posted August 15, 2005 11:24 PM         

I honestly don't know how much my heart can take. And I know everyone goes through this once in awhile...even though I probably do it to myself more than most. But I just wish I were a robot...I wish I weren't attracted to people who are not interested in a relationship with me. : (

sorry I just had to vent and cry on a cybershoulder for a moment.

posted August 16, 2005 12:04 AM         

I know I will feel better soon. I really appreciate your response and I read the awakening, and it helped more than you know : )
I really work hard in my life to stay strong and focused, but every now and then you just get knocked down... I feel that I have to really feel the emotion and maybe that will help me to let it go sooner. If that makes sense?
It's so confusing cause I think it's important to follow one's heart and to keep an open heart and not to harden yourself. But I don't think the heart always knows the right directions.

here's a poem that I wrote:

BLah!

Nothing

is certainly something

because it is omnipresent

Nothing is something that happens

when you want something so badly

that you hold your breath and you stand on your head

and you blow a big bubble with your wish inside and send it high

into the ether. Hoping that it makes it all the way up beyond the sky

to where wishes form a hard exterior and drop back down through

the clouds landing softly on fairy fingers...

And then you wait, wondering how long it takes for a dream to become fate.

Occasionally bubbles do burst and hearts can break, but how long can it take cause it's not everyday you send for a request and yearning teaches us to learn

how

we all know wishes do not come true and fairies are not for real.

But nothing is something that happens

every single ******* day! : )

posted August 16, 2005 12:48 AM         

Yes, I agree about feeling that emotion fully. Learning things from it and then letting it pass naturally. Sometimes when you try to ignore something or push it away, it just gets stronger. Live in it fully, in the moment, and you'll find that it dies.

I think the heart does always know the right directions, but the head butts in and can convince you that it's your heart speaking. It takes practice to learn the difference.

You'll be okay. Keep writing! It's a good release.

posted August 16, 2005 01:26 AM         

Luv

Love comes and goes too fast

but I love you

what if I told you so

and then I told you I love everything and everyone

would you believe me

when I told you about how our planets are in perfect alignment

would you think I'm crazy

it's been said before.

but still I seek to feel you next to me

cause love's a passing fad

comes and goes too fast

someone told me so

a long ******* time ago

but I still want to believe this moment when you look at me

should last

I love you and everyone I see

hoping for eternity

and an updated book on astrology.

hold my hand, walk with me

Let's see how far away we can be from yesterday

let's grow old and wrinkly

create unity, world peace, and harmony

beginning with just you and me.

posted August 16, 2005 01:40 AM         

BTW, we have a forum here dedicated to poetry and other art. You should take a peek in there sometime and maybe post some more of your work. (though do feel free to post it anywhere)

posted August 16, 2005 02:18 AM         

: (

posted August 16, 2005 08:53 AM         

Ever since, I take my time to shift perspectives, allow my heart to tune itself to the moment of whatever that may be happening, and be less judging of circumstances. More room to breathe, less accountability, and understanding that life is short.

All this doesn't necessarily mean that I will find someone soon, or that a soul mate would materialize out of the ethers and sweep me off my feet. Most revealing, is that when I stop making excuses for people behaving poorly, I see them better and maintain a good distance. You know, promises that don't come true, hopes, etc. People are frightened by a knowing silence. And may be this is what filled up my emptiness. I don't know.

posted August 16, 2005 01:35 PM         

Not making excuses for one's behavior, or acknowledging the red flags that appear. I like that and I will use it.

posted August 16, 2005 03:17 PM         

quote:

---

Most revealing, is that when I stop making excuses for people behaving poorly, I see them better and maintain a good distance. You know, promises that don't come true, hopes, etc. People are frightened by a knowing silence.

---

posted August 17, 2005 03:32 AM         

I remember saying those very words about 20 years ago and also "I hate men" ha ha

Now 20 years on I am called the love lady and I will never be done with love!!! It is all that matters in my life, even tho at times it tests me greatly and pushes my boundaries to th extreme!

Take heart sweet one. this is just a phase and you will come bouncing back, and you will say to yourself "WTH was I talking about"

I am the love lady, I do not lie lol!!!!

Love, love and more love to you

posted August 17, 2005 05:29 AM         

I certainly do hope you are right!!! And I do believe things will change...it's just that I have not ever been very lucky in love...everytime I do meet someone that I have a connection with somehow or another it just does not seem to work out. And after awhile it is so hard on the heart to be open and to be hurt yet once again. I guess it is some of my own issues that I somehow have to resolve so that it does not continue... Subconsciously I am attracted to the people that I cannot be with or that are not interested in me.
Thankyou so much for your optimism, and I hope I will look back someday and laugh at myself. I hope that I do make amends with love : ) But for now it is best just to lick my wounds and focus on the other parts of my life where I have a better chance of creating abundance and more fortunate circumstance!!

See I am learning! That last line was from a post that I read yesterday...in the oranges and hyacynths....: ))) And today I aquired an almost brand new leather couch and end table for FREE!!!!! Who needs a guy when you have a cozy couch anyways? ; )