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Author Topic:   get my aries girl back into my arms
rayofhope
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From:
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 03, 2005 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rayofhope     Edit/Delete Message
Hello i´m new here and a sagittarius male (28). I read Lindas books, but I really feel that I need elemental but also practical, realistic down-to-earth advice for my problem.

My aries girl (26, pisces moon, sag venus, pisces mars) broke up with me 2 years ago after a happy and uncomplicated 2 years half-distance relationship. Am still heart broken and I would like to be togther with her again.

Breaking up over night and incredibly definitely, she said that i would have idolized her too much and I would have been too dependend on her. We are still in contact but it´s a very chilly contact from her side, I guess also because I forbid her any love letters and praises that she still wrote to me after the breakup, but at the same time she never never wanted to see me. I just could not (under)stand the paradoxy of waht she wrote and not wanting to see me anymore. she said that I would have understood these letters and emails wrong, although they were obviously very emotional and crazily praising me and the times we had.

I imposed a time-out of contact through a quite hard and bitter email but after three months I restarted the contact again after I moved for a very good job, but I remained on a very low emotional level, without any soppiness and lovefoolness or referenece to the yucky end.

Many people gave me very different advice for the way i should commuinicate with her, saying no contact at all will make me interesting again and will intrigue her, others said Ii should keep in touch just as a good friend and built up a deeper communiction based on trust and friendship BUT without any love talk and emotional pressure caused by this.
I see this and I can understand both advice, although they are far away from each other. I do not only want to be her good friend, but also a real challenge again (important for aries, isn't it?). What would you suggest as a practical tip for me and my aries girl. I appreciate your comments very much although I know that this is a very individual situation and maybe other reasons were involved too. Thank you. Love Ray.

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Svetlana
Knowflake

Posts: 127
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2005

posted August 03, 2005 03:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Svetlana     Edit/Delete Message
It's only an opinion butI'd stop all and any contact completely. It feels like putting salt in the old wound so it never really heals. Ans it keeps you from moving on.
Whatever your decision though I send you Light and Love.

------------------
You can't lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
J. Peers

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running_bull
Knowflake

Posts: 265
From: the desert, usa
Registered: Nov 2004

posted August 03, 2005 03:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for running_bull     Edit/Delete Message
not astrologically speaking: call her and tell her how you feel and what you just wrote here. at least you'll get it out and know absolutely where you stand.

astrologically speaking: draw up a synastry chart and see what aspects could be making communication difficult. you can also draw up individual natal charts and find what transits you both are experiencing. perhaps you both may have been experiencing saturn returns or something very difficult now or even 2 years ago.

astro.com is a good place to start for drawing up charts and www.astrology-numerology.com is a good place to begin deciphering the data. i wish you luck.

------------------
"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

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sunshine9
Knowflake

Posts: 171
From: NC, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted August 03, 2005 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine9     Edit/Delete Message
rayofhope,

Welcome to Lindaland. Sounds like you've been through a rough time, somewhat similar to mine in some ways; my heart goes out to you. I agree with running_bull, why don't you post your chart here, and our knowledgeable knowflakes can assist you in understanding the dynamics of your relationship. That might give you some insight into why things were the way they were, and help you decide on a course of action.

Hang in there!
Sunshine

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rayofhope
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From:
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 03, 2005 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rayofhope     Edit/Delete Message
thank you all
i cannot post images here fo rthe synsatry , so should a table with the planets and houses be ok in text?
would be so nice if someone could see sth in it!

love
ray

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aries-chick
Knowflake

Posts: 1142
From: The Ocean
Registered: Jul 2003

posted August 04, 2005 07:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aries-chick     Edit/Delete Message
Welc me Rayofhope

quote:
Breaking up over night and incredibly

definitely, she said that i would have idolized her too much and I would have been too

dependend on her.


Do you have any idea why she'd think that? If you look at your relationship and the way you've acted towards her would you say you over did it a bit or not?

Because that phrase seems pretty familiar to me. I've felt that way before and it is a deal breaker for me when I feel the other person is very emotionaly dependent. I find it very draining. If you want her back, I think you need to look at what it is you did to give her that impression.

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rayofhope
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From:
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 04, 2005 12:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rayofhope     Edit/Delete Message
Hello again, thanks to all of you!

Dear aries-chick, she said this shortly before (2 weeks) before she was breaking up. in the meantime nothing happened.
I just wanted to be with her once every 6 weeks, and she cancelled one weekend with a big event in her city where we were supposed to together , but she said "i don't want you to come i have to study then too. and it was too much pressure for the short time you could be here" that really irritated me and i complained that this would really bug me not to see her and accompany her to the ball. I also said once that I would like to see her a bit more often than very 6 weeks during the non-vacation period.
Well I really adored her and loved her and she said that I would be idolizing, but in my eyes i think i just loved her and wanted to spent time with her as much as possible. And i really did not insist on meeting up all the time but this special weekend I can remember. She interpreted this with "you need me. I can't live up to this".
Then she started doubting and complaining about the draining and tough conditions of the distance more and more. Then I suggested that I could move to her city, not because I was a love fool and not able to live without her (I proved that I perfectly can live without her with the distance, not needing her every day) but just to make an effort. At that time in my life it simply seemed to me to start my career in any city out there. Why not near her? Just as simple as that. She said that this would put even more pressure on her that she is not ready for this being really convinced i would do it ONLY for her (why then ready for a distance thing??) But it was just a suggestion to save the relationship. Then she broke up over night. The next day i was a bit shocked because in fact she actually had been written precious love letters just up to the breakup moment, so I screamed at her if she would have made up all these letters saying that she's crazy about me and that i am the most wonderful person but then suddenly ending it all. It made no sense to me. I was angry and loud on the phone. Then we simmered down communication and as we kept in touch in a friendly way, she restarted to write emotional praises of me again and again. Reading all these letters emails and text messages, I asked her to meet up while she was very near my city travelling, but she refused completely to see me. ("too early to be just friends etc") That was the moment I forbid her the love talk , cos it seemed like playing and fooling to me. She insisted, that i would have understood wrongly, still it was completely contradictory to me.

I think it's normal to want to be with somebody, I do not see that I wanted it too much. I don't know if asking her if she would love me would help, guess it would scare her off again. too much pressure and old memories and yucky scenes. How can I know that she loves me or not if it only is the phase in her life that she wants to be alone. Communication seems a bit inhibited.

I don't know how to show her in our current sort of cool and impersonal communication that I love her freedom as much as I love my freedom and that I never dampened her spirit and her projects at no time instead I was encouraging her always. She has a wrong picture of me I guess. I really think so. I was talking to another aries and he said that he only would have the last moment as an image of the relationship in his head and feelings, that is to say the problems at the end and that would cover up all other memories even if they were perfect. Are aries like that? It seems very hard to change the perception of the past of an aries.

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Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1396
From: Devon, UK
Registered: Aug 2003

posted August 05, 2005 12:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sun_Scorpion     Edit/Delete Message
Welcome to Lindaland! Good luck with your Aries!!

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goobertally
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: south africa
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 25, 2005 05:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for goobertally     Edit/Delete Message
hey rayofhope...

well, im an aries myself so i'll try my best to give a little perspective.

firstly don't play hard to get right now,seems to me like your aries chic is tired of playin games so try not give her mixed signals right now. you can do that later again. I think the best thing you could do for her right now is just be there.
Tell her you love her,without strings, and that you always will(if thats true). You may not believe this but aries girls need tons of assurance.Remember aries is the infant and so there is this need to be continuously reassured that we are loved and appreciated.Aries people are actually quite insecure, despite the act.

Also sounds to me like something is bothering her that she's not telling you.

Don't smother her too much, just let her know you're there for her.

And the part about not wanting to see you, well maybe it cause she doesn't trust herself around you. Maybe she's scared that if she sees you she won't be able to stick to her decisions. That's why writing is so much easier.

You have to be strong and you have to take charge.

hope it works out
hugs and kisses ****
If you do it the right way, aries girls secretly loves it when a man takes the lead.

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Isolaede
Knowflake

Posts: 21
From: Studio City, CA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 25, 2005 06:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isolaede     Edit/Delete Message
Dear Ray:

Oh you poor man. I am sincerely sorry you find yourself in this situation. I can really sympathize. I’m in a similar situation with a Sagittarius I dated two years. He’s mandated that we be “just friends” but he also says he’s too hurt to talk to me. And I’m not ready to let him go. He says he “wants” to be with me romantically but can’t let himself do so because he’s sure we’ll only hurt one another. Then he confuses me with hope when he goes on about how much he loves me and how I’m the most wonderful person he’s ever met. Just when I’m ready to give up hope, he says something really wonderful that gives me hope that he’s come to his senses. It seems so elementary to me – If you love someone, you fight for them and hold onto them through the thick and thin. But he’s just too scared.

Here’s the thing though – I can make excuses for my Sag all day long, but at the end of things, I have to step back and really look at the way he’s treating me. His actions are not rooted in love – they are rooted in fear. And right now his fear is more important to him than his love. He’s a scared little boy that’s running away from love and from himself. While I may think I understand why, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s not ready to love me like I need to be loved. By holding onto him, I’m making it possible for him to avoid learning the real consequences of his actions. He still has me there for emotional support while he’s hiding from the decisions he needs to make. I’m hurting myself by holding onto him, and I’m keeping him from growing and developing as a person.

I tell you this so you can see your story from a different angle. It’s been two years, and your Aries is still not ready to hold onto you. If this had happened a month ago, I might be inclined to advise you to fight for her, but after this amount of time, I think it’s time to cut the strings that bind your heart to hers. Don’t play “hard to get” games for goodness sake – you are a Sagittarius, and that silliness is beneath you. If you need more closure, then go to her one last time and lay down the truth as only you, a wonderfully honest Sag, can. Tell her exactly how you feel, but draw a line in the sand. Tell her that you cannot hold onto her in a vacuum. Tell her if she isn’t ready to bind herself to you, then you must release her. And mean those words when you say them.

You know what they say… if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you then it truly yours.

Lastly, my hopeful friend, just in case there was any doubt in your mind, you do DESERVE to be loved and held onto. You deserve to have someone fight for you as much as you’ve fought for this girl. Love is like a dance, where both partners give and take in a fluid motion. You deserve to have a partner that gives you the kind of love you offer. If your Aries girl can’t or won’t do this, then loose those jesses and fly free. May your heart find a nest in more fertile grounds.

I wish you the best of life and love.

- Isolaede

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 3440
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted August 25, 2005 07:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Sag men are the most romantic men out there, true romantics. I think there is probably another Aries or Taurus girl out there for you, even if devotion is not as exciting it's more worthwhile if you are willing to commit to that. The trick is demanding as well as giving in a relationship with an Aries. Giving is easier.

Be very demanding upfront and make sure you are clear about your needs, such as living together, being together a certain amount of time and so on. You are a romantic but you must get your needs met emotionally to give.

Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus
Aries Venus

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rayofhope
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From:
Registered: Aug 2005

posted September 04, 2005 07:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rayofhope     Edit/Delete Message
I thank you all of you for your sympathy.
Yes, Natasha, it's true sags are romantics and idealists. Maybe too much sometimes.
Goobertally, you might be right that she is tired of playing games: and also playing games, like getting hard to get, is nonsense when there is such a distance.
But I am not sure if I should tell her that I love her, maybe yes, this is still better to say that I miss her.
I have to take charge, you wrote. But normally Aries are the ones who want to take the charge. She broke up, maybe now she might have a problem with admitting that is was a mistake, but still though, taking the charge can smother her at the same time. Saying that I am there for you is fine but isn't she the one who must say that she wants to see me?

Isolaede thank you for your kind words. I hope that you cope well with your rel and as far I can see you do. It is true that everyone gets the one that she or he deserves, and if she is not willing to give to me what I gave to her, I should cut the strings. Might be true if I would no more think she is the one for me, but I did not find any other who came close to her and for whom I felt that much. And I meet many many girls through my work and private social life, since 2 years almost there wasn't anyone better. To break up the contact seems so wrong even if I cannot understand why she doesn’t come closer really.

She wrote an email to me recently in which she wrote about a very happy moment in our relationship that keeps coming to her mind. And she wrote that she is thinking about me very often and she told me that everytime she thinks about our past, she just can't find an answer why she ruined it, despite of our great time together.
But after this, and instead of saying "I miss you now and I want to see you", she concluded: "I guess there are no answers for such things." And then she went on in giving me some news. Still though, it was a nicer email, ending with "lots of love , love hearing from you. Write soon."

Still no sign of the logical conclusion in the sense that she should invest more now than only typing emails.

I stay cool but however there is something that blocks.
I am not sure if I should say that I love her. It might scare her again.

Once again thank you all so much

Love,
Ray

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 3440
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted September 04, 2005 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Ray I agree. Saying I love you might scare her. Since had the problem, why not ask her what she needs at this point, emotionally, finacially, physically and mentally to be in a relationship again? And if she were getting her needs met would it be easier? And then ease into it being you she is involved with again, possibly. Once she says yes possibly, try wooing her in the way she wants, a bit at a time.

I suppose that's a way to break the ice on relationships, or you could call her and ask her how she is emotionally since her email was wistful and sentimental? Let her know you are available physically to come see her.

A lot of love grows out of just being available to someone, if needed.

Natasha

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goobertally
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: south africa
Registered: Aug 2005

posted September 05, 2005 09:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for goobertally     Edit/Delete Message
hey ray

i'm so sorry sweetie. This girl is really giving you a hard time. i know what it's like when someone gives you mixed messages.It would be so much easier if people could just be honest with eachother.
i know you're scared of saying the i love you thing so maybe the best thing is to just ask her right out. Ask her if she has any feelings for you, whatsoever, and if she thinks there may be a possibility of the two of gettin together in the future.

i know it's hard cause she might not say what you want her to but at least then you'll know. i really wish the guy i had last dated had just been honest with me. It would saved me a lot of sleepless nites.

No one deserves to be messed around. You seem like such a great guy, you have so much to offer.There's a girl out there who will really appreciate you.

and never loose your idealism in romance. it's the most important thing. Never stop believing in true love and don't lowere your expectations of love just because this chic won't realise how precoius and fragile love really is.

There are heroes in all of us...
but the ones who succeed are the ones who never give up,the ones who persevere.

lots of love to you my friend..

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