posted April 14, 2006 01:35 PM         

I met someone about three years ago, at a time when I least expected meeting anybody. I accompanied my good friend to a nightspot, and the moment I stepped in, I saw her. I cannot seem to explain why, but at that point of time I just felt that I have to get to know her.

Coincidentally it so happened that she knew a friend of mine, and we were introduced, where we exchange numbers. The very next day I asked her out (which I do not usually do, despite my sun aries), and she obliged immediately. From then on, we were in a see-saw relationship. I wouldn't call it a romantic relationship because we were never together, but it isn't a friendship either. She knew I was into her from the beginning, and she said she would just like us to be friends. I respected her decision, but I wanted to be there for her. She was going overseas to study in three months time, so I thought I would be there for her to care for her, even if she doesn't see me more than a friend.

The weird thing was, I am usually quite chatty by nature, but with her, (she's a scorp), I just feel so muted. I couldn't find anything to talk about, we had nothing in common, yet I just feel at peace when she's around. For that three months I spent every day by her side, and there are times when I couldn't take her hot and cold behavior anymore, so I went missing-in-action for a few days. Each time I think I want to give up, she would suddenly call out of nowhere (she doesn't usually take the initiative to contact me), and say strange things to me like, "ohh I was very happy to see you just now, do you know what am I trying to say?" or "you're the only one I bother to eat supper with". Yet each time we get close emotionally, she withdraws instantly, shutting her doors to me.

This was my first time dealing with a scorp, so I was totally confused. One minute she does something out of this world to show me that she cares, the next minute she turns ice-cold. When mutual friends try to talk to her about me, she tells them that we were impossible. So I took the hint, and on my side I simply tried to be there for her as a friend, while she tells me and people that I was her special friend, her guardian angel.

For that three months I slept barely two hours a day, I didn't have much appetite to eat, yet I felt so happy just by her side, that I thought I couldn't ask for more. There are moments when we would almost behave like a couple, when the words she said, the way she looks at me, her touches that linger, would make me feel so sure that she feels for me too.

It wasn't until she finally left, where I wrote her an email her asking her to 'release' me, by telling me honestly how she feels. She didn't reply for like two weeks, and just when I told myself I am just going to close this chapter, her email arrives. Telling me that she was really touched by me, and I made her feel loved, and nobody has ever made her feel that way before. Just that she was hurt before, and each time she's hurt it took her ages to stand on her feet again, and she doesn't want to go through that hurt again.

So I thought finally she says something, and I wrote back, saying that I am not expecting anything, I don't want to give her pressure, let's take things as it comes. So I tried to keep in touch with her, emailing her, calling her once in a while, only to feel that, it was very one-sided. I felt that my love wasn't making her happier, it seemed to be like a heavy baggage for her to bear, so I decided to stop contacting her.

And I thought, that's the end of our story.

How wrong was I.

From then till now, for three years, she has been drifting in and out of my life. Sometimes I think I'm over her, sometimes I feel that I miss her so much that I cannot breathe. Being an aries, am quite self-centered, but when it comes to her, she takes priority over everything. I am at her command, I'm practically her slave. Which is not very me. But over the years I understood, we're not compatible at all, I cannot even communicate to her, therefore I don't think we would be happy together either. But sometimes, things happen such that it seems that we're really bound by fate.

Each time I think she's out of my life, she pops by out of nowhere.

There're times I dream of her, and I would call her the very next day, and she would tell me, each time she thinks of me, I would definitely call the next day,

There're times when I dreamt that she was in trouble, and days later she would tell me that she was in trouble.

Each time I hold her, the feeling inside me is inexplainable. It's not the sparks fly, romantic, passionate kind of feelings, it's the nourishing, homely, peaceful kind of feeling.

And I cannot explain why I love her unconditionally, her happiness is above mine, when I am really not like that by nature. (I'm arian, not piscean! :P)

She had hurt me numerous times, she has done things that I cannot accept usually, but I just cannot seem to be mad at her at all.

It's like she can treat me as her slave for all I care, I just want her to be happy. That is very strange thing for an Arian to say.

For the past two years we've both been seeing other people. Usually when I am interested in someone, it's over as soon as it started. An Arian thing again. But for this person, it has been going on for the longest time! (Okay three years are considered centuries to an aries I would think.) She makes me feel I can love someone selflessly. We have no sexual relations ever, and I honestly don't feel any form of lust for her, it's really just a very strong urge to make her happy.

Each time I thought she treats me as a platonic friend, I am wrong. Her actions and words confuse me.

I half wish this would end so I can actually love someone else wholeheartedly, or else I always feel I am being unfair to the person with me, missing another person and all that. I am sure though, that my love for her, and my love for my current partner, are two separate issues. Loving one more doesn't make loving the other less.

But, I know if I were to go back in time again, I would still walk the same path. Because she has made me feel depths that I have never felt before. Not the intense, passionate feelings I would thought I would feel for someone I can sacrifice so much for, but the deep, peaceful feelings. She made me realise that I can love someone unconditionally.

On the other flipside of the coin, she always makes me feel that I am never good enough, I always have a low self-esteem when I am with her. (She's well-to-do and physically attractive) With her I always feel that I am extremely lacking of self-worth, and with her I always feel that I am not myself. I am always subdued and submissive, wheras with other people I am always on the upper hand.

My apologies for the long story, I am trying to make it as concise as possible. My birthday falls on 6th april, 1981, hers is on the 12th of November, 1977. I ran charts on astro before, but I don't really know how to intepret all the aspects. I hope someone is able to shine some light on our chart.

Do I owe her in my previous life?

Thanks in advance!

p.s I'm gay in case anyone is wondering, I hope it's alright at this forum.

posted April 14, 2006 05:54 PM         

no apologies necessary for the long story because you write so beautifully and it was no effort to read.

It is clear from your words that you are in touch with your own emotions (perhaps this is your asc Scorp that assists you with that).

I'm not going to analyse your charts because there are other people on this forum that are better suited to that purpose.

However, I've just come out of an 11 month relationship with an Aries male and me being a scorp, could relate to a lot of the things that you wrote about. Although, it was me giving the unconditional love, not Mr Aries, and it was he who did the withdrawing.

Scorps don't let many people into their inner circle. So, if you were let in, then you were/are special to her. Once in, we are very loyal to our friends/family/lovers and will usually go to great lengths to protect them. Scorps can also easily cut people off like a dead branch but not usually those who have been in their inner circle.

She made you feel things that you'd never felt before, and you liked this about yoursElf, so it's only natural that you crave to be in her energy.

But, maybe her role in your life is done. Maybe she just came to show you the love that you are capable of sharing, and how beautiful a person you can be when you do so.

You won't be able to have a truly fulfilling relationship with another person until you completely let her go. I understand that we are capable of loving lots of people, but believe me when I say, you will always hold hope in your heart for something with her, unless you cut the ties. This will have an impact in your other relationships because in your heart, you won't truly be able to give all of yoursElf to them.

Soul mates do sometimes pop in and out of our lives, just to make sure that we are doing okay in this incarnation. So, perhaps there's no karmic debt involved, it's just a "hi, how you doing" visit.

She has obviously touched your heart very deeply and this is her gift to you. Most Scorps like to feel that they've made a difference in other people's lives. Cherish this gift for it is special.

posted April 16, 2006 06:02 AM         

Aries 18: I agree with Purple scorp inner circle. To be close to one of the Scorp takes some time. Everyone goes through that testing before being their good friends. Once scorps trust you they would do everything for you.

quote:

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Telling me that she was really touched by me, and I made her feel loved, and nobody has ever made her feel that way before. Just that she was hurt before, and each time she's hurt it took her ages to stand on her feet again, and she doesn't want to go through that hurt again.

---

Scorps have great expectations for there partners and it's not casual flirtation but long time relationship. She might have said that it wouldn't work because she had thought about the possibility of relationship with you but was afriad that you would hurt her.

Well actually Scorp and Aries relationship is difficult. Scorps are so practical and I am not sure whether you considered any serious relationship.She thinks that it wouldn't work but if she was being nice to you loving and maybe she was just testing you or knowing you. It would mean lot of work from your side and initiatives after she has been hurt several times. If you both can honestly communicate.

If you have already given up and also think that is how she feels then LET HER GO. If you can't fully let her go can you work on your differences and does she feels the same TILL NOW.Try to know. Ask for honest answer as last time she told you honestly
she had felt love.

One more thing I don't think it should affect your self-esteem.You are what you are so Remove negative feelings.

If you are dreaming about her and if they are turning true then it seems there is something more to it. When you said the feeling that you should make her happy it seems Karmic. Her coming and going seems also as if she isn't sure of her own feelings and maybe you can lead her.
Why don't you put your charts here and someone can see more aspects.

Purple scorp :

quote:

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Soul mates do sometimes pop in and out of our lives, just to make sure that we are doing okay in this incarnation. So, perhaps there's no karmic debt involved, it's just a "hi, how you doing" visit.

---

I like how you put it purple scorp.
Sometimes it's difficult to let go such visits.

posted April 16, 2006 07:05 AM         

Hi freebird,
thanks for replying too. I'm attaching our charts here, really hoping that someone can perhaps shed some light into how bonded I am to this person now.

To the both of you, I wish I can choose to LET HER GO. I have tried that so many times, but I can't stop myself from missing her. For the past year I am so bent on getting her out of my life that I've not contacted her at all, even though almost everyday I miss her so much. It's only recently that she popped back into my life, intiating an online chat conversation. I cannot bring myself to literally ignore her. Even when we meet up, I treat her like a platonic friend, but sometimes it's her who's asking for my special attention, and I have such a huge soft spot for her that I will just give her the kind of attention she is seeking.

Just when she said something that touched me deeply again, she pops back out of my life. I just don't know when she would feel like popping back again. I don't really want to go through the emotional and mental trauma each time she comes and goes, my life turns upside down and my partner gets very upset. (Who wouldn't.) By the way my partner knows about her because trust is very important to me.

I'm really not looking to be with her at all, that's not my purpose. Yet despite not wanting to be with her as a couple, I cannot help missing her at times....

Here's our chart:

posted April 17, 2006 11:44 PM         

quote:

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My attention span is so short that I lose interest in things in a blink of the eye, people included, and that's why it's amazing for me to be loving this scorp in this way for this length of time.

---

Hmm, see, there you go. There's a lesson staring you right in the face already. She has taught you how to love on a longer term basis.

Let me tell you something else about scorps. They(we) are ruled by their genitals. I know when I was younger, and I felt down, I would often solicit attention from the opposite sex. And, being a sexy scorp, it was easy to get. They would build me up, feed my ego, and when I was done, I'd toss them away. But, when I needed a top-up again, I'd be back trying to attract their attention.

I don't mean to give the wrong impression. All I did was flirt a little, nothing physical. But my ego was at such a state that it needed validation. I'm a little older, wiser, and more spiritually evolved now. I give mysElf validation and have dropped that old habit.

What you need to decide is exactly what you want from her. And then, find the guts to tell her. Scorps love honesty!