posted April 14, 2006 12:13 AM         

I know exactly what you mean. And you should never force yourself to settle for less than what makes you wholly happy because settling for something else takes pieces of you away... its like living in a constant lie that sooner than later tears off a chunk of you and leaves you back at the start, or worse

The only thing I could say about meeting "that person" is that it will come with a bombardment of usually hilarious, ironic, or even to the point of annoying synchronicities. Once it happens you may think you're going insane...

posted April 14, 2006 12:56 AM         

Aphrodite:
I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way.

posted April 17, 2006 03:19 PM         

However, let me offer you a little advice. Consider this a word to the wise from a fellow romantic dreamer. : ) I’m 28 now but at 19 I think I could have run for governor of Lala Land. I had more romantic ideals than you could shake a stick at. Like you, I also had absolute faith that I’d meet my “prince” and we’d live happily ever after.

Well, I met my “prince” at 21. He was beautiful, kind, sensitive, romantic, protective – everything I thought I’d wanted. We were engaged after six months of dating, and spent seven years with each other, but we are not together today. Does that sound a bit strange? You see while this man met all of my ideals of perfection, he was not perfect for me. Confusing huh? Not really, I had all of these things I thought would be great for me – things I WANTED - but I hadn’t dated enough to know the things that I actually needed. I didn’t know the things that I needed to feel loved. And you know what else? While I found what I thought was the perfect love, I myself was not perfect or ready for the perfect love. I was too immature and unrealistic. It takes two to make a “perfect” love and I was a weak link in that equation. I had a lot of heart and care, but my idealism made me place unrealistic expectations on my partner, and made me critical of him when he fell short of my expectations. I couldn’t accept him for himself because I kept looking for him to be my ideal.

Kind of sad, huh? But not really. While our years of arguing and struggling to make things work were incredibly hard, they also taught me an awful lot about myself and about love. I now know what I need from love and from a partner. I also am now much more capable of truly loving another person. Looking back I think I was meant to meet that man – that we were meant to walk together so we could teach each other and grow up together. If I hadn’t loved, struggled, and ultimately lost that man, and several others, I would not have been ready for my current love. The man I think I will ultimately spend the rest of my life with. Someone that is truly ideal for me – not in the sense I used to think of as ideal, but rather he is ideal for me in the sense that we share a similar mindset, and approach to life, he has strengths that balance my weaknesses, and vice versa.

Now how does this apply to you?

First and foremost, you will find a perfect love, but I can promise you that perfect love won’t look the way you imagine it today. Even when you find your love, things won’t always be easy. You won’t come out of the box absolutely perfect for one another. You’ll have to work together, and learn together to make yourselves perfect for one another. You also need to realize that you might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. But that’s OK. Those frogs probably will be wonderful people, they just aren’t the ones you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

Don’t give up on your dreams – EVER. Just realize that they may change a bit over the years, and you may need time to grow into them, to be truly ready for them.

Lastly, to answer your question, you’ll recognize the “right” person for you by the vibration of their soul against yours. I really don’t know of any better way to describe it. I was magnetized by both of the deepest loves of my life (my current fellow, and the other one I talked about above). My eyes were drawn to them from across a crowded room, and I couldn’t take tear my eyes away afterwards. As it turned out, they felt the same thing. We were pulled to one another, and things just flowed form there. So don’t worry about being introverted. I am too – when it’s right things will just happen. As for when it will happen – it will happen when you are ready for either love or for the lessons that love can offer. : )

posted April 17, 2006 04:31 PM         

I've had many random relationships/flings/etc, I'm a complete believer in waiting for the right person, The One, before dedicating myself to a serious relationship. I think the earlier anyone, be a girl or guy, realizes the importance of saving your heart for The One, the better off they'll be. When I say save yourself, I don't mean to say not experience a good date, sex, or even a kiss. I mean save <i>yourself</i>: your heart, soul, and mind. Don't just put your guard down for every guy that comes your way until you get that intuitive feeling deep deep down inside [preferably from your soul, mind you :blush:] that this person is the one.

Have faith in yourself and more so with The One! They'll find you. Don't worry. And remember, you're not alone! You're not the only one waiting!

posted April 17, 2006 07:51 PM         

"While I found what I thought was the perfect love, I myself was not perfect or ready for the perfect love... It takes two to make a “perfect” love and I was a weak link in that equation. "

I've learned the meaning of the saying "be careful what you ask for, you just may get it." Now I examine myself with: Have I made myself ready for it? Because in my experience, it showed up when I least expected it.

SS9, faith and wisdom compelled you to seek this answer and led you to this board. Isolaede's answer hit the mark in my book. I could quote her all day, her words are resonating in my spirit.

SS9, IMHO, this bears repeating:

"Don’t give up on your dreams – EVER. Just realize that they may change a bit over the years, and you may need time to grow into them, to be truly ready for them.....As for when it will happen - it will happen when you are ready for either love or for the lessons that love can offer. " -- Isolaede

posted April 17, 2006 11:32 PM         

consider me a kind and loving soul who just needs to take you aside for a moment and whisper a few warm words in your youthful, but spunky ear.

And here they are:

Men are like cars. They need to be test-driven before you settle on the one you want.

I met my husband at 17yo. We worked together, started dating, then moved in together when I was 18.

Looking back now, as a wise-old woman of 42, my one regret is that I didn't date a lot more men first. I had no real experience so to speak. Nothing to compare him to. Nothing to measure expectations, and nothing to base boundaries on.

I married this man when I was 30. There was a niggle in the back of my mind, hey, I don't think he's the one, but I hadn't test-driven enough of the other models to be really sure. So, I went ahead and married him anyway. Had two children, and seven years later, separated.

I was back on the dating scene at the age of 37 and believe me.....it was scarey.
I wish that I'd known at 19, what I know now.

Isolaede is right....you do have to kiss a lot of toads first. Relationships are hard work and they take practice. Failed relationships do not make you any worse a person, in fact, that's how we learn about life and about oursElves.

The one other thing that I want to add is, people grow. There's no guarantee that if you meet the man that you feel is right for you now, that you won't both grow in different directions anyhow.

There are cases of people meeting each other at a young age and falling head over heels, and being together for the rest of their life. I know this is true. But, more often than not, it is the hollywood portrayal of relationships that suck us in to believing this will happen for us.

You are 19. You need to go and have fun. Go out with lots of men. Doesn't mean that you need to get serious with them. Take the relationship as far as you feel comfortable.

But, I think you are putting an unrealistic and tremendous pressure on yoursElf to believe that you will find THE one and stay with him forever.

And, it's my personal belief that there is actually more than ONE right person for each of us anyway.

posted April 18, 2006 09:33 PM         

Thank you all so much for those wise words. Isolaede, reading your words has influenced my thoughts to a really great extent. Thank you so much for them!! I'm looking at relationships from a whole new perspective now and suddenly, the reason behind divorces and failed relationships make so much sense to me.

But, I still know sooo many people who have beautiful relationships, have been married for ages and still are *knocking on wood* and still love each other as much. I realize that I'm being a bit too fanciful when it comes to finding the right person for me, and there's no way I can't allow any room for imperfection as I'm definitely not perfect myself, and if I'd have to look out for someone totally perfect, Earth would be the wrong place I guess.

As I mentioned above, I know lots of people with successful relationships, that's what I'm looking for, it's just that I haven't found the right person to be with. In fact, when I was in my senior year of high school 2 years ago, one of my friends whom I used to speak to on the phone for hours on occasion asked me out very suddenly while on the phone and I just didn't know what to say, but of course, then I didn't want to be in a relationship as I didn't think I was mature enough and besides I knew it could never be a long term thing. Above all, I didn't think I wanted to go out him because I never thought of him in that sense. I did have a crush on one of my other friends (whom I've met only once), for almost a year and during that time, I never confessed my feelings to him and he even had a gf then and initially, I used to get a bit jealous whenever he would mention her, but then, gradually, I just felt happy that he was happy. But, I guess that was just a crush, an infatuation mayhaps, if I may call it that which I guess has worn off now.

posted April 18, 2006 11:58 PM         

It's better to be on your own, than to be with someone that you are with for the wrong reasons.

I totally understand your plan to wait for the right person BUT a date here or there, just for fun, just to get to know the male species a little better, will actually stand you in good stead for the time when you think you've found the right person.

Because, what if Mr Right doesn't come along until your 45.....imagine all of the fun and learning that you would have missed out on.

It's a whole new world out there when you're dealing with the opposite sex. They think and act different to we do. You can learn about men through associations with your male relatives and friends.

Actually, there's a really good book called "Secrets about men that every woman should know". It's written by Barbara De Angelis.

The book talks about the difference in communication between the sexes and gives lots of suggestions as to how you can improve all of your relationships.

And while I'm at it, she's written another book that you may be interested in called, "Are you the one for me?" Might help you on your search for utopia.