know about you but I find it annoying how indian culture makes me feel like a failure just for wanting to be myself and trying to live my life on my own terms. Do you find that?

Deep down I always feel like I'm not 'allowed' to be happy. I know that sounds stupid.

posted June 06, 2005 02:14 AM         

For me, the highs are great, just few and far between the E'ore-ish..... sorry, that really is how I relate though.... good 'ol E'ore, not all pessimistic but, definitly low on the sunshine factor. I always thought he was the best one though! Don't let anyone take your fire! Remember, everything has an opposite... just don't let anyone take your fire, in any way ~ I know, in my case, it is my strenghth and, what can break through my storm to bring some light .... me letting me, just be....