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Author Topic:   Karmic Bond
ladya22
Knowflake

Posts: 36
From: Florida
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 08, 2005 01:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ladya22     Edit/Delete Message
I don't really know where to post this- it is just stuff i have to get out.

SO I called my mom this morning. We don't know talk very often and live about 2000 miles apart. I have not been home in probably 3 years. I do love my mother but our relationship is difficult to say the least.

I don't know what i was expecting but it seems i always expect the wrong thing. I recently sent her a package with a card, a letter and some recent pictures of me and my animals and 2 great pictures of me and my boyfirend- of whom i am madly in love with and believe i will marry soon. She knows that i have a boyfriend and that i feel this way about him. BTW I love the pictures i sent her. Everyone that has seen it say "ohhh you both look so happy and radiant and in love." so it is a great picture of us together.

It went like this:

me: "HiMom, How have you been? How was your trip to Austin?

Mom:"Good, It was too hot and too much crazy animals" (she means wildlife, coyotes, snakes, etc.,) then she goes into the whole rental property story

FYI my mother's first languauge not english

Me: Did you get that package?

Mom:Yes i saw the pictures, you look ...nice ?? Why you hair so light?

Me: Mom, can't you just say something nice- i don't need to be critiqued. It's hot here i swim alot so the sun lightens my hair, that's all. I am not doing it on purpose.

Mom: Oh is that why it look like that? YOU WAKE UP WRONG or sOMETHING TODAY? (Yelling)

Me: No, mom. I didn't. SO anyway that is my boyfriend in the picture. You know i told you about him- Probably getting married soon.

Mom: Oh, okay bye, click

I thought she would at least say things like: How are you, What are you doing? How's school? Are you Happy? Tell me about your boyfriend? What does he do? SOmething kind or concerned but it is my own fault why would i expect her to care - not like she ever has.

It just hurts. It makes me think what is so wrong with me that you can't be kind to me? We have never had a great relationship I ran away when i was 13, and she begged me to come back and i did - I got taken away when i was 15- she tried to kill me and technically if you are safer on the streets than you are at home they don't necessarily deem you a runaway -- and put in a foster home. then lived with grandparents for 2 years in Highschool then moved back with her - she called and asked me to come back- until she tried to kill me again.

I always went back; i wanted to really believe when she said she changed and was better. I always hoped for more but stupid me, it appears i will never learn. I just always thought it took less effort to be kind and nice to people than it would take to be cruel. Stupid me- I don't know why i am posting this- geuss i just need to vent in a safe place.

Anyway here is her placements:
Sun Taurus
Moon Pisces
Mercury Aries
Venus Taurus
Mars Aqua
ASC: LEO

thanks for letting me vent here.

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 764
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 08, 2005 01:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
awwwwwwwwwww.
Mom dynamics are always so hurtful.
And it seems like there is no end in sight, and only occassionally do relations have something positive in them. The rest is expectation and unfulfilled perception on both sides. Everything is so much more than you want it to be.
Approval and love and rejection and a primal need to belong. So multi layered and tough. Just tough.
I am sorry.
I understand though, and you know, I believe a lot of people here and everywhere do.
If you want to vent in a safe place, I can't think of any better or more like a safehouse than here.

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ladya22
Knowflake

Posts: 36
From: Florida
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 08, 2005 02:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ladya22     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks Pixel- very sweet of you! Thanks for caring! It just all gets so twisted. It shouldn't matter and i know that and i think .. Dang, I a fully growed woman why do i care?
But it does matter and i do care and it still hurts but i should relish in that and know that and because of that i will NEVER be her. And i will never do those things to anyone and i will Never make a child of mine feel that way.

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 764
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 08, 2005 02:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto.
I was talking about this only tonight.....

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 1029
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted July 08, 2005 02:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
I'm sorry, this is a bit out of line for this thread, but I have noticed that Cancer moms with Cancer daughters seem to get along pretty well. Otherwise, I see conflict quite often, as I do with men and their fathers.

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SecretGardenAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 176
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 08, 2005 03:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SecretGardenAgain     Edit/Delete Message
ladya im v sorry to hear that

im sending out lots of positive energy ur way! so grab it and hold onto it tight

yes everyone has rocky relationships with their parents at least in some point in life. a lot of people turn the tables when they become parents and say, well now i understand that really, kids ARE a nuisance.

im not a parent yet, but i do understand that the issue is not about either one of the parent or child being wrong. its not even about love. i have only seen love, on a personal level, in two forms: love with friendship, and love with hatred/dark side... and the love with hatred is the most dangerous, it is this kind of unhealthy love you are looking for in ur mother.

what is it about? its about maturity, sensitivity, understanding, and compassion... which you are not receiving from ur mother, and which you are giving to her...

there is only so much that you can do, giving and giving and giving...dont exhaust ur patience and optimism after all she has done to you, i would say you have been exceptionally well mannered and openminded. you neednt do anything more, but work on making yourself happier and stronger if she has problems then she will, unfortunately, have to deal with them on her own. any person who is a threat to society or anothers life, regardless of how unintentional it may be, needs to be seriously considered by the proper authorities. its not ur job to fix her.

you do not need this pain, but you will have to feel the one time pain of letting go--of the notion that you must take care of her, and you must fix her, and you must receive something from her. some emotional investments in life turn out to be dead. consider this one and move on... if you feel the need, look for a different mother figure, an aunt, your boyfriends mother? , or a friends mother.

I send you love and respect, respect because I admire your strength to call her.


And yah my mother is nowhere near as controlling or problematic as urs, but I really dont get along with her either. You may have a pt. there AG.

Love
SG

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 1029
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted July 08, 2005 04:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
I responded to your thread in Astrology, SG

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1360
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 09, 2005 08:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
"I always hoped for more, stupid me"

Aaahh this brought tears to my eyes Ladya, story of my life. It is only now at aged 46 that I am getting along with my 80 year old mother. I feel she has at last given up on the control thing - we are like friends, the relationship is gentle and equal and I feel good after we speak on the phone. I never ever thought I would be saying this. She, like your mother used to pass comments on my appearance, friends etc and initially, like you, I would get upset, but gradually I would stop letting it get to me. My sister said to me once, if your mum likes it, it aint cool. Yeah if she likes your hair, clothes etc, start worrying (this is just a good way to cope with the criticism). My mother said to me on the phone yesterday, "your dad thinks the world of you, he talks of you all the time", She has always said "your dad.......... and then she said "oh Sue I love you so much, you are such a good person". I felt the love between us was so deep, if she were to die that day, she would take something very special with her.............oh guys you wouldnt believe the heartache I have been thro with my family, they are good kind, sensitive people, but even tho, it has been hard being accepted, but do you know what............they always loved me, as does your mother ladya. Accept her the way she is, and watch it come around back at you. The next time she says something offensive say to yourself, or under your breathe "the silly old bugger", and then imagine her sitting on the toilet with micky mouse ears, that should do the trick!! Good luck, love and healing Sue xx


p.s. I was given a great poem about parents, I am gonna post it here for all of you to read, its a classic!!

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ladya22
Knowflake

Posts: 36
From: Florida
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 11, 2005 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ladya22     Edit/Delete Message

A heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone that responded. SO not like me to talk about my crap and i guess i was just feeling vunerable and was very upset about the whole thing(obviously). She and I have been through so much together and i do love her and have forgiven her. But there are still fractions of moments when she is like that when i want to scream it all back at her.

I know so much of her "problem" with me is that i know all her dirty little secrets - i lived them. All the guilt she feels in life stems from her horrible abuse of me. My mother has an illness and unfortuantely i had to pay the price for that. I just always think that you would want to be gentler, kinder because of that. But again i am thinking in my typical Pisces moon nature and often forget that most don't react from a place of empathy.
I have been praying alot about it this weekend and finally gave it all up to God. He asked me to do it and it was a bit of a struggle but i feel much better about it now and Honestly thanks to all those who heard me and tried to comfort it is not forgotten and means so much in a time when i am not feeling much form those i thought should care!

Thank you Pixelpixie you heard and were kind and encouraging- it means so much more than i can express.

SecretGardenAgain-
I sent you some energy with the "stuff" you are dealing with as well. Your kind, thoughful response touched me and brought a few tears to my eyes. Thanks you for your gentility- You are all woman!

SueG-

How funny and touching you were. I am glad you were able to feel that love from your mom. I know that must have meant alot to you! i can only imagine. I do know that my mother did absolutely the best she could but with a mental illness that is not always good enough but it is done now and i am still okay. . . "...they always loved me, as does your mother ladya. Accept her the way she is, and watch it come around back at you. The next time she says something offensive say to yourself, or under your breathe `the silly old bugger', and then imagine her sitting on the toilet with micky mouse ears, that should do the trick!!"

OMG that made me smile just the thought of my mother like that is enought to send waves of laughter my way. She is such a "proper lady" on the outside.

it is so wierd. I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he said that my mom and i are so opposite. she acts so sweet and proper and "soft" to all that meet her. the picture of kind and sympathetic. and if you were to meet me you would think "O that girl is so funny and sarcastic and tough" but you would be so wrong. My boyfriend always says i have the softest insides of anyone he has ever met. It seems our parents often produce there opposites, perhaps rebellion?

Anyway that is for another time again thank you to all! Your support brought me round!


SueG share your poem please i would love to read it!

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1360
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 16, 2005 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Hey all,

Trying to locate that poem, its not one I wrote, but from a book my sister bought for me, so will be back soon guys - love to all Sue xxx

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 1360
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 16, 2005 06:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Ladya and others, here is the poem. It was written by Phillip Larkin and I dedicate this to anyone who is thinking of becoming parents LOL:

THIS BE THE VERSE

They **** you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra just for you

But they were f***** up in their turn
By fools in old style hats and coats
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And dont have any kids yourself.

I think this poem rocks!!!!!

I dedicate it to everyone here at LL

Love

Sue xx

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