posted February 22, 2006 05:00 PM         

The whole "dating game" passed me by at school, college and work so I can't say how different relationships have affected me. I've only had one!

Luckily, he was THE ONE and we're still going strong after 15 years!

I put our success down to enjoying each other's company, sharing a good sense of humour, respecting each other, being aware of each other's needs, compromising and making fair joint decisions, having similar likes and dislikes, having the same outlook on life, being best friends, feeling truly bonded, being able to communicate, cherishing each other.

Yes, we have our down days and disagreements but I can still say that my heart leaps when he walks in the door each evening. For me, that's the sign of true love

posted February 22, 2006 06:27 PM         

I always laugh at people that think there is a difference. Think about it! You love your best friend and enjoy spending time with that person. You have disagreements yet can work them out.

Why should romantic love be different? Sure there is a "physical" component to it, but all the other factors are the same.

To me it's like a chocolate chip cookie - A friendship is missing the chips, but all the other ingredients are the same.

The only relationships that went to crap, for me that is, are the ones that I entered in without being great friends first, or with those I could not see as a friend.

I have friends in my life (male) that I may have gone on a date or two, but it didn't go anywhere, but we are still friends. We were just missing the chips.

I am taking it slow with the guy I like now (Leo Sun / Pisces moon) but like the Taurus Sun / Sag moon I dated, we are great friends. We laugh all the time and just enjoy hanging out together.

posted February 22, 2006 06:40 PM         

Though my husband sometimes says, "This is like being on a sleepover with your best friend in the whole world...it's just doesn't end."

posted February 23, 2006 12:31 PM         

I don't think I know what relationships are like at all... the type you're describing are the sort I've only seen in films. Well, except for my mum and her boyfriend a year ago, but he's messing things up so much now. I won't go into details...
It's sad that people can be nothing but sweet and obliging to the people they care for and not get it in return and get taken for granted.

posted February 23, 2006 09:10 PM         

BUT!

I've been thru the trenches and come out the other end, not only alive but a better person because of it.
Your question: 'Wats it like being in a Happy relationship?'

I am finally in one and it is everything i ever dreamed it to be.It is everything i ever "Image, Ordain, Manifest" It to be (See star signs ).

I am in a relationship where i feel completely cherished, adored, validated, respected and loved.
Eg.) Being able to have no make up on, 3am messy hair, daggy clothes and then be told your beautiful and belive it for the first time.
The reason i feel this way is because i see these things in myself.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE HAPPY Wether Single or coupled.

posted March 12, 2006 09:44 PM         

We are lovers AND friends.

We can talk like old friends for hours ... or... we can sit in comfortable silence. Either way. We enjoy each other's company.

He will not put up with my $hit, and will call me out whenever he feels necessary, regardless of my forcasted reaction. I need that. (As does he )

We are free to spend time with our friends without having to worry about coming home to guilt trips or anger/attitude. (I have a few friends that give/receive that crap... Boo! )

We are individuals. We have collective problems as a couple... but all the rest belong to each of us individually.

We have arguments... which I think is important. We don't have angry fights, but we verbally battle things out sometimes. I think, if there are no arguments in the relationship, there is something seriously wrong. Someone isn't saying something.

posted March 15, 2006 06:37 PM         

I will say that I've learned, no, I realized finally, that if I learn to love myself, I will be in a better position to be loved.

My ex went through tragedy and because of it, didn't bother finishing high school. When given the choice of taking his GED, he wouldn't bother. Careerwise, he doesn't strive to be better. He doesn't want to go anywhere after work or on the weekend unless it's very close to his home. Any growth would depend on me.

When I look at myself, I look at a time when I was the same. A time when I didn't want to bother. A time when I too was dead. Nobody wants to be with a corpse..except maybe a necrophiliac. So, it is good to live your life, be happy and grow. And good to look for someone who wishes to grow as well.

I know this other guy. Same birthdate as my ex, but different year. He's 20. He works in his mom's shop and is involved with an abusive alcoholic, 12 years his senior. He tries to explain things away as, "The world sucks."

The world doesn't suck. HIS world sucks, because he keeps himself in the same rut. He has chosen to work in a store, with his mom, instead of working somewhere else, on his own. He chooses to be with someone that can keep him down, to take care of. MY world doesn't suck right now. My world is changeable.

I dunno why I'm saying all of this. It makes me think of that Cher movie, "Faithful", where two people stay together but never grow as a couple. They make themselves retarded and hateful, until they're cheating and trying to kill each other.

posted March 18, 2006 10:16 PM         

People aren't perfect and there is tension in every relationship, but if the person isn't walking the same or a similar path, and going in the same direction as you, there isn't much chance of holding on to each other's hands, is there?

posted March 19, 2006 08:00 AM         

People aren't perfect and there is tension in every relationship, but if the person isn't walking the same or a similar path, and going in the same direction as you, there isn't much chance of holding on to each other's hands, is there?

-------------------------------------------

I loved this, because it is a prime example of why my marriage is failing and it really made me take a look at this one simple concept. As some of you know, I have some bigger issues in the marriage too, but as we are complete opposites we walk in different directions everyday. If I ever(done the line, when this nightmare is over), I will gravitate toward someone with common interests and goals. NO more 4-10 Sun Sign Patterns in my love life, too hard, call me chicken I don't care.

Good luck Mutable Night Force

posted March 19, 2006 02:24 PM         

Any happy relationship takes work... conscious work. If you aren't both growing and learning, the relationship will fail.

The human factor makes us behave foolishly from time to time. Having a partner that encourages you to grow and learn will only benefit the relationship.

Unless you've had the perfect example of the perfect relationship (which I highly doubt anyone has had), being in a happy relationship doesn't just happen... it is procured.

posted March 20, 2006 03:59 PM         

Hang in there, we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find our princes.

I’m in what is truly the happiest relationship of my life, and the thing that makes it happy? It’s peaceful! And easy! Shocking I know – I was raised to believe that all relationships are hard. And perhaps they are in that they all require some work, but when it’s right you don’t really feel like its work. Things just flow. I don’t have to struggle all the time to make it work. I don’t have to constantly explain myself because my man just “gets” where I’m coming from. We do disagree and we have had arguments but we don’t let those arguments escalate and get nasty. And it’s not even a conscious thing, it just happens naturally. I don’t like seeing him hurt and vice versa so we stop things before they get evil. I also feel that we’re growing together instead of growing apart through the minor disagreements we’ve had. In past relationships there was always this feeling that we were tearing down the foundations of our trust and love when we struggled – with my Cancer I feel like we’re just getting stronger and more in love every day. It’s the most natural, fluid feeling I’ve ever experienced in a relationship.

posted March 20, 2006 04:37 PM         

I'm with you!!! I do believe that to maintain a relationship there is work involved. There are two personalities that may clash from time to time..

BUT YOU are 100% RIGHT.. it should flow. If two people have to sit there and consciously try to make it work and make it happy, there is usually something wrong under the surface.

I am not talking about the occassional row - but when you live with someone where you feel like you are always on pins and needles. Where you never feel safe to be you and you can put 150% percent into it and get NOTHING back.

I am with someone now where things just FLOW and it's peaceful yet passionate. We finish each others sentences, make each other laugh and have serious discussions. We have different opinions on issues, but we can see the other's point.

I could have stayed with my ex, working on trying to make a happy relationship and 10 years down the road we'd most likely still be unhappy (at least I know I would be).

People under-value the "peaceful" aspect unless they have had the unfortunate experience of being with someone that could never be pleased nor could ever feel anything past his / her own ego.

I do agree with LS as well that relationships that never have a cross word or an argument aren't at all right. Someone really "isn't" saying what is on their minds.

posted March 20, 2006 10:49 PM         

In many ways, it depends on the individuals...

Some relationships do require more work than others,
but for a variety of reasons.
As has been said,
Often the people arent as well matched,
or as "evolved", or lacked positive role-model relationships.

But, it should be pointed out, I think,
that many people just have more difficulty with Venusian/7thHouse matters,
just as some of us have difficulty in other areas,
while our relationships flow more easily.
It's just one area of life,
and your degree of success or progress in that area
is not necessarily a bench-mark of your
psychological, emotional, or spiritual health in general.

And, for different people,
different types of relationships are fulfilling.
Some people expect and demand that a relationship
should be their primary vehicle for personal growth.
Some demand less from relationships,
and are drawn to other areas of life
which they feel promote the same growth,
or a form of growth more suitable for themselves.
Some arent that focused on growth,
or what most of us think of as growth,
in this lifetime.
((We might judge them, but, for all we know,
they are taking a much-needed rest,
after several dozen lifetimes of concentrated effort.))

Ask anyone, and you'll get a fair mixture of their impersonal wisdom
and personal bias in this matter.

Let's say you happen to ask a Scorpio like me...

For me, the idea of a close friendship "with benefits"
(or chocolate chips, or whatever)
falls far short of my ideal union.
I want Eros, Philia, AND Agape!
I want to lose myself in her eyes,
find myself in her kiss,
and collapse in mystical gusts of emotion!
Sex, for me, is neither the cherry on top,
nor the one thing you do together than makes you a couple.
Its an incomparable, invaluable, unutterable,
mystical encountering and uniting of souls,
utterly divested from everyday concerns.
It is not just something which happens in the bedroom,
although it most often culminates there.
Rather, it is an ongoing dynamic within the relationship,
a continual playing, provoking, entreating, and acquiescing.
And I can't do without passion/romance,
which, suffice to say, is not something I would feel for a friend,
if she were merely to let me in her pants.
But, thats me.

Loving yourself is important,
but knowing yourself is equally so.
A person who loves themself will be able to
make the right choice,
but only a person who knows themself
will first be able to determine which choice that is.

Knowing what you want, what you cant live without,
and what doesnt make a whole lot of difference to you,
will help you determine who is or is not right for you.
Unfortunately, we tend to learn the most about ourselves
from people who are nothing like us.
So, yeah, you gotta kiss some frogs.

Happy Hunting!
~hsc

posted March 21, 2006 12:33 PM         

It shouldn't be grueling labor. That's not a good sign.

posted March 21, 2006 12:54 PM         

He was a nice frog ...just not the frog for me. The closer I got to my Self, the further away he became.
I miss our friendship at times. Or the way it was 'way back when'.

Wise words you've shared.

posted March 21, 2006 01:29 PM         

"For me, the idea of a close friendship "with benefits"
(or chocolate chips, or whatever)
falls far short of my ideal union."

I think you absolutely took my explanation out of context and then degraded it to the point where it seemed as simple as a game.

I was giving an analogy - we don't all have to be as bare-boned, blood and guts as you when it comes to explaining what love and a happy relationship is.

Some may find your manner of writing your definition of love as being smothering, clingy and soul-possessive whereas others see it as pure poetry. Some may see something more simply written as example enough to lead the imagination to do the rest.

Most of what you responded to was written by me and you succeeded in spinning my words into something that is superficial when you can never know the depths of my feelings. Simply put, the reason why sex is the icing on the cake or as you say the cherry on top, is because there is more to a soul union, an emotional union than sex. Sex is very important in that "it is a way I show how I feel" If you wanted to go deeper all you had to do was ask why... The reason is because sex is an act that is all consuming, where with the right two people, they lose each other in the depths on one another- no ending, no beginning...etc...

I don't always speak of it, because there are many that won't understand it, but never judge someone just on the fact that don't put all their deepest emotions out on a message board for others to read.

posted March 21, 2006 04:42 PM         

You are right.

I apologize for taking your comments out
of context, so as to set them up as an easy target, against which to contrast my own views. To be fair, though, you did not suggest a deeper context.

For whatever reason, the analogy you used
offended my sensibilities. I can certainly understand the choice to say nothing, on account of the sacred and personal nature of the subject (sure, people often don't understand; they might just see it as overdone, "blood and guts", or something, right?), but, to the extent that you are willing to discuss something sacred to you, it seems odd to me that you would be satisfied to compare it to a chocolate chip cookie.

I did not mean to wage a personal attack. I tend to approach things impersonally (Sun/Uranus), and to express myself powerfully (Merc/Mars), without realizing that it can seem personal or aggressive.
Your words got me thinking, and became something for me which they were never intended to be, and I was aware of this. Obviously, I had to know my words would seem to be directed at your own. But, I told myself that, if the superficiality I opposed did not belong to you, then you would naturally infer that my comments were equally not directed at you. I realize I was probably intentionally ambiguous with that. And I am sorry.

~hsc

posted March 23, 2006 05:13 PM         

LOL... I would never really compare a true relationship to something as trivial as chocolate chips and a friendship and meaningless and a cookie missing chips.

But, I do not always bare my soul - I am protective of such a thing and my heart - so sharing those thoughts does not come easily to me (or verbalizing them for that matter) Yet deep inside there is more poetry in my soul than I would ever be able to write or speak of. I once read a poem about loving some one so much that you write endless poetry in your mind, yet cannot seem to find the words to tell them.

That is why I "show" my affections in different ways. I like to make the people I adore feel special. I do things to make their lives easier and spoil them with my time and even cooking LOL... When I am in love with someone I become more affectionate and I can speak of how I feel, yet I do still get tongue tied. In those occasions it is easier for me to write than to speak (maybe that is another reason why I don't write down as many deep thoughts here, because it is something that is so special to me that I only write for those I love... does that make sense?)