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Author
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Topic: Am I frigid????
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cappy
Knowflake Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 06, 2005 02:23 PM
 
Should his sign matter in all of this or not? He~s a leo with capricorn moon and I~m a capricorn with scorpio rising and virgo moon.I met this guy totally by chance a month ago. I hopped on a bus when this guy walked in and made eye contact. I was not into it but he started talking to me and I found out he was studying at the university where I was doing an exchange program abroad...he invited me for a drink but I declined and invited him home - he looked legit and my roommates were home so it was calculated risk. We talked for a while at home and I warmed up to him. One thing led to another and we ended up doing more than kissing stopping short of the deed because I didn~t want to be this quick...after all I didn~t know him really. He was really excited and said he would call and we would go out...he did call. But a day after he promised. By then I had already decided to move on because he wouldn~t call. He kept on calling but he sounded less and less excited (he said he was busy at school) and when we finally went out together- two weeks later- I was a ball of insecurities. The date went well. We had great conversations again. He never tried to touch me all night and I thought well he doesn~t want me...
While we were going home, he suddenly kissed me and everything went back 200 degrees again. We went to his place and made out but came the time to have sex, I stupidly back off hearing the voice of my best friend saying that everything went too fast between us (but it has never felt so right with anyone before). I also stopped because he doesn~t know it~s my first time and based on the way he touches me or kiss me he would go inside me with little caution...
But anyway, he stopped when I asked him and we spent the night together...But I wanted to continue, or hoped that he would insist more so by the time I woke up the next day I felt like he didn~t really want me...I went home and by the afternoon sent him an email saying that I wanted him but that I was scared about how fast it was going between us..I~m afraid that the email was a bit graphic. When he didn~t answer to my email I called him and he responded (with a bored and tired voice) that he was going on a trip the next day.. I thought he didn~t receive the email so I sent him another one...It just got worse by then because I called him again...He said he hd received them but he was tired...
So the next day he sent me an email that he was surprised by my email. He liked me but he didn~t want to complicate his life. That he things I have other desires of him...
I felt like a complete fool and my best friend adviced me to send him an email telling him that he got it all wrong and that all I wanted was sex (which is true despite the fact that I could like him).
I haven~t heard from him since then...that is a week and a half ago. I~m assuming it is over but darn...
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Water Girl
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Chicago, Il, USA
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 06, 2005 06:10 PM
Hello Cappy,
A few months ago, I was kinda in that same predicament. I met a guy that I was really into, actually he is the only guy that I ever even thought about going all the way with, but a relationship between us was not in the cards. But I really wanted him and was torn, but I had to stop and assess the situation and that's the same thing you have to do. Think about the aftermath of possibly giving yourself to this man. Do you think you'll be able to handle that type of relationship without catching feelings? Do you think he's really someone you want to give your virginity to? When you look back on this do you think you'll have regrets? There's a lot to think about. I, personally, am very thankful that I didn't give my guy my virginity because he's now halfway across the world doing God knows what. And knowing myself, it would have been extra hard for me to get over him had he been my first. So, just think about it and if you feel like you can handle it, go ahead! And I don't know if his sign really much matters because there are lots of guys out there who think like him.IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 3490
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003
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posted September 06, 2005 06:36 PM
Sounds like he isn't very adaptable to your emotions and you are trying too hard to adapt to his. There is no reason to email him about what you want or don't want from him, that will change over time and you have no agenda.Every man will be excited to have sex, but if he thinks there is a relationship he has to back off and think about whether or not you are the kind of person he wants a relationship with. That can seem like a rejection but actually he is just thinking for the first time and it makes him tired. He is emotional that's true, but not too smart to give up on you like that! After all you were sexy and raring to go, so he must not be very stable. Good luck, next time and you are not frigid just unsure of your feelings which is normal. Normally, it's best to look for a man to adapt to you, rather than the other way around, not physically but emotionally and mentally. Talk a while about sex, not in email, so you know you are both on the same emotional wavelength. email is not emotional enough, and fire and air signs tend to be easy to talk to. Don't worry about getting graphic in person, something like, "I really feel attracted to you physically, can I get to know you better?" will work wonders at keeping a man around longer, Saggies are good at being more adaptable than Leos-which are fixed. Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
Isolaede
Knowflake Posts: 47
From: Studio City, CA
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted September 06, 2005 09:02 PM
Hey girl:No, you are absolutely not frigid. If you've never had a more intimate encounter before you are right to be careful about it. You'll want you first guy to be very gentle with you. And hun you need to TELL him it's your first time so he'll be extra careful. Don't be ashamed. It would be 100 times worse if you didn't tell him, and he was too rough, making your first experience painful and unpleasant. This guy doesn’t sound like anyone I’d trust to guide you through your first encounter, so my advise is wait for someone that you feel truly safe with. Best of luck!
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cappy
Knowflake Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 07, 2005 10:21 AM
Thank you guys for all of your insights. I wonder if I would have regretted sleeping with that guy that night? I know now though that I regret not doing it and talking to him right then and there. When things happen this fast I panick. But either way, he has to adapt to me as you say Natasha. and I tried too hard.IP: Logged |
ariestiger
Knowflake Posts: 801
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted September 07, 2005 05:02 PM
Try to really get to know him better as FRIENDS first, before you get intimate. I know exactly how you feel, my virginity was very important to me. I didn't lose it until I was 23. So there you go! Don't rush things, establish a relationship in which you are comfortable and able to explore your feelings at your own pace.  AT IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 2802
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 10, 2005 04:07 PM
There is no such thing as a frigid woman......
Only a clumsy man
x x x
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lllog
Moderator Posts: 1002
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted September 12, 2005 06:18 PM
I beg your pardon!!! Are you saying that any woman can be manipulated into having sex, if the man is smart and non-clumsy enough? I think not!Lanny IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 2802
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 12, 2005 08:25 PM
No not at all Lanny......it is just a saying I heard that came to mind......my sister used to say it a lot.......I just think there MAY be an element of truth in it.....dont you???mmm.....might be wrong tho!
xxx
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zoso
Knowflake Posts: 551
From: Nevada
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 01:09 AM
quote:
There is no such thing as a frigid woman......
Only a clumsy man
LOL  IP: Logged |
cappy
Knowflake Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 21, 2005 12:31 PM
Yeah...there are no frigid women, only clumsy men!!!! I can certify since I met the right match for me so far (may not work in the end but I don't care). With him, I feel free to be myself and explore...even go all the way and enjoy it because he was so patient and sweet and sincere about what is between us/or what is not for that matter.
Just so happy and wanted to share...I don't really care if it doesn't work out as a relationship, I know we are going to remain friends in the end. It's funny that for once I don't have expectations...he's an aries by the way, what can people say about them... IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 1401
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted September 21, 2005 10:40 PM
Sue... that's hilarious!IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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