posted April 22, 2006 06:45 PM         

When I was eighteen I met a young man. He came into the store I was working in and asked me out on a date. I had never met him before and turned him down.
During the next several months I saw him every time I went to a party or a bar. He would always notice me and of course he was tall and cute, so I would notice him. He would stare at me in the most unnerving way.
One day my friend calls me over to her home. She wants me to meet her new boyfriend. I go over and it's him. Great I think, at least he will quit staring at me.
A few months later I get kicked out of my home. My friend tells me she knows someone I can stay with and takes me to an apartment. I go to the door with her and he opens it. She takes him in the bedroom and asks if I can stay. Of course he says yes. I had never told her about him, so she had no idea. Great I think.. now I am staying with a guy who is creepy.
She leaves and we sit down and start talking and talk all night. What followed is relationship unlike any other I had ever known. We had an easy rappor, never really argued, and did not mind the other seeing other people. We always came back together. In times of crisis or drama we were each others security blanket and love.
One day he came to my home and told me he was moving. He left and I never heard from him again. When he left I cried for four days, I would not eat or leave my home. I felt as If my heart had been ripped out.
Years later I met another guy and married him only to end up in an abusive relationship that lasted 15 years. In 2000, I had a dream about him. I was pregnant at the time. In the dream, he tells me "she knows about us". I figured it was a girlfriend he was referring to. Two months later I had a girl. I thought it was a nutty dream and just let it go.
Seven months later I have another dream with him. In it he and I are driving up into the mountains. We get to a log cabin with a blue roof that is under construction. We get out and walk around inside his new home. He brags to me about the wood floors he loves them he tells me. We sit down and we talk about my kids, he tells me he has a child, but he does not know where it is.
As we are leaving I know I am in Colorado.
I wake up and say that's crazy he lives in another state.

Four years later, I am going thru divorce from abusive husband. I have another dream. In this one I am in a home. I walk down the hall way and go into a room that is empty, and it has wooden floors. I look straight ahead and two doors have been cut into the wall and I see a bed. I call his name and tell him it is time to go. He gets up and comes out of the room thru the door. He comes up to me bends down, and kisses me on the head and says bye darling and leaves.
I stand there and after a while a man comes into the home and says... come with me. He takes me outside and I know once again I am in Colorado.
I wake up. That day I call my sister. She asks me why I would be dreaming about him. I say I dont know. I have not thought about him in 20 years. She finds his address and gives it to me on Thanksgiving of that year.
I send him a christmas card with my phone number and email in it. Three days before Christmas I wake up and have a voicemail. I had told him if this was a imposition to leave me a message with the word stop and I would respect his wishes.
I nervously dial my voicemail and he leaves a long nervous rambling message saying he does not remember me and telling me his phone number. That day I call him and we talk for twenty minutes. He remembers me and we talk like no time has passed. Before I get off the phone, I find out that he gave a kid up for adoption twenty years ago and he is trying to find it.

I send him a photo of my daughter and I a week later. I tell him until he finds his he can share mine.
A week later while on a road trip I call him on his birthday. We talk for eighteen hours that weekend. We have so much in common that I am shocked. At first I just listened slack jawed then after a while, I could not help but admit I shared the same interests. Finally we decided at three in the morning one night that we were on the same "wavelength." He goes further to tell me about the mother of his child and how she wanted to reconnect and marry and have more kids. I said well how do you know I am not like that. because he says... you are different. I get a totally different vibe out of you.
After that weekend we talk every night for hours. I finally plan a visit to his home. We decide in the middle of March not to talk to each other until I arrive. For 17 days I do not communicate with him at all.
When I get to the airport in Colorado I am a wreck. I wonder what in the world I am doing. My family and friends think I am crazy and I wonder what I am doing. I have planned an out at a local hotel just in case.
I walk to baggage claims and when I get to the end of the hallway there he is. I see him and I notice nothing else. I freeze dead in my tracks. I cannot honestly say if I kept walking or not. I think I stopped.
He walks up to me and grabs my luggage and says HEY and I am instantly comfortable. It is as if time never passed between us. During my visit I had the following strange things occur:
The room In my dream is his. He made the doors in the wall himself.(2)

He wants to have a log cabin with a blue tin roof in the mountains one day.

and lastly:
The night before I left we were eating and he starts talking about being a kid and walking on the beach. He says.. I stepped on a coke bottle and it went all the way thru my foot. I was eight years old.. I still have a scar.. and he takes his left shoe off to show me.
I say no way. I pull off my right sock. I say here's my scar from a coke bottle going thru my foot at eight. We just stared at each other and said nothing at this point... it's becoming commonplace.

A week after I left I decided to stand up for his prior girlfriends. He has never married and I noticed he was not always nice to some of them. Since I was abused for fifteen years I wanted to set a boundary even though he had been nothing but sweet to me.
He would not talk to me on the phone that day, but instead requested it via email. I got a little upset about no phone conversation and got a little bold.

Now he has asked me to leave him alone for a while.
I need help. I know I hurt his feelings terribly. ( I just do guys. dont ask)
How can I make this up to him? I cannot bear for us to find each other and have it end so quickly.

posted April 22, 2006 09:27 PM         

Sounds pretty intriguing.

Email him, Be honest.
Admit your abusive relationsip experience, and that it tends to (smartly) keep your radar up, and you are concerned that you'd offended him, and that was not your intention, you were going with your gut and didn't realize that by asking/sharing, it would make him uncomfortable.
Open a dialogue.

You two are obviously connected, honesty is the only thing that will work.

Did you tell him of your dreams?

posted April 22, 2006 10:33 PM         

I think giving him alittle space is a good idea.. Maybe it's not so much that he's offended but that he could very well be doing some serious introspection if he was in fact not so nice to his prior ladies and could be concerned about potentially hurting you..

posted April 23, 2006 05:00 AM         

Yes, I agree with the other ladies....this is a very strong connection.....

Maybe you can ask for spiritual guidance around this and in the meantime, if you feel you need to contact him,,,,just say" sorry if I hurt you, it wasnt meant....and I am here if you need me", and then throw it back up to God...

Sending love and hope......

Wonderful story

xxx

posted April 25, 2006 11:53 PM         

Firstly, congratulations on having the courage to step out of your abusive relationship.

Reading through your post, it seems that you have grown tremendously since leaving that relationship - to the point where you are honest and open with everyone about everything.

So congratulations. You have really done some hard yards and you should be very proud of yoursElf.

As for the soul mate. It sounds as if you may actually be a twin flame/soul rather than just a plain old soul mate. These relationships are usually more intense and accordingly, often twin souls cannot live together, or be together for too long.

Could be that you've lead semi-psuedo parallel lives (indicative of such instances like the coke bottle stabbing). I bet more synchronicity would be uncovered, the more you speak to him.

Exactly what do you know about his past gf's? Maybe your lives were so parallel that you both went through abused relationships only he was the abuser, not the abusee like you.

It would explain why he withdrew when you confronted him about his past relationship behaviour. He hasn't dealt with it yet. Not everybody is ready to openly talk about their own issues. And as you know, sometimes it takes a real crisis in our lives to really enable us to open our hearts and minds.

I can feel your quest for the truth and you are at a place where you need to set some heavy boundaries. You did the right thing. I hope you are not spending any energy second-guessing the way you have played this because in all honesty, if it's meant to.....it will work out.

Look, you have waited 20 plus years to see him again. There has to be a reason for it. The Universe just doesn't throw people like that in your path again for no reason.

Give him time. If it was me, I would do something simple like send a text that just says (((((hugs))))). It shows that you care about him and you are thinking of him. You don't necessarily want to get into any heavy conversations right now, as he's probably still trying to deal with the last one. Actually, in a book I'm currently reading "The Universal Heart" it says that talking is not always the answer, particularly when one person wants to talk more than the other. It can end up with the other person feeling overwhelmed.

Your story is the stuff that hollywood movies are made from. What a wonderful (but frustrating and sad) experience.

I hope things work out for you.

posted April 26, 2006 09:45 PM         

I know he would never do anything at all to hurt me, and knowing that I have been hurt is hard for him to bear.

I think space is good for both of us right now. We are both very independent types.
I think this renewed relationship was a little intense and unnerving for us both. Especially when the similarities became apparent. I think we both need time to come to grips with this. The funny thing is that every day I remember something else from my visit, and I say Ahh. I hope he in his own capricorn male way is doing the same.

I am sending him something one month from our argument that I know he truly wants.

I think it will be a good way to say I am sorry for being too intense. I say this not because setting a boundary was wrong, but simply because he would never harm me in any way at all. So implying I needed to set a boundary at all was wrong. ( If you knew him you would undertand)

I guess all I can say is this:
He is too much of a loving, protective soul to do that to me.
Pehaps he was not always that way with other women, but as he says I am different.

posted April 27, 2006 12:36 AM         

He's probably having a hard time at the moment.

posted April 28, 2006 10:01 PM         

thanks guys