posted August 31, 2005 10:21 PM         

Here's the short version. There was a guy I fell for back in college. Head over heels, insanely, madly and truly for. It was not the greatest of situations (and I only found out within the last 2 years just how bad it really was), but I would have done anything for this Scorpio. I nearly DID do anything for him. We dated for a short time, but when it ended it didn't end badly. Just kind of a "maybe this isn't the greatest idea right now" sort of thing. We still hung out, talked on the phone, fell asleep together. No sex, just sleeping. There was a lot of crashing on people's floors at 4 in the morning during this time. I guess I was constantly trying to get him back, but I actually felt pretty secure in our relationship, especially when his girlfriend would call me to come defuse a situation because I could "handle him" better than she could.

Things went like this for a few months, until he started telling me I couldn't talk to certain guys because he didn't like them. I know, I know, controlling as all get out. I called him on it, we even had some major shouting matches, with 20 + witnesses of course. (Melodramaticists were we.) I guess somewhere along the way I decided to match him at his own game and started going out with the guy who had caused our last big fight. Then I took it one step farther and got engaged to the guy, after three weeks. I wouldn't, or maybe couln't, admit it then, but the only reason I got engaged was to make Scorpio jealous. We stopped talking to each other, stopped running in the same circles. We just kind of stopped, with a lot left hanging between us.

I can admit now that on my wedding day, three months pregnant, my family and friends there, I actully looked for Scorpio to come driving up. A part of me was waiting for him to come plowing in (I got married outside) and tell me not to do it. I didn't expect him to come and tell me I was his and he wanted to marry me, but just to hear him say "don't be stupid."

I did get married, had a son, got divorced. The last time I saw Scorpio was right before Christmas 1996, after my divorce. I went to where he worked, just to say "Hi." (yeah right) I had a chance to tell him that I still cared and if he ever needed me he knew where to find me. What I didn't tell him was what I had told my ex just days before. My husband WAS my rebound, my rebound from Scorpio. I got married for revenge and spite and heartbreak.

Now I may have a chance to tell him. Google should be outlawed. I found him on Google. He's still alive, which actually kind of surprised me with some of the things I had heard about him over the last few years. My dearest, greatest, bestest friend o' mine is actually trying to contact him for me so I can hopefully end this chapter of my life, 12 years later, but better late than never, right? That's the question. Should I be trying to bring up this time period, for both of us, just to make myself feel better? Should I just have left it alone and dealt with the heartache I still feel after all these years? Am I really going to feel better just by telling him how much he truly meant to me when I was a stupid teenager? Or, in all actuality, trying to re-connect with the one person who made me feel more alive than I ever have? And if so, will I be able to deal with whatever new heartache this is going to bring? (Which it will. that's how we work.)

See, my dear Knowflakes, major dilemma. I want to re-connect, but then again... I would appreciate any comments, opinions, suggestions anyone might have. Much love and thanks to all.

posted September 01, 2005 12:11 AM         

I know I have unfinished business with him. It has to truly end and not just stop like it did. We used to talk about how we would be friends always and the people we ended up with would just have to learn to accept that. I guess I'm just scared to see how he's changed, and for him to see how I've changed. There's a part of me that has lived with the memory of him for so long I'm not sure how knowing the truth of his present is going to effect me.

I'm rambling. Just ignore me. Thanks for the input Pix.

Love to y'all

posted September 01, 2005 11:32 AM         

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this with LLL. I am the friend that is getting in contact with the ex for her. I feel about it like you do. The only thing I can say right now is that only time will tell how this turns out...thanks for the wisdom Pix!

LLL-

Remember how much I love you and know that all of this will turn out for the best! What's the worst thing that could happen? I mean other than a stalking incident?

posted September 01, 2005 03:27 PM         

In the end, he reached out to me just to say HI (this was about 2 years ago or so). I was worried he was saying HI so that he could then blast me for breaking his heart.

Instead we talk at least once a week (via e-mail) about life and the paths we've taken.

Yes, he talked about rekindling our relationship, but that is something that is not even on my radar at this time - But a friendship is.

So go ahead, let him know that you are thinking of him and the time that has passed. Only keep in mind, he may not be responsive, or he may be in a relationship and not want to stir the pot.

Take care,

posted September 04, 2005 08:51 PM         

Remember his life maybe a mess, how will you handle that? And do you still feel anger at him?
I agree on not setting yourself up, just be available not by saying it but by being that, give him your numbers, email, and email or call him once and then leave it at that. Mention things you have in common, and ask him honestly if you wanted to have lunch sometime would he say yes? I think with a Leo ascendant he would like a big lunch, but no drinks!

Have fun, that's what it's about,

posted September 07, 2005 08:41 PM         

If I were to really get to the nitty gritty of it I am scared for a number of reasons. I don't really know if I want to chance my son finding out about some of the things I did during the time period I knew Scorpio.
It's so easy to dream when you're 19. I guess I'm afraid Scorpio will see my life now and be disappointed in me. Scorpio had some rather obsessive traits way back when and I guess I'm kind of afraid that those are still there, as well.

I've come to a point where I'm really ready to move on (I think). I've been a hermit long enough. There is an old friend I've loved for more than half my life. I've finally been able to admit that. But so much of my 'self' has been wrapped up in the past. I know I should just let go, but with some things that is easier said than done. I don't think I can share my feelings with one man when so much is still tied around another. Just to look Sorpio in the eye and say "This is what you meant to me..."

Of course, none of this matters until he contacts me. So here I go again. HUrry up and wait.

Thanks y'all. Much love to ya.

posted September 08, 2005 07:47 PM         

You said you are afraid of a few things, why not work on these things emotionally for a while, sit down and think about the things you could do to make your life more attractive to you, so you can present it and see if it's a perception you have.

Maybe you want him to see you as desirable again because you want to see yourself that way? IF another man found you wildly irresistible right now, and sparked your desire even a bit, would you be as interested in the Scorpio's reaction?

If so, then maybe it's just a little zing you need in your life first? I am saying this because then what you find in friendship with him will be more real, rather than just tying up loose ends.

Why tie off loose ends to meet someone else, when honestly you want a friendship with him? and if those traits still exist in him, than you can always back off, it's your life and you will see them. I would be open and honest about a friendship with limits so he knows you are not rekindling anything else at first. Being a Scorpio, that's the first thing he will wonder.

Once you are past that, and he senses your motivations are truly about friendship you may have some fun, talking and sharing.

Why not? as long as you are working on your own life at the same time,

I am a Taurus but I have Pluto trine Sun and moon in the 8th. I have made a lot mistakes in my past and some with Leos, but I would be thrilled to see an ex lover again. Even to talk, especially since I know how hard it is, and I was the one at fault most of the time due to my own obsessive or jealous tendencies. So I would have respect for that person, first I would think about the physical, but then if limits were set I would be happy to share.

I I do not think Leos and Scorpios make great couples long term romantically though, because both are so proud. Maybe both need a less restrictive view of the relationship.